


You Can't Always Get What You Want

by njgirl0976



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Absent Parents, Book Store Owner, College, F/M, Flirting, I lied: LOVE TRIANGLE, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Love Triangle (kinda), Making Out, Oral Sex, Professors Team Free Will, Sex, Supernatural AU - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-03
Updated: 2015-09-28
Packaged: 2018-04-07 10:32:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 45
Words: 88,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4260024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/njgirl0976/pseuds/njgirl0976
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex Foreman works in her parent's bookstore and attends college full time. She spends most of her day accidentally falling asleep in class and fantasizing about her creative writing professor, Castiel Novak. Her unrequited crush is put to the test when Professor Dean Winchester (Professor Novak's best friend) suddenly decides that Alex is the girl for him, thus setting into motion a weird little love triangle that two of the participants don't even know they're in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Good afternoon, Miss Foreman.”

Alex jerked her head up. Professor Novak was standing over her. Alex blinked, wiping a wet line of drool off her chin. Professor Novak looked annoyed, which was a change from his usual look of sardonic exasperation. Arms crossed over his chest, eyebrows arched, lips curled in what can only be called a smirk, Professor Novak sighed through his nose.

“Nice nap?” he asked.

Alex blushed. “Sorry. I had a long night.”

“Perhaps you should start going to bed earlier,” Professor Novak suggested.

Alex blushed brighter. “Okay. Yeah. I guess.”

Professor Novak considered Alex again with his bluer than blue blue eyes, then shook his head.

“I’ll see you Thursday, Miss Foreman,” he said, dismissing her.

It was then that Alex realized they were alone in his room together. Muttering “Oh, my god” in a panic, Alex gathered her things and fled the room.

At the student union, Alex buried her face in her hands. She’d managed to stave off her exhaustion during her 8am class but-- _of course_ \--sleep came in Professor Novak’s creative writing class. It was her favorite class, but that didn’t stop her eyelids from getting heavy. It had to be Professor Novak’s voice, which was warm but raspy, like honey being poured over warm gravel.

Alex groaned. Her attraction to blue eyed, black haired Professor Novak really had no boundaries. He was the prototypical “hot teacher” with his well-fitting suits and shiny fancy shoes. His hair always looked like someone had carded their fingers through it during a particularly lengthy and energetic sex romp. His blue eyes were the stuff of romance novels alone, add that to the fact he taught creative writing to a bunch of sexually frustrated college students and how could you _not_ have a crush on him?

It also didn’t help that he was always with those Professors Winchester, the two ridiculously handsome professors from the ancient history (Professor Dean Winchester, aka Professor D. W.) and ancient religion (Professor Sam Winchester, aka Professor S. W.) departments. Alex and most of her friends were sure Professors Novak and D. W. were dating, but the amount of alleged and actual ass Professor D. W. raked in was legendary. Alex had even watched Professor D. W. pick up a girl and her boyfriend at the bar and they all left together. Alex kept that delicious little tidbit to herself.

“Hey, Alex.”

Alex looked up. Standing over her with two large coffees was Anna Milton, her closest friend. Ginger haired, pale, and a little spacy at times, Anna always seemed to be in two places at once. She’d get this distracted, faraway look like she was listening to wavelengths of information only she could hear, then snap back to reality and continue whatever she’d been doing in the first place.

“Here.” Anna joined Alex and set a coffee in front of her. “Heard you took another nap in Novak’s class.”

Alex groaned. “If I fail that class, it’ll be because I snored too loud.”

“What did he say?” Anna asked.

Alex shot Anna a sarcastic look. “Stay awake.”

Anna giggled. “Okay. I deserved that.”

“At least my short story is almost done for this semester,” Alex sighed. “Just a little more editing and I can type up the final draft.”

Anna smiled. “I bet it’s great.”

“He never seems to think so,” Alex groused.

“Well, he’s not the final word on every story,” Anna tried to reassure her.

Alex rolled her eyes. “In his class, he kinda is.”

“You work tonight?” Anna asked.

“When don’t I?” Alex smiled.

“You work too hard.” Anna squeezed Alex’s arm.

“Someone has to keep me in the life I’ve become accustomed.”

Alex and Anna both laughed. The girls were convinced no one was more poor than Alex, including the students who came from those war-torn neighborhoods you see on the news.

“I can’t believe your parents let you live off campus,” Anna said for the umpteenth time. “Especially when you’re this broke.”

Alex swallowed. “Yeah, well …”

Anna was used to silence about Alex’s family. Anna had about 40 siblings, so there were always stories or texts or messages from one of them to be discussed.

Alex swallowed a gulp of coffee. “Better get to D. W.’s class.”

“God, he’s sexy,” Anna said immediately.

Alex grinned. “I know.”

Professor Dean Winchester was the darling of the ancient history department. Tall and ruggedly handsome with green eyes to die for and a face that could stop traffic and a body built for sin, Professor D. W. was by far the dreamiest teacher in the vast history department. Worn jeans and a suit jacket over tee shirts with Converse or scuffed motorcycle boots were his daily uniform. When Professor D. W. discovered that the girls in his classes referred to him as Indiana Jones, he came to class in a fedora and armed with a bullwhip. Alex was pretty sure there wasn’t a dry seat in the house that day.

“Tests back!” Professor D.W. announced cheerily. “I was pleased, for the most part. But, seriously, guys, will any of you beat Alex’s scores?”

Professor D.W. dropped her test in front of her, emblazoned with a red 98% and a note that read “You’re killing the curve!” in his precise, all caps handwriting.

“Must be all the sleep she’s getting in Professor Novak’s class,” a girl’s voice said.

Alex’s ears burned, but she joined in the laughter at Meg’s joke. Meg Masters could be a bitch at times, but Alex knew under that prickly demeanor … no, Meg was just a prickly bitch.

“So, Sumatra …” Professor D.W. began, sitting on his desk, bowlegs akimbo, showing off how worn out in the crotch his old jeans were. There was something to be said for jeans that were faded in all the right places.

Alex found herself gazing less at Professor D.W.’s face and more at the bulging playground between his legs. She’d heard stories of Professor D.W.’s bedroom antics and a part of her (okay a few parts) wondered if they were true. Chewing on the corner of her bottom lip, Alex arched her eyebrow, thinking about Professor D.W. naked and sweaty laying under her as--

Alex felt eyes boring into her so she flicked glance from her ridiculously sexy professor’s bulge to his face and found Professor D.W. watching her as he lectured. His eyebrows went up a little as his face said, “Gotcha.” Alex met his eyes over the top of her glasses, curling her lips into a wicked smile. Professor D.W. shook his head at her, continuing his lecture without pausing. Alex’s heart thumped at her audacity.

“Alex Foreman?” Professor D.W. called out as his class filed past him at the end of his lecture. “A word?”

Meg Masters smirked a little and lingered as Alex made her way to Professer D.W.’s desk. Professor D.W. glanced Meg’s way.

“Somethin’ I can help ya with, Meg?” he asked.

“Nope,” Meg Masters replied. “Just leaving.”

Meg gave Alex a once-over and left the room. Alex’s stomach flipped as she stopped in front of Professor D.W. He was still perched on the edge of his desk, one long leg swinging negligently. He looked excessively amused and confident. Alex adjusted the strap of her laptop bag and tried not to look him in the eyes. Or in the cock.

“Alex, did you--ah--enjoy my class today?” Professor D.W. asked, clearing his throat.

Alex’s mouth went dry. “Yeah. Course.”

Professor D.W. leaned back a little on his desk, shifting his hips forward, to move a few papers around with one finger. Alex’s eyes inadvertently flicked down to his crotch again. When she flicked her glance back up, Professor D.W. was smiling at her knowingly.

“You weren’t _distracted_ by anything?” he asked, his green eyes shone with interest at her answer.

In her head, Alex dropped her books and flung Professor D.W. back across his desk, straddling his lap. One hand wrapped around the back of his neck and one arm went around his waist as their lips mashed together. The kissing grew more intense as Dream Alex and Dream Professor D.W. ground their hips together, moaning at the friction.

“No,” Alex replied in real life as Dream Alex and Dream Professor D.W. stripped each other naked and fucked on his desk, screaming at the wet, orgasmic pleasure of it. “Not distracted at all.”

“Good.” Professor D.W.’s eyes trailed lazily over Alex in her 70s-style _Star Trek_ tee, jeans, and Docs. “I wouldn’t want your grade to drop.”

( _like my panties?_ alex thought wildly)

“Okay,” Alex agreed, urgent to get away from Professor D.W. and his palpable sex appeal.

“No more distractions, right?” Professor D.W.’s smile dripped innocence but his eyes practically sparkled with wicked dissolution.

“Right. Listen, I gotta go,” Alex said desperately.

“Another class?” Professor D.W. asked in a languid tone.

 _God, this voice is like pure sex,_ Alex thought as Dream Alex clawed Dream Professor D.W.’s back and came. “No, I have to work.”

Professor D.W. smiled that breathtaking smile again and jerked his head to the door. Alex fled to exit but heard,

“Oh. And Alex?”

 _So close,_ Alex thought, her hand on the door knob.

She turned to face Professor D.W., who was shrugging on a brown leather jacket.

“I know Cas’ lectures can be boring, but he’s insufferable when his best student falls asleep.” Professor D.W. swung his car keys around his index finger and caught them before arching an eyebrow and giving Alex a crooked smile.

Alex gave Professor D.W. a weak, shocked grin and took off.


	2. Chapter 2

_Cas._ Professor Novak’s first name was Cas. He’d introduced himself as Professor Novak on the first day of class, a change from most of the professors who used their first names so freely, like Professor D.W., who insisted students call him “Dean” but only after correctly answering a series of impossible questions on classic rock and muscle cars or Professor S.W., who would frown, showing off his exquisite dimples, if someone slipped and forgot to call him “Sam.”

_Cas._ Alex idly wondered what it was a nickname for as she hurried into work, a little bookshop called Lost In The Stacks (or “LIST” as her coworkers said sassily on the phone.)

“Hey, boss,” Donna called over as Alex walked in. Donna was behind the register, pricing books and drinking a giant coffee.

“You’re late,” Jody commented drily from between two open boxes of journals.

“I own the place,” Alex replied. “How can I possibly be late?”

“How was class?” Donna asked. Donna was a cheerful blonde, a little chunky (“Aren’t we all?” Jody said when Donna fretted about her weight), but peppy as the day was long.

“You fell asleep in Professor Hotness’ class again, didn’t you?” Jody asked.

Alex was amazed. “How did you know?”

Jody shrugged lightly. “Psychic. Plus you have drool stains on your shirt.”

“ _What_?” Alex looked while the other two giggled. When she didn’t find a single drool mark, she flipped them both off. “Shut up, meanies.”

Donna and Jody went back to work as Alex stowed her bag in the office and went to help them.

Alex’s parents opened Lost In The Stacks before Alex was born. A bookstore in a college town was hardly a novel idea, but what else was a literature major and a business major going to do for work? The shop had a select and dedicated group of the original regulars but most of their customers were college kids looking for the newest chick lit trash or George RR Martin epic or YA apocalypse thriller. In between inventory and customers, Alex edited the short story for Professor Novak’s class.

“For this assignment, write something you know,” Professor Novak had said. “Anything you want.”

So Alex had written about watching housewives come in in giggling groups of four or more or surreptitiously like they were undercover to buy their copy of _Fifty Shades of Grey_. Whole gangs of middle aged book clubs trooped in and pushed and encouraged each other to be the first one to pick up the “shocking” tome of poorly-written BDSM lite, squealing like tweens at a One Direction concert.

Alex had just reached the scene where she had to physically restrain Jody from lecturing a particularly squee-y gang of 40 year olds about how _50 Shades_ glorified an abusive relationship when Donna suddenly whistled.

“Look at that hunk,” she poked Alex.

Alex looked up and choked on her gum. Professor Novak had walked in and was glancing around, looking curious. He caught sight of Alex at the counter, smiled, and came right over.

“Good evening, Miss Foreman,” he said pleasantly. “You work here?”

“My family--I own it,” Alex replied, slapping Donna’s hands away as Donna hissed and continued to poke. “How can I help you?”

“I don’t want to interrupt your--” Professor Novak gestured at her open laptop.

“Oh. This?” Alex smiled. “Just trying to finish an assignment for my favorite class.”

“Nice one,” Donna commented under her breath, tickling Alex’s side.

“Professor Novak, this is Donna.” Alex kicked Donna in the ankle. “She was just going to walk away and stop embarrassing me.”

“Why would I do that?” Donna asked before hurrying off to find Jody.

Alex turned back to Professor Novak, who looked genuinely amused. Alex rolled her eyes comically.

“Sorry,” she said. “Is there anything I can help you find?”

“I’ll just look around on my own,” Professor Novak replied. “I’m pretty familiar with bookstores.”

“Holler if you need anything,” Alex told him, mentally kicking herself immediately.

_Holler?_ she thought. _I fucking loathe myself._

Jody and Donna rushed over to the counter as soon as Professor Novak walked off.

“ _That’s_ Professor Hotness?” Jody whispered, watching him head up the aisle. “I was only kidding about the hotness thing, but wow. Go, me.”

“Shhh!” Alex hissed. “He hears everything.”

“He has a cute bottom,” Donna commented.

Professor Novak looked over his shoulder as Alex facepalmed. Jody and Donna, in their haste to flee the humiliation of being overheard, ran into each other before scurrying off in opposite directions.

“I’m gonna fail this class,” Alex groaned into her hands.

Alex pretended not to watch Professor Novak as she watched him move around the store. Peeking at him from over the top of her open laptop, Alex couldn’t believe how she never noticed how he moved like a cat, slinky and majestic. For not the first time since she’d started his class, Alex wondered what his body looked like under his well-made suits. Sometimes, his coats strained too much across his shoulders or arms, the fabric tightening around the muscles hidden away from prying eyes, making Alex’s skin prickle all over.

Professor Novak gathered his purchases and headed toward the counter. Alex’s stomach twisted as she pushed her thoughts away and she tucked hair behind her ears.

“Your shop just may be the death of my paychecks,” Professor Novak joked lightly, his blue eyes shining.

“That would be really helpful,” Alex told him, instantly regretting it.

Professor Novak squinted at her, wrinkling his nose like a kitten. “Oh?”

Pretending she didn’t say a word, Alex rang up Professor Novak’s purchases: _All the Light We Cannot See_ by Anthony Doerr, _Divergent_ by Veronica Roth, and a hardcover copy of _The Book Thief_ by Markus Zusak. Alex paused over the hardcover.

“Oh, my paperback copy of that fell apart, so I figured I needed a sturdier version,” Professor Novak explained genially. “And Dean never returned my copy of _Divergent_. Never lend Dean anything.”

Alex’s heart skipped a beat at the conspiratorial way Professor Novak advised her, leaning in close to pretend to whisper. She caught a whiff of him, clean, sweet, and sharp--like soap and watermelon and cinnamon--and almost fainted. Luckily, the counter was there to hold her up. She managed a playful smile back.

“I’ll take that under advisement,” Alex stage-whispered back, winking broadly.

Suddenly, Professor Novak seemed to realize what had been exchanged between them and leaned back away from her. Flushed, Alex finished ringing up his books, giving him the student discount. Professor Novak accepted his bag.

“Thank you, Miss Foreman,” he said formally. “See you in class.”

“Yes, then,” Alex stuttered a little.

Professor Novak’s blue eyes never broke their gaze with Alex’s brown ones. It was intense and intimate and extremely disconcerting.

When Professor Novak left, Alex gripped the counter to steady herself. My god. That man was absolutely stunning and all-consuming. Plus, he had excellent taste in literature.

The next Professor Novak class Alex attended was nerve-wracking. Seeing a professor outside class was hardly surprising in a college town, Alex’s crush on Professor Novak made her feel like they’d had a more intimate exchange than they actually did. She knew nothing had really happened between them, but the snapping depth of his gaze and the lingering soap-watermelon-cinnamon scent of him pushed Alex into hormonal fantasies of making love in a four poster bed under billowing white curtains.

So, standing in front of his students in his navy blue suit and blue paisley tie, Professor Novak had no idea his best student was daydreaming of him standing in the doorway of a beach house in a white button down shirt and a pair of loose tan linen pants with his distracting sex hair while filmy fabric waved around him.

“Miss Foreman?” Professor Novak’s voice said sharply.

“Sorry?” Alex snapped out of her daydream.

“Did you want to stay?” Professor Novak motioned to the empty room.

“Not again!” Alex gathered up her things hastily, making a lot of noise and dropping everything at least twice.

“Is everything alright, Miss Foreman?” Professor Novak asked mildly as he watched her struggle.

“Yes! Of course! Why do you ask?” Alex paused, frantic, in mid-flight, laptop bag caught on the wrist of her shirt, papers falling out of her binder, textbook slithering down her leg. Alex caught the textbook before it hit the ground which caused her laptop bag to slam against the floor. She hung her head, face the color of a a tomato. “This is a nightmare,” she muttered. “Someone kill me now.”

Professor Novak moved easily across the room to Alex. He picked her bag up from the floor, placing it on her shoulder. Taking the messy binder out of her hands, Professor Novak set the escaping papers to right and handed it back to Alex, smiling a little.

“Thank you,” Alex said honestly.

“You’re welcome,” Professor Novak replied. “Anything for my new favorite bookseller.”

Alex and Professor Novak stared at each other for a few minutes, each one not sure what to say next.

“I should go,” Alex said finally.

“You have class.” It was a statement, not a question.

“No,” Alex admitted. “I have to work.”

“Do you run that shop all by yourself?” Professor Novak’s low voice seemed to be getting quieter.

“Yes, my parents are dead,” Alex heard herself reply.

Professor Novak’s blue eyes went sympathetic immediately. He reached out and laid a hand on Alex’s upper arm, not her shoulder, which seemed more visceral. His fingers tightened their grip while his thumb moved in little circles.

“I’m very sorry,” he said, meaning it, his voice caressing every sympathetic word.

Alex licked her lips. How long had it been since she’d told someone that? And why did it have to be her stupidly handsome creative writing professor?

“I have to go,” Alex said, but she didn’t make a move.

Professor Novak’s hand slid down Alex’s arm slowly to her wrist, which he squeezed before letting go. But not before the classroom door opened, admitting the tall, strapping figure of Professor Sam Winchester (aka Professor S.W.).

“Cas, you ready to--” Professor S.W. cut himself off. “Am I interrupting something?”

Professor Novak and Alex turned to face Professor S.W. at the same time. Alex looked back at Professor Novak, whose face was utterly serene, like he had just been caught in a surprisingly affectionate moment with a student.

“I have to go,” Alex blurted out, rushing for the door.

As she passed Professor S.W., the other professor reached out and caught her arm.

“Wait,” he said. Alex had to crane her neck to look all the way up into Professor S.W.’s face. “You’re Alex Foreman, aren’t you?”

“How did you--” Alex began.

Professor S.W. glanced past Alex at Professor Novak, who had crossed his arms across his chest and was smiling benignly. Professor S.W. seemed annoyed when he turned back to Alex.

“Just a guess,” he said in a resigned voice before shooting Professor Novak a serious bitchface glare.

Alex left the room, not even remotely wanting to know what that glare was about.


	3. Chapter 3

Saturday meant a full day at the bookstore with Jody and Donna. Both of them had been her parents’ employees before they died and had stayed on to help Alex get back on her feet, Jody acting as surrogate mother and Donna acting as big sister. Jody had been the one who insisted that Alex go back to college, despite the seven years she had missed. Donna was the one who made sure Alex still had some kind of fun even while she drown under homework and the shop’s responsibilities. There was no way the two of them were going to leave Alex high and dry, so the three women enjoyed their odd little family until quite nicely.

Sipping her coffee while standing in the middle of the shop, Alex enjoyed the last few minutes of silence before unlocking the door.

“Hey, boss,” Donna’s voice greeted her.

“Hey, Donna,” Alex replied, looking out of the window at the pouring November rain.

“Doozy of a day out there,” Donna commented. Alex heard Donna make herself a cup of coffee in the Keurig before turning on their Led Zeppelin-themed Pandora station.

“I love the rain,” Alex sighed. “It makes me sad.”

“And sad is happy for deep people, right?” Donna teased Alex with her favorite line from _Doctor Who_.

Alex smiled at Donna as she unlocked the front door. No one came in--it was too early on a Saturday in a college town for people to be awake--so Alex and Donna sat down together to talk.

“Tell me more about Professor Cute Bottom,” Donna said.

Alex blushed. “There’s nothing to tell.”

“Oh, yeah,” Donna grinned. “I saw the way you watched him. You think he’s dreamy, dontcha?”

“You’d have to be blind to not think Professor Novak is dreamy,” Alex agreed.

“I bet he has a great body,” Donna said, making what Jody called “Donna’s faraway princess face.”

“I’m sure of it,” Alex giggled. “My brain won’t let me think anything else.”

The bell on the door jangled discordantly as _Kashmir_ started on the radio. Alex and Donna stood up and Alex almost dropped her cup.

Professor D.W. was striding into the shop like he was a regular customer. At his heels was a handsome burly man with a greying, close-cropped beard who Alex recognized from the biology department.

“Holy cheezus,” Donna whispered as the two men paused for a minute.

“Don’t say a word,” Alex ordered through clenched teeth.

“I couldn’t even if I wanted to,” Donna told her, not taking her eyes off the two professors.

Professor D.W. caught sight of Alex and gave his friend a quick elbow. The other man turned and smiled at Alex.

“Hey there, Alex,” Professor D.W. said. “Cas told me you worked here.”

“Did he?” Alex replied as Donna hissed “Who’s Cas?”

“That’s the illustrious Professor Novak,” the other man answered.

“This is Benny LaFitte,” Dean told the two, nearly speechless women. “He teaches biology, but I’ll forgive him for that.”

“Thanks, brother,” Professor LaFitte said in a Southern drawl.

“I think I’m in love,” Donna said, clear as a bell.

Professor LaFitte barked out a loud laugh. Alex just shook her head.

“You looking for anything in particular?” Alex asked, trying to swerve the conversation back to something more business-like.

Alex didn’t miss Professor LaFitte’s blue eyes rove over Donna again. Donna didn’t miss it either as she smiled, looking absolutely adorable. Professor D. W. clapped Professor LaFitte on the back and moved over to the display table of new released. Alex came around the counter to stand with him. Donna and Professor LaFitte were grinning at each other, not saying much, but that didn’t seem to matter.

“Looks like Benny found his anything in particular,” Professor D. W. commented easily.

“Seems like it,” Alex said, feeling awkward as she tried to ignore her friend flirting with a teacher.

“So,” Professor D. W. held up a copy of _And the Bride Wore Prada_ , “is this a good book?”

Alex burst out laughing. “No. Probably not.”

Professor D. W. looked at the cover. “But _The Devil Wore Prada_ was a good movie.”

“Not the same thing,” Alex told him.

“Fuck that then.” Professor D. W. dropped the book back on the table. “Good movie though?”

Alex nodded. “So good. But the Miranda Priestly character is even more awful in the book. The movie doesn’t even scratch the surface.”

“Now I’m curious.” Professor D. W.’s eyebrows shot up comically.

Alex began laughing. “No, you’re not.”

Professor D. W. nodded, joining in her laughter. “You’re right. I only watched it because Anne Hathaway is hot.”

A real customer came in to pick up a book he ordered and Alex left Professor D. W. for a moment to complete the transaction since Donna was obviously not going to be working while Professor LaFitte was in the store.

While she rung up the purchase, Alex glanced over at Professor D. W., who was watching her appreciatively. She ducked her head and smiled a little too brightly at the customer, who seemed caught off-guard by the cheeriness.

“Not to be rude, “ Alex said after Professor D. W. sauntered up to the counter and leaned against it, “but are you here to buy anything or are you just hanging out until something more fun comes along?”

“Is that coffee?” Professor D. W. asked her suddenly, pointing to the Keurig behind the register.

“Yeeees …” Alex drawled, wondering where he was going with that.

“I would love a cup of coffee,” Professor D. W. told her casually.

Alex made a perplexed face. “You’re not serious.”

“Black?” Professor D. W. added, grinning hopefully.

“You’re totally serious.” Alex was stunned at his cocky self-assuredness.

Professor D. W. gave her that panty-dropping grin and Alex found herself loading a K-cup into the Keurig to brew him a mug of coffee. Donna saw what she was doing as Alex was handing the cup to Professor D. W. and looked shocked. Alex shrugged.

“Don’t tell Jody,” Alex said, sighing.

Professor D. W. drank his coffee leisurely, wandering through the shop, looking at the book selection. Alex tried not to stare at him as he came back to hand her the mug.

“You ready to go, Benny?” Professor D. W. asked the other man.

“Whenever you are, brother,” Professor LaFitte replied before turning back to Donna. “So, dinner? Tonight? Don’t make me beg, darlin’.”

Donna pink cheeks went pinker, but she agreed. Alex felt a little flutter of excitement for her big sister. Professor D. W. grinned at his friend, then turned the full wattage on Alex, who was pretty sure if she clutched the mug any tighter, it would shatter in her grip.

“Have a good day, Alex,” he said. “Thanks for the joe.”

“You’re welcome, Professor Winchester,” Alex replied.

Professor D. W.’s mouth pursed and the tip of his pink tongue slid between them. Alex’s eyes nearly crossed as she watched that tongue taste those full lips.

“I like your taste in music,” Professor D. W. said in a low voice that sent goosebumps up Alex’s arms. “Call me Dean.”

And with that Professor D. W.--no, _Dean_ \--was out the door with Professor LaFitte following a few steps behind.

Jody wasn’t even all the way in the door before both Alex and Donna jumped on her with the news of Donna’s Big Date. With both Alex and Donna babbling at her at the same time, Jody waited with an exasperated look on her face, dripping water from her raincoat all over the floor.

“Are you two done?” Jody asked.

Alex and Donna stopped talking and looked abashed, stepping aside so Jody could hang up her coat.

“Someone needs to mop that up,” Jody called over her shoulder.

“I am still the boss, right?” Alex groused as she mopped up the puddle Jody made and put up the Wet Floor sign.

“Last time I checked--what in the h-e-double hockey sticks is _that_?” Donna interrupted herself to demand.

In the door skidded a dripping wet giant of a man with long brown hair. Alex clapped a hand over her mouth.

“Professor Winchester!” she gasped.

“There’s _two_ of them?” Donna cried out, slapping Alex in the arm. “You never told me that!”

Alex slapped Donna back and went over to make sure Professor S. W. hadn’t hurt himself on the wet floor.

“I’m fine,” Professor S. W. assured her, smiling kindly. “I was just hoping my brother was here. The last message I got from him was that he was coming here for a minute.”

“He was here hours ago,” Donna chimed in.

“Oh, hello,” Professor S. W. smiled down at Donna, dimples flashing.

“Hi,” Donna breathed out. “Wow.”

“Pardon?” Professor S. W. asked.

“Never mind,” Alex shoved Donna out of the way. “Dean and Professor LaFitte were here about two hours ago.”

Professor S. W. cocked his head to the side. “Dean?”

Alex eyes widened. Shitdamnfuck.

“He liked my choice in music,” she explained lamely.

Professor S. W. raised one eyebrow as he nodded a little. “Sounds like Dean. Well, thanks for your help, Alex.”

“You’re welcome, Professor Winchester,” Alex replied as Professor S. W. opened the door to head back into the rain.

Professor S. W. flipped the collar of his long raincoat up against his neck as he turned back to Alex. His mouth smiled, but his eyes were a little sad.

“You might as well call me Sam, Alex,” he said in a weary voice. “I have a feeling we’ll be seeing a lot of each other.”


	4. Chapter 4

The amount of anxiety surrounding Donna and Professor LaFitte’s first date was only slightly more than the anxiety of what Professor S. W. ( _Sam,_ Alex reminded herself) meant by “I have a feeling we’ll be seeing a lot of each other.”

But first things first: Donna’s Big Date.

Alex sent Donna home to gather outfits to try on and model. Professor LaFitte (“Benny!” Donna insisted) was taking her to the delicious Southwestern grill that Alex had passed by, drooling, on several occasions. It pays to be tenured.

“So, what about this Benny?” Jody asked while Donna was gone.

Alex shrugged. “Dunno. I never took one of his classes.”

“Do you know about him?” Jody asked.

“Some,” Alex said. “He’s from Louisiana and he worked on shrimp boats to put himself through college. Everybody says he’s tough but fair and that he’s a real gentleman. Opens doors, calls women ‘ma’am,’ and all that deep fried Southern nonsense.”

Jody eyed Alex, noting the bitter tone. “Sounds like you could use a little deep fried Southern nonsense.”

Alex rolled her eyes. “Please. I just need to get laid. I’m getting carpal tunnel.”

Jody let out a snort of laughter. Alex cringed.

“There’s someone standing behind me, isn’t there?” she asked.

“Oh, there is.” Jody turned Alex around to face Dean Winchester.

Alex cringed again. Just by the look on his face, Dean had heard exactly what Alex had said.

“I guess asking you out for a drink right now would look really bad,” Dean commented.

“It would look like you’re trying to cash in on my predicament,” Alex agreed.

“Good.” Dean’s smile was equal parts bad boy and innocent angel. “Alex, get a drink with me after you’re done here?”

His question almost sounded like a statement, like he wasn’t going to take ‘no’ for an answer at all. Alex wavered. A professor wasn’t technically allowed to fraternize with a student, but there were more than a few nights Alex had seen teachers and students rubbing elbows at the bars in town. Whether they’d chanced upon each other by mistake or by design wasn’t determined. But this was different: this was a flat-out request for a date.

“I don’t know,” Alex said uncertainly.

“You’re old enough to drink, aren’t you?” Dean asked.

“Yes.”

“Then I don’t see the problem.”

Jody spoke up, “Oh, _don’t_ you?”

“Jody!” Alex admonished.

Jody put her hands on her hips, glaring back and forth between Alex and Dean.

“Did you want to come with us?” Dean asked Jody.

“What?” Alex and Jody asked at the same time.

“You can come too,” Dean offered. “The more the merrier.”

Never had a more innocuous sentence have more sexual connotations behind it. Even Jody’s ears went a little red at the implication.

“I don’t think so,” she said. “I’m a little old for you.”

Dean snorted. “Hardly.”

Jody shook her head, snapping back to reality. “Oh, definitely not now, sweet talker.”

Dean smiled, knowing when he was defeated. He turned his attention back to Alex, who seemed to be rooted to the floor.

“What about you, Alex? Offer still stands.”

Alex opened her mouth to answer when Professor Novak’s face suddenly flashed across her mind. Those blue eyes. That sensuous mouth. That dark hair. That creamy tan skin. Alex bit her lip a little.

“I can’t,” she said suddenly.

Dean considered this.

“Okay,” he agreed pragmatically. “That’s cool.” He tipped a wink Alex’s way. “I may try again.”

Professor Novak’s image dulled only a hairsbreadth as Alex looked up into Dean’s handsome face.

“I have no doubt, Professor Winchester.”

“Professor Winchester again. Ouch.” Dean clutched his chest like he’d been shot as Alex chuckled. “Right. I’ll be seein’ ya, Alex.”

“Bye,” Alex and Jody said at the same time as he left.

Jody turned to Alex as soon as the door closed behind Dean.

“What was that?” Jody asked. “You turned _him_ down? _Him_?”

“It wasn’t … right,” Alex said slowly.

Jody squinted at Alex. “It’s that Professor Hotness, isn’t it?”

“What?” Alex snapped out of her reverie. “What? No! Shut up.”

“It is,” Jody breathed as Alex hurried to straighten up a display of already straightened books. “It is! You’re holding out for Professor Hotness!”

“I’m not _holding out_ for anyone,” Alex retorted.

“Bullshit,” Jody snorted. “You think Professor Hotness is going to swoop down and grab you up and--” Jody mimed kissing noises while holding an invisible person.

“Every article of clothing I own makes me look like a whale!” Donna howled, bursting suddenly into the scene, oblivious to everything except her own anguish. “Help me!”

“Calm down, Donna,” Alex said, glad the attention was off her ridiculous crush. “It can’t be that bad.”

Donna glared at Alex. “Shut up. You’re thin.”

“I--uh--I--” Alex looked at Jody. “I don’t know how to respond to that. Help me.”

“Okay, that’s enough of that.” Jody walked across the store and locked the door. “The store is officially closed while we deal with Donna’s many issues.”

Donna calmed down immediately. “What issues?”

“Your stupid body issues for one,” Jody replied. “Everyone upstairs.”

The back steps through the storeroom led to the apartment that Alex shared with her parents before their deaths. While she was grieving, Alex had cleaned and locked her parents’ bedroom door, preserving it as it was. Now it stood completely empty, devoid of furniture and any trace that two people had lived their whole, short lives in it. Alex still stayed in her childhood room.

Jody threw Donna’s date clothes choices on the sofa while Alex poured them all glasses of wine. Standing critically back from the pile, Jody quickly eliminated jeans as an option.

“But why?” Donna asked. “You can dress up jeans with a sparkly top.”

“Dear crap, no sparkles.” Jody grabbed a sequined top out of Donna’s hands and tossed it aside.

“Jodio!” Donna wailed. “I love that shirt.”

“I’m with Jody on this one,” Alex chimed in from her perch on the armchair. “You need fun without looking like you’re saying, ‘I’m an insane crazy cat lady who wears 1980s bedazzled tops.’”

“But I _am_ an insane crazy cat lady who wears 1980s bedazzled tops,” Donna said wistfully, making them all laugh.

“Yeah, well, keep a lid on that until the third date,” Jody advised.

They finally decided on a dark blue wraparound dress that Donna was sure made her waist look smaller. A fact that made Jody roll her eyes.

“He’s already asked you out,” Jody reasoned. “He knows what you look like.”

“That was different. Now it’s a date. Now I have to look decent.” Donna wrung her fingers together.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Jody groaned, downing the rest of her wine.

Donna left 15 minutes later with a final admonishment from Alex (“Don’t sleep with him on the first date!”), leaving Jody and Alex alone.

“Dinner?” Alex offered, opening her fridge.

“Um … how?” Jody asked, looking over her shoulder into the empty chasm that was Alex’s fridge.

“Oh. Yeah. Food.” Alex closed the fridge. “I forgot about buying food.”

Jody gave Alex a look. “How old are you?”

“28. And, yes, I should know better.”

Jody pulled her phone out of her pocket. “Chinese okay for you?”

Alex grinned. “You know it.”

Jody smiled back and walked away to order, leaving Alex alone in the kitchen. Seven years in the apartment and she’d never forgotten to go grocery shopping. Not even when she was first left alone after her parents dying did Alex forget the simple things, like food. College plus the shop was making her lose her mind.

“So,” Jody began as she ate sesame noodles out of the take-away box, “how have you been, really?”

Alex paused, a piece of roast pork halfway to her mouth. “Okay, I guess.”

Jody raised her eyebrows. “You sure about that?”

Alex shrugged, filling her mouth with roast pork and snow peas. Jody sighed.

“Sweetie, you know you can come to me if you need anything,” Jody assured her.

Alex swallowed the 40 pounds of food in her mouth. “Yeah, I know,” she said. “But I’m an adult. I should be _able_ to adult.”

“Not even adults know how to adult, Alex,” Jody told her.

“That’s not a very comforting thought,” Alex chuckled a little.

“Now, tell me why you turned down a drink with that green-eyed hunk of yummy,” Jody said suddenly.

“Um …” Alex blushed a little. “He sorta has a reputation.”

“Are you shitting me?” Jody snorted. “Do you need to protect your virginity? You’ve never had a rumor spread about you?” Jody gestured broadly with her wine glass. “What’s the real reason?”

Alex cleared her throat. “It’s--”

“It’s Professor Hotness, isn’t it?” Jody interrupted. “You think he’s going to start seeing you as a datable commodity?”

“I hate that this conversation wouldn’t pass the Bechdel test,” Alex commented, leaning back to sip her wine and grin at Jody.

“When was the last time you had a date, Alex?” Jody asked.

“I don’t know. It doesn’t matter,” Alex said, sighing. “I just want to finally graduate and start my life.”

“Oh, hon,” Jody said. “Your life’s already started. It’s just not a magical fantasy land populated with unicorns that shoot rainbows out of their asses.”

“I don’t need unicorns and rainbows,” Alex told her. “I just need to stop falling asleep in Professor Novak’s class and dreaming about having sex with him.”

Jody snorted. “Good luck with that.”


	5. Chapter 5

“Wait!” Anna hissed, leaning across the table she and Alex were sharing in the library. “Professor D. W. asked you out?”

Alex looked around, making sure no one heard their conversation, then turned back to Anna. The shock of Dean’s date request had worn off and Alex was alternating between giddiness at being asked and kicking herself about saying no.

“And you said _no_?” Anna continued.

Alex nodded.

“How could you say no? I mean, seriously! That guy is what wet dreams are made of!” Anna was beside herself. “He’s the guy I’d bang if I knew it was my last night on earth.”

“Oh, yeah?” Alex asked. “Where?”

Anna thought about it for a minute. “Maybe in his car? Have you seen his car?” Alex nodded again, pretending to fan herself with a napkin. Anna went on, “That thing is one giant phallic symbol.”

“So, just buck-ass naked in the back of his car, working him for that last A, huh?” Alex said and both girls began to laugh.

A vicious “SHHHHH!” from another table of more studious students forced the girls to smother their hysterics, causing them to laugh even harder.

“What’s so funny, bitches?” Meg Masters’ voice asked.

Without being invited, Meg took a seat with them. She didn’t have a single book with her, but she still seemed to take up the whole table, forcing Alex and Anna to move their things out of the way.

“Oh, just the usual stuff,” Anna replied, wiping her cheeks with both hands. “What’s going on with you?”

Meg shrugged. “Avoiding class. Like I care about women’s studies.”

“You should,” Alex told her. “We’re women.”

Meg gave Alex a withering look. “Thanks. Because my pussy didn’t give that fact away.”

Despite the crudeness of Meg’s comment, her tone dripped enough playful sarcasm to elicit snorting snickers from all three of them.

“Will you _shut up_?” a voice asked them, sounding stressed out and harassed.

Meg popped a middle finger up in the voice’s general direction. “Let’s get out of here,” she suggested. “We can go party at my place. My roommate had a breakdown and checked herself into the BSU for the weekend.”

Alex shook her head. “Nah. Think I’ll pass.”

“I’m game,” Anna said. “I need to blow off some steam.”

“Cool.” Meg grinned. “Let’s go get pissed and watch porn.”

“Sure you don’t want to come along?” Anna asked as they stood up, gathering their books and laptops.

“As tempting as that sounds,” Alex said, “I have to go grocery shopping. I’m out of everything.”

“Have fun being an adult.” Meg kissed her fingertips and swung away from the table.

Anna paused, looking worried. “You have to have fun sometime, Alex. Your whole life can’t be work and school.”

Alex opened her mouth to retort, but snapped it shut again. Anna was just 21, she had her whole life ahead of her, and she had a _Brady Bunch_ times three amount of family behind her. She had time to have fun. Alex didn’t.

“I promise to have fun when this semester is over,” Alex reassured her friend.

Anna looked worried. “Promise?”

“I swear,” Alex said, smiling. “Now go watch porn with Meg.”

Anna smiled. “Kay. Bye.”

“Bye.” Alex kept smiling until Anna was gone, then she dropped the grin.

_Food shopping,_ she thought, sighing. _Adulting blows._

The health and beauty aisle near the maxi pads is not where Alex expected to run into Dean Winchester, but the Universe is a funny bitch and She just loves to fuck with people.

“Alex?”

Alex closed her eyes briefly as she put her pack of overnight-super ridiculously long-newspaper thick-with wings pads into her cart before turning around to face Dean Winchester, who was grinning at her like they weren’t standing in front of a giant display of tampons.

“Hi, Prof--Dean,” Alex corrected herself immediately when she saw his face change for a split second.

“Can’t believe I’m running into you here of all places,” Dean said, the skin around his eyes crinkling as he smiled.

“Well, it is the feminine hygiene aisle and I am a girl,” Alex replied.

Dean considered this. “True enough. So--”

“Are you going to ask me out again?” Alex interrupted.

The look of surprise on Dean’s face told Alex that he obviously hadn’t expected her to say that.

“I was considering it,” Dean told her.

“I accept.”

“You do?”

“Yes.”

“Now?”

“Yes.”

“But not Saturday?”

“Yes.”

“Why now and not last time?”

Alex smiled up at him, a sweet but slightly naughty grin she’d perfected when she had less worries.

“Because I was told today that I don’t have enough fun.”

Two hours later, though, Alex was mentally kicking herself while she sat in a booth at the Emerald Avenue Bar, waiting for Dean Winchester to show up. He wasn’t late--yet--but it didn’t make waiting for him any easier.

“Why am I here?” Alex asked her half-empty glass of Fat Tire Ale. “What am I doing? He’s a fucking teacher, for fuck’s sake.”

“Am I?” Dean Winchester appeared next to the table as if by magic to overhear Alex’s musings.

Alex smiled at him as he joined her, folding his long body under the table next to her. Alex scooted over, giving him plenty of room for those long bowlegs of his. Dean slung an arm over the back of the booth, fingers grazing Alex’s shoulder.

“Whatcha drinkin’?” he asked.

“Fat Tire,” Alex replied as a waitress stopped by them.

“One more for the lady and a Craig for me, thanks,” Dean’s full wattage smile dazzled the waitress a little, who hurried off to fetch their drinks.

“Craig?” Alex asked.

“It's Scotch. Only made in a tiny area on the north tip of Caithness County in Scotland. It's peaty and sharp with a long finish of citrus and tobacco notes.”

Alex raised her eyebrows. “Memorize the label, did you?”

“No, the website.” Dean accepted their drinks from the waitress. Alex was amazed. She’d never gotten service that fast before. It must be her companion. “Food?” Dean asked her next.

“I don’t--” Alex began.

“I’m buying,” Dean said immediately before she could admit she was broke. “Here. I’ll get us a pizza.”

Alex was starting to feel as dazzled as the waitress still looked.

Once they were alone again, Dean leaned in close to Alex. His green eyes raked over her face before settling on her mouth for a second. Alex held her breath without even realizing it.

“So, what made you agree to a date again?” he asked her quietly.

“I need more” Alex swallowed hard, feeling her pulse start to race “fun in my life.”

Dean’s full lips curled into a teasing smirk. “Have you heard that I’m fun?”

“It’s a fact that’s been bandied about a bit,” Alex told him.

“And you thought you’d see what all the fuss was about?” Dean’s hand dropped from the back of the banquette onto the back of Alex’s neck.

Just that little touch was enough to cause Alex to flush. “Perhaps.”

“ _Perhaps_?” Dean removed his hand and leaned back a little. “Now you sound like Cas.”

“What?” Alex stammered. Why bring Professor Novak up? Did Dean know about her absurd lust for him?

“Cas says ‘perhaps’ a lot.” Dean caught the tip of his tongue between his teeth as he studied Alex. “ _Perhaps_ you’ve noticed?”

“I didn’t.” But Alex’s face went redder as Professor Novak’s name.

Dean suddenly cracked a wry, crooked smile. “I see.”

“You see what?” Alex asked, getting her skin and breathing back under control.

Dean shook his head as the waitress brought their pizza back to the table, along with another round of drinks they didn’t ask for. “Never mind.”

Alex was about to continue the conversation, but stopped herself. No need to hang herself in the name of humiliation by nattering on about her date’s best friend, who she had a schoolgirl infatuation with.

The night wore on. Alex and Dean drank more than they really should have, but that didn’t seem to matter until Dean suggested they play darts and Alex--who’d never thrown a dart in her life--agreed like it was a genius idea.

The little cubby where the bar owner had hung the dart boards was tucked into a dark corner of the bar, well away from the customer area so no one could get hit with an errant projectile chucked by a drunken frat boy. Leaning against the wall, Alex watched as Dean effortlessly threw his darts at the target. He was so cocky about his skills he even chucked the last one while winking at her, ignoring the board completely.

“Oh, well done, sir.” Alex clapped sarcastically as Dean collected his darts.

“Your turn, sweetheart.” Dean handed Alex the darts, who took them, looking concerned.

“I’ve never actually done this before,” she admitted.

“You serious?” Dean put down his tumbler with a decided clunk. “I thought darts was a compulsory course in high school in college towns.”

“No. That would be pool.” Alex stood where the floor was the most worn and tried to aim. Her first dart bounced off the wall well below the dart board.

“Pathetic,” Dean announced.

Alex’s second dart clattered to the floor after hitting the wall next to the board.

“Close. But _still_ pathetic,” Dean told her.

“Then come over here and teach me, _Professor_ ,” Alex teased, four Fat Tire pints loosening her tongue and flaring up her sass.

Dean’s right eyebrow went up and he came across the cubby to stand behind her. He rested one hand on her waist and slid the arm hand down her arm to hold the wrist of her right hand. He aligned his right leg with hers, forcing it forward a little.

“Relax, sweetheart,” Dean breathed close to Alex’s ear. “You’re so tense. Here. Bring your hips back a little and lean into the shot.”

Dean pulled Alex’s hips against him, causing her to exhale sharply. There was nothing not sexual about this. Alex’s heart began to race.

“Now what?” she asked softly.

Dean lined up Alex’s hand for the shot. “Now just let go.”

Alex let the dart go without looking as she twisted her head around to gaze up at Dean’s face. “Like that?”

Both of Dean’s hands were on her waist now and Alex reached back to grab his hips, rolling her ass against the hardening bulge in his jeans. Alex leaned her head back against the hollow of Dean’s shoulder.

“Just like that.” Dean’s lips brushed Alex’s throat.

“Is the lesson over?” Alex whispered as Dean’s hot breath tickled her neck.

“Yes.” Dean’s mouth moved from her neck to her ear.

“Should we go?” Alex shivered as the tip of Dean’s tongue ran around the curve of her ear.

“Fuck, yes, we should go,” Dean agreed.

Alex didn’t even care how many pairs of curious eyes watched them rush out the door together.


	6. Chapter 6

They barely made it outside before Dean was pushing Alex against the building. Alex clutched the back of Dean’s leather jacket as they kissed. Dean held the sides of Alex’s face, his tongue flicked deep in and out of Alex’s mouth and his lips moved against hers, sucking on her lower lip. One of his thighs nestled between her legs, creating a most delicious friction. Alex yanked her mouth off Dean’s to gasp for breath, forcing him to bury his lips behind her ear, biting at the sensitive skin.

“Oh, god,” Alex gasped, dropping her head forward. Dean pushed her hair out of the way to nip the nape of her neck, forcing a strangled cry out of her throat. “Dean! What--”

“Shhhh,” Dean hissed against her neck, breath tickling.

“Okay,” Alex agreed, grabbing his face and kissed him hard again.

When Dean broke this kiss, he leaned back a few inches to look Alex in the face.

“Where’s your place?” he asked in a low voice.

Alex’s eyes inadvertently flicked up to the 2nd floor of the building across the mall. Dean followed her eye line and broke into a smile.

“Really?” he asked.

“Really.” The book shop was directly across from the pub.

“Can we …?” Dean let the question linger between them.

Alex wavered for a minute. During that pause, Dean moved his leg against her crotch, rubbing the seam of her jeans on her core.

“ _Yes_!” Alex cried out. She made a small, high noise to settle her nerves and cleared her throat with a squeak, “Okay. Let’s go.”

Dean followed Alex through her store to the staircase. Halfway up the stairs, Alex realized several things a) her apartment was a complete disaster, b) she hadn’t shaved her legs in two weeks, and c) Dean Winchester _was not_ Professor Novak.

“Wait!” Alex stopped climbing. She turned and faced Dean, who was at her heels. “This is a terrible idea.”

Dean looked surprised. “Why?”

“Because--because--” Alex struggled through a beer-soaked haze to come up with a good excuse. There was no way she was telling this stunning man she had hairy legs.

Dean cracked her a wry smile. “Gettin’ cold feet?”

Alex’s ego wouldn’t let her admit that, but her face gave her away. Dean took a step up so they were eye-to-eye. He ran a thumb over her mouth before brushing Alex’s hair behind her ear. The touch was tender, but still sexual. He leaned over and placed a kiss on Alex’s parted lips. Alex looked up at Dean with wet, heavy-lidded eyes.

“Whenever you’re ready, sweetheart, I’ll be waitin’,” Dean told her.

“You’re not--” Alex began.

“Mad?” Dean grinned ruefully. “Sweetheart, I’m a man, not a frat boy. I know how to take ‘no’ as an answer.”

“Oh,” Alex said weakly.

Dean kissed Alex again, slower this time, lingeringly, like he wanted to taste her mouth forever. Pulling back, Dean smiled at Alex’s face, lips open, eyes closed, breath coming in short little burst. When Alex opened her eyes, Dean was at the bottom of the steps. He turned around, looked at her, and gave her a sassy little salute.

“Night, sweetheart.”

And then he was gone.

Alex leaned on the wall next to her, gripping the rail, and trying to catch her breath. Well, that had gone worse--and yet, better--than expected.

“You turned him down? _Again_?”

Anna Milton’s voice went up four octaves in shock alone. This time, though, she and Alex were on Alex’s couch, surrounded by books that weren’t being read and study guides that were being ignored, and not in the library.

“I haven’t shaved my legs in, like, three weeks!” Alex argued.

“You didn’t shave them before your date?” Anna was beside herself.

“No,” Alex retorted, angrily.

“Why?” Anna wailed.

“Because I didn’t want to sleep with him!” Alex exclaimed.

Anna flung herself back against the couch in anguish. “ _Why not_?!”

Alex paused, considering her answer. “I have no idea.”

“You could have _slept_ with him!” Anna yelled at her.

“I know!” Alex yelled back.

“What’s wrong with you?!” Anna continued to yell.

Alex buried her face in her hands. “I don’t know!”

Anna flung both arms over her face in defeat. “I give up on you.”

Alex nodded in agreement, pouring the last dregs of wine into her glass. She emptied the glass into her mouth before replying,

“I give up on me too.”

The next day dawned gloomy and grey, matching Alex’s mood. As the day wore on, Alex couldn’t stop herself from hating every moment of it. All she wanted was to go home and--

_Ya know, what?_ Alex slammed her book shut. _Fuck this._

“Where’re you going?” a classmate asked as Alex got up.

“Home,” Alex replied. She passed her professor on her way out the door.

“Where--” the teacher began.

“Home!” Alex snapped before she could be asked. The class turned and looked at her. Alex bit the inside of her lower lip. “I’m going home.”

Without waiting for a reproach from her professor, Alex left the room.

Back at home, Alex laid down on her couch with one arm over her eyes. This wasn’t about not sleeping with Dean Winchester. There was just so much stress, so much fear. Why was she so afraid of the future? She’d already lived through the worst thing a person could live through--her parents’ deaths--so how could life possibly get any worse?

An email alert from her phone answered that question:

_Miss Foreman,_

_Please come to my office as soon as possible. Bring your short story, completed or not._

_Thank you,_

_Professor Novak_

Alex groaned. Motherfucker.

_Professor Novak,_

_I’m home and not feeling well. Can I come to your office tomorrow during your normal office hours?_

_Alex Foreman_

Not even five minutes later:

_Miss Foreman,_

_No, I’m sorry. I need to see your short story. I would also like to discuss your lack of participation in class recently. I await your arrival._

_Professor Novak_

Alex sighed heavily. She knew this was coming. Might as well get it over with.

“Come in, Miss Foreman,” Professor Novak’s voice replied to her tentative knock.

Alex let herself into Professor Novak’s office. He was behind his desk, typing away on his laptop. His jacket was off and was hanging on a hanger from a coatrack in the corner behind him. His steel grey dress shirt sleeves were rolled up past his elbows in tight, neat cuffs. He’d loosened his tie a little, opening the top button of his shirt. After seeing Professor Novak buttoned up all semester long, seeing him this casual made him look practically naked.

“Professor Novak?” Alex’s voice faltered.

“Yes, Miss Foreman. Have a seat.” Professor Novak gestured at the two empty chairs in front of his desk. He looked up and Alex was caught off-guard by how kind his gaze was. “Can I get you anything?”

“No. Thank you.” Alex sat down, pulling her laptop bag onto her lap, trembling a little.

“Now, Miss Foreman--” Professor Novak began.

“I’m so sorry!” Alex burst out as she burst into tears. Professor Novak jerked back in his chair, surprised at her outburst. “Oh, god. I don’t mean to fall asleep in your class. I swear I don’t, but it’s just--just--”

Alex buried her face in her hands and wept. All the stress, all the fear, poured out of her right there in front of Professor Novak. Embarrassment was forgotten as Alex sobbed. When she finally calmed down, Alex kept her face lowered but uncovered her eyes. There was a handkerchief in her line of vision.

“Thanks,” she muttered, taking it, her voice thick with emotion.

“You’re welcome, Miss Foreman.”

Alex blew her nose and looked up. Professor Novak was perched on the edge of his desk, right in front of her. Ankles were crossed, hands clasped in front of him, nothing but concern on his face.

“Are you alright, Miss Foreman?” he asked quietly.

“I’m really embarrassed right now,” Alex admitted.

“I can understand that,” Professor Novak said. “But how _are_ you? Alex?”

He added her name as an afterthought, but Alex’s eyes spilled a few more tears as a tenuous smile quirked her mouth at the sound of it on his lips.

“I’m okay.”  
Professor Novak cocked his head to the side and squinted at her disbelievingly, making what Alex and other assorted female students called “Novak’s kitten face.” Alex smothered a giggle.

“Miss Foreman, I may not be your adviser, but my door is always open to you,” Professor Novak assured her. He reached out and laid a hand on her upper arm again, holding her bicep firmly.

_Why is that so sexy?_ Alex wondered, heart racing. Just this gentle touch from Professor Novak made her react as much as kissing Dean did.

“Professor Novak? You wanted to see my story?” Alex asked weakly.

Professor Novak removed his hand, all business again. “Yes. Do you have it?”

“I have a copy …” Alex pulled a binder from her messenger bag. “But it’s not edited as much as I want it to be.”

“Can I be the judge of that.” It was not a question.

Professor Novak took the binder, settled into his chair, and began to read. Alex hesitated, unsure of what to do.

“Should I--” she began, starting to get up.

Professor Novak didn’t look up from the page. “No.”

Alex sat back down, immediately. Uncomfortable at the idea of watching him read, Alex looked around his office. Books lined the shelves, of course, Alex spotting a few titles she recognized, including the brand new spine of _The Book Thief_ he bought at her store. There were quite a few photos of architecture, some from a bird’s eye view, others from an ant’s eye view. There was even a photo of Professor Novak with a very attractive woman. Alex itched to get up and get a better look at that one, but his sudden laugh caught her off-guard.

“Is this Jody, the dark haired woman who works in your shop?” Professor Novak asked, looking up at her.

“Yes.” Alex wondered what part he was reading.

“She seems like a remarkable person.” Professor Novak closed the binder. “They both do.”

“They both are,” Alex agreed. She pointed at the binder timidly. “Are you done with--?”

“Oh, no,” Professor Novak told her. He stood up, came around his desk, and handed the binder back to Alex. “I just wanted a taste of what you had in store for me.”

_Well, there’s no way to not make that sentence sexual,_ Alex thought wryly as she stowed her story back in her bag.

“Don’t you want to know why?” Professor Novak pressed her.

“Okay, I’ll bite,” Alex said. “Why?”

“I want to submit your story to _The Scribe_ ,” Professor Novak told her.

“The--the what now?” Alex asked.

_The Scribe_ was the end of term literary magazine put out by the literature department. It was notoriously hard to get anything printed in it. And Professor Novak wanted to put her little crappy thing in it? He must be delusional.

“I most certainly am not delusional,” Professor Novak said.

( _god, did i say that out loud?_ alex groaned to herself.)

“You most certainly did say that out loud.” Alex groaned again as Professor Novak went on, “I’m an adviser this term and everything we’ve gotten is overblown and pretentious. Something funny is just what we need. Something funny, insightful, and well-written? Well, that’s just a win, in my book.” Professor Novak smiled at her.

Alex’s heart leaped into her throat. Between being offered a spot in _The Scribe_ and Professor Novak’s smile? The day was suddenly looking up.

“I would love to offer you some creative criticism, if you’d take it,” Professor Novak said next.

“Of course,” Alex blurted out.

“Excellent.” Professor Novak checked his watch. “I have dinner plans in about an hour, but how about a nightcap later on?”

Alex’s mouth was suddenly dry. “A nightcap?”

“Yes.” Professor Novak scribbled an address on a piece of paper and handed it to her. “We can meet here at 9pm. I’m sure my dinner won’t take very long.”

“Okay.” Alex’s voice was a hoarse croak.

Professor Novak smiled at Alex again, sending her pulse pounding through her veins. She got up to leave, glad her legs still worked.

“Oh, and Miss Foreman?” Professor Novak called.

Alex turned around to see Professor Novak rolling his sleeves back down to pull his jacket back on. She didn’t move, couldn’t move, as Professor Novak came across this office.

“You don’t have to be nearly so nervous,” he reassured her, holding the door open for her.

“I’m not,” Alex squeaked out.

“Because I don’t bite,” he continued.

“Good to know,” Alex said, heading out the door.

“Much,” Professor Novak added quietly as he was shutting the door.

Alex swung around at the last second to see a wicked grin flash across Professor Novak’s face.


	7. Chapter 7

Alex never watched a clock more closely in her entire life. The address Professor Novak had given her was for a wine bar called QNH. She’d never been there, but she knew it wasn’t a place you could wear jeans and a _Doctor Who_ t-shirt.

“Shit,” Alex sighed and got into the shower to freshen up.

Dressed a purple and black patterned skirt and black sweater with ballet flats, Alex walked around the block to the wine bar. Standing uncertainly in the doorway, clutching her binder, Alex looked around for Professor Novak. A few people walked by her, glancing her up and down curiously. Realizing she looked like a schoolgirl, Alex changed her stance and took a few steps out of the doorway and into the bar.

“Miss Foreman,” Professor Novak stood up from his chair, waving her over with two fingers.

Professor Novak stayed standing until Alex settled in her chair. A waiter came over, smiling, confident in his knowledge of fine wines, and Alex felt out-classed, remembering there was a box of cheap wine in her fridge at home.

“What can I get for you tonight?” the waiter asked.

“Miss Foreman?” Professor Novak asked.

“Uh, a glass of white?” Alex replied uncertainly.

The server waited for Alex to be more specific in her wine request. Luckily, Professor Novak came to her aid.

“Bring her a glass of Mas De Libian Cave Vinum Blanc 2013. And I’ll have a glass of Eric Texier Côtes du Rhône Rouge 2011.”

“Right away,” the server agreed.

“Did you want something to eat?” Professor Novak asked.

“You just had dinner,” Alex said.

“Nothing to eat for now, thank you,” Professor Novak said and the server left to get their drinks.

Alex tucked her hair behind her ear. “Did you have a nice dinner?”

Professor Novak nodded. “I did. It was very enjoyable.”

“I had mac and cheese,” Alex admitted, smiling.

“I love a good macaroni and cheese,” Professor Novak told her.

“It was Velveeta shells and cheese.”

Professor Novak considered this. “One of the creamiest.”

Alex looked agog at her sophisticated professor. “There is _no way_ you’ve eaten Velveeta shells and cheese.”

“Why not?” Professor Novak asked. “Is that really so surprising?”

“Well, yes,” Alex replied. “You don’t look like the mac and cheese kind of guy.” Professor Novak smiled broadly. “You also don’t look like the pizza-wings-beer kind of guy.”

“I love wings,” Professor Novak told her. “The spicier, the better.”

“You’re kidding me,” Alex said.

“I also own t-shirts.” Professor Novak’s voice held a teasing lilt.

“You do _not_!” Alex exclaimed, laughing. “Don’t ruin the fantasy.”

“Fantasy?” Professor Novak asked.

Alex started and then smiled. She was already in this deep, might as well dive right in.

“Yes. Fantasy.” Alex nodded. “The idea that you’re always properly dressed, even at home, in a suit.”

Professor Novak let out a delighted laugh. The sound gave Alex a thrill.

“That’s very funny,” he told Alex as their wine came back to the table. “No, I assure you, Miss Foreman: I own jeans and t-shirts and sneakers. I’m quite casual when I’m at home.”

“And the fantasy is over,” Alex moaned comically.

Professor Novak smiled at her over his wine glass. Alex took a sip of her wine and inadvertently licked her lips.

“This is amazing,” she said in wonder.

“It _is_ an excellent wine,” Professor Novak agreed. “But I much prefer a good red.”

“My mom loved reds,” Alex told him. “My dad was more of a beer guy.”

“And you?” Professor Novak asked.

“I’m both,” Alex said.

Professor Novak regarded Alex with an deep blue stare. Alex huddled into herself a little under the gaze.

“I can see that,” he replied.

“How do you mean?”

“Well, here you are, in an establishment you’ve never been, drinking a glass of wine you’ve never had, and you seem quite at ease,” Professor Novak began. “But, at your age, beer is your go-to alcohol.”

“My age?” Alex asked, stung.

“You’re obviously quite young, Miss Foreman.”

Alex snorted. “I’m 28, Professor.”

“You are?” Professor Novak seemed surprised.

Alex reached into her purse and held her ID out to him. “There you go.”

Professor Novak’s lips twisted into a droll grin. “I stand corrected. You’re quite an old woman.”

“Hey, now,” Alex teased. “You’re hardly ancient.”

Professor Novak nodded. “This is true, but I’m a decade older than you.”

“A whole decade?” Alex sassed. “Oh, my god. Call AARP. Wait!” Alex reached across the table and took hold of Professor Novak’s arm. “What color is your Jazzy scooter?”

Professor Novak’s face broke into a smile. After a while, Alex forgot about her story in the binder next to her. Professor Novak ordered them snacks--polenta on toast points and a cheese of the day platter--which led to more wine which led to more talking.

“Tell me about your parents,” Professor Novak said.

Alex paused, swirling her wine in her glass. “I don’t usually--”

“If this is uncomfortable for you …” Professor Novak left the sentence hanging.

“No, no.” Alex pressed her lips together. “I’ve just never discussed it with anyone before.”

“Oh, no, Miss Foreman.” Professor Novak laid a hand on her wrist. “I don’t want to talk about their passing. I want to hear about growing up here.”

“You do?” Alex asked.

“Yes,” Professor Novak insisted.

“Okay …” Alex smiled a little. “Mom was a business major and Dad was a literature major. So, of course, they’re going to open a bookstore.”

“Of course. What else would they do?” Professor Novak agreed.

“I grew up in the store. I learned to read by the time I was four.”

“Sounds like a charmed life.”

“It really was.” Alex nodded. “There wasn’t any question, though, where I would go to college.”

“Did you want to go somewhere else?” Professor Novak pushed the last toast point to her, which Alex accepted happily.

Alex swallowed a sip of wine. “I did. I was accepted to Sarah Lawrence and to Wellesley.”

Professor Novak sat back in his chair. “Both?”

“Both.” Alex nodded.

“Why didn’t you go?” Professor Novak asked.

Alex flicked her eyes from Professor Novak’s curious gaze to out the window. When she looked back at Professor Novak, tears were clinging to her lower lashes.

“Mom was sick by the time I was a senior,” Alex told him in a quiet voice. “I wanted to stay close. Just in case.”

Professor Novak’s warm hand closed over Alex’s again. “I completely understand.”

Alex licked her lips, trying to ignore the pounding pulse in her ears.

“Can I walk you home, Miss Foreman?” Professor Novak asked as he helped Alex shrug into her coat.

Alex smiled shyly. “If you like, Professor Novak.”

“Don’t forget your binder,” Professor Novak said mildly, pointing to her story.

“How could I?” Alex replied, tucking it under her arm. “We worked so hard on it tonight.”

Professor Novak laid a hand between her shoulder blades as they left QNH. Stepping from the warm bar to the frigid 30* air, Alex huddled deeper into her coat.

“Do you live far from here, Miss Foreman?” Professor Novak asked.

“Just around the block above the bookshop.”

“Let’s move along then. Get you out of the cold.” Professor Novak put his arm around her shoulders, pulled her against his side, and hurried her to the shop.

Alex let herself and Professor Novak in so he could get out of the cold wind for a few minutes. Standing in the dim light from the mall, Alex unbuttoned her coat and smiled up at Professor Novak.

“Thank you for tonight,” she said honestly. “I had a lot of fun.”

“Even without working on your story?” Professor Novak’s eyes twinkled playfully, matching his slight smile.

“The story was just a ruse, wasn’t it?”

Professor Novak shrugged a little, looking adorable. “It was.”

“Is being in _The Scribe_ a ruse too?” Alex asked, suddenly worried.

“Oh, no.” Professor Novak shook his head. “That was a sincere invitation.”

“Good.” Alex grinned a little too broadly. The wine was definitely working through her system once the cold air hit her. “I’ve already emailed everyone I know.”

Professor Novak chuckled, his warm laugh washing over Alex. When he was done laughing, the two of them stood in silence for a second.

“Well, good night, Professor,” Alex said.

“Miss Foreman--” Professor Novak cleared his throat. “Alex, I would very much like if you called me Castiel when we’re alone.”

“As long as you promise to call me ‘Alex,’” Alex said.

“Is Alex a nickname for Alexandra?” Professor Novak asked. “Or is it something more dramatic?”

“No, just plain Alexandra,” Alex said, shrugging. “I do like Castiel. It’s very poetic.”

“I like Alexandra,” Castiel told her.

He took a step closer to her. Alex found herself rooted to the floor. Castiel slid one arm around her waist under her coat while his other hand tangled in her hair. Castiel pulled Alex by the waist closer to him and pressed his mouth to hers.

Just the touch of his lips made Alex’s knees weak. She held onto his shoulder blades as they kissed. Castiel’s tongue flicked across Alex’s, teasing, probing, while the strong arm around her waist pressed her hips closer and closer to his.

When Castiel broke their kiss, Alex was sure that if he let go of her, she’d hit the floor in a puddle of wet hormones.

“I hope that wasn’t out of line, Alexandra,” Castiel murmured.

“No.” Alex exhaled, running her hands down the back of his camel-colored trenchcoat. “No, it was amazing.”

Castiel kissed her mouth again, a soft kiss this time, tender, before letting her go. He moved to the door. “I hope to see you again, Alexandra.”

“I hope so too,” Alex replied, opening the door for him and then leaning against it.

Castiel ran his fingertips over the curve of Alex’s cheek.

“Good night, Alexandra. Sleep well.”

Alex stood in the doorway for a long time once Castiel Novak disappeared into the night, his long coat snapping behind him in the cold November wind.


	8. Chapter 8

Alex woke the next morning in such a good mood, she was sure small woodland creatures were going to help her get ready to start her day. Laying in bed, she stretched and arched, ignoring the dull headache from too much wine the night before.

Professor Castiel Novak had kissed her. And kissed her well. Kissed her long enough and passionately enough that she’d dreamt about it over and over again all night.

“Castiel,” Alex whispered to herself as she swung herself out of bed and twirled clumsily across the room. “Castiel Novak. Castiel Novak kissed me.”

Buying a coffee refill in the student union brought Alex face to face with the handsome giant who was Sam Winchester.

“Good morning, Professor Winchester,” she greeted him cheerfully.

“Good morning, Alex,” he replied, a slightly puzzled look fleeting across his face.

“Isn’t it a great morning?”

Sam glanced out the large windows behind her at the black sky and lashing rain. “If you say so.”

“At least it isn’t snow!” Alex said, smiling like mad.

“Alex, are you high?” Sam asked teasingly as they made their way to the exit together.

Alex laughed, realizing how ridiculous she seemed.

“No, I’m not,” she replied. “I’m just in a remarkably delightful mood today.”

“Any particular reason?” Sam asked, opening his umbrella, silently offering to share it with her.

“I had a really nice night, is all,” Alex told her. “Professor Novak told me that the short story I wrote this term is going to be in _The Scribe_.”

“Well, well,” Sam said. “Congratulations. I know how difficult that can be.”

“I know,” Alex agreed as they crossed the quad together. “But Professor Novak said that _The Scribe_ needed something funny and, apparently, I’m hilarious.”

Sam smiled down at her. “I’ve heard that about you.”

“Oh? From whom?” Alex scooted past Sam as he held the door open for her.

“Dean,” Sam answered simply, shaking off his umbrella before closing it.

Alex’s stomach dropped into her Uggs. Dean. She’d forgotten all about Dean Winchester. How she could have done that was beyond her, but she did.

“Oh,” she said weakly as Sam joined her walking up the steps to the second floor. “He said I was funny?”

“Dean says a lot of things,” Sam told her innocently.

_Fuck._ Was Dean gossiping to his brother about their date? Was he allowed to do that?

“Professor Win--”

“Sam.”

“Okay, Sam.” Alex steeled her shoulders. “I don’t know what Dean told you--”

“Dean told me that you’re very funny, Alex. That’s all.”

Alex narrowed her eyes up at the tall man next to her.

“As long as that’s--”

“Alex, please.” Sam held up his hand, trying not to look pained. “I don’t let Dean tell me anything, so please don’t feel that you’re obligated to tell me anything.”

“It was--”

“Alex, please,” Sam begged. “I really don’t want to know.”

“We didn’t sleep together!” Alex hissed.

Sam closed his eyes. “That was what I really didn’t want to know.”

“Better than thinking we’d had sex,” Alex snapped defensively.

Sam’s face flashed. “Miss Foreman, I’d like to remind you that I’m still a professor at this school and deserve a little respect.”

Abashed, Alex hung her head. “Yes. I apologize.”

“See you soon, Alex,” Sam said formally, walking away.

Miserably, Alex slogged her way through her afternoon classes. If anyone knew how to utterly humiliate themselves in five easy steps, it was her. The email alert from her phone immediately cheered her.

_Alex,_

_See you tonight? I’ll make you dinner_

_Dean_

Alex gaped at her phone. Dean Winchester was offering to cook for her? This was madness. Remembering her kiss with Castiel, Alex emailed him back.

_Dean,_

_I’m sorry, no. I have a ton of homework._

_Alex_

Ten minutes later when she was walking to her car, she got this message:

_Alex,_

_Message me your phone number so we can text instead. I hate email._

_Dean_

Alex wavered for a moment and then sent Dean his number. Almost immediately, she got a text.

_u sure? i make a mean cheeseburger_

_i’m sure. but you can’t believe the homework._

_yeah, professors can be such dicks_

_a lot of it is from you_

_what can i say? i can be a dick_

_lol good to know_

_how about tomorrow?_

Alex paused, sitting in the front seat of her father’s beat-up old Mercedes, wondering if she should say yes. Sighing, she texted him back.

_i’ll think about it._

It wasn’t until she was almost home and pulling into the parking spot behind her shop that she got a message back from Dean.

_whatever you decide, sweetheart._

Alex made a little “mmm, baby” face, remembering the way Dean purred out “sweetheart” while he pressed himself against her, his breath tickling her ear, the way his hips moved against hers. Wait. How long had it been since she had sex again?

“Oh, fuck that,” Alex told herself and texted Dean back, _be here at 7?_

Dean’s response was instantaneous.

_i’ll bring the groceries. you supply the house_

Alex rushed inside to clean up. There wasn’t so much a mess as a clutter, so she opened her bedroom door and flung everything onto her bed: books, mail, clothes, anything that can accumulate when you work too many hours and cleaning isn’t your number one priority when you come home.

Turning on Pandora, Alex checked over her kitchen, making sure that the sink was clear of dishes and there were actually pans and things for Dean to cook with. Alex suddenly grabbed a kitchen chair to steady herself. Dean. Cook. Holy fuckness. What had she agreed to?

Rushing into her destroyed bedroom to change, Alex called Donna hastily.

“Donna? Do you have a minute?” Alex asked.

“Only a minute,” Donna told her. “Benny is coming over to take me to a movie tonight.”

Alex stopped digging through her underwear drawer for a pair a cute boy shorts. “You’re kidding me?”

Donna giggled. “No! It’s our third date this week.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Alex demanded, sitting down on her disheveled bed after pushing two jackets out of the way.

“You’ve been under so much stress lately,” Donna began.

“Ugh! What kind of reason is that?” Alex asked. “We’re always under so much stress. Tell me everything.”

“I can’t,” Donna was giggling and couldn’t stop. “I just don’t have time. Can I tell you everything tomorrow?”

“Yes!” Alex exclaimed.

“Wait! Why did you call me?” Donna asked.

Alex caught sight of herself in the mirror. She was 28 years old. Time to adult on her own.

“Never mind,” Alex told Donna. “Have fun with Benny and I want all the details tomorrow.”

“Night, Alex.”

“Night, Donna.”

Alex flipped her phone into the air and caught it, pondering her next step.

_when you get here, park behind the store behind the old mercedes. ring the bell and come on up_

Wrapping her hair up in a bun, Alex headed into the shower. It only took her a split second to decide whether to shave her legs this time.

She was already a beer and a half in when Dean arrived. She had heard the outside bell ring and Dean’s footsteps on the staircase. Opening the door at the back of the apartment, Alex found Dean Winchester standing on the landing in his brown leather jacket, snowflakes melting on his broad shoulders and in his hair.

“Hey,” he said in his deep, rough voice.

Alex moved out of the way, swinging the door wider to let him in.

“Hey.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you ever have one of those dates where everything goes perfect except you're also dating his best friend but he makes you dinner and you bond talking about family and you're so over-come by the whole situation that you end up having sex? Uh ... yeah ...  
> **HEREIN LIES SEX**

Alex watched as Dean moved easily around her kitchen, collecting spices and pans. He had shed his leather jacket to dry over a heat vent in the living room, leaving him in an ancient blue denim button down over a black t-shirt printed with a faded white skull and a pair of jeans that hung low on his hips. His black boots left wet prints all over the floor, but Alex could care less as she watched him.

“Where did you learn to cook?” Alex asked him, toying with her beer bottle.

Dean turned from the counter where he was shaping burger patties. His grin was infectious and Alex found herself smiling back.

“My mom taught me,” he replied. “She taught Sam and me actually. She always said we’d have to be self-sufficient at some point in our lives and we couldn’t survive on take-out alone.”

“Smart lady,” Alex commented.

Dean nodded. “She thinks so too.”

“What about your dad?” Alex fetched herself another beer, opening one for Dean too.

A cloud passed over Dean’s green eyes before he answered, “My dad died right after Sam graduated high school. He had a heart attack.”

“I’m sorry,” Alex said awkwardly.

Dean shrugged. “It happens, right?”

“It does,” Alex agreed, thinking briefly about her own father’s death.

There was a few moments of silence before:

“Whoo! Enough of that sad shit,” Dean said suddenly, turning the charm back on. He placed the patties in a frying pan, then turned to slice tomatoes and lettuce.

“I can do that, ya know,” Alex offered. “I may not be a gourmet, but I can slice veggies.”

“And how would that be _me_ making _you_ dinner if you did the hard stuff?” Dean’s green eyes were teasing.

“I think meat handling is the hard stuff,” Alex told him. She couldn’t keep the taunting tone out of her voice.

Dean stopped slicing tomatoes long enough to arch an eyebrow at her before pursing his lips a little.

“Oh, really?” he asked.

“Definitely,” Alex replied. “It takes a fine hand to not bruise the meat.”

“That true,” Dean said. “You just need to know how to work it the right way to get a good flavor out of it.”

_There’s no reason this conversation should even be remotely sexy,_ Alex thought.

But. It was.

Alex and Dean stared at each other for a few beats before Dean turned his attention back the burgers. Alex took a long pull off her beer as she jammed her free hand between her legs to grip her thigh through the fabric of her jeans and calm down.

When dinner was done, Dean served Alex her burger with a corny flourish.

“Lady, your meal,” he said, joining her at the table.

“Oh, my god,” Alex mumbled through a mouthful. “This is amazing.”

“Right?” Dean agreed.

Alex covered her mouth to hide her smile as she answered, “Settle down, Sparky. It’s just a burger.”

“Just--just a burger?” Dean pretended to be aghast at her ignorance. “This is Angus beef and pretzel rolls and Vermont sharp cheddar.”

“And it’s super delicious, honey.” Alex squeezed Dean’s forearm.

“Uncultured heathen.” Dean jerked his arm away in a snit.

The two exchanged a glance and burst out laughing.

After the burgers were gone and the dishes were piled into the dishwasher, Alex and Dean moved to the couch. Sitting comfortably at either end of the sofa, Dean and Alex faced each other, armed with beers and fully bellies.

“Those were really awesome burgers,” Alex said.

Dean shrugged. “I cook for Sam almost every night. He was kinda pissed the other night though.”

“Why?”

“Oh, I went out to dinner with Cas, but he bailed on me early,” Dean answered, not noticing that Alex choked on a mouthful of beer. “I brought home my leftovers for Sam and he was fine.”

“You had dinner with Professor Novak?” Alex asked.

“Yeah.” Dean exchanged his empty beer bottle for a full one. “The three of us go out pretty regularly.”

Alex felt queasy all of a sudden and set her beer aside. How could she think this was a good idea? Having Dean over so soon after her date with Castiel? What the hell kind of person was she? What happens if they talked about the girl they’re seeing? What happens if they figure out that the girl they were seeing was the same girl? They were friends-- _best_ friends, even--of course they were going to talk.

“I bet it’s nice to have friends you work with,” Alex said, trying desperately to change the subject.

Dean shrugged easily. “Sam and I have always been friends, even when we hated each other for a while. Not gonna lie, though, being friends with Cas took some work.”

“Oh, yeah? Why?”

Dean chuckled. “He’s sorta formal and stiff. I’m sorta not. There was some friction.”

Alex smiled wanly. Okay, time to stop talking about Castiel. Time to talk about something else. Anything else.

“This is a good song,” Dean said suddenly as _House of the Rising Sun_ by The Animals started. “Not something you usually hear after The Stones.”

“I went through a witchy phase and I listened to this song to death because it was so haunting,” Alex told him. “Then _American Horror Story_ stole it for _Coven_ and now I look like a poser.”

Dean laughed. “Was the witchy phase after your parents died?”

Alex felt like she was punched in the stomach. The look on her face immediately made Dean contrite and apologetic.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“No, no. It’s okay,” Alex assured him as her voice shook. “It’s just not something that usually comes up in casual conversation.”

Dean’s fingers met Alex’s on the back of the couch where both of their arms were slung across the cushions, relaxed.

“Like I said earlier,” he said quietly, dropping his chin a little to give her a long look through hooded eyes, “I can be a dick.”

Alex felt a little shiver run down her spine. “Is this the part of the date where you seduce me?” she asked, giving me a sly smile.

“Would you like me to seduce you?” Dean said, putting on a sexy face that made Alex giggle. “Is that what you're trying to tell me?”

“Oh, Mrs. Robinson,” Alex replied, covering her mouth as she snickered harder.

Dean moved across the couch to Alex so smoothly she didn’t even notice he was next to her until he put his arms around her. Alex felt herself resist his embrace for a half second before she slid her legs across his lap which let Dean pull her across his thighs fully.

“I’d like you to seduce me, Dean,” Alex whispered.

“Are you sure?” Dean murmured back.

“Yes,” Alex breathed as Dean’s fingers danced down her spine.

“What about--?” Dean began.

Alex smothered his question with a kiss.

“What about what?” Alex asked when their kiss broke.

“I have no idea,” Dean replied, pulling her closer to him.

“Good.” Alex leaned in for another one of those long, lingering Dean Winchester kisses.

Dean didn’t disappoint. While they kissed, Dean’s hands found his way into Alex’s shirt, pulling up over her arms so it hung around her neck like a necklace. He even unclasped her bra expertly with two fingers and dropped it on the couch next to them before their lips even parted.

Alex yanked her shirt off before working on Dean’s two. She nearly tangled him up in the material before he pushed her grasping hands off him and pulled both of his shirts off in one swoop. Dean held Alex at arm’s length to admire her.

“Stop,” Alex whispered, trying to cover herself a little.

“Never,” Dean told her quietly. He slid his arms around her waist, his hands stroking the naked skin of her back.

Alex leaned forward and kissed Dean’s collarbone while her fingers scrabbled with his belt buckle. Dean tilted his head back as she moved her mouth down his chest, stopping to tease his nipples with her tongue. By the time she was on her knees between his thighs, Alex had worked his belt and jeans open.

Pulling his stiffening cock out, Alex tongued the head, tasting the precum that was gathering there. Dean groaned a little at the touch and shifted on the couch, pushing his jeans down over his thighs to give her better access. Alex shoved his pants down to his ankles and snuggled back between his legs.

Alex dragged her tongue up the underside his Dean’s dick, teasing the vein with a zigzag motion. When she reached the head, Alex slid her mouth down the shaft, swallowing as much as she could. Moving her mouth and hand in tandem, Alex sucked and tongued Dean until his moans grew louder and the thrusts of his hips started to stutter.

“Holy shit!” The words ripped out of Dean’s throat as he came.

Sitting back on her heels, Alex smiled up at Dean as he lifted his head off the couch. She thumbed the corner of her mouth comically.

“You good, baby?” she teased.

“Fuck yeah, I am.” Dean replied, his green eyes sleepy with slaked lust.

“Good.” Alex stood up and slithered her way out of her jeans.

“You’re gonna have to give me a minute, sweetheart,” Dean told her, grinning lazily.

“I can give you five,” Alex agreed.

Dean gave Alex a smolder that made her legs weak. “I can think of a way to pass five minutes.”

Pouncing forward, Dean grabbed Alex around the waist and pulled her to him. Pressing his mouth against the soft chub of her belly, Dean snaked his fingers between Alex’s legs, rolling her clit in circles with his thumb. Alex tossed her hair out of her face and moaned, closing her eyes.

“Come lay down, sweetheart,” Dean whispered against her stomach.

Alex found herself on her back on the couch, looking up at the ceiling as Dean’s tongue worked its way between her lips. Gasping as Dean’s tongue and lips moved over her clit, Alex clutched the cushion on either side of her. Dean hummed a little, making Alex cry out. ENcouraged by her noises, Dean sucked and licked until Alex arched her back.

“Oh, god! Dean! Don’t stop, don’t stop, dontstopdontstopdontstopdontstop,” she cried out as she ground her pussy against his mouth before cumming.

Alex’s body trembled as Dean sat up, looking rather smug. She licked her lips and shook her head at him a little.

“Show off,” she said, breathing hard.

“You should talk,” he replied.

Alex propped herself up on her elbows to drink in the sight of Professor Dean Winchester naked and rock hard on her sofa. Sitting up, she walked on her knees over to him and straddled his lap.

“Condom?” she asked.

“Always,” Dean answered and dug awkwardly into his jeans, still bound around his ankles, for a condom.

Sliding it on, Dean held Alex’s waist and lowered her onto his cock. They both moaned as she bottomed out on him and then began to move together, Alex rolling her hips as Dean thrust up into her. The slow, sensual rhythm of their bodies made it easy for Dean to hold Alex’s gaze. His green eyes bore into her brown ones as he held her hips. Alex gripped the back of the couch over both of his shoulders, moaning with each thrust. Dean’s breath started to come quicker and Alex could feel his body tensing under her.

“Come for me, Dean,” she panted.

“You first, sweetheart,” he murmured back, slipping a hand between them to tease her clit again.

Alex came hard and fast at his touch, throwing her head back, her long hair brushing against his legs, breasts jutting forward. Dean clamped down on one of her nipples as he came again, a strangled cry getting caught in his throat.

Alex balanced herself on Dean’s lap, hands behind her clutching his knees, head tilted back at the ceiling, trying to catch her breath. When she finally looked at Dean, he had sunk back against the sofa cushions, body limp and relaxed, but he was giving her the most breath-taking half smile.

“You’re sexy as hell when you cum,” he told her.

“Shut up,” she said, blushing, as she climbed off his lap and pulled the afghan off the back of the sofa around her shoulders.

Dean rolled the condom off and, pulling his jeans up, walked across the room to throw it into the kitchen garbage. Alex watched as he walked back over to where she was curled up on the couch. He took a long drink off her leftover beer, jeans slung low over his hips, bare chest smooth and strong in the low light glowing over the stove, a tiny roll of pudge peeking over the top of his boxer briefs.

“I better go, sweetheart,” Dean said, putting the empty bottle down on the coffee table.

Alex’s stomach contracted, but her little smirky smile stayed in place. “Sure. Early class tomorrow?”

Dean pulled on his shirts and jacket as Alex walked him to the door, still cocooned in her blanket. Dean smiled down at her as she opened the door for him.

“Night, Alex,” he said, kissing her good-bye.

“Good night, Dean.”

Alex kept her eyes closed a little too long after the kiss ended. When she opened them again, Dean looked concerned.

“You good?” he asked.

“Perfection.”

Dean’s smiled came back and he paused briefly like he wanted to say something else, but then changed his mind and clumped down the stairs. Alex closed the door and was heading into her bedroom when a knock on the door startled her. Finding Dean on the other side of it again startled her even more.

“Dean?” she asked, shocked.

“There’s about two feet of snow out there and no way for me to dig my car out,” Dean told her. “Can I crash?”

Dean’s green eyes sparkled mischievously. Alex’s heart thumped in her ears, but there was no way she could turn Dean Winchester out into the snow. Opening the door, Alex let Dean back in. The door wasn’t even shut before Dean had Alex back in his arms and was kissing her again.


	10. Chapter 10

**6am**

_Carry On Wayward Son_ by Kansas blared out of Alex’s phone. Bleary-eyed, she reached over and answered it.

“Hello?” she croaked out.

“Classes are cancelled,” Anna’s half-awake voice reported.

“Thanks, Anna,” Alex said.

“Yeah. ‘kay. Bye.” Anna hung up.

Dropping her phone back on the nightstand, Alex burrowed back under the blankets.

“Everything copacetic?” Dean’s hoarse morning voice muttered in her ear.

Alex curled back up against Dean as he spooned her from behind.

“No classes.”

Dean’s mouth grazed her naked shoulder. “Good. Go back to sleep.”

“Yes, sir.”

**10am**

AC/DC’s _Highway to Hell_ woke them up. Dean dug his phone out of the jeans he’d discarded on Alex’s bedroom floor. Alex groaned, pulling the duvet over her head.

“Hey, Sammy,” Dean said. “Yeah … I got, uh, stranded … No, I’m cool. I found a place to crash … C’mon, Sam. I’m smarter than that … It’s not--” Dean looked at Alex, who was peeking out from under the covers at him. He turned his back to her a little. “It’s not any of your business, actually … Look, I’ll be home after they clear the streets … What?” Dean got out of bed and went to the window. He peered through the blinds. “All right, then I’ll be home in a little bit … A little bit.”

Dean climbed back into bed and tried to pull Alex to him, but she resisted.

“Shouldn’t you get home?” she asked, trying not to breathe morning breath all over him.

Dean shrugged, his fingers walking over the curve of her breasts. “I could. But why go there when I have a warm bed right here?”

Alex rolled her eyes, but let Dean’s hands work their magic over her body again.

**1pm**

“Not that I’m trying to kick you out or anything--” Alex began.

Dean turned from the stove where he was making scrambled eggs and bacon.

“Or anything,” he interrupted, teasing.

“ _But_ ,” Alex continued, grinning at him, “Sam has called you about 48 hundred times at this point.”

Dean shrugged and pushed eggs onto her plate. “I’ll leave when we’re done eating.” Alex arched her eyebrow at Dean. Dean looked up from his plate and added, “And more sex?”

Alex started laughing, making her choke. Dean slapped her on the back jovially.

**4pm**

“Welcome to work,” Jody said dryly when Alex finally came downstairs.

Alex shrugged, not even bother to make an excuse. Donna leaned over the counter to watch the fun.

“Long night?” Jody asked.

Alex shrugged again.

“Look, I know you’re in charge, but you’re over seven hours late for your shift,” Jody went on. “The shift _you_ gave _yourself_.”

“Yeah, about that--” Alex began.

“Hey, Alex,” a man’s voice said.

All three heads swiveled to the door of the store room. Dean was standing in the doorway, leather jacket on, collar pulled up, thumbs hooked in his jeans pockets. Alex went white and jerked her head at Jody and Donna. Donna’s two hands were clasped at the base of her throat, eyes and mouth wide with delight and glee. Jody’s face was blood red with embarrassment at being faced with the knowledge that a man--that _particular_ man, that particular, _incredibly beautiful_ man--had been upstairs the whole time with her adopted daughter.

“Dean! Uh--” Alex rushed over to him. She put her hands on his chest to push him back into the storeroom out of curious, shocked gazes, but he wasn’t moving. In fact, he was smiling easily down at her, knowing exactly what he was doing. “What are you doing?” she hissed at him.

“Saying good-bye,” Dean said, clear as a bell.

Alex squeezed her eyes shut for a second, then opened them and glared up at him. “Okay. Bye then.”

Dean put an arm around her waist and drew Alex to his chest, kissing her slowly, lingeringly, tilting her back a little at the waist to make it even more drawn out. When he let her mouth go, he looked over her at Jody and Donna. Donna was on the verge of squealing like a little girl meeting Taylor Swift and Jody was on the verge of fainting.

“Ladies,” Dean said as Alex dropped her head back and observed Donna and Jody’s reactions upside down. “Good to see you again.” Dean snapped Alex back up to a standing position. He chucked her under the chin. “Bye, Alex.”

“Bye,” Alex’s voice squeaked.

A final, panty-melting look at the three women staring at him and then Dean Winchester was gone.

Alex took a minute to compose herself before turning around.

“ _What was that_?!” Donna shrieked at the same time Jody exclaimed, “What in the _bloody motherfucking_ fuck was _that_?”

“Um …” Alex faltered. “He spent the night?”

“He _did_?!” Donna squealed at the same time Jody growled, “Oh, _did_ he?”

“Yes,” Alex replied.

The dichotomy of Donna’s ecstatic face and Jody’s angry face was exactly how Alex felt inside. She wanted to simultaneously dance around because of all the sex but she wanted to hate herself for the same reason.

“Look, it wasn’t that big a deal,” Alex babbled for an excuse. “He came over for dinner and got stuck here because of the snow and so he spent the night and we’re consenting adults and Jody, didn’t you pretty much tell me I was too young to not have fun and well, see, he’s fun. He’s a _lot_ of fun.”

Jody’s face flushed as her words came back to bite her in the ass. Donna happily clapping her hands like a wind-up monkey holding cymbals while squeeing “Ooooooooooooo!” at the top of her voice didn’t help either.

“In my defense, I meant go on a date with him,” Jody said lamely. “Not go to bed with him.”

“Why not?” Donna asked, surprising them both. “Everyone needs sex. It’s a basic need of the human body. I mean, I know some people don’t like sex, but we’re not like that, right?” Donna looked back and forth between Jody and Alex. “Right?”

Alex thought for a minute, then turned slowly to Donna, a smile spreading across her face. Jody’s dark eyes flicked back and forth between Alex and Donna before her mouth made an ‘O’ of surprise and she whipped around to face Donna too. Donna recoiled at the sudden interest in her.

“What?” she asked, looking like a trapped animal.

“You had sex,” Alex said.

“With Benny,” Jody added.

“Big, burly, hunky Professor LaFitte,” Alex went on.

“I--wha--I did no--we’re not talking about me!” Donna burst out, whole face turning pink.

Alex clapped her hands once and jumped a little. “You _did_! You had _sex_ with him!”

“Donna, you little minx,” Jody shook her head, grinning wolfishly.

“Fine, if you must know,” Donna said sassily, putting her hands on her hips, “I did go to bed with Benny. And it was wonderful--” Donna stopped talking long enough to let Jody and Alex cheer and slap her on the back. “Both of you need to shut up!” Donna howled, which only made Jody and Alex react more.

The jangling the door’s bell shut them up immediately. A group of customers came in, which meant work had to be done. The women scattered to help the customers but not before Alex gave Donna the “I’m watchin’ you” eyeball.

The minutes until the store closed were the longest in the history of the world. Once the door was locked and the till counted and the lights were out, the three women headed up to Alex’s apartment.

“Smells like naughty deeds in here,” Donna said, giving Alex a nudge.

“You should talk,” Alex shot back. “I’m not the one who went to bed with Professor Rhett Butler.”

“No, you went to bed with Professor Sex on Bowlegs,” Donna told her.

“I need wine for this conversation,” Jody announced and poured herself a glass of it from the box in the fridge.

“Better not sit on the couch,” Alex warned Donna lightly as the blonde woman settled on the sofa.

“Didn’t even make it bedroom, did ya?” Jody asked as Donna leapt to her feet off the couch and hurried back to the kitchen table.

“Not the first time,” Alex replied.

“The first time?” Donna gasped. “How many times were there?”

“What about with Rhett Butler?” Alex asked, deflecting the conversation.

“Stop calling Benny that,” Donna scolded her. “He’s from Carencro, Louisiana. Not Charleston.”

Alex considered this. “That actually sounds really sexy.”

Donna’s eyes shone. “You should hear him say it.”

“I bet,” Jody agreed.

“You should hear him say a lot of things.” Donna’s cheeks went pink, either at her audacity or at the memory.

The woman started to giggle and couldn’t stop for a few minutes. By the time they ordered pizza and it was delivered, Donna had shared as much as she felt was appropriate.

“I need to find myself a Southern man,” Jody commented, fanning herself with a napkin. “Or just a man, at this point.”

“Dean has a brother,” Alex mentioned.

Donna poked Jody and held up two fingers, mouthing “Two!” Jody shook her head.

“If Winchester #1 that I met is too young for me, his brother is probably a fetus,” she said.

“Hey, what about Professor Cute Bottom, Alex?” Donna asked suddenly. “Does this mean you’re over him?”

Alex paused, a sick feeling of scumminess creeping over her. She pushed her pizza away, half-eaten, and played with her glass. The intimate date and the long, romantic kiss she and Castiel shared flashed across her mind.

“No,” she said, hating herself a little, “not really.”


	11. Chapter 11

“Professor Novak?” Alex asked, approaching Castiel in the hall outside his office. “May I speak to you?”

Castiel smiled at her briefly. “Of course. Come in.”

Unlocking the door, he ushered Alex in first, then she followed him through the shared space to his private office.

“Have a seat, Miss Foreman,” Castiel said for the benefit of propriety and the ears of the nosy secretary. He closed his office door and his formal smile faded into a more relaxed one. “How have you been?”

His private voice was so different from his teaching voice. The clipped words and harsh tone changed immediately to a low, soft, almost raspy tone. It could drive a girl mad. But today, Alex had to focus.

“I need to tell you something,” Alex began.

“Oh?” Castiel slipped out of his chocolate brown suit jacket to reveal that his light peach dress shirt was much too tight around his shoulders and arms. He pulled his tie a little to loosen it. “Is it about your story?”

“My--my what?” Alex asked, watching as he rolled his sleeves up to his elbows, then snapped back to reality. “Yes. No. Yes, it is.”

Castiel’s mouth curved up in a rather confused smile. “Is that a yes or a no?”

“Well, actually, it’s about--” Alex’s voice trailed off as Castiel sat down in the chair next to her and leaned on the arm. She could smell his soapy, watermelony, cinnamony skin and his blue eyes were so blue. My god, were they _blue_. How could they be _so blue_? What kind of genetics can make eyes _that_ blue? Alex shook her head. “My story,” she finished lamely.

“What’s wrong with it?” Castiel asked, looking curious. “It’s excellent.”

“I haven’t got a final copy yet.”

Castiel leaned back in his chair, smiling in a relieved way. “Oh, is that all? Alexandra, you have several weeks before _The Scribe_ goes to the printers. There’s plenty of time to get me a final copy.”

“Do you think people will--” Alex hesitated.

“Yes?” Castiel asked.

“Will think I’m only in there because we--we’re--” Alex couldn’t finish her sentence.

Castiel gave her an odd look. “Alexandra, no one knows of our evening unless you’ve told someone of it. My personal life is just that. Personal.”

Alex blushed furiously. “Oh. Good.”

“That being mentioned,” Castiel said. “I was hoping that you and I could see each other again.”

Were Castiel’s ears turning red? Alex was sure that prim and proper Professor Novak was going to blush like a schoolboy right in front of her. Just the thought of it made Alex’s skin prickle.

“Of course,” she said. “I would love that.”

Castiel’s face broke into a wide, relieved smile that sent Alex’s emotions right over the edge. “Wonderful. I was hoping to see the re-release of _The Misfits_ at the new movie theater.”

“I love that movie,” Alex told Castiel.

“You do?” Castiel sounded surprised.

“I have the movie poster hanging in my bedroom.” Alex tried not to nerd out as she nerded out. “It’s my second favorite Marilyn movie.”

“What’s your first favorite?” Castiel asked. “Mine is _Bus Stop_.”

“Oh, mine is _How To Marry a Millionaire_ ,” Alex told him. “It makes me laugh every time.”

“I also enjoyed _Gentlemen Prefer Blondes_ ,” Castiel said. “But I much prefer Jane Russell in that picture.”

“Me too!” Alex grabbed Castiel’s hand in solidarity. “She’s brilliant.”

Castiel laid her other hand over Alex’s. “We seem to have a lot in common when it comes to Monroe pictures.”

“Mom always told me I had an old soul,” Alex said.

Castiel’s hand reached up and touched Alex’s cheek briefly. “Perhaps.”

“You do say that a lot, don’t you?” Alex smiled.

“Do I?” Castiel seemed surprised.

“Dean said--” Alex cut herself off.

“Dean?” Castiel asked. “Professor Winchester?”

Alex cleared her throat. “Yes. I get to call him Dean because I listen to Led Zeppelin.”

( _you fucking liar,_ alex’s brain accused her)

Castiel nodded a little as he raised his eyebrows. “That sounds like Dean.”

“Anyway,” Alex said hurriedly, “when is the movie showing?”

“Thursday. So, you would like to go?” Castiel asked.

“Marilyn and Clark Gable on the big screen?” Alex said, feeling excited at the idea.

“Can I pick you up at 7:30?” Castiel asked. “The theater is also a restaurant and bar, so--”

“So, dinner and a movie right there in the seats?” Alex was intrigued. “Now that sounds like fun.” Castiel waited for her answer, a little grin on his face. “Oh, you’re waiting for an answer?”

“I am.” Castiel inclined his head slightly.

Alex opened her mouth to answer, but Castiel took her chin in his hand and kissed her. His kiss was firm and strong and sent electric shocks through her body. When Castiel’s mouth left hers, Alex felt a little drunk.

“7:30 is perfect for me,” she said softly.

“Wonderful.” Castiel stood up which made Alex scramble to her feet. “I’ll see you on Thursday evening then.”

“Don’t come through the store,” Alex said as Castiel opened his office door. “Behind the shop is my private entrance. Ring the bell and come up.”

“I will. See you then, Alexandra.” Castiel was using his professor voice because they were in public again.

Alex left the office, swinging her hips a little because she knew Castiel was watching her leave. Once outside, she texted Anna.

_where r u?_

_starbucks_

_stay there? i’m coming over_

_sure, i could use another mochaccino_

Anna waved Alex over as soon as Alex walked in.

“Hey, girl,” Anna said cheerfully when Alex sat down.

“Hey, listen, I need some advice,” Alex said, feeling desperate all of a sudden.

“Sounds interesting.” Anna waved her hand. “Go on.”

“I’m kinda seeing this guy--” Alex began.

“What? You are? Who?” Anna was full of questions.

“Let’s just skip that for now,” Alex snapped, more worried than angry. “Okay, so this guy. We had a date and made out like teenagers and then we had dinner and we hooked up--”

“Nice,” Anna commented.

“God. _So nice_ ,” Alex agreed. “Anyway, this other guy--who’s, like, as different from Guy #1 as you possibly imagine--and I went on a date--”

“Wait. There’s _two_ guys?” Anna sat back in her chair. “You’re dating two guys? Why am I just hearing about this?”

“Because it all just happened, insanely quick. C’mon, Anna, shut up and help me.”

“Okay, okay.” Anna tossed her hair away from her face and leaned in to hear more. “Go on.”

“So, Guy #2 is sophisticated and gentlemanly and Guy #1 is sort of rock and roll and wild, but Guy #2 is wow,” Alex rolled her eyes back in her head comically before continuing, “and, so--long story short--should I pick one or should I date both of them?”

“Which one have you slept with?” Anna asked.

“Guy #1.”

“The rock and roll guy?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, here’s what you do.” Anna leaned forward to whisper, making Alex huddle closer to listen. “You sleep with Guy #2, see who’s better in bed, and pick him.”

“But they appeal to both sides of me: the good girl and the bad girl,” Alex said.

“So? Date them both,” Anna suggested.

“I can’t. They’re--they’re …” Alex lowered her voice to whisper, “best friends.”

The surprise and delight on Anna’s face did nothing to help Alex’s position.

“Can I study you for sociology?” she asked.

“You’re not helping, Anna.”

“I can’t help it,” Anna said. “You’re living the college dream. You’re going to have a story published. You’re about to graduate. And? Best of all? You’re dating friends--one is nice and one is naughty--and they don’t know about each other.”

Alex started to laugh. “You’re impossible.”

“You are my personal heroine, Alex Foreman,” Anna told her in a hushed, reverent tone.

Alex slapped Anna’s arm, making both giggle. It felt good to tell someone about her life, but it still didn’t help Alex with her dilemma.

_Come over for dinner tonight. I’m making baked ziti._

Alex knocked on Jody’s front door, holding a small cheesecake and a bottle of wine. Donna opened the door, already holding a glass of red and grinning broadly.

“Alex! C’mon in!” she exclaimed.

When Alex entered, she noticed there was a new person in the threesome of bookshop girls: Professor Benny LaFitte. He came across the room in three strides, smiling a big, good ol’ boy kind of grin, and took Alex’s offerings from her.

“Hi there, Alex,” he said in a Southern accent that practically dripped molasses. “How ya doin’ tonight?”

“I’m … great …” Alex, taken aback by seeing Professor Lafitte in Jody’s house, was at a loss for words.

“Can I get ya somethin’ to drink, then?” he asked next, his ice blue eyes friendly as his easy grin never wavered at her awkwardness.

“A glass of wine would be …”

“Comin’ right up.” Professor LaFitte headed over to Jody with the cheesecake and wine. Alex watched as he popped the wine and cake in the fridge and placed his large hand on Jody’s back to ease her out of his way to reach a glass.

Alex spun around to face Donna, who was watching Professor LaFitte as giddy as a schoolgirl.

“What’s all this?” she whispered.

“Jodster invited us,” Donna whispered back as they watched Jody and Professor LaFitte talk. “I was iffy about bringing Benny, but she insisted.”

“I guess so,” Alex said as Professor LaFitte brought her a glass. “Thank you, Professor.”

“Aw, now, Alex,” Professor LaFitte said, putting his arm around Donna’s waist. “Call me Benny.”

“I don’t know if I can,” Alex replied. His smile was infectious.

“You call Dean ‘Dean,’” Professor LaFitte reminded her.

Alex managed to control both her blushing and her stammering as a brief picture of she and Dean making love flittered across her mind.

“All right then,” Alex agreed. “Benny.”

“That-a girl, darlin’,” he rumbled amiably.

“I’m gonna see if Jody needs any help,” Alex said.

“Guess that leaves us to set the table, sweetpea,” Benny said to Donna.

Alex unsuccessfully tried to swallow the “sweetpea” thing before heading over to where Jody was making a Caesar salad. Keeping a smile plastered on her face, Alex leaned in close to steal a handful of croutons.

“What’s going on with that?” she asked.

“Hmmm?” Jody glanced over at where Donna and Benny were setting the table while bumping into each other and flirting. “Oh, them? I thought it was about time we met Donna’s professor. I mean, we’ve met _both_ of yours.”

“Jesus, let’s not bring _that_ up, okay?” Alex begged before chugging down the last of her wine.


	12. Chapter 12

“Alex, Donna tells me you’re gettin’ a short story published?” Benny asked over dinner.

Alex nodded. “I am. Professor Novak is putting it in _The Scribe_.”

“What’s it about?” Benny asked.

Alex motioned around the table with her fork. “Us three.”

Benny smiled at Donna, who glowed a little under his gaze. “Good subject matter.”

“What do you teach again?” Alex pushed her plate away.

“Evolutionary biology,” Benny replied.

“That sounds absolutely terrifying,” Alex told him.

Benny smiled a wolfish grin at her. “It can be,” he agreed. “My lecture today was about how vampires would be an almost-perfect mutation for the human race.”

Alex stared at him. “You kidding me.”

“Nope,” Benny replied. “I don’t believe in borin’ my students to sleep.”

“I wish other professors had that same viewpoint,” Alex mused.

“Like Novak?” Benny said, sounding a little too innocent.

“What do you-- _Donna_.” Alex glanced at Donna, who had covered her mouth to smother her giggles. “Did you tell him about me falling asleep?”

“C’mon, Allie,” Donna pleaded. “It’s a funny story.”

“Yes, and Castiel thinks it’s hilarious.”

Movement around the table paused and Alex realized her faux pas. Swallowing hard, Alex cleared her throat and tried to act normal.

“Castiel?” Benny asked, his Southern accent making his questioning tone even more curious.

“Professor Novak,” Alex corrected herself quickly.

“But … Castiel?” Benny repeated.

“It was a slip,” Alex said.

“A Freudian slip?” Jody teased.

“Nothing Freudian here,” Alex argued. “Just a slip.”

“All right, all right,” Benny said, holding up his hands. “Let’s leave poor Alex alone.”

“You obviously don’t know them very well,” Alex smiled, grateful for his intervention.

Dinner was over, but the usual over-dinner activity of gossip/bitch session wasn’t going to work with Benny there, so as Jody and Benny cleared away the dishes, Donna and Alex dug out a pack of cards and box of poker chips.

“Look at this.” Benny surveyed the table, hands on hips. “I feel like I should be smoking a cigar and wearing a visor.”

“Would this work?” Jody handed Benny a pink and purple Hawaiian print visor.

“Aw, that’s perfect, darlin’,” Benny said as he put it on. “All right, ladies. Let’s get to bettin’.”

Sitting around the table, the four played hand after hand, losing and winning in spectacular fashion and posing for ridiculous pictures. Alex felt a little twinge of jealousy watching Donna and Benny interact, knowing that it would be impossible to include Dean or Castiel in a night like this while she was their student. But how could she begrudge her friend someone who cared about her … especially after Jody kicked her under the table and hissed “Stop looking like someone ran over your dog” at her.

Alex’s text alert went off. It was Meg Masters.

_heard something about u_

A warning bell went off in Alex’s head as she answered, _yeah? what?_

_somebody saw u & dean winchester leave a bar together. u fuckin him?_

_LOL no. i was drunk & he walked me home_

_oh, yea?_

_yeah_

_if u say so_

_what’s that mean?_

_nothing_

_what are you talking about?_

_u know he’s fuckin like 5 people, right?_

_why do i care?_

_just don’t think ur the only person_

_well, i’m not one of the persons, so i’m good_

_sure. later, bitch_

“Scuse me.” Alex got up from the table, startling the other three, and headed for the bathroom.

Once she was behind the closed door, Alex leaned her head against it. Of course, she knew she wasn’t the only person Dean Winchester was probably hooking up with. She’d be a child if she thought he was going to be exclusive with her. Hell, she went out on a date with his best friend just days before sleeping with him. But it still hurt a little. Especially coming from someone like Meg Masters, who never met a person she didn’t want to destroy on some level.

“Alex?” Jody tapped on the door. “You fall in?”

“Coming.” Alex looked at herself in the mirror, making sure she didn’t look like she was about to cry or puke.

“Benny and Donna are leaving.”

Alex opened the bathroom door. “Together?”

“Course together,” Benny replied. “Come together, leave together.”

The foursome exchanged hugs while Jody took all of Benny’s effusive thanks in stride. Alex and Jody watched as they headed for Benny’s restored classic pick-up, hand in hand.

“They’re so cute,” Jody commented as Donna waved good-bye again from the passenger window.

“I’m glad she found someone nice,” Alex said, waving back.

“What about you?” Jody asked, not looking Alex’s way.

“Oh. You know me,” Alex said, not looking at Jody either.

“I do,” Jody conceded. “That’s why I’m asking.”

“He’s nice enough,” Alex replied.

“Which one?”

Alex tucked her hair behind her ears, kicking at the snow at her feet, not answering. Jody watched her before laying a motherly hand on her shoulder.

With Thanksgiving break four days away, Alex prepared for an empty campus to explore. Most of the students went home for the week-long break, but--with Alex living in town--there was no need for her to go anywhere.

“What are we doing for Thanksgiving?” Alex asked one night after closing as she entered the days’ tallies in the computer.

“Oh.” Jody looked up, surprised. “I hadn’t thought about it.”

“I’m going to meet Benny’s family,” Donna announced.

“What?” Alex and Jody asked at the same time.

“His mother invited me,” Donna beamed.

“Get outta town!” Alex looked up from her work to smile at Donna.

“It’s true.” Donna nodded, trying not to look excited as she barely contained her glee. “She called Benny one night and demanded-- _demanded_ \--that he bring me to their house for the holiday or else she was gonna come up here and whup his backside.”

“And that’s your job, right?” Alex teased. Jody groaned and threw a pencil at her, that Alex batted away.

“Alex!” Donna scolded. “I’m just glad to be invited.”

“I bet.” Alex knew she wasn’t going to be getting any work done, so she leaned back in her chair. “Aren’t you a little nervous?”

“Why?” Donna asked innocently.

“You’re meeting his family,” Alex told her. “That’s huge.”

“Is it?” Donna wondered.

Jody nodded. “It kinda is.”

“Oh.” Donna suddenly looked worried. “Oh, dear.”

“Oh, y _eeeaaa_ hhh,” Alex teased. “Next thing you know, you’re deep fryin’ turkeys with his mama and talkin’ about Étouffée and hurricane shutters and singing _Born on the Bayou_ around the muddin’ truck.”

Donna gave Alex a frustrated look. “That’s sass. You’re sassing me.”

Alex held her fingers a few millimeters apart. “Just a smidge.”

“I dislike you very much right now,” Donna told her.

“You couldn’t if you tried,” Alex said. “If it wasn’t for me, you’d have never met Benny.”

“How do you figure that?” Jody asked.

“Because,” Alex explained, “Donna was working the day Dean came in to see me and Benny came with him. If I hadn’t scheduled her to work that day and I wasn’t there that day, Donna and Benny would still be strangers.”

Jody nodded. “She’s right.” She turned to Donna. “You know she’s right.”

Donna hugged and kissed Alex impulsively. “I know she is.” Donna pressed her forehead to Alex’s. “Thank you,” she whispered.

Alex kissed Donna on the cheek before whispering “You’re welcome” back.

Donna stood up, wiping away a few happy tears. “Time to go home! I have to decide on what to pack.”

“Squirrel hunting gun and red brick dust!” Alex shouted after her.

“Sassy!” Donna’s voice replied before the front door of the store shut after her.

“So, dinner at your house this year? I hosted last year,” Jody said, coming back from locking the door after Donna.

“You’re still cooking, right?” Alex asked, looking worried.

“Yes, I’m still cooking.” Jody rolled her eyes.

“Then, yes, my house,” Alex agreed. She sighed as she looked at her computer screen and receipts. “I can’t do this right now. I have three tests to study for.”

“So, go study,” Jody told her, scooting out Alex of her chair. “I know how to do this. Go upstairs and learn something.”

“Really?” Alex was already heading for the door.

“Yes. Yes.” Jody waved her away.

“Are you sure?” Alex pressed.

“Don’t make me use my Mom Voice,” Jody warned her.

“I--”

“Young _lady_ …” Jody’s Mom Voice was horrifying.

“I’m going! I’m going!” Alex fled the room in fear.

Cross-legged on the couch, Alex surrounded herself with homework. Nina Simone was singing softly in the background, her beer was cold, and there was nothing that would distract her from--

Text alert.

“Ignore it, Alex,” Alex told herself, opening her laptop to read her notes.

Text alert.

“It’s not important.”

Text alert.

“If it was Jody, she’d come upstairs.”

Text alert.

Alex sighed, picking up her phone. “I’m just gonna turn it off. That’s all. Off it goes.”

Alex’s finger wavered over the number 4-embellished text icon.

“Oh, fuck it,” Alex muttered, tapping the icon.

_YOU BETTER BE STUDYING._

Oh, that was definitely from Jody. Alex knew that without having to check the name.

_u have the notes from--_

Delete. Like Alex was gonna help Meg Masters with anything.

_Your bill is overdue--_

Delete. All her bills were overdue.

_can i see you before i leave for thanksgiving break?_

Dean. Alex’s breath strangled in the throat. Should she answer him? Should she see him? Alex’s hand shook a little as she held her phone.

“Alex! I’m leaving!” Jody’s voice called up.

“Okay! See you tomorrow!” Alex called back. She glanced at her phone, Dean’s text staring her in the face.

_sure. come over._


	13. Chapter 13

“We really have to stop meeting like this,” Dean said.

“Why?” Alex asked, pulling the sheet up to her breasts. “I kind of like these meetings.”

“Kind of?” Dean replied. He lifted his shoulder off the mattress and tried to look at it. “Pretty sure there’s claw marks on my back that say otherwise.”

Alex gave him a little shove. “Shut up.”

Dean leaned over and kissed Alex’s chest above the curve of her breast. “You gonna miss me while I’m gone?”

“Where are you going again?”

“Sammy and I are going to Kansas to see our mom,” Dean answered.

Alex felt her mouth twist as she held back a giggle. Dean rolled his eyes, waiting.

“Go ahead,” he sighed.

“I can’t.” Alex burst out laughing. “There are just too many jokes. Auntie Em. Toto. Tornados. Storm cellars. Oh, god! The jokes! They burn.”

“Goddamn it,” Dean growled, grabbing Alex to his chest. He rolled on top of her, pinning her to the bed. “You better stop laughing.”

“I can’t. I’m sorry. You’re from _Kansas_ ,” Alex teased, playfully battering Dean’s chest with her fists.

Dean glowered down at Alex before kissing her hard. Alex wrapped her arms around Dean’s neck and her legs around his. She lifted her hips to meet his stiffening cock, whimpering a little.

“Hold on,” Dean muttered, trying to untangle himself. “Condom--”

“No, just pull out,” Alex panted, reaching between them to guide his cock toward her.

“ _Fuck,_ ” Dean gasped as he sank inside her. “I forgot how this-- _holy shit_!”

Alex arched her back, moaning. “Oh, Dean …”

Moving together, Alex and Dean clutched at each other, groaning. Alex came right before Dean, who thrust forward as he threw his head back, moaning Alex’s name. Collapsing on top of her before rolling off, Dean’s eyes suddenly popped open.

“Jesus! I didn’t--”

“Relax,” Alex interrupted, trying not to sound exasperated at his panic, "I'm on the pill."

Dean let out a long breath. “Well, that’s part of a relief.”

Alex gave Dean’s shoulder a shove as his phone rang. Alex headed for the bathroom to clean up as Dean answered it. When she came back into her room, Alex found Dean partly dressed.

“Leaving so soon?” she asked.

Dean checked the time on Alex’s clock. “I’ve been here since 10 o’clock. It’s 2am.”

“What time is your flight tomorrow?” Alex asked, pulling her bathrobe on.

“7am,” Dean replied, making a face.

“Damn.” Alex shook her head in sympathy. “Guess you should have gone home sooner.”

Dean snorted a little through his nose. “Like I would have gotten out of your bed to go home to Sam and his disapproving face.”

“Why disapproving?” Alex asked, walking Dean to the door.

“Oh, Sam’s been disapproving of me for years,” Dean said easily. He leaned over and kissed Alex good-bye as he opened the door. “You gonna miss me when I’m gone?”

“Maybe?” Alex smiled up at him, leaning against the door frame.

“You gonna be a good girl?” Dean asked next, opening her bathrobe to peek down at her breasts. He ran his finger over the V of her cleavage and shook his head, clicking his tongue.

“And who will be left here for me to be bad with?” Alex teased.

“I’m sure you can find someone,” Dean told her.

Alex twisted the hem of Dean’s plaid shirt around and around her fingers. “Not hardly. You’re all the bad I need.”

Dean grinned like a misbehaving schoolboy. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Then he kissed her mouth lightly and was gone down the steps.

The Thursday before Thanksgiving break started, Alex skipped class. There wasn’t anything going on and two of her professors had cancelled class anyway. Donna and Benny were leaving that night for Louisiana, Anna was leaving for Ohio the following day, and Jody had full run of the shop, so Alex was at a loss for something to do. It was when she was digging through the kitchen for something to eat when she remembered: Dinner and a movie with Castiel.

Alex spun and looked at the clock. Castiel had said 7:30pm and it was 6:45pm. Letting out a shriek, Alex ran for the bathroom.

A knock at the kitchen door let Alex know that Castiel had arrived. Rushing to let him in, Alex whipped the door open.

“I’m so sorry!” she gasped out as she pulled a knee-length chocolate brown cardigan over a camisole and put in her earrings at the same time. “I’m running so--Wow …”

Castiel stood on the landing, clad in his trademark camel brown wool trench coat over a pair of jeans and a black v-neck sweater over a white and black pinstriped button down. Wild, spiky sex hair and black wing tips completed the look.

“You look amazing,” Alex told him, letting him in.

“Thank you,” Castiel said. “You look … Well, you look half dressed.”

Alex laughed. “Not exactly. Let me get my boots and my jacket.”

“Take your time. It only takes 15 minutes to get to the theater.” Castiel took off his coat and folded it over a kitchen chair. “And the movie doesn’t start until 8:30.”

“Then why are you here so early?” Alex called from her bedroom as she pulled on a pair of brown wedge-heeled boots.

“I wanted to get there with you and have a drink first before we sit down.” Castiel’s voice sounded like he was moving around the apartment.

Alex came out of her room to find Castiel looking through her movie collection piled by the TV. She watched as he picked up two DVDs and flipped them over to read the backs at the same time. He shrugged to himself and put them back before turning around and seeing her.

“Are you ready?” Castiel asked, even though she obviously was.

Alex came across the room with her car coat over her arm. Castiel took the coat from her and held it up so Alex could slip it on.

“Are you sure you aren’t missing anything?” Castiel asked as he put his coat back on and Alex gathered up her purse.

“Well, I’m wearing pants, so no,” Alex smiled at him, “not that I know of.”

“Pants are over-rated in some cases,” Castiel told her as they headed downstairs.

“Maybe,” Alex agreed, ignoring the tingling at the base of her spine. “But I’m sure the movie theater will appreciate the jeans.”

“I appreciate the jeans,” Castiel murmured as he checked out her bottom.

“What?” Alex asked.

“Nothing,” Castiel replied immediately.

The movie theater was like nothing Alex had ever seen. Huge, luxurious, modern with a round bar in the middle. Alex couldn’t take it all in at once.

“Would you like a drink?” Castiel asked her, motioning at the bar.

“Do we have enough time?” Alex replied.

Castiel checked his watch. “You’re right. We should get a seat in the theater.”

“Where do we eat dinner?” Alex wondered as Castiel put his hand on the small of her back and walked her to the theater showing their movie.

“You’ll see.” Castiel smiled.

Castiel and Alex found seats and Castiel handed Alex a menu.

“So, we order here and they just bring us the food? Right here?” Alex asked quietly.

Castiel nodded. “Plus, we can order snacks or desserts while the movie is going on.”

“This is the best idea ever,” Alex commented.

“What are we having tonight?” Castiel asked, leaning back in his seat and opening his menu.

“No soup,” Alex muttered, reading the menu. “I’ll wear soup.”

“Agreed.” Castiel perused his menu, his bottom lip caught between his teeth. Alex watched him out of the corner of her eye.

When the server came over and they were done ordering, Alex sat back in her chair and turned her body toward Castiel. Leaning on the chair arm, Alex rested her chin in her hands.

“Are you not going home for Thanksgiving?” she asked.

“Oh, no,” Castiel replied. “I always stay here.”

“No family in far-flung corners of the country?”

Castiel’s smiled stayed in place, but his blue eyes flicked away from Alex’s brown ones before he answered.

“No. No far-flung family.”

Alex opened her mouth to say something, but the server came back with their drinks and starters just as the lights were going down. The music swelled and Alex pulled her legs up under her. It wasn’t long before she felt Castiel’s hand curled around her own. Alex glanced his way. He was engrossed in the movie, one hand in hers and the other holding his drink. The light from the table in front of them was dim, but it was enough to illuminate his face.

_God, he’s beautiful_ , Alex thought, sighing a little.

“Are you watching the movie or are you watching me?” Castiel whispered without taking his eyes off the screen.

“You,” Alex answered honestly. “I’ve seen this movie hundreds of time.”

Castiel glanced at Alex out of the corner of his eye. His eyebrows and the corner of his mouth went up.

“I hope you pay better attention to your dinner than to me,” he said.

“Depends on which is more delicious,” Alex whispered, feeling bold.

Castiel licked his lips, nodding his head a little at Alex’s comment. He tilted himself toward her as Alex cuddled closer to his chair.

“You certainly are very flattering tonight, Alexandra,” he murmured.

“You certainly deserve it, Castiel,” she murmured back.

“I’d kiss you, but our dinners have arrived,” Castiel told her, running her forefinger and thumb over her jawline as the server placed their food in front of them.

Alex shot the server a glare that he blithely ignored. Alex couldn’t even think about eating when all she could focus on was Castiel kissing her. He sat placidly, enjoying his sandwich and fries, while her insides twisted into knots.

“Not hungry?” he asked.

“No,” Alex answered honestly, “I was caught up.”  
“The movie?” Castiel barely glanced her way, but she could see the smile playing across his lips.

Alex poked his arm. “You know very well not the movie.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Castiel told her teasingly.

“Incorrigible,” Alex accused.

“Huh, I haven’t been called that in years,” Castiel commented.

“Shhh!” another moviegoer hissed.

Alex and Castiel hushed each other, smiling behind their hands.

When the movie ended, Castiel stood and stretched. Alex admired the long line of his body from the tips of his fingers stretched above his head to the way his thighs flexed as he rolled onto the balls of his feet. Oh, yeah. Castiel was definitely more muscular than his suits let on.

“So, what _are_ you doing for Thanksgiving if you’re staying here?” Alex asked as they walked to his car.

Castiel held Alex’s hand loosely in his. He lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed her fingertips lightly. Alex felt a shiver run through her.

“I was invited to dinner at another professor’s house.” Castiel opened her door for her. “We single teachers without close family tend to stick together over the holidays.”

There was that family thing again with him. Alex’s mouth moved completely independent from her brain as she blurted out,

“That’s too bad. I was going to invite you over.”

“You were?” Castiel seemed genuinely pleased.

“Yeah. It’s just Jody and me and she cooks enough for 60 people,” Alex heard herself saying.

( _oh, my god! shut up!_ her brain screamed. _he has plans!_ )

“That sounds filling.” Castiel glanced at her briefly as he navigated the way back to her apartment.

“Enough leftovers for weeks!” Alex’s voice was ridiculously chipper.

( _i loathe you,_ her brain sighed.)

“And isn’t that the way it’s supposed to be?” Castiel asked.

“Well, yes!” Alex felt all her dignity dying in leaps and bounds as she spoke.

“I’d be very pleased to celebrate the holiday with you and Jody,” Castiel said.

“What?” Alex gasped, jerking around to look at him. “No. I mean, great!”

“That didn’t sound very enthusiastic,” Castiel told her.

“I know. I’m sorry.” Alex rubbed her forehead as she blushed. “I’m just really awkward sometimes.”

“Come along.” Castiel pulled up to Alex’s apartment and parked. “Nowadays, awkward is considered adorable.”

“Try living it,” Alex mused. “There’s nothing adorable about spending most of your waking hours with your foot in your mouth.”

“I meant to tell you earlier: your home is very cozy,” Castiel said as they walked in.

Alex fumbled with the light next to the couch as she stripped off her coat. “Cozy is code for messy, right?”

“This isn’t messy,” Castiel said. “I know messy. Dean is messy. My mother--” Castiel stopped talking, cleared his throat, and finished, “No. This is a very cozy space.” He tugged at his sweater. “See? Awkward.”

“Thank you for dinner, Castiel,” Alex said quickly to diffuse his embarrassment.

Castiel seemed relieved. “You’re very welcome, Alexandra.”

“Don’t feel obligated about Thanksgiving,” Alex said as they headed to the door.

“Honestly, I’d rather not go to the teacher’s party,” Castiel told her. “We all end up drinking too much and ranting about department heads and students. And then there’s always the unfortunate dalliances.”

“Well, that won’t happen at my house. I’m Jody’s boss, so she has no one to bitch about me to. And we agreed a long time ago to never make out no matter how drunk we are.”

Castiel laughed as his blue eyes flicked over Alex.

“What about guests?” he asked.

“Sorry?” Alex asked.

“What about drunk guests?” Castiel asked. His voice practically purred out the question.

Alex paused for half a second before answering. “ _Oh._ Oh, they’re fair game.”

“I’ll bring the alcohol then,” Castiel volunteered.

He kissed Alex goodbye, an intense kiss that she felt in every nerve in her body. When their lips parted, Alex and Castiel both let out long breaths; Alex’s shaky, Castiel’s low and slow.

“Did you want to --” Alex faltered. She gulped another breath. “To stay?”

Castiel considered her, then shook his head. “Good night, Alexandra.”

Alex blushed a little at her audacity. “Good night, Castiel.”

“See you next Thursday.” Castiel smiled a little, his mouth still reddened and sensual from their kiss, and left.

Alex was getting ready for bed when she suddenly stopped. Castiel Novak was coming to her house for Thanksgiving dinner.

“Holy shit,” Alex said to her reflection. “What was I thinking?”


	14. Chapter 14

“ _Who’s_ coming?” Jody squinted up at Alex from the shipping manifest she was working on.

With Donna already away in Louisiana for Thanksgiving, Alex and Jody were prepping the store for Black Friday alone. Since the shop was small, there wasn’t a huge to-do list, but being one worker down wasn’t making it easy.

“Castiel Novak,” Alex told her again.

“Professor Cute Bottom?” Jody asked.

“ _Please_ don’t call him that,” Alex begged. “But yes.”

“I only bought a 10 pound turkey,” Jody said accusingly. “Do I need another turkey?”

“He doesn’t look like a two turkey kinda guy,” Alex said.

“Are you sure?” Jody asked. “Men are prodigious eaters even if they don’t look it.”

“We’ll be fine,” Alex said. “I’ve seen him eat.”

Jody sighed. “Where’s Professor Sex on Bowlegs?”

“He and his brother went home to visit their mom. They’re from Kansas.”

“Shut up. No one’s from Kansas.”

“Right?” Alex stacked journals in a pyramid. “I couldn’t even get all the _Wizard of Oz_ jokes out.”

“I was thinking …” Jody pretended to pause, “that maybe you can make that apple pie your mom used to bake.”

Alex groaned. “I’m not peeling or cutting all those apples.”

Judy sighed gustily. “I’ll buy you a can of apples, lazy ass. Then you only have to cut half fresh.”

Alex shrugged and made an annoyed face to bely her emotions. She’d made the pie a few times since her mom’s death, but it just wasn’t the same. Probably because she used canned apples and store-bought crusts.

“Honey, your mom’s been gone for eight years,” Jody said gently. “Making a dessert doesn’t require so much angst.”

“Ow. Jody.” Alex put her hand over her chest.

“Well, I’m sorry,” Jody said as a customer came in, “but it’s just pie.”

Alex stuck her tongue out at Jody, which made them both laugh.

The shop got busier as Black Friday loomed at the end of the week. Black Friday would happen and then they were always slammed until Christmas Eve. The Christmas season and the return and exchange and gift card season of January kept Alex afloat during the lull that was February and March.

Thanksgiving Eve found Jody and Alex at the Emerald Street Pub with a soused, pre-holiday crowd of rowdy drinkers. The amount of beer the two of them had put back was well-above their usual amount of alcohol when Alex’s phone went off.

“Who else do you know?” Jody asked, waving her pint glass at the phone on the table.

“Shuddup,” Alex slurred her words a little as she checked her phone.

_What should I bring tomorrow?_

“Oh, it’s Castiel!” Alex said loudly. “What’d ya want him to bring?”

“His cute bottom works,” Jody snorted.

“That’s all mine,” Alex told her. “Seriously, though.”

“Appeti--” Jody hiccuped. “Appetizer then.”

_an app wroks_

_Wroks? What is wroks? Are you trying to type “works”?_

_yea, i’m drinkin w/ jody_

_I see. Will you both be very hungover tomorrow?_

_probably. don’t hate me in the morning_

Alex showed Jody the text and they burst out laughing at Alex’s cleverness.

_I’m sure I won’t. I’ll see you both tomorrow at 2pm._

_can’t wait!!! night, castel_

_Good night, Alexandra._

“Do you think he’s going to be super judgy tomorrow because I’m drinking?” Alex asked Jody as Jody ordered another round of booze, plus jalapeno poppers and wings.

“Pffft!” Jody drooled a little as she made the derisive sound. The girls giggled as Jody wiped her mouth and then continued, “Professor Cute Bottom has no right to be judgy. He took you to a _wine bar_ on your first date.”

“It wasn’t a _date_ ,” Alex insisted. “It was a _meeting_.”

“Yeah?” Jody squinted at her drunkenly. “Did you get any work done during your _meeting_?”

Alex shrugged, shoving a popper into her mouth to avoid answering.

Jody rattling around in the kitchen woke Alex the next morning. Laying in bed, Alex listened as Jody made all the holiday dinner cooking noises that Alex’s mom had made all those years ago. Lung cancer had robbed Alex’s mom of her energy and strength, killing her quickly and painfully. The last holiday Alex remembered with her mom being alive was the Halloween right after she’d started college. She died on November 9th. The last holiday Alex remembered with her dad was the Halloween a year after her mother’s last one. He died on November 9th. The sameness of date of both of their deaths was not a coincidence.

“Alex? You awake?” Jody knocked on her door. “You need to get moving if you want those apples to soak long enough in the glaze.”

“The glaze,” Alex groaned, covering her eyes.

“Did you forget to make the glaze?” Jody asked, opening Alex’s door as Alex threw on clothes.

“Yeah,” Alex answered, head pounding.

“Oh, Alex,” Jody sighed. She left the doorway and headed back to the kitchen, calling, “Glad I made some for you already.”

“You know the recipe?” Alex hopped out of her room, pulling on slipper socks as she went.

“The recipe?” Jody asked. “It’s powdered sugar, cinnamon, and apple cider. It’s hardly top secret.”

“Oh.” Alex pulled her hair back in a messy bun and poured herself a cup of coffee.

“Drink and slice,” Jody ordered, pushing a bag of apples and a cutting board toward her.

With Jody’s music choice of ‘70s pop playing in the background, the two friends prepped for dinner. Jody had done most of the chopping, dicing, and slicing at her house, so she just had to throw it all together and wait for it to cook.

“So, have you heard from Professor Cute Bottom yet today?” Jody asked as she sauteed onions, garlic, celery, and apples for her stuffing.

“Will you _please_ call him Castiel?” Alex begged. “Because I know I’m eventually going to slip up and call him Professor Cute Bottom.”

“Oh, dear god, let that happen today,” Jody chuckled.

Alex threw an apple core in Jody’s direction. “You are quite possibly the cruelest woman ever.”

“You’re gonna be thinking about that all day now.”

“Shut up!”

Jody wiggled her fingers at Alex like she was casting a spell. “Professor ... Cute ... Bottom …”

Alex groaned, then laughed. “I am so screwed.”

Promptly at 2pm, Castiel was knocking on Alex’s door. Alex skidded to a stop before opening it.

“How do I look?” she hissed at Jody, who was basting the turkey.

“Lovely. Now let the poor guy in.” Jody’s cheeks were flushed from the heat of the oven.

Alex whipped the door open. Castiel was on the other side, lightly frosted with snowflakes. He was holding a platter on one arm and two bottles of white wine by their necks in the other hand.

“Come in!” Alex exclaimed. “How long has it been snowing?”

“Oh, only about 20 minutes,” Castiel replied. “Oh, no. I have this perfectly balanced,” he said quickly as Alex tried to take one of the bottles from him. “Just point me at the table.”

“Over there.” Alex turned him toward the kitchen table.

“It smells so delicious in here,” Castiel said as he slid the platter off his forearm and onto the table. “Here.” He held one of the bottles out to Alex. “I brought this for you. It’s the Cave Vinum you had at QNH. Only I didn’t have the 2013. I had the 2014. I hope you don’t mind.”

Alex looked from the label on the bottle to Castiel’s earnest smile. Her heart swelled a little as she blushed.

“That’s incredible,” she said. “Thank you so much.”

Castiel shrugged out of his trench coat. “You’re welcome.”

“Hi there,” Jody said pointedly from the stovetop.

Castiel turned quickly from Alex to Jody. “Good afternoon, Jody. It’s wonderful to see you again.”

Jody started a little, caught off-guard by Castiel’s gaze. She even went a little pink in the cheeks, but covered it up by swiping at her face with the back of her hand.

“You too, Prof--Cas--what do I call you?” Jody asked abruptly.

Castiel smiled again. “Castiel works just fine. Oh.” He took the few steps into the kitchen and showed Jody the other wine bottle. “This is for you. Alex mentioned you prefer reds to whites, but this Kabaj Rebula from Slovenia is very full-bodied. I hope you enjoy it.”

If Jody was dazzled, she barely showed it.

“Thank you very much,” she said, accepting the gift graciously. “I can’t wait to try it.”

“Now,” Castiel clapped his hands together lightly, “is there anything I can help with?”

“Oh, no,” Jody said. “Everything is cooking away nicely. Can I help you with your appetizer?”

“Ah, now it’s my turn to say no,” Castiel said warmly. “All I have to do is unwrap them.”

“Them?” Alex asked, coming over to peek at the platter.

“I didn’t know what everyone would enjoy, so I made a little taste of everything.” Castiel uncovered the ceramic platter to serve his appetizers.

“They look delicious,” Jody said. Alex glanced over at her. Now she looked dazzled. “What do you have?”

“These are mini peppers filled with goat cheese and roasted asparagus. These are olive and pistachio bruschetta. These are pear and blue cheese pastry triangles. And this is called Cowboy Caviar. It’s like salsa, but it’s made with black eyed peas, corn, Roma tomatoes, and avocado, plus some spices. Oh, and I made homemade tortilla chips to scoop it up with.”

Alex and Jody were stunned to silence at Castiel’s dish. It was Jody who spoke first.

“Forget the turkey,” she said. “Let’s just eat this all day long.”

Castiel laughed, a sound that sent a ripple of delight through Alex’s body. “You’re putting me on.”

“No, I’m not.” Jody circled the table to get a better look at the food. “I want all of these recipes.”

Castiel smiled, looking pleased. “Of course.”

“I made pie,” Alex offered up lamely.

Castiel looked at Alex, his smile turning warm and teasing. “And I’m sure your pie is sublime.”

“But no pressure,” Alex joked.

Castiel laid his hand on the back of Alex’s neck. “No pressure at all.”

His hand lingered longer than she would have thought, making Alex bite the inside of her bottom lip to stop herself from whimpering with glee. Jody eyed the two of them before speaking up.

“Well, let’s settle down and munch while we wait for everything to finish,” she suggested.

As the threesome sat down, Castiel suddenly stood back up.

“Let me pour us some wine,” he said. “Alex, can we sample yours first?”

“Sure.” Alex watched as Castiel opened the bottle with ease. He even poured it with a flourish. God, why was he so goddamn perfect?

“This is ridiculous,” Jody was saying. She had tried one of Castiel’s appetizers and looked like she was dying from the pleasure of it. “Where did you learn to cook?”

“I’m self-taught,” Castiel answered as he handed Alex her glass. His long fingers ran over hers as their hands touched. Alex smiled up at him, feeling a little light-headed.

“Well done with that, sir,” Jody complimented him. “I’ve been practicing for years and I’m sure I would have mangled all of this.”

“Jody isn’t giving herself enough credit,” Alex insisted as Castiel joined them again. “I would have starved to death if she hadn’t come over and cooked for me.”

“If dinner tastes as good as it smells, we’re in for a delicious meal,” Castiel said.

Jody refused to be flustered again, so she just took a sip of her wine and smiled silently. The lull in conversation made Alex nervous. What if Jody said something about Dean? She wouldn’t … would she? Oh, shit. Would she? Nah, Jody wouldn’t be that tactless. That would be something Donna would inadvertently do, but not Jody. Or … Alex shot Jody a tense look.

“Alex?” Jody said suddenly. “You should probably pop your pie into the oven if you want it cooled by dessert.”

“Oh. Right.” Alex kept glaring at Jody, who looked confused.

“How did you decide to become a professor, Castiel?” Jody asked, purposely ignoring Alex’s venomous stare.

“I always wanted to be a teacher,” Castiel replied. “But high schoolers were not for me. I didn’t like teenagers when I was one. Why would I want to saddle myself with them forever?” Jody laughed appreciatively as Castiel continued, “But, alas, high school English seemed to be my lot in life as I went through university. Luckily, my literature professor took me on as a TA and I busted my a--I mean, I worked like a madman and became the youngest professor in my department.”

Alex froze for a second as she was putting the pie in the oven. She looked over at Castiel, who was listening as Jody spoke. Alex cocked her head a little to the side, trying to wrap her head around what she _almost_ heard her incredibly urbane and incredibly sophisticated professor _almost_ say.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Such an infinitesimal bit of sexy stuff at the very end it's almost not worth mentioning, but I'll throw a warning up here about it regardless.

“Jody, you’ve out done yourself,” Castiel said, sitting back in his chair. “I don’t believe I’ve ever eaten a Thanksgiving dinner better.”

“Oh, c’mon,” Jody scoffed. “Not even as a kid?”

Castiel’s lips tightened minutely before he smiled easily and replied, “Especially not then.”

Alex watched this exchange silently, eyes flicking back and forth between Castiel and Jody. Jody didn’t notice Castiel’s face change, but Alex did. To her, it was impossible to miss.

“No, no, please.” Castiel held up a hand as he and Alex stood at the same time. “You’re the hostess. I insist on straightening up.” He glanced over at Jody, who hadn’t stirred. “And, as chef, you’re excused from dishes duty.”

“I won’t argue with you there,” Jody agreed, raising her glass in salute.

Leaving Alex and Jody at the table, Castiel cleared the table, loading everything into the dishwasher. He hummed while he worked, smiling at Alex every few minutes. Alex glanced at Jody, who looked positively fascinated by him.

“Honestly, Castiel,” Jody was saying. “I’ve never met a man like you. Where do you come from? You’re not from Colorado, are you?”

“No, I’m not.” Castiel swiped crumbs off the countertop into the sink. “I’m from Illinois originally.”

“Oh? Near Chicago?”

“My hometown is about an hour and 45 minutes from Chicago.”

“And that is …?” Jody prompted.

Castiel laughed, but his smile didn’t reach his eyes. “Is this a formal inquiry, Jody?”

“Just passing the time as we digest,” Jody replied happily.

“Let’s play a game instead,” Alex suggested hastily. “Castiel, leave all that for later. I have a ton of board games.”

“Not Monopoly,” Castiel said. “I’m too full for high finance.”

“And not Parcheesi,” Jody butted in.

“Why not?” Alex asked.

“Because you’re horrible when we play Parcheesi. All you do is whine.”

Alex bristled at Jody’s accusation, but agreed, and then fetched Ticket to Ride from her bedroom closet.

“Sam loves this game,” Castiel said as they set up the board. “He’s obsessed with beating us.”

“I’ve never won. Not even once,” Alex said. “Donna always wins.”

“Donna? Really.” Castiel shook his head. “That is interesting.”

“She’s also a notorious card shark,” Jody warned him. “If you ever play poker with her, watch your shirt. She’ll take it right off your back.”

Castiel’s and Alex’s eyes met almost inadvertently. Alex was thinking about Castiel with no shirt on. She could just imagine what he was thinking about. Probably how he was going to beat the stuffing out of her at Ticket to Ride.

The game started, as did the hilarity. Jody was a notoriously bad loser and Ticket to Ride was a game she could never conquer. Alex watched as Castiel easily took control of the game board. More wine was poured, more routes were claimed, and Jody was losing, making them all laugh.

“At this rate, Jody, there’ll never be a train route between San Francisco and Atlanta,” Alex teased.

“Said the girl who can’t get her route from Helena to Los Angeles.” Jody pointed at Alex’s green route to nowhere.

“Castiel, on the other hand …” Alex gestured at the blue lines of Castiel’s playing pieces. “You’re like the Cornelius Vanderbilt of Ticket to Ride.”

Castiel spread his hands wide, looking innocent. “I have no idea what you mean.”

Jody and Alex burst out laughing. Alex caught Castiel watching her laugh, so she turned her giggles into a curved half-smile. Castiel cocked his head to the side a little as Alex blinked slowly, biting the corner of her bottom lip flirtatiously. Jody watched the exchange with narrowed eyes.

“Welp!” Jody set her wine glass down on the table with a decided thunk, standing up. “Think I’ll call it a night.”

Castiel and Alex stopped staring at each other long enough to scramble to their feet.

“Jody! Are you sure?” Alex asked.

“I’m very sure,” Jody replied, pulling on her coat. Castiel helped Jody with it and was rewarded with a genuine smile. “Thanks, Castiel. You’re a good egg.”

“I try,” Castiel told her.

Jody turned around and kissed Castiel soundly on the cheek. Flustered, Castiel went to hug her, stopped abruptly, and held his hand out to shake. Jody looked down at the offered hand, up at Castiel’s pink cheeks, and took his hand in a warm clasp.

“Thank you for coming,” Jody told him in a low voice. “And thank you for Alex.”

“Alex?” Castiel glanced across the room, where Alex was loading a plastic container with leftovers. “I don’t understand.”

“You make her happy,” Jody said. “You and--” Jody stopped talking and hiccupped. “I like to see her happy. It’s been a while.”

“Me and?” Castiel asked, but Jody was already walking away to accept the Tupperware from Alex with a grin.

“Thanks for dinner,” Alex was saying. “I love when you cook for me.”

“You do need to learn how soon.” Jody gave Alex a hug. She headed for the door, a little unsteady on her feet. She paused before she left, looking back at Alex in the kitchen and Castiel by the couch. “Night, kids.”

“Good night,” they replied at the same time.

“Is she alright to drive?” Castiel asked as Alex joined him on the sofa.

Alex shrugged a little. “Sure. She’s driven worse and she only lives about 10 minutes from here.”

“Before she left, Jody started to say something about me making you happy,” Castiel said.

Alex smiled a little, blushing. “She did?”

“She actually said ‘You make her happy. You and.’ But she didn’t finish her sentence because she hiccupped.”

Alex’s smile froze on her face. “You and.” If that well-timed hiccup hadn’t happened, Alex was sure Jody would have finished the phrase “You and” with “Dean.” Or worse: “Professor Sex on Bowlegs.”

“What did she mean by that?” Castiel was saying.

“I have--” Alex’s voice squeaked. She cleared her throat and tried again, “I have no idea. It could have meant anything. That’s what happens when you pound back so much wine.”

“How much wine did _you_ have?” Castiel’s eyes and tone were rather teasing.

“Oh …” Alex saw the look Castiel was giving her and her heart leapt into her throat. “ _Oh_.” Alex dropped her glance to her lap, then back up at Castiel. “Gallons.”

“Gallons?” Castiel moved closer to her. “I didn’t realize I had brought gallons of wine with me.”

“Oh, yes,” Alex breathed. Castiel’s hand slid up her arm to rest on cup the side of her face. “Gallons of wine.”

“Well, I suppose then I shouldn’t kiss you,” Castiel said softly. “I wouldn’t want to take advantage of you in a vulnerable state.”

“Oh, I’m hardly vulnerable,” Alex told him. “I’m just a little tipsy.”

“My ideals are quite firm on the subject of seducing drunk women,” Castiel said, but his hand was curling around the back of Alex’s neck and tangling in her hair as his other arm was slipping around her waist to pull her closer.

“Sorry to hear that,” Alex murmured, moving closer to Castiel so she could get her arms around him. His body flexed in her embrace as her fingers ran over the muscular curve of his back.

Castiel’s mouth hovered over Alex’s. She could smell the sweet tang of the wine he’d drank on his breath. Every molecule in Alex’s body was screaming during the seconds-long pause before their lips touched. She wanted to leap into his lap, mash her mouth against his, and devour him, but Castiel wasn’t Dean.

When Castiel’s lips finally brushed Alex’s, the anticipation had built up so much, Alex let out a desperate, pathetic whimper. Castiel’s kiss was firm and strong, his tongue flickering over her lips so quickly it tickled. His grip on her hair and his fingers digging into the small of her back was almost painful, like he was trying to hold back, keep himself under control.

“Castiel,” Alex panted against his mouth, breaking their kiss. “Castiel, please …”

“Please what?” Castiel’s low voice growled out the question.

“I’m not made of glass,” Alex told him softly.

Castiel pulled Alex sideways onto his lap. Alex could feel him stiffening against her hip through his dress pants. Castiel tugged her head back to drag his teeth down her throat. Alex’s fingers flexed, nails curling into the fabric of Castiel’s shirt.

“I know,” Castiel’s mouth moved against her neck between kissed and bites, “you’re not” (bite, kiss) “fragile, Alexandra.” (kiss, bite) “But I can” (bite, kiss) “barely contain myself.”

“So don’t!” Alex burst out.

She shifted on Castiel’s lap so she was straddling him. Castiel’s mouth and teeth moved from her throat to the side of her neck down to her collarbone. Alex pressed closer to Castiel’s chest, moaning. Just knowing that the thin fabrics of their clothes was all that was stopping from having Castiel inside her, Alex scrabbled at Castiel’s belt as his breath suddenly in her ear sent a shudder through her body.

“No, Alexandra.” Castiel’s voice was soft in her ear.

“What?” Alex gasped, his open belt in her hands.

Castiel let go of Alex, took his belt out of her grip gently, and buckled it back up. Holding her face lightly, Castiel silenced Alex’s panted protests with a level, blue stare.

“Not like this,” Castiel told her, his raspy tone velvety with restraint. “Not drunk and sloppy on the sofa.”

“But--” Alex begin.

Castiel’s slight smile bit off the rest of Alex’s protest. He kissed her on the mouth, his lips plush and tasty. Alex shook in his embrace.

“When I take you, Alexandra, I want you to be clear-headed.” Castiel slid his hands down Alex’s arms and took each of her wrists in his one hand, holding them behind her back. The other hand brushed Alex’s hair off her hot face. “I want to touch you and know that I was the one making you melt. I want to taste you and know that it was my tongue making you cry out. I want to fuck you and know that it was my cock making you cum. I don’t want to think for one minute that any of the passion you’re expressing is brought on by alcohol.”

Alex licked her lips as they parted in shock. She blinked a few times, trying to grasp what had just happened.

“I do hope you understand,” Castiel said, amiably enough, like they had been discussing why he couldn’t attend a staff meeting.

“I … I … do,” Alex replied, her voice shaking.

“Good.” Castiel smiled and kissed her politely on the cheek. He let go of her wrists and moved Alex off his lap and onto the couch pillow next to them. Standing up, Castiel adjusted his clothes. His dress pants did nothing to hide the unmistakable outline of his rigid cock, but he seemed completely unbothered by his erection.

“Are you--are you _leaving_?” Alex cried out as she watched Castiel pull on his coat.

Castiel turned to face Alex, looking surprised. “Well, yes. It’s been a long day and I think I’ve made it perfectly clear that we aren’t going to be intimate tonight.”

“But--” Alex began.

But nothing. Castiel was halfway to the door. Alex followed him on shaking legs. Castiel kissed Alex goodbye as Alex’s knees buckled a little.

“Good night, Alexandra,” Castiel said softly, tracing her jawline with his index finger.

“Good night, Castiel,” she replied.

And he was gone.

Alex closed the door, leaning against it to get her bearings back. Her body throbbed with unslaked lust, desperate for some friction. Without realizing what she was doing, Alex reached into her pants, shoulders pressed against the door, hips thrust forward, moaning Castiel’s name as she rolled her clit under her fingers. A satisfying/unsatisfying orgasm came on quick, making Alex cry out.

Opening her eyes, Alex let her legs give out under her, sliding down the door to sit on the floor. Resting her forehead on her bent knees, Alex sighed, her breath shaky.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” she muttered. Castiel’s words (“I want to fuck you and know that it was my cock making you cum.”) echoed in her ears and Alex groaned, pressing her thighs together. “Jesus _fucking_ Christ!”


	16. Chapter 16

“Wait. So, _nothing_ happened?” Jody asked.

Alex eased her tired feet out of her shoes. It was the end of Black Friday and Alex and Jody were exhausted. There was actually people waiting outside the shop when Alex opened, something that had ever happened before. Then they ran themselves ragged for 12 hours.

“Nope.” Alex rubbed her swollen ankles.

“Even after all that eye-fucking and flirting?” Jody was past surprised.

Alex shrugged. She still wasn’t 100% sure what had happened last night. One second, she and Castiel were eating each other’s faces off. The next second, Castiel was teasingly whispering dom-smut in her ear. And then he was gone.

“Well, that’s disappointing,” Jody commented mildly.

“What do you mean?” Alex asked, hissing through her teeth as her ankles cracked.

“I thought for sure I’d be entertained by another very public good-bye kiss this morning,” Jody snickered at her own joke.

Alex jerked her head in Jody’s direction, glaring. There was no comparison between Dean and Castiel that Alex wanted to make. Dean’s public persona was one thing: flirty, rock and roll bon vivant. Get him behind closed doors and it’s long, slow kisses, romantic touching, and making love all night long. Castiel was formal and upright and sophisticated. But, if the words he purred at her meant anything, Castiel had a kinky streak a country mile wide.

“Sorry to disappoint you,” Alex snapped.

“Hey. Calm down,” Jody said, reaching out to touch Alex’s arm. “I didn’t mean to strike a nerve.”

“Sorry.” Alex was immediately contrite. “I’m just tired and a little hungover, honestly.”

“It’s okay, baby,” Jody soothed her. “You want me to throw some dinner together for you?”

“Nah.” Alex shook her head. “I have a lot of leftovers.”

“Okay.” Jody stood up and kissed Alex on the head. “See ya tomorrow.”

“Yup.” Alex made no move to follow Jody to the door.

Once Jody was gone, Alex limped upstairs. Tomorrow, she was wearing her Docs or Chucks. Forget heeled boots. That would just be too cruel two days in a row.

Turning on an old Pearl Jam CD, Alex stripped and climbed into a hot bath. Sinking down low into the water, she closed her eyes and tried not to think about how Castiel had pinned her arms behind her back and left bite marks on her collarbone. Alex shuddered, despite the scalding water.

A chime from her phone made Alex glance at the screen. Seeing Dean’s name made her sit up like a shot, sloshing water out of the tub and onto the floor.

_miss you_

Miss you? Miss you? What the fuck kind of text was that to send? What did it mean? Did he miss _her_? Did he miss _sex_? What? What! What?! _What did he miss?!_

_having fun?_ Alex texted back.

_loads. mom and sam are in bed, so i figured i’d say hi_

_well. hi._

_hi_

Alex waited. If this was Dean’s idea of a chat, he should stick to sex.

_so, whatcha wearin?_

There it was. Alex rolled her eyes.

_i’m in the tub_

_pics or it didn’t happen_

Alex paused for a minute before taking a selfie and sending it.

_holy shit. you really are in the tub_

_i told you i was_

_that’s fucking sexy. can two people fit in there?_

Alex bit her lip, giggling.

_no. it’s too tight_

_i like tight_

_no kidding_

_i bet i could make myself fit in there_

_you have slipped into some small spaces around here, haven’t you?_

_;) not gonna complain about that_

Alex felt herself blushing.

_send me something_

_like what?_

_you’re an imaginative guy. think of something_

_hmmmm …_

It took a few minutes, but when the text alert went off, Alex grabbed at her phone. Dean had sent her a snap of his fingers wrapped around his thick cock. Alex could tell by the blurriness of his hand that it was definitely moving.

“Oh, Jesus,” Alex whispered.

_you fucking bastard. that’s hot_

_wish it was your hand instead_

_or my mouth_

_fuck yeah_

Alex got out of the tub. Just _thinking_ about Dean was turning her on. Castiel was pushed to the back of her mind as she scurried to her bed to send Dean something sexy.

The sexting turned into a phone call that ended with Alex and Dean moaning each other’s name as they came together.

“Well, that was hotter than I thought it would be,” Dean commented.

“I know,” Alex agreed, trying to get her breathing under control.

“I can’t wait to feel you,” Dean murmured into the phone.

“Don’t start that again,” Alex begged, her voice catching at the image.

“No worries there,” Dean told her. “I’m hardly hidden away from sight here.”

“What? You’re not tucked into your childhood bed?” Alex teased.

“Actually, I am,” Dean replied. “Right under my Darth Vader sheets.”

Alex burst out laughing. “You’re kidding me.”

“I shit you not,” Dean said. “If these sheets could talk, they’d be saying, ‘Son of a bitch, Dean. I thought you stopped whacking off when you were 15.’”

Alex couldn’t stop laughing and Dean joined in. Pulling on a pair of panties and a ragged AC/DC shirt, Alex sat up in bed.

“So, have you been behaving yourself?” Dean asked.

“I have,” Alex replied.

( _you fucking lyin’ bitch,_ her brain scolded)

“Of course, some guy left an old AC/DC tee in my room. I was thinking of using it to clean my bathroom.”

“Hey! You better not! That’s vintage.”

“I can’t believe you left a shirt here.”

Dean snorted. “I can’t believe you only just found it.”

Alex inhaled Dean’s scent from the fabric. “You just want my bed to smell like you.”

“And you,” Dean added. “I’m marking my territory.”

“Who on earth do you think is also gonna want me?” Alex asked. Once the question left her lips, she blushed and felt guilty.

( _castiel, stupid,_ her brain said viciously. _castiel wants you._ )

“Dean, listen. I had a stupid long day.” Alex clutched her mobile with both hands to keep from trembling. “Can we talk another time?”

“Sure. Me and Sammy are comin’ home on Sunday. Can I see you then?”

Alex felt panicked. “We’ll see. It’s the first holiday shopping weekend for Christmas. I’m gonna be swamped.”

“Okay.” Dean sounded unnaturally cheerful for a guy who’d just gotten clumsily blown off. “See ya then.”

“See ya.” Alex hung up before she could invite him over on Sunday night.

Curling up under her blankets as Eddie Vedder finally stopped singing in the living room, Alex tried not to bury her face in Dean’s shirt. At the same time, she tried not to think about Castiel, but he returned to her mind unbidden. Dream Castiel tilted his head to smile at Alex serenely, all the while, his blue eyes shone wickedly. Alex could just imagine what he was thinking about. Even though he was _her_ fantasy in _her_ head, Alex was pretty sure that Dream Castiel was going to think whatever he wanted.

Donna was back in work on Sunday morning. She looked well-rested and deliriously happy. Alex and Jody wanted nothing more than to hear about her trip with Benny to the bayou, but work came first. And work they did. It wasn’t until 7pm that they had a minute to breathe.

“So, what did you two do for Thanksgiving?” Donna asked.

“Nope. Nope. Nope.” Alex waved her index finger at Donna, Mom-style. “You don’t get to hear about our boring day. I want to hear about Benny.”

“Our day wasn’t that boring,” Jody said, stung. “I mean, Castiel--”

“Professor Cute Bottom?” Donna gasped. “What about him?”

“He came to dinner.” Jody shot Donna a meaningful glance.

“No! Did he?” Donna was beside herself.

“Damn it! Tell me about Benny!” Alex exclaimed.

The three friends laughed. Donna leaned against the counter as Alex and Jody moved around her, putting messy parts of the store back to right.

“Well, his mom and dad met us at the airport,” Donna began. “And they are just the cutest! She’s really small and Benny’s dad is really tall, so they look so funny standing near each other. As soon as she saw me, she gives me this big hug and smile and says, ‘I’m so glad I’m meetin’ ya. Benny’s been talkin’ ya up for weeks.’” Donna had put on a Louisiana accent to imitate Benny’s mother. “So, I’m real nervous, you know, so I start babbling about everything: the flight, the plane, the airport, Benny, the shop, you two. And the whole time, Benny and his dad are totally quiet, right? Then Benny’s mom starts talking over me and we’re both chattering like squirrels at each other. When we both finally stop talking, Benny’s dad turns to Benny and says in this super thick accent, ‘Well, son, I guess you had to go all the way to Colorado to find a girl just like your mama.’”

Alex and Jody laughed again, but Alex felt a pang of jealousy. There were no parents to make funny comments when she brought … one of them home. Dean and Castiel had both come to her empty home, devoid of family. Alex glanced over at Jody and Donna, who was telling another story, this one about meeting Benny’s granny. No, check that. They were her family.

“But I didn’t know,” Donna said, her jolly mood shifting, “that Benny had been married before.”

“What?!” Alex and Jody yelled.

“Why didn’t you lead with that?” Jody demanded.

“Yeah, Don, kinda important!” Alex agreed.

“What’s she like?” Jody asked.

“Well, she’s dead,” Donna said.

Alex and Jody froze. “You’re kidding.”

“I’m not.” Donna shook her head. “Her family owned a shrimp boat and they were childhood sweethearts. Married right out of high school and Benny worked on her parents’ boat when he was in college.”

“How did she die?” Alex demanded.

“Alex!” Jody scolded.

“What? This is the most exciting thing to happen since break started.”

“She got--what did Benny call it? Oh, yeah--acute myelogenous leukemia and died right as Benny was interviewing for teaching jobs. That’s why he left Louisiana. He couldn’t live somewhere where Andrea died.” Donna’s tender heart caused her eyes to well up. Jody followed suit.

“That’s terrible.” Jody swiped at her eyes.

“He took me to her grave,” Donna said, grabbing a tissue from the box on the counter. “It was really sweet.”

“A trip to his dead wife’s grave was sweet?” Alex asked doubtfully.

Donna looked hurt as Alex’s tone. “Well, it was. He introduced us and I told Andrea that she had nothing to worry about. That Benny was happy and still a good man. He was so moved by what I said, he even cried a little.”

“Professor LaFitte?” Alex asked, trying to imagine a burly man’s man like Benny LaFitte shedding tears. “ _Cried_? Professor LaFitte?”

“Men cry, Alex,” Donna told her.

Alex flashed back to the year of tears and depression her father suffered after her mother died. “Yeah. I’m fairly acquainted with man tears.”


	17. Chapter 17

_Alex,_

_I was hoping to see you about a private matter when you get a chance. My office hours are attached._

_Thanks,_

_Sam Winchester_

“What fresh hell is this?” Alex groaned, juggling her books, laptop bag, and phone.

Alex didn’t need more drama involving a Winchester. She’d been actively avoiding Dean since his return to Colorado. Except for when he kept her after class for a few minutes to ask her over to his condo for drinks (which she turned down in an Amazonian effort), Alex had managed to stay away from Dean in any kind of social setting. Now Sam Winchester was looking to speak to her. Surprisingly, Dean was easy to blow off. Sam Winchester, despite the fact she wasn’t taking his class or had any reason to be in his part of the building, was less easy to elude.

_Professor Winchester,_

_I can be there today at 4.30._

_Alex_

At 4:35, Alex found herself in Sam Winchester’s office. A far cry from Dean’s frat boy decor and Castiel’s Victorian library design, Sam Winchester’s office looked like something out of _Star Trek_ : sleek, clean, and modern. Not a thing out of place and so devoid of personal touches, Alex briefly wondered if this was really his space at all. A framed picture on the glass-topped desk of him, Dean, and a lovely blonde woman assured her that Sam Winchester wanted his office to look like a set from _The Next Generation_.

“Alex, welcome. I like your shirt.” Sam Winchester smiled down at Alex as she took a seat in one of the leather and metal chairs in front of his desk.

Alex had to glance down to remind herself what shirt she was wearing. Oh, it was her red House Targaryen t-shirt with the dragons on it.

“Thanks.” Alex pushed her glasses up her nose nervously. “Eight online quizzes telling me I’m House Targaryen can’t be wrong.”

Sam Winchester laughed. It was a pleasant sound, but restrained, not like his brother’s full-body guffaws.

“I’m House Lannister, if memory serves.” Sam Winchester leaned back in his chair and appraised Alex, who felt like she was being sized up for something. “Now … why I emailed you.”

“Not gonna lie: I’m kinda curious,” Alex admitted.

“Dean told our mother a really interesting story about this girl he’s been seeing,” Sam Winchester began. Alex felt like she’d been punched in the stomach. “Apparently, she’s pretty and smart and _quite_ the catch. I can only assume he was referring to you.”

Alex shrugged weakly. “I have no idea. He could be seeing anyone.”

“But he’s not, Alex,” Sam told her. “He’s only seeing you.”

“I--uh--” Alex stammered.

Sam shook his head, his long hair whisking along his collar. “Don’t try to bullshit me, Alex,” he said, not unkindly. “I know Dean. I know when he’s doing something he’s not supposed to. And dating a student, no matter how discreetly, is definitely something he’s not supposed to be doing.”

Alex’s phone chimed and her breath constricted in her chest. Was it Dean? Was it Castiel? Oh, god. This was a nightmare.

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” Alex said finally. “Yes, Dean and I are seeing each other, but I didn’t expect--I don’t know why--” Alex took a minute and steadied herself. “I don’t know why he would tell your mother about me.”

“Probably because he thinks he cares about you,” Sam said.

“Thinks?” Alex whispered. She knew she looked stricken at the word. “ _Thinks_?”

Sam sighed, a frown creasing his handsome face. “I’m sorry, Alex. I didn’t mean to say it like that. It’s just …” Sam paused to take a deep breath and Alex could tell that this betrayal of brotherly trust was killing him to say. “It’s just Dean loves the _idea_ of love and the _idea_ of a relationship, but he’s terrible at both. And he … he sometimes confuses sex with love.”

Alex twisted her fingers into knots on her lap. She’d never felt more like a foolish child in her life, even when she was a foolish child.

“Oh,” she said quietly.

“Alex, I’m so sorry,” Sam said just as quietly. “I just don’t want Dean to sweep you off your feet.”

“He kinda already has,” Alex joked weakly.

Sam wrinkled his nose, which--honestly--made him even more handsome than ever. “Goddamn it. I thought I’d gotten to you fast enough.”

“It’s okay, Sam, really it is,” Alex lied. “I’m a big girl. I can handle it.”

Alex phone chimed again and again. Sam glanced down at her purse.

“Sounds like you’re pretty popular,” he commented.

“Hardly,”  Alex snorted. “It’s probably just Meg Masters looking for class notes.”

“Why do I know that name?” Sam wondered out loud.

“She’s in Dean’s class too,” Alex volunteered.

Sam snapped his fingers. “Brown hair? Thin? Permanent, snarky bitch face?”

“That’s Meg,” Alex agreed.

“Yeah, Dean’s mentioned her.” Alex must have looked terrified because Sam added, quickly, “Not like that. He was complaining about her one day.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

Sam smiled a little. “You didn’t have to. You have a terrible poker face.”

“That must be why I lose all the time,” Alex quipped.

“I’m really sorry about all this, Alex,” Sam said.

Alex gathered her things and stood up. “It’s okay, Sam, I swear it. It’s just a bit of fun.”

Alex headed to his door as Sam leaned back in his huge desk chair.

“Alex,” Sam’s voice said. Alex turned to face him. His eyes flicked over her appraisingly, his fingers steepled under his chin. Alex, again, felt like a prize racehorse being checked out for flaws. Sam’s eyes caught Alex’s and for a horrifying second, Alex pictured Sam asking her out on a date, but instead he said, “What’s your situation with Cas?”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Alex said immediately.

“You two seemed pretty intimate the first time I met you,” Sam said softly.

Alex shrugged, smiling a little, as her stomach dropped into her boots. “I was having a bad day. Professor Novak was just trying to be nice.”

Sam arched an eyebrow. He looked like he wanted to say something, to argue with her, but he shook his head instead.

“Okay. If you say so.” Sam's face was placid, but his sardonic tone and arched eyebrow betrayed him

“I do,” Alex snapped, unable to stop herself. “Good-bye, Professor Winchester.”

Outside Sam’s office, Alex put her hands on her knees and bent over, trying to catch her breath. That was the most nerve-wracking 30 minutes of her life.

_DUDE. ARE YOU FUCKING PROFESSOR WINCHESTER?!?!?!_

Anna’s enthusiasm and shock was palpable through her text. Alex cringed, remembering she’d told Anna that Dean had asked her out and then had gone to Anna again for advice over the guys she was dating. In her haste for advice, Alex had honestly forgotten she’d told Anna anything about Dean. Anna was a smart girl. Alex was sure it hadn’t taken her long to put two and two together after their conversation about Guy #1 and Guy #2 at Starbucks. Alex just prayed Anna didn’t figure out that Guy #2 was Castiel.

_PLEASE ANSWER ME. I’M DYING OVER HERE!!!_

_ALEX!!! ARE YOU?!?!_

Knowing there was no way to avoid Anna’s three texts, Alex sent her a message back.

_you can’t tell anyone_

Three seconds later, Alex’s phone rang.

“This is crazy! How did it happen? Was it good? I bet it was good. Was it? It was, wasn’t it?” Anna stumbled over her words.

“Anna, please,” Alex sighed.

“Oh, my fucking god. You bitch! How could you not tell me? How long have you been?” Anna sounded desperate for information.

“Will you stop?” Alex demanded.

Anna exhaled deeply. “Sorry,” she said calmly. “I just can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”

“How did you figure it out?” Alex asked, even though she already knew.

“Well, between you telling me that Professor Winchester--”

“Dean,” Alex corrected, not wanting to think about Sam Winchester at the moment.

“Fine, _Dean_ ,” Anna huffed. “Between you telling me _Dean_ asked you out and then you telling me about Guy 1 and 2 at Starbucks--wait, who’s Guy 2?”

“Just focus on Dean,” Alex said.

“Is it Sam Winchester?” Anna wanted to know. “Please tell me it’s Sam Winchester.”

“It’s not him,” Alex told her. “Why are you trying to make this more complicated than it has to be?”

Anna laughed. “Because those two are the hottest men I’ve ever seen.”

Alex’s brain flashed an image of Castiel across her eyes. “Not the hottest.”

“Huh.” Alex could see the hamster in Anna’s brain working overtime. “So, are you gonna give me any details or not?”

“Not really,” Alex admitted. “It’s kinda … complicated.”

“Is it because he’s a professor?” Anna asked.

“Shut up!” Alex hissed. “Where are you?”

“In my room. No one’s around,” Anna replied.

“You sure?” Alex felt worry rising in her throat.

“Al, I have a private room,” Anna reminded her.

“Well …”

Anna’s excitement calmed down. “So, like, how serious is this?”

Alex sighed, shrugging, even though Anna couldn’t see her. “Not serious at all. It’s just a bit of fun.”

“Is it a lot of fun?” Anna asked. “I mean, he’s …” Anna let her voice trail off as both girls pictured Dean Winchester.

“Oh, it’s more than fun.”

“Tell me?”

“I can’t.”

Anna groaned. “You’re killin’ me, Smalls.”

“I’m sorry, Anna. It’s just all really crazy and weird right now.”

“Alex?” Anna asked timidly. “Are you in trouble?”

“No, we use birth control,” Alex joked badly.

“No, I mean,” Anna paused, “does anyone else know?”

“You mean, besides you and Jody and Donna and Sam Winchester? No. It hasn’t been broadcast all over campus just yet.” Alex hunched over her phone as she scurried to her car even though she knew no one was around her to hear the conversation.

“Sam Winchester knows?” Anna gasped.

“Of course he knows.” Alex slammed her car door and leaned back against her headrest, exhausted. “He’s Dean’s brother after all.”

“Do you want me to come over tonight?” Anna asked.

“Nah, I need some time alone.” Alex closed her eyes. “Anna, swear to god you won’t tell anyone.”

“Alex, I swear to god you can trust me.”

“Thanks, sweetie. You’re a good friend.”

“Call me if you need me,” Anna offered.

The girls hung up and Alex felt tears drip from her eyes into her hair. She hadn’t even realized that she was crying.

“Probably because he thinks he cares about you,” Sam Winchester had said.

“Damn you, Dean Winchester,” Alex whispered. “You fucker.”

Alex’s phone chimed. As much as she wanted to ignore it, curiosity got the better of her.

_Alexandra, I was hoping to have dinner with you tonight. Could that be arranged?_

Alex’s hands trembled a little as she answered Castiel’s text.

_absolutely. what time?_


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There's some sexy stuff in here. Just a little FYI.

Castiel lived about 5 minutes from the university in a part of the city Alex usually avoided since it was littered with artisans, culture buffs, intellectuals, and hipsters. When Alex pulled up in front of Castiel’s house, she had to check the address twice to make sure that she was in the right neighborhood.

Castiel’s house was a trim little stone bungalow with a sweet front porch and a big front window. There was a wide lawn, a slate sidewalk, and small, well-grown bushes. Alex got out of her car slowly.

“No way,” Alex said to herself. “No freaking way.”

“Alexandra,” Castiel came out of his front door and called her name. He smiled when he saw her coming up his front walk.

“I can’t believe you live here,” Alex said.

She reached the top of his front steps and Castiel kissed her hello. He was wearing a sapphire blue cashmere henley and jeans. Alex’s heart jumped at the sight of his jeans hugging his muscular thighs.

“Why can’t you?” Castiel asked as he let her into the house first.

“I just didn’t picture you in a bungalow.”

“Ah, that’s where you don’t know me.” Castiel smiled again. “I bet you thought I lived in some rambling Victorian and meet you at the door in a smoking jacket and ascot with a pipe.”

Alex let out a laugh. “That’s exactly what I thought.”

“Sorry to disappoint you with my 1920s bungalow.”

“I love it.”

Castiel took Alex’s coat and led her into the kitchen. The dining table was set for two and already boasted some appetizers. Alex’s stomach let out a loud, appreciative growl. Castiel shot her an amused look.

“Hungry?”

“Not until I saw these. Are these the peppers you made for Thanksgiving?” Alex didn’t even try to hide the excitement in her voice.

“They are. I saw how many you ate last time.”

Alex smirked at Castiel, who turned his attention to the chicken roasting in the oven. While his back was turned, Alex choked down two peppers before he looked her way again.

“Wine or beer?” he asked.

Alex swallowed quickly. “Either.” Castiel waited, one eyebrow arched. “Fine. Beer please.”

While Castiel poured her drink, Alex wandered back into the living room. She was drawn, of course, to his book shelves. Surprisingly, they were lined with hardcover copies of classic children’s novels.

“Castiel?” Alex asked as he came into the room with a pint glass for her. “What’s with all the kid’s books?”

“I love them,” Castiel said simply. “They remind me of the library in Pontiac.”

“Is that where you grew up?” Alex asked.

For a split second, Castiel seemed embarrassed by the slip of his personal life into the conversation. Alex waited patiently for him to answer.

“Yes,” he said finally. “That is where I grew up.”

“Was it nice there?”

Castiel paused, not meeting Alex’s gaze. “Some parts of Pontiac are very nice.”

It didn’t take a genius to see Castiel didn’t want to continue this line of conversation. Alex saw a copy of the picture from his office, the one with a young Castiel and a beautiful woman. Castiel followed Alex’s gaze and saw what she was looking at.

“That’s me, obviously,” he volunteered. “I was about 20 years old.”

“Who’s the--” Alex began.

“My mother,” Castiel snapped.

Alex clapped her mouth shut. There was no way she was saying another word about the picture. Castiel’s cheeks were red, but Alex wasn’t going to speculate if it was embarrassment or anger. Instead, she reached out and touched Castiel’s arm. Castiel looked down at her hand, then up into her eyes.

“Thank you for not asking,” he said.

“Asking what?” Alex replied.

Castiel’s smile grin spelled relief.

Dinner was delicious and Alex stuffed herself like a glutton.

“Do you always eat like that?” Castiel asked as they cleared the table together.

“Not always,” Alex answered. “But I can’t help it if dinner is so delicious.”

“You flatter me,” Castiel told her.

Alex shook her head. “I don’t blow smoke.”

Castiel opened his mouth to say something, then snapped it shut. Alex smirked at him.

“Go ahead.” She waved her hand magnanimously, like a royal.

“Nope.” Castiel’s blue eyes were completely innocent.

“Say it …” Alex’s voice held a teasing lilt.

“Oh, no. I can’t,” Castiel said.

Alex tickled his sides playfully. “Make the joke!”

“No!” Castiel tried to wiggle away from her fingers, laughing.

“C’mon, Castiel. You know you wanna,” Alex teased, chasing Castiel around his kitchen and into the dining room, tickling.

Castiel turned around and snatched her into his arms, crushing her close to his chest. Alex found her arms pinned between them, one of Castiel’s arms around her waist and the other around her shoulder blades. Castiel’s mouth hovered precariously close to hers as he whispered,

“I truly hope that smoke is the only thing you don’t blow.”

There was a part of Alex that wanted to giggle at how ridiculous that sounded, but the closeness of Castiel’s mouth, the growl of his voice, the strength of his arms around her, and the pounding of her pulse in her ears made her knees give way a little.

“Just wait until I get my mouth on you, Castiel,” Alex managed to whisper back, the bravado in her voice hiding how her insides were quaking. “You’re going to beg for more.”

Castiel regarded her coolly, the tip of his tongue peeking out from between his parted lips. The arm around her waist let go. Alex felt Castiel flick the button on her jeans open easily with two fingers.

“Who’s going to beg?” he asked, his hand dipping into the front of her panties. His surprisingly calloused fingers started to work her clit in tiny circles. Alex let out a gasp. “Who, Alexandra?”

“Oh, Castiel,” Alex moaned, squeezing her eyes shut.

“Say it, Alexandra,” Castiel purred, his mouth against her ear as his fingers worked her clit faster and faster. Alex started to cry out, writhing against the friction. “Who will beg? Tell me, my darling. Say it.”

“Me! Oh, Castiel!” Alex exclaimed as she came, throwing herself backwards against the iron grip around her back. “I’ll beg!”

Castiel’s fingers slowed, moving now in agonizing, torturous slow motion. His tongue traced the outline of Alex’s ear as she shuddered in his embrace. Pleasure made her legs weak, forcing her to hang against him until she got the feeling back in her limbs.

Alex opened her heavy-lidded eyes and watched as Castiel licked her cum off his fingers. Alex breathed heavily, licking her lips as she watched Castiel’s fingers disappear into his mouth. Just seeing her buttoned-up professor do something that would be benign if someone else (dean, the thought came to her mind unbidden) did it was incredibly kinky.

“Castiel,” she murmured, “will you fuck me? Please?”

“Begging, are we?” Castiel asked, slipping his fingers into her soaked panties for another taste.

His fingers brushed her clit lightly and Alex whimpered again.

“Do you want me to get down on my knees?” Alex asked. Castiel ran a wet finger over her bottom lip and Alex swept her tongue over the moisture, tasting herself. “I will. I’ll get down on my knees and beg.”

“Beg for what?” Castiel asked.

“For you,” Alex said.

“For … me?” Castiel tilted his head slightly.

He was playing with her like a cat with its prey, but Alex didn’t care.

“For you.” Alex pulled her arms free and stroked Castiel’s back down to his ass, which she gripped, pulling his hips against her. The bulge in the front of his jeans was unmistakable and Alex ground herself against it. “For your hands. For your mouth. For your cock. For all of you. I want it.”

“Do you?” Castiel hooked his thumbs over the waistband of Alex’s jeans, moving them down her hips so slowly and infinitesimally she hardly noticed at first.

“I want you inside me.” Alex couldn’t keep the desperation out of her voice. She slid her hands under Castiel’s sweater and ran her fingers over the curves of his back.

“Castiel.”

“What?”

“Use my name when you tell me what you want,” Castiel ordered.

Alex lowered her eyes for a split second, then looked boldly up into Castiel’s face, arching an eyebrow.

“I want you to fuck me until I beg for mercy, Castiel,” she told him.

Castiel’s lush mouth twisted into a sexy smile. With one swift movement, he swung Alex around, slamming her against the dining room wall. He jerked her jeans down her legs as he hit his knees in front of her.

“Say it again, Alexandra,” Castiel’s breath tickled Alex’s skin as he pulled one leg out of her jeans and pressed her thighs apart.

“I--I can’t,” Alex admitted.

Castiel’s tongue parted her lips with a quick swipe, making Alex gasp. “I want to hear you.”

“Oh, god,” Alex moaned, feeling the heat from Castiel’s mouth so close to her pussy.

“Close enough,” Castiel commented lightly and buried his face in between her lips.

Moving his lips against her clit, Castiel worked the little button of nerves while clutching Alex’s hips in his large hands. He rocked her back and forth over his tongue, moving her body this way and that as his tongue played over the slit. Alex dug her fingernails into the wall, trying to stay steady as Castiel held her clit between his lips, sucking and sucking and sucking, until Alex’s cries became screams.

“Don’t stop! Fuck! Jesus Christ! Fuck, fuck, fuck, _fuck_!”

Alex came, feeling Castiel’s tongue jam itself inside her to catch every drop that gushed out. Legs convulsing, crying actual tears just from the pleasure of it, Alex came again as two of Castiel’s fingers joined his tongue to fuck another orgasm out of her. With nothing to hold on to, Alex legs collapsed under her, forcing her pussy onto Castiel’s mouth even more, which prompted him to pull his face away. Biting the insides of her thighs, Castiel jammed three fingers inside her and pumped, the mound of his thumb brushing against her clit, making her cum a third time.

“God, stop, Castiel, please,” Alex begged, voice shaking from the intensity of it all.

“What, Alexandra?” Castiel asked in his smoky voice.

“Castiel. Stop. Please.” Alex looked down at him.

Castiel lowered Alex down, curling her into his arms, her bare bottom against the cold hardwood floor. Alex closed her eyes, her head tucked against the innocent softness of his cashmere sweater, arms limp in her lap.

“Wow,” she breathed. She inhaled deeply, feeling drunk on Castiel’s sweet watermelon and cinnamon scent as well as his fucking phenomenal oral skills. “I can’t even think right now.”

Castiel lifted Alex’s face to his and kissed her softly. Alex could feel the dampness of her cum on his mouth and chin and she dragged the tip of her tongue over his chin to sample it.

“Bad girl,” Castiel whispered to her.

“ _Who’s_ bad?” Alex asked, incredulous.

“Well,” Castiel replied with a deserved amount of arrogance, “it’s certainly not me."


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Featuring:  
> Canon dialogue from a scene that always makes me laugh.  
> AND  
> Oh, no! A sex scene! Quick: Cover your eyes!

_when can i see you?_

Alex sighed. Dean had texted her all morning. How he was getting any of his classes taught was beyond her.

_i don’t have time right now. class, work, etc_

It had been ten days since Alex had been to Castiel’s house for dinner and she hadn’t seen Dean outside class since before Thanksgiving break.

_cmon, sweetheart_

_cmon, dean_

_are you dating someone else?_

Alex paused. There was no way he could know about Castiel, right? Castiel was notoriously tight-lipped about his private life, even with his friends.

_i told you i’m busy_

_how about dinner? you come here and i’ll make us something._

_here where? your house?_

_sure. where did you think i was?_

_i dunno. class?_

_fuck that. i took a day. it’s almost xmas_

Alex wavered. On one hand, there was Castiel. But this … this was Dean. Alex shook her head.

_i can’t_

It took a long time for Dean to text her back. When he did, Alex swore she could feel his emotions in the two little letters on her screen.

_ok_

Alex almost texted him back, telling him it was a mistake, of course she wanted to see him, that she wanted to skip dinner and go right to bed with him, where Dean would kiss and touch every inch of her in maddening slow motion before making love for hours, riding him while he gazed up at her like she was the only girl on the planet, his hands on her waist, his green eyes shining, the light from the candles on the dresser throwing shadows across his beautiful face, illuminating the fine bones of his jaw and the freckles that speckled his skin, both of them cumming over and over again until they were satiated and exhausted. But, no, she didn’t and for one simple reason:

Castiel Novak.

Alex sighed. Castiel hadn’t repeated that Oral Sex From Heaven performance on her since that first night, but that didn’t really matter. Dinners cooked by Castiel, then movies or poetry read out loud curled up on the couch together, followed by a long, lingering kiss good-bye that took her breath away. Unchecked domestic bliss.

But still … Alex glanced down at her phone. The magnetic pull of Dean Winchester’s charm and charisma were almost too much to fathom. He was one of those guys who, if in a movie, would have a personal theme song that played as he moved through life. People stopped what they were doing to look at him, he was that beautiful. Alex was sure that Dean Winchester could probably count on one hand how many times he’d been told “No” through his life until she came along.

“Mother _fucker_ ,” Alex hissed, ignoring the glares around her in the library.

_castiel, did we have plans tonight?_

_Not that I was aware. I was going to spend the evening grading papers. Would you like to come over and be my T & A?_

Alex smiled. Castiel’s sense of humor didn’t always translate via text, but this time, it was unmistakable.

_i just have so much nonsense to catch up on in the shop, i would’ve had to cancel. guess it’s good we didn’t have anything on the books_

_nice pun._

_lol i didn’t even catch that_

_Alexandra, finish what you need to finish and we’ll get together soon. Breakfast at Tiffany’s is playing at the theater._

_i’ve never seen that one_

_Good. It’ll be a new discovery for both of us then._

_:) see you tomorrow in class, castiel_

_Of course. Good night, Alexandra._

Alex stared off into space for more than a few minutes, trying to decide what to do. There was never a declaration from Castiel or Dean that they were exclusive. What was so wrong about seeing two people at the same time? Other people did it all the time. Why did she feel so goddamned guilty about it? Neither man seemed concerned about being nailed down into an exclusive dating relationship and how did she not know if Dean was banging half the student body (despite what Sam Winchester claimed)?

_so. what are you cooking for me?_

Dean’s condo about 10 minutes from Alex’s apartment. Sam Winchester had the condo below his, of course. The icy rain started as soon as she pulled into the guest parking spot next to Dean’s car. Shivering in anticipation over the frigid water that was inevitably going to roll down the back of her neck, Alex pulled the collar of her coat up around her ears and got out of her car.

Alex rolled her eyes when she saw the boys’ two cars parked next to each other. The marked difference between Dean’s black behemoth of a '67 Impala and Sam’s sleek ‘06 Charger made Alex snort back a giggle. She was sure there was some deep-seated psychological meaning behind their vehicle choices, but the freezing rain forced her to run to Dean’s door, sloshing through puddles to get there.

Dean was in ratty jeans, an old grey Harley shirt, and bare feet when he opened the door. Alex’s breath caught in her throat at the sight of him.

 _Jesus, there’s no reason for that,_ her brain told her.

 _Shut up,_ her body snapped.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Dean said, stepping out of the way so Alex could come in.

“Hey,” Alex shook frozen rain off of her hair before stepping inside.

“Shit. Look at you. You’re soaked.” Dean glanced out the door and up at the sky before coming back in. “When did that start?”

Alex hung her dripping coat up and turned to Dean, who brushed her wet hair out of her face.

“You’re cute all wet,” he commented.

“How exactly is this a new discovery for you?” Alex teased.

Dean let out a short laugh. “Lemme get you a towel.”

“God, I’m not that wet,” Alex called after him as he headed for the hall closet.

“Not yet,” Dean called back.

Alex leaned against the counter that turned Dean’s tiny kitchen into a tiny cubby of a kitchen. “How do you cook in that thing?”

“It’s a science,” Dean replied from behind her, throwing the towel over her head. Alex snatched it off and started drying her sopping wet hair. Dean stood on the other side of the counter and spread his arms out wide. “Look. With my wingspan, I can practically touch the sink and the fridge this way” Dean turned slightly “and the stovetop and the fridge this way.”

“Is that a good thing?” Alex asked doubtfully.

“Sure. Then I can reach everything easier. Do I want a chef’s kitchen? Of course I fucking do. I want a kitchen with a goddamned wood-fired brick oven built into the wall and enough counter space to butcher a whole cow and a fridge so big Sam could fit in it. But, otherwise, I dig my crappy little kitchen,” Dean told her as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. “Now, pizza or Chinese?”

An hour later, Alex and Dean were sitting on his living room floor in front of the fireplace, drinking beer and eating pizza while freezing rain turned to sheets of pure ice against the sliding door of Dean’s balcony. Alex was wearing a pair of Dean’s way too long track pants and wool socks while her jeans and socks ran through the dryer and her wet boots baked dry on a heating grate. The lights were low, the incense was lit, and Led Zeppelin was on the record player.

“This is nice,” Alex commented, throwing the crust of the slice she’d just finished back in the box. She leaned back on her elbows, her legs splayed out of the rug in front of her, and smiled at Dean.

“It is.” Dean grabbed the crust and polished it off before pushing the box off to the side. He sidled over to Alex to lay next to her in the same position. He gave her a nudge with his shoulder. “Hey.”

Alex nudged him back. “Hey yourself, Professor Winchester.”

“You know, it’s kinda kinky when you call me that,” Dean said. “You got a schoolgirl costume to go along with that?”

Alex laughed. “You wish.”

“Damn. Now that’s depressing,” Dean sighed. “Think I need something to cheer me up.”

Alex’s eyes sparkled in the light coming off the fire. “What’d ya got in mind?”

Dean hesitated for a minute, then got up and left the room. Alex listened to him rummage around in his bedroom and come back with an old cigar box. Sitting up, Alex peeked over as Dean flipped open the lid and turned the contents toward her.

“Weed?” he offered.

Alex looked from the box to Dean’s raised brows then back into the box.

“Are you suggesting, Professor Winchester,” Alex began, “that I partake in marijuana with you?”

“Well, yeah,” Dean replied.

“Professor Winchester,” Alex said in a high, girlish voice, “is that really allowed?”

Dean laughed, a deep rumble in his chest. “Well, it’s legal in Colorado now.”

Alex put a hand over her heart and fluttered her eyelashes. “I don’t know, Professor. Most guys come through my door and think they can get in my pants with some pizza, a six pack, and side one of Zeppelin _IV_.” She looked up at him teasingly.

Dean cleared his throat. “Well ... what a bunch of scumbags.”

Alex smiled, enjoying herself. “But not you.”

Dean smiled back, his plump lips curling into what could only be called a smirk. “I guess not.”

Alex watched as Dean expertly packed a small glass bowl and lit it. Drawing deep, Dean passed it to Alex.

“Done this once or twice?” Alex teased before taking a pull on the bowl herself.

Dean nodded as he exhaled. “Maybe a few. Product of my generation.”

Alex snorted, which turned into a cough. Covering her mouth as her eyes watered, she slapped Dean on the shoulder with her other hand.

“Stop acting like you’re 100 years older than me,” Alex choked out while Dean grinned at her.

“Yeah, eight years should suffice,” Dean agreed.

A few more hits for them both and Alex’s body went limp on Dean’s floor. Eyes half-closed and a smile playing across her lips, she turned her head to look at Dean, who was lounging next to her, all long limbs akimbo and heavy-lidded green eyes.

“Hey,” she murmured.

“Hmm?”

“Make love to me.”

Dean’s tongue traced his mouth lazily, sensually. “If you like.”

“I very much like,” Alex whispered.

Dean’s long fingers undressed Alex swiftly. Kissing, touching, licking, pinching, all so desperately, lasciviously, deliberately slow that when Dean finally did sink deep inside Alex, she threw her head back, arched her body, and came right away. Moving together, Dean and Alex locked eyes as pleasure washed over them in waves.

“Oh, god, Dean,” Alex breathed, wrapping her legs through his to pull him against her tighter. Alex’s fingers dug into his waist as she lifted her hips higher to meet his pace.

“F _uuuu_ ck,” Dean groaned as his hips began to stutter.

“That’s it, love,” Alex gasped as she came again. Flinging her arms out to the side and sitting up to meet Dean’s lips in an uncoordinated kiss, Alex moaned into his mouth.

“Oh, fuck, Alex,” Dean panted, thrusting forward and sending Alex backwards across the rug a few inches as he finished.

After a few minutes laying on the living room rug in front of the dying embers of the fire, Dean sat up. Alex met his eyes and, in her sobering mind, kinda knew he was going to hint it was time for her to leave. Silently, Alex started to pull on her panties.

“What are you doing?” Dean asked.

“Getting dressed?” Alex replied, confused.

Dean stood up and held out his hand to her, helping Alex to her feet. Pulling her against his naked chest, Dean kissed Alex gently.

“Why?” he whispered. “Did you think I was gonna make you go home?”

When Alex didn’t reply, but only blushed, Dean chuckled, his hands stroking over her hair and down her back.

“C’mon, sweetheart,” he said softly in her ear. “Let’s go to bed.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is some definite sexy stuff going on in this chapter.

“I’m sorry? _What_?” Alex couldn’t believe her ears.

Anna’s pale skin turned an unnatural shade of red under Alex’s glare.

“The yoga girl--Lisa--who’s teaching my phys ed elective this semester swears she hooked up with Dean. I overheard her on her phone before class.”

Alex’s stomach dropped to the floor. “Oh.”

“I thought you should know,” Anna was saying. “I mean, I know you said you were using condoms, but still--”

“Yeah. Still.” Alex’s voice was so low, Anna could barely hear her over the din of the cafe.

“Alex? You okay?” Anna reached across the table for Alex’s hand.

Alex pulled her hands away, putting them in her lap. “Yeah. No. I’m fine. We’re not, like, exclusive or anything.”

“Plus, you still have Guy #2,” Anna said brightly. “There’s that.”

Alex’s eyes were dead as she looked up at Anna. “You’re right.” Gathering her things, Alex abruptly stood up. “I have to go, Anna. I need to hand in my short story.”

“Oh!” Anna was caught off-guard. “Okay. See ya--”

“Yeah, bye.” Alex left Anna behind.

Castiel. Alex needed Castiel.

Standing outside his office once she got past the secretary, Alex took a deep breath before knocking.

“Come in,” Castiel’s smoky voice called.

“Hi,” Alex said as she entered, closing the door behind her softly.

Castiel stood up quickly, smiling. “Alexandra! What a surprise. What can I do for you?”

“I have my story.” Alex dug through her bag for the final copy.

Castiel came around his desk and took her hands in his. Concerned blue eyes stared down at Alex as she shook.

“Alexandra? What’s happened? Are you alright?” Castiel held her hands tightly.

“No, I’m fine,” Alex lied. “I just--just--”

“Alexandra, tell me what’s happened,” Castiel insisted, one warm hand cupping the side of Alex’s face.

Alex tilted her head into Castiel’s grasp. “I’m just having a really terrible day.”

“Oh, Alexandra.” Castiel took Alex’s bag off her shoulder and pulled ALex into his arms, enveloping her against his chest. “I’m so sorry.” Castiel kissed her on the head. “Is there anything I can do?”

Alex let herself be cuddled, ignoring the fact she was going to her lover for comfort over her other lover.

“No,” Alex replied into his crisp shirt front. “This is really nice.”

“Are you sure there’s … nothing?” Castiel asked again.

Alex felt the material of her long peasant skirt start to slide up her legs as Castiel gathered the material in one large hand. Her breath caught in her throat as Castiel balled the flimsy skirt in one hand and slipped his other hand into her panties.

“Castiel! What--?” Alex began in a hushed voice, glancing at his unlocked office door.

“Shhh, Alexandra,” Castiel said quietly, his rough fingers starting to tease her pussy. “Get on the desk.”

“What?” Alex gasped.

“Get on the desk,” Castiel enunciated sharply, plunging his fingers into her with every word.

“Yes, Castiel.” Alex found herself positioned on the edge of his wide desk, one foot on either chair with Castiel between her spread thighs.

“My mouth or my hand?” Castiel asked as he slid her panties off, tucking them into his dress pants pocket

“ _What_?” Alex gasped again, watching her panties disappear.

Castiel sunk to his knees in front of her, pushing her long skirt around her waist. He looked up at her from that vantage point.

“My mouth?” Castiel repeated before swiping a lick between her lips. Alex moaned before jamming her hand into her mouth to stifle her noises. “Or my hand?” he added as he rolled her clit under his thumb.

“Mouth!” Alex gasped, her body past being ready for either.

Castiel smiled a little before burying his mouth between her legs. Clutching the desk, Alex let Castiel fuck her with his tongue until she exploded all over his face, her juices coursing out of her and down his chin.

“You taste amazing,” Castiel murmured into the folds of her pussy, his voice vibrating against her clit. “Do you want more?”

“Yes!” Alex managed to get out. “Give it to me. Now!”

“Give you what?” Castiel asked.

“Your cock,” Alex replied fiercely.

“I can’t do that,” Castiel replied simply.

“ _Why not?_ ” Alex demanded, her voice shaking.

“It isn’t the right time.”

“Then you better find something in here to fuck me with, Professor, before I die on your desk,” Alex growled through clenched teeth.

Castiel’s blue eyes flashed, but Alex couldn’t tell if it was anger or lust or both. Pulling her against him, Castiel shoved his hand up her skirt and jammed three fingers inside Alex’s pussy. Her walls contracted around the intrusion, desperate for something more. Alex groaned, disappointed.

“You want my cock, do you, Alexandra?” Castiel hissed in her ear, fingers working her over, forcing her to another orgasm. “How badly do you desire having my long … fat … dick inside you?”

Alex came again, as much from Castiel’s fingers inside her as what he was saying. Alex rocked her hips against Castiel’s hand, throbbing for more friction.

“Why won’t you fuck me?” Alex whined, clutching at his shoulders. “I want you so much. Don’t you want me?”

Castiel’s fingers slowed and Alex let out a frustrated whimper. Castiel took Alex’s chin between his thumb and forefinger with his opposite hand so he could look her in the eyes, his fingers still moving.

“I do want you, Alexandra,” he told her seriously, as his long fingers stroked her clit, bringing on more pleasure. “I want you more than you can possibly know.”

“Then why--?” Alex began, her breath hitching.

“Because I want the timing to be right,” Castiel said simply.

Alex thought back to all the times the timing would have been right. Like right that second, for instance. She mentioned this between shaky breaths and Castiel laughed a little.

“Is it that important to you?” he asked.

A little angrily, Alex reached between them, removed his hand from her core, and grabbed Castiel’s rock hard cock with both hands through his trousers.

“I think it’s a little important to you too, Castiel,” she snapped.

Castiel considered this, closing his eyes briefly as Alex worked her hands over the long, clothed cock in her grasp.

“I can’t deny that,” he agreed softly.

“Let me take care of you,” Alex whispered, unzipping his pants to pull him out. Alex’s hands shook a little as her skin met the hard flesh of Castiel’s dick. “Please, Castiel. Let me do this for you.”

Castiel took a step back. “Alright.”

Alex got off the desk and pushed him into one of the chairs. Once he was seated, Alex opened his pants all the way and adjusted him before sitting back on her heels to admire the length of his cock.

Looking up at him from under her eyelashes, Alex ran her tongue over the head, enjoying the way Castiel drew in a sharp breath at the sensation. Plunging her mouth down the length of his cock, Alex worked her way up and down, loving the way his skin tasted and felt playing across her tongue. Castiel’s leaned his head back, moaning, trying to hold back until Alex bottomed her mouth out against his lap, the full breadth of his prick swallowed down.

“Alexandra! How did you--aw, _fuck_ ,” Castiel groaned, his hips lifting off his chair.

Alex pulled her mouth back a little and sucked until Castiel’s hips began to stutter against her lips. When he finally came, Castiel gripped the arms of the chair, thrust his hips forward, and nearly choked Alex to death on his cock.

“Fuck … fuck … fuckfuckfuckfuck _fuckfuckfuck_!” he barked out between gritted teeth.

Alex gulped, trying not to gag, before leaning away to gaze at Castiel. There was something supremely erotic about the way he was splayed in his chair, head back, legs slack, knuckles white, cock semi hard and dripping, a pearly white bead of cum sliding down the length of him. Alex’s tongue snaked out and caught the drip before it could land on his steel grey pants.

“Alexandra,” Castiel’s voice was hoarse. He cleared his throat and tried again, “Alexandra, that was--” Alex arched an eyebrow, waiting for a verbose compliment “--fucking phenomenal.”

“Why, thank you, Castiel.” Alex stood up, adjusting her skirt. “Will I be getting my panties back?”

Castiel tucked his dick back into his pants and righted himself properly. “No. I believe those belong to me now.”

“I have to go commando all day now?” Alex asked, a little thrill building in her belly.

“Yes,” Castiel answered. He stood up, slid one arm around Alex’s waist, and breathed into her ear, “I want to know your sweet pussy is right there, ready to be taken, when you’re in my class later.”

“You can have it any time you want,” Alex whispered back, one hand gripping the fine curve of Castiel’s ass.

“I’ll take your cunt--and anything else I want--when I’m ready,” Castiel assured her.

Alex blushed at the implication of Castiel’s words.

“Are you feeling better?” Anna asked when she and Alex caught up with each other later.

A picture of Castiel Novak cumming flashed across Alex’s mind and she smiled a little. “I think so.”

“I’m sorry about--” Anna began.

Alex held her hand up. “Nope. I don’t want to talk about it. Let it go.”

“Okay, Elsa,” Anna teased.

Alex laughed in spite of herself.

Castiel stood in the back of his room as his class filed in. Alex caught his eye, impressed at how upright and put together he looked while she still felt all twisted over their encounter.

“Good afternoon,” he said, his voice resonating through the room. “Today, I thought we’d deviate from the syllabus and discuss a new topic.”

Deviate? The class murmured to each other in surprise. Professor Novak didn’t _deviate_.

“ _may i feel said he_ by e e cummings is probably one of the best-written erotic poems ever published,” Castiel said.

The class turned to face him. Leaning against the window, half-balanced on the heater, Castiel, in his steel grey suit and crisp white shirt, holding a small red book, was a sight to behold. The winter sun lit him from behind, casting a faint, almost angelic, glow around him.

“Oh, Christ,” Alex couldn’t stop herself from whimpering.

“No _shit_ ,” Anna agreed under her breath.

Castiel cleared his throat, cast a swift glance over the room, eyes barely landing on Alex, and began to read in his smoky, honey-soaked voice,

“may i feel said he/(i'll squeal said she/just once said he)/it's fun said she/(may i touch said he/how much said she/a lot said he)/why not said she …”

By the time Castiel reached the last stanza (“(cccome?said he/ummm said she)/you're divine!said he/(you are Mine said she)”), the female population of his class had shifted in their seats so many times, most of their desks had moved a few inches across the floor toward him.

“Now,” Castiel said, looking up from his book, “what seems to be the major reaction to this poem?”

Blushing, stammering, fluttery eyes, discreet fanning, legs tightly crossed, and one of the straight guys muttering “Jesus, that was fucking hot” seemed to be the major reactions. Castiel waited patiently for an answer, deliberately ignoring his incredibly aroused class.

“Anyone?” Castiel asked, glancing around. “Miss Foreman?”

Alex’s pink cheeks flamed tomato red. “I--I don’t know.”

 _“Come_ , Miss Foreman,” Castiel said, his face impassive but his blue eyes alight with debauched wickedness. “ _Come now_. You must be thinking something right now.”

“I can’t tell you what I’m thinking right now,” Alex replied, setting the class to laughing.

“Oh, Miss Foreman,” Castiel sighed, his trademark sardonic tone back, “I was hoping you could give us a deep and intense reaction to cummings right from your core.”

Alex pressed her lips together. He was baiting her. _Intentionally_ baiting her. Next to her, Anna’s eyes flicked from Alex to Castiel, her mouth parted a little. Alex prayed Anna didn’t put two and two together.

“Fine,” Alex said. “You want my interpretation?” (she specifically didn’t use the word ‘reaction.’) “Here it is: they’re lovers. Obviously. But they’re more than that. They talk. Look how he asks her what he can do next. It’s not because he wants permission. It’s because that’s part of their foreplay. They talk, they ask questions. They spell out their desires in bed because it turns them on. They’re verbal and they’re visceral. They want to hear everything the other person is feeling and thinking because it makes their orgasm at the end all the more powerful.”

Castiel waited until Alex was done, panting at her effort to get her answer out, before shifting on his perch, very obviously (to Alex) aroused by her response. His hooded blue eyes caught Alex’s brown ones and held them as his pink tongue skirted out to wet his plush lips. Alex felt like he was taking her apart in that gaze, that everyone in the room could hear her heart race.

“Very good, Miss Foreman,” Castiel finally said, his low voice hoarse with effort to stay in control. He turned to the rest of the shell-shocked class and said, “Anyone else want to add a thought?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a recitation of the poem Castiel read to the class, as read by Tom Hiddleston (who's voice is like porn anyway): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eVBJJUNiCc


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO. MUCH. SEX. Also? Some spanking and rough stuff, so tread lightly if that's not exactly your "thing."

“Alexandra, I must say,” Castiel commented as he handed her a glass of wine, “your interpretation of the cummings poem was rather remarkable.”

“That was bullshit, what you did,” Alex snapped as she accepted the glass, finally losing her temper. She was curled up on his sofa, boots kicked off, legs tucked up, long skirt sweeping the floor. “A deep and intense reaction from my core? Could you have been _any_ more obvious?”

Castiel sat down on the couch next to her. “Did it arouse you?”

“That’s not what I--” Alex began.

“But,” Castiel held up one finger, “did it turn you on?”

“Of course it did,” Alex replied. “Just like it did you.”

Castiel shrugged nonchalantly, but Alex could see the gleam in his eye. Alex put her glass down on the table. She hiked her skirt up to her thighs and knee-walked over to him. Swinging one leg over Castiel, she settled herself on his lap, her naked pussy right up against his pelvis.

“Was that your idea of foreplay, Castiel?” Alex whispered, leaning on his chest to whisper in his ear. “To get us all hot and bothered, knowing that I was right there, my pussy all slick, my panties in your pocket, the taste of my cum on your fingers?”

Alex rolled her hips a little, her core leaving a damp spot on the front of Castiel’s dress pants.

“Yes,” Castiel hissed, grabbing Alex’s waist to tease his hardening cock again. “I wanted to know I made you wet in front of 20 other people and that your cunt was all mine.”

Alex closed her eyes briefly, her hands working under Castiel to hold his tight ass firmly. Clothed, grinding on his pants, while Castiel chewed on her neck, Alex could feel an orgasm building already.

“Castiel,” she said, “rip my clothes off. Make me yours.”

“Do you want that, Alexandra?” Castiel asked, pinching her nipples through her sweater.

“Yes!” Alex gasped.

Castiel stopped moving. Alex stopped rutting against him to meet his eyes.

“Are you ready for me, Alexandra?”

“Castiel, I’ve been ready for you since the first day of class.”

Castiel stood up abruptly, dislodging Alex from his lap. He caught her as she stumbled, pulling her against his chest. A rough, hungry kiss took Alex’s breath away.

“Come with me, Alexandra,” he ordered. “Now.”

Alex took Castiel’s hand and allowed herself to be lead into his bedroom.

Once in there, Castiel stood Alex against the foot of his bed, gazing at her. Even though she was fully clothed, Alex never felt more naked.

“What are you looking at?” she asked worriedly.

“I’m just taking you in,” Castiel replied. He stepped close to her, grabbed the bottom of her black sweater and yanked it over her head. “Before I take you apart.”

“Wait, Castiel--” Alex began.

“Yes?” Castiel paused, his fingers gathering up the material of her skirt.

Alex suddenly felt foolish. “You’re not going to hurt me … are you?”

Castiel let go of her skirt and gathered her face in his hands. “No. Oh, no, my love.” He kissed her on the mouth. “I could never.” Castiel kissed Alex’s closed eyes. “I just …” Castiel paused, considering how to finish his statement, “I have certain likes.”

“Oh, my Christ,” Alex groaned. “You’re not going to go all Christian Grey on me, are you? Fuck. Do you have a Red Room?”

Castiel’s mouth twitched before he started to laugh. He knew Alex was teasing him, but he was sure there was an underlying sense of worry there too.

“No, Alexandra. No Red Room.” Castiel drew Alex close to him, his fingers dancing up and down her spine before stopping at her bra hooks. He deftly unsnapped it, drawing it off her slowly, leaving her standing in front of him in just her skirt.

“Just a little kinky?” Alex asked, biting her bottom lip.

“Just a little,” Castiel agreed.

Alex licked her lips and moved in to kiss him. “I can handle kinky,” she murmured against his mouth.

Castiel’s eyes gleamed. “Good.” Castiel took a few steps back. “Take off your skirt.”

Alex shimmied out of her skirt, leaving it a puddle of fabric on the floor. Just in a pair of ankle socks, Alex felt incredibly exposed as Castiel stood there, completely dressed.

“What about you?” she asked, motioning to his clothes.

“Come over here and undress me then, Alexandra.” Castiel held his arms out wide.

Alex crossed her arms over her chest. “Do it yourself.”

Castiel arched an eyebrow. “As you wish.”

Kicking off his shoes, unbuckling his belt, unbuttoning his pants, pulling down the zipper. All these things seemed to take 100 years for Alex as her impatience started to boil over. But, no. She wasn’t going to give in. It’s what Castiel wanted.

Alex watched, fascinated, as Castiel pulled off his crisp white shirt and undershirt. Gasping, Alex came across the room to him in three steps. Not only had she never seen him naked, there was … _ink_ … _so much ink_ …

Castiel was a living artist’s canvas. Alex circled around him, running her fingers over the fine muscles of his chest and stomach, the firm broadness of his shoulders, over the hips bones that jutted out, the sweet, tight curve of his ass, the stiffening of his cock. Castiel was beautiful, like an Italian Renaissance sculptor carved him from bronze marble, but then splattered his skin with a rainbow of color.

Across his upper chest, across his both of his breasts, was a biomechanical tattoo with a handless clock where his heart would be with numbers that only went to 9 and the initials “VN.” On his left upper arm, from shoulder to elbow, danced Max and the horned, orange-striped Wild Thing from _Where The Wild Things Are_ with the legend “Let the wild rumpus start!” written underneath it. His right upper arm, from shoulder to elbow, was adorned with an ee cummings quote in scrolling calligraphy on an aged medieval-style parchment: “It takes courage to grow up and become who you truly are.” But his _back_ … Alex stood there for a few minutes. His back was a masterpiece.

Across the top of his spine, just below the nape of his neck was a quote from _Treasure Island_ that read “He was a very silent man by custom.” Under that an incredibly real and ridiculously detailed pirate ship with black sails and a red and black flag crashed through a frothy sea of white-capped waves and four different shades of blue and green. If Alex looked close enough, she could see the pirate captain standing on the aft deck, wearing a plumed hat and looking through a spyglass.

“Castiel …” Alex breathed, touching the pirate captain with her fingertips as Castiel sucked air in through his teeth at her caress. “I’ve never seen _any_ thing … you’re a work of art. All of you.”

“Alexandra …” Castiel breathed out as Alex kissed his shoulders blades.

“You’re beautiful,” Alex murmured against Castiel’s back, her hands caressing his torso.

“Stop it, Alexandra,” Castiel muttered, but his words were stronger than his conviction.

“I won’t,” Alex said, walking around to stand in front of him. “Hasn’t anyone called you beautiful before?”

A million emotions passed through Castiel’s eyes while his face and voice remained impassive as he answered, “No.”

Alex knew talking was over when Castiel grabbed her closer to him and pressed his mouth against hers. His hands roamed all over her, gripping, squeezing, slapping. Alex gasped into Castiel’s mouth as he slapped her sharply on the ass.

“Really?” she whispered as her bottom started to sting.

“Oh, really,” he replied, eyes and smile equally evil.

“Fuck,” Alex moaned as Castiel gave her another smack.

“Alexandra, would you like …”

“More,” Alex breathed, closing her eyes again.

“There’s a good girl,” Castiel said. He sat down on his bed and pulled Alex across his lap. His hard dick nestled flat against Alex’s ribs. ““I’ll stop at any time, Alexandra. Just say ‘red light.’ Do you understand?” Alex nodded. “No, say it out loud.”

“Yes, I understand,” Alex panted out, anticipation just about killing her.

“What a sexy ass,” Castiel commented, running his hand over the roundness of it. Alex relaxed a little so the smack that came next made her jump and moan. “How long has it been since you’ve been properly spanked, Alexandra?”

“A whi--while,” Alex whimpered as her words caught in her throat. She could feel how wet she was getting.

“Then just a few more and we’ll be done,” Castiel said. “Don’t want to overdo it the first time in a while.”

A few more caresses and smacks left Alex a whimpering mess. She’d forgotten how much she enjoyed that. Castiel wasted no time in laying her spread-eagled across his bed. Alex figured that in the future, she’d probably be tied down, but that didn’t seem to be happening tonight.

Castiel’s mouth moved over Alex’s body, feather-light and teasing with little nips and bites that made her cry out. In complete contrast to his gentle kisses, Castiel’s hands squeezed and grasped, roughly kneading her skin. He twisted her nipples as he kissed lower over her soft belly.

“Goddamn it, Castiel,” Alex groaned, lifting her hips up off the mattress.

“Shhh, Alexandra,” Castiel said as he worked his hands under her red bottom to hold her ass. Alex moaned in anticipation. Castiel swiped a stripe between her lips with his strong tongue and Alex let out a sharp yelp. “More?”

“More!” Alex exclaimed.

Castiel’s throaty laugh went right through Alex as he buried his face in her pussy. Licking in long strokes, he let his tongue get caught each time in the hood of her lips, teasing her clit with the tip of his tongue. Alex clutched at the bedspread under her, her knuckles turning white, as he worked his mouth against her sensitive core.

“God, don’t stop,” Alex begged, rolling her hips against Castiel’s lips. She reached down and carded her hands through his messy, black hair.

Pleasure started to get more intense and Alex could feel her orgasm building. She had to see him … had to see … Alex lifted her head off the bed to look at Castiel as her body worked closer and closer to exploding.

She wasn’t disappointed. Castiel’s eyes were watching her from between her legs, his pupils blown out so much there was almost no blue left. Their eyes locked as he suckled her clit and then--Jesus fucking H. Christ--Castiel winked at her just as her orgasm rocked through her. Alex let out a stream of screamed obscenities so vulgar, she immediately was mortified.

“Bad girl,” Castiel mumbled as he lapped at her dripping pussy.

“Fuck you,” Alex spat out, her body shuddering involuntarily as another orgasm rippled through her at the feeling of his tongue cleaning her up.

Castiel suddenly hovered over Alex, his blue and black eyes glaring down at her intensely. Using his knees, he spread her legs even wider to position himself between her thighs. He reached over her to his nightstand and pulled a condom out of the drawer. Handing it to Alex, Castiel knelt up between her legs, hands on his hips. Alex sat up, unwrapped the condom immediately, and slid it down the rigid shaft of his cock.

Pushing her back down to the bed, Castiel sunk himself deep into her pussy. Alex let out an ear-shattering moan, arching underneath him at the feeling of finally, finally, _finally_ having Castiel Novak inside her. Castiel began to move, letting Alex adjust to him, slowly at first and then faster and faster. Alex reached over her head to grab the rattling headboard of Castiel’s bed, legs wrapping around his slender hips.

Castiel snapped his hips against Alex at a brutal pace, hard and rough and almost cruel in his speed and ferocity. He pried her hands from the headboard and pinned her wrists to the bed above her head. Alex let out a shriek, pleasure and pain mingled in a delicious sensation she never felt. Above her, Castiel grunted with each thrust, his eyes never leaving Alex’s face. Alex closed her eyes, unable to hold his intense gaze.

“Come for me, Alexandra,” Castiel growled as he pounded. “I want to feel you on my cock.”

“ _Fuck! Castiel!_ ” Alex shrieked out as she began to come again.

Castiel’s hips didn’t slow or stutter, but a sudden thrust that sent Alex’s head slamming into the headboard and a ear-splitting shout of “Alexandra!” announced that Castiel was soaring over the edge. Colors exploded in front of her eyes, but she wasn’t 100% sure if it was an orgasm or a concussion or both. Castiel held himself above her, arms shaking at the effort, hips rolling almost involuntarily into her as he orgasmed. His pulsing cock jerking inside her sent little rushes of pleasure through Alex again as her body shuddered. Castiel pulled out slowly, the friction of his movement making Alex whimper pathetically.

Laying next to each other, Alex and Castiel tried to catch their breath. Sweat dried on Alex’s skin, raising goose bumps despite the steamy heat of the room. The setting sun bathed the room in an orange-yellow-red glow that made Castiel’s golden skin look positively flawless. Alex turned her head a little to peek at him and caught him looking at her. Alex blushed a little as Castiel’s fingers gently tracing the curve of her face, making her sigh and close her eyes. The bed shifted as Castiel rolled to lean over her. Alex opened her eyes to meet Castiel’s.

“You’re divine,” Castiel told Alex.

“You are mine,” Alex told Castiel.

The kiss that followed was so perfect, Alex almost died from the bliss of it.


	22. Chapter 22

_we need to talk_

_man. it’s never good when a girl says that_

_i’m serious, dean_

_ok. i’m in my office in 10 minutes_

_i’ll meet you there_

_what r u wearing?_

Alex ignored Dean’s last text and bundled herself against the frigid cold as she left the warm building that hosted her last class. Winter break was three days away and she wanted to take care of the Dean Situation before he left for Kansas with Sam again.

The trickle-down effect of rumors doesn’t change much from high school to college; it just graduates to a larger scale. It wasn’t long before Alex heard all about how Professor Dean Winchester was totally banging that yoga instructor who thinks she’s a real teacher. In fact, she heard it about two days after Anna told her and she ran to the warmth of Castiel’s arms … and bed.

Dean was on the ratty couch in his office when Alex walked in without knocking. He looked up from his phone and grinned when he saw her.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he said. He got up to embrace her as she crossed the room to him.

Alex skirted away. “Hey,” she replied.

“Uh-oh,” Dean said, raising his hands in self-defense. “What’d I do?”

“Lisa the yoga instructor?” Alex replied.

Dean’s face faltered for a half-second. “Oh. That.”

“Yeah, _that_ ,” Alex agreed. “Of course, I’m pretty sure Lisa prefers to be called ‘Lisa’ rather than being called ‘that.’”

“Yeah, about that--” Dean began.

“You mean, Lisa?” Alex chimed in.

“C’mon, Alex--” Dean tried again.

“Look.” Alex held up her hand. “We never said we were doing an exclusive thing, so I don’t care that you’re sleeping with her, but I hated hearing it from the entire campus before you had a chance to tell me.”

“Uh … yeah,” Dean agreed, looking cagy.

“You were going to tell me, weren’t you, Dean?” Alex asked innocently.

“Yeah. Completely. Course,” Dean stammered out. He recovered almost immediately, though, and gave Alex a patented Dean Winchester, panty-dropping grin. “Are you jealous?”

Alex let out a short laugh. Of course she was jealous. She was insanely jealous. Like she wanted to rip this girl limb from limb jealous. But she’d never let Dean Winchester know that.

Also … {dreamy sigh} … Castiel.

“Dean, you can do what--and _whom_ \--ever you want,” Alex told him.

“Ya know, it was just a weekend thing,” Dean said, flicking Alex’s hair over her shoulders then tangling his fingers in it. “So …”

Alex shook her head. “I don’t think so.”

“Why? Because of Lisa?” Dean sounded more than surprised.

“No. I’m--I’m seeing someone,” Alex replied, cheeks turning pink.

“Oh, yeah?” Dean sounded interested, but his eyes darkened a little. “Do I know him?”

Alex paused and panicked for a half-minute. Then she gave Dean a wry little grin.

“Why should I tell you?” she teased lightly, running her fingers down Dean’s jacket front to tug it into place. She fixed the collar of his blue suit jacket, then played with the buttons on the vest underneath. She lifted her eyes from his white V-neck t-shirt to his green eyes. “So, you can check him out and make sure he’s good enough for me?”

“Yes,” Dean replied simply, nodding.

The seriousness in his voice took Alex off-guard.

“It’s okay, Dean,” Alex reassured him. “He’s a great guy.”

“He better be,” Dean said. One of his hands curled around Alex’s hip, fingers flexing. “And you better call me if he turns out to be a douchebag.”

The idea of Castiel turning out to be a douchebag and calling Dean to tell him that made Alex snort. Dean looked insulted that his offer of protection was mocked, so Alex made a serious face.

“Of course,” she told him. She gripped Dean’s hand and tried to move it off her waist but Dean held on, jerking her to him.

“C’mere,” he said gruffly. One arm went around her waist tightly as he held her to him. “Gimme a kiss.”

“Dean …” Alex began, but her iron resolve melted a little as Dean’s perfect mouth neared hers.

“Shhh, sweetheart, it’s just a kiss.”

“I shouldn’t,” Alex murmured as Dean’s lips brushed hers.

“But you really want to, don’t you, sweetheart?” Dean’s voice was low and hoarse. It was his sex voice.

Alex’s body sagged a little in his grasp. “I do.”

Dean’s lips curled into a smile as they skimmed over Alex’s again. “I love the way your lips taste.”

Alex wondered wildly _which_ lips Dean was referring to, but then his mouth met hers and his tongue slipped in and Alex forgot everything except how amazing a kisser Dean Winchester was.

When their lips parted, Alex kept her eyes closed, trying to catch her breath.

_Stop it, Alex,_ her brain scolded. _Get out of his arms. Get out of here. Get out!_

“I have to go,” Alex burst out, tearing herself out of Dean’s embrace.

Heading for the door, Alex stopped and looked back at him. Dean pursed his lips, reddened from their kiss, and jerked his chin at her.

“Anytime you get bored with your new boyfriend, Alex, you know where I live,” Dean offered.

Alex stared at him. For a minute, just a minute, the urge to run across the room and tackle Dean Winchester almost got the better of her. Dean’s green eyes sparkled wickedly, the promise of long bouts of intense lovemaking in front his fireplace hung in the air like the sweet-smelling pot smoke that clung to her clothes after her last night in his arms.  But, thank god, her brain bitch-slapped itself and she snapped back to reality.

“Thanks for the offer,” Alex said, unable to keep the sarcastic lilt from her voice. “But I think I’ll be okay.”

“You’re not built for monogamy,” Dean told her.

Alex started. Anger bubbled up and she glared at him. Dean’s knowing smile teased her unmercifully.

“You have no idea what I’m built for,” she snapped and left the office, slamming the door after her.

“He said what?” Jody asked. “Who the fuck did he think he was talking to?”

Alex looked up from the order she was trying to place. It was a last-minute rush order so it would arrive before Christmas and it needed to get done yesterday, but Jody wasn’t letting up over the Dean Situation.

“He said I wasn’t built for monogamy,” Alex replied.

“What does that even mean, Alster?” Donna asked, leaning against the counter, holding a cup of coffee.

Alex shrugged. She didn’t want to talk about Dean. She wanted to work all day long. Then she wanted to drink a 6-pack and pass out.

“I have no idea,” Alex replied, turning her attention back to her work. “Maybe he was trying to convince me to cheat on Castiel.”

“You’re really choosing Castiel over Dean-o?” Donna asked pensively.

Alex clutched her pen, nearly snapping it in two. “Yeah. I am.”

Donna had already asked her about five times if she really wanted Castiel over Dean. Alex didn’t know how many different ways she could say it.

“But Dean is so--” Donna began.

Alex slammed her pen down. “Donna. _Please_.”

Donna clammed up but pressed her lips together in a thin line. Alex glared at her.

“Jesus. What, Donna? Fucking what?”

“It’s just Dean told Benny that--” Donna began then clammed up again.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake--spit it out!” Jody snapped.

“Dean said he was falling for you!” Donna burst out.

Alex raised her head slowly, trying to absorb what Donna had just shouted at her.

“What?” she asked.

“What?” Jody asked.

“What?” Donna panicked.

“Dean said he was--are you _sure_?” Alex demanded, mind whirling.

“Oh, yeah. Superduper sure.” Donna nodded. “I was there when they were talking about it.”

Alex’s eyes grew wide at the implication of Donna’s statement. Jody groaned.

“Jesus Christ, Alex,” Jody said in her best Mom Voice. “You’ve been hot for Professor Cute Bottom for a year. Don’t waiver now.”

Alex’s stomach twisted into a knot as she unconsciously crumpled the order form in her fists. Dean? Falling for her? Now? _Now_? Of all fucking times: _now_?

No way.

“No fucking way,” she mumbled, shaking her head. “No,” Alex said in her normal voice. “I choose Castiel.”

“Speaking of …” Jody tapped her wrist. “Don’t you have a date to prep for?”

Alex sighed, giving up on the order, which Donna took from her and pressed out straight again. “Prep is right. Hours of prep to go to the movies and sit in the dark. And I always feel grubby and under-dressed with him.”

“Alex …” Jody’s voice held a warning tone.

“What?” Alex whined.

Jody grabbed Alex’s shoulders and walked her to the door marked “Private” that lead upstairs to the apartment. Alex dragged her feet the whole way there.

“Don’t start hating everything about Castiel just because of what Donna--” Jody shot Donna a look.

“Sorry!” Donna cried out.

“--told you.”

Alex made a face. “I won’t.”

Jody snapped her fingers as she pointed up the steps. “Go, Get dressed. Movies. Castiel. Now.”

“Geez. Okay, _Mom_ ,” Alex grumbled and stomped away.

“Why _does_ it take you so long to get ready?” Castiel asked from the sofa as Alex finished her makeup.

“Because I never know what to wear with you,” Alex admitted. “I’m a jeans and t-shirt kinda girl. I’m no good with your fancy self.”

“Fancy?” Castiel appeared in the doorway.

Alex looked at him in the mirror. He was smiling broadly, eyes crinkled, nose scrunched up. He never looked more adorable and less like a 40 year old man. Alex smiled back as she swiped on red lipstick.

“Fancy?” Castiel asked asked, teasing. “What’s fancy? I’m wearing jeans.”

“And a dress shirt under an Irish wool sweater that cost more than my whole outfit and dress shoes,” Alex pointed out. “You know how hard it is not to look like a schlub next to you? Also, I don’t have nearly as many fancy separates I can make into fancy outfits.”

Castiel considered this. “Next time, jeans and a t-shirt. I promise.”

“Not a polo shirt,” Alex ordered. “A _tee_.”

Castiel’s eyes wandered to Alex’s dark red lips. “I can’t even think about clothes with that lipstick.”

Alex stopped putting on her coat. “Is it bad?”

“You’re mad,” Castiel told her. “It’s like pure sex.”

Alex blushed. “Shut up.”

Castiel sidled over to Alex and fixed the way her coat was laying across her shoulders. His fingers played down the buttons, purposely caressing her on the way down.

“You’re incredibly arousing, Alexandra,” he said. “And your lips are …”

“Kiss me then,” Alex suggested softly.

“And mar that mouth of yours?” Castiel asked. “Never.”

Alex whimpered. “Please?”

Castiel shook his head. “Later, my darling.”

“Tease,” Alex sighed.

Castiel put his arm around Alex’s waist leading her out the door.

“You need to tell me Holly Golightly from now on,” Alex told Castiel after they left the showing of _Breakfast at Tiffany’s._

“Do I?” he asked.

“Absolutely,” Alex grinned.

“Only if you learn how to play _Moon River_ on guitar.”

Alex laughed. “I’ll get right on that.”

“You’d look fantastic in her black dress,” Castiel told her.

“That hat was massive,” Alex commented.

“I liked it.”

“You would.”

Castiel reached out and held Alex’s hand. His fingers curled around and through hers comfortably. Alex glanced from their joined hands up to his face. Why did this feel so intimate? Holding hands, walking through the cold toward her boyfriend’s car after a movie?

Once Alex and Castiel were settled in the car, she turned to him.

“Castiel,” she said in a wheedling voice.

“Yes, Alexandra?” he replied in a similar voice.

“Are you my boyfriend?” Alex asked.

“Huh,” Castiel replied.

“Hey!” Alex gave Castiel’s arm a shove. “What’s that mean?”

Castiel laughed. “It give me a chance to think of a clever response.”

“Well, stop that. I don’t want clever.”

“Alright.” Castiel turned in his seat to face Alex. “Alexandra, do you want me to ask you? Formally ask you?”

“Yes,” Alex grinned.

Castiel sighed gustily, but Alex knew he was teasing.

“Alexandra--” Castiel began.

“Yes, Castiel?” Alex interrupted.

Castiel rolled his eyes and gave Alex a stern glare. Alex couldn’t stop grinning at him playfully.

“Alexandra,” Castiel began again, “would you like to--honestly, Alexandra, do you know how ridiculous this is for me? I’m 40 years old.”

“Castiel!” Alex cried out. “You said you’d do it. C’mon!”

“Fine, fine.” Castiel let out a short breath. “Alexandra, would you like to be my girlfriend?”

Alex pretended to consider Castiel’s offer just to torment him. Castiel waited for her answer with a weary expression.

“Yes, Castiel,” Alex replied, suddenly shy. “I would love to be your girlfriend.”

Castiel exhaled, which surprised Alex. Had he been holding his breath? Was he actually worried she would say “No”?

Alex looked at Castiel questioningly. The worry lines between his eyes disappeared and his nervous face was replaced by the grin of a very naughty boy.

“Come here,” he said, blue eyes gleaming. “Let’s make out.”


	23. Chapter 23

Christmas break started with five straight days of exams, from Friday to Tuesday. Alex wasn’t as prepared as she had been in the past for Christmas Break Exam Hell. She rightly blamed her new and improved social life.

“Where’s Dean?” Anna hissed at Alex when they entered his room on Sunday and found his TA standing at his desk.

“I don’t know,” Alex replied. “I haven’t spoken to him since I broke it off.”

“So, who’s Guy #2?” Anna asked.

Alex put a finger over her lips. “I’ll never tell.”

“Where the fuck is Winchester?” Meg Masters demanded of his TA. “He can’t just take off like this.”

Dean’s TA shrugged, looking helpless under the full assault of Meg Masters. “I dunno. He just left a message that I needed to be here to hand out his exams. Don’t kill the messenger.”

Meg Masters slunk down in her chair, muttering and shooting the TA an evil glare.

“What’s wrong with you?” Alex asked her as the exams started getting passed back.

“I wanted to talk to him about my grade and he just bolts,” Meg muttered.

Alex rolled her eyes. “You know how he is. He makes his own rules.”

“Yeah, well,” Meg muttered darkly, “he shouldn’t be able to.”

“From your lips to the head’s ears,” the TA said as he passed Meg’s desk and dropped an exam on it.

Meg and the TA exchanged a look that immediately made Alex worry. Dean had been suspiciously absent from a few of his classes after their break-up. Alex doubted he was off eating Ben & Jerry’s and pouting over her, but not teaching for three days in a row was kinda bad. Alex reached for her phone to text him, but stopped. Should she let him know what she thought she saw or should she wait and see what really happened?

_Fuck it,_ Alex thought and texted Dean:

_i don’t know where you are but your ta and meg masters look like they’re conspiring against you. you may want to not miss so many classes when you come back_

“You may begin,” the TA announced and people ripped into their tests. Alex watched as the TA motioned between himself and Meg Masters, tapped his watch, and Meg nodded in reply.

_Oh, Dean,_ Alex thought. _You are so fucked._

“Who’s doing Christmas?” Donna asked as they prepared to open the shop four days before Christmas.

“I did Thanksgiving,” Alex replied.

“ _I_ did Thanksgiving, Miss Hostess with the Nothing-ness,” Jody corrected her.

“My house,” Alex argued.

“My food,” Jody argued back.

“Okay, so Jody did Thanksgiving,” Alex conceded.

“I’ll do Christmas,” Donna offered. “Benny is staying in town and it’s our first Christmas, so ...” Donna’s voice was cut off, drown out by the loud “Awwwwww!”s from Alex and Jody. “Shut up, you two!”

“But it’s so cute!” Alex squealed, clasping her hands and batting her eyes.

“What about you and Castiel?” Donna asked, blushing. “Aren’t you doing anything?”

“Oh, shit. Castiel!” Alex clapped a hand over her mouth. “I completely forgot about him.”

“Yes, Alex. You have to buy him a gift.” Jody rolled her eyes as she unlocked the door. “Been that long since you had a boyfriend?”

“When was the last time you had one?” Alex asked sarcastically.

Jody pretended to think. “Eight years?”

“Jodio, you’re a nun!” Donna laughed.

Jody snorted. “Not hardly.”

“B.O.B. does not count,” Donna told her.

Jody threw her hands up in the air. “Well, then I’m out.”

“Who’s B.O.B.?” Castiel’s voice asked.

Alex spun around to see Castiel in the shop. He was smiling at all three of them, about to laugh at their ridiculous conversation. Alex’s heart jumped a little.

“Castiel, I didn’t know you were coming over!” she cried and rushed across the room to hug him.

Castiel accepted the hug and gave her a small kiss. “I decided to be impetuous and steal you away. Can I? Steal you away?”

“Not right--” Alex began.

“Kidnap her and take her to Tahiti for all we care,” Donna interrupted.  

“Yeah, we hate her ass,” Jody agreed.

“She needs a day off anyway,” Donna added, cheekily.

“I’ve had too many days off!” Alex said, turning in Castiel’s arms to face Donna and Jody and their Cheshire cat grins.

“Come along, Pond,” Castiel said, quoting _Doctor Who_ at her.

Alex headed up to her apartment under protest with Castiel at her heels. Once they were upstairs, Castiel pulled her closet open and started throwing clothes onto her bed.

“What are you doing?” Alex demanded, embarrassed that Castiel was in her messy room.

“I’m packing for you.” Castiel’s voice was muffled as he dug deep into her closet. “Do you own a dress?”

“I’m sorry. A what now?” Alex asked, sitting down hard on her unmade bed.

“A nice dress. Something you can wear to a decent restaurant.” Castiel emerged from the closet, hair messier than usual, with a cocky grin.

“Oh, no, Castiel.” Alex said. “I don’t have time for this.” Castiel pulled out her overnight bag. “I really don’t have time to go overnight anywhere! It’s almost Christmas. The shop is super busy and school--”

“Your last exam was yesterday on Sunday, I know that,” Castiel told her. “And Jody assured me a short trip would not cause the shop to fall down around your ears.”

“A short trip?” Alex asked. “How many days are we talking here?”

“Just three.”

“Just! _Just!_ ” Alex exclaimed. “I can’t just go away for three days, Castiel! I have responsibilities!”

“It’s your Christmas gift,” Castiel told her simply.

“Oh.” Alex shut up immediately. Standing in front of her, holding a duffel bag, Castiel looked like a kid who’d been kicked a few times by someone he loved. “Oh, Castiel. I didn’t know. Thank you.” Alex got up and crossed the room to throw her arms around him. “I’m so sorry. I’m such a jerk.”

“You are not,” Castiel shook his head, his smile coming back a little. “You’re just being an adult.”

“Man, I hate it when that happens,” Alex quipped.

“So? A dress?” Castiel asked.

Alex sighed. “Let me look.”

Castiel sat down on her unmade bed as Alex dug into the very back recesses of her closet, talking.

“You know, I haven’t worn a dress in years,” she said. “I mean, I wore one for my parents’ funerals, but I threw it away after my dad’s. Ya know, I did go to a wedding a few years ago for a girl I was friends with in high school. I bet I still have that in here.”

“Uh-huh,” Castiel said from behind her.

“Hey!” Alex announced excitedly. “I found it. Look at this thing!”

Alex pulled herself and the dress out of the closet to find Castiel holding Dean’s old t-shirt.

“What’s this?” he asked, looking up at Alex.

“A shirt,” Alex replied, feeling the panic rise in her throat.

“I can see that, Alexandra.” Castiel’s tone was slightly terse.

“What?” Alex stalled for time.

“Is it yours?”

“Of course it’s mine,” Alex said. “Who’s else would it be?”

Castiel opened his mouth and Alex could feel a scream building inside her.

_Oh, god. Oh, dear sweet fucking god. Don’t ask that question. Don’t ask. Please don’t ask. I can’t lie to you. I can’t. I’d have to, but it would be so obvious. Please, god, don’t ask me._

“I didn’t know you liked AC/DC,” Castiel said finally.

“I do,” Alex agreed too quickly.

Castiel glanced at Alex again before tossing the shirt onto her pillow.

“Well, you won’t be needing that, my love,” Castiel told her. He got up and came over to Alex, taking the dress from her and also tossing it on the bed. “I don’t plan on letting you wear pajamas--or anything else, for that matter--when we’re alone.”

Alex’s panic took a slight backseat to the thrill of being naked with Castiel as much as possible. Castiel’s mouth neared hers slowly and Alex leaned up a little to make contact. Instead of a kiss, though, she got a smack on the ass.

“We need to start moving if you want to get your Christmas gift as soon as possible,” Castiel told her.

Alex started to throw random clothes into her duffel before Castiel put a hand on her arm.

“Stop. Stop. Stop. Good lord, Alexandra, stop.” He took ¾ of the clothes out of her bag. “You can’t bring this with you. A _Doctor Who_ Pink Floyd mash-up fandom t-shirt? Oh, Alexandra. Do you have _any_ grown-up clothes?”

Alex bristled a little at his exasperated tone. “No, I’m sorry, Professor Novak. I guess I don’t.”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Castiel said. “Just--here--let me--”

Flustered, Castiel picked through her clothes, choosing the nicest stuff she owned while Alex glared at him, arms crossed, from the bed.

“Are you done packing for me, Daddy?” Alex snapped when Castiel picked up her bag.

Castiel’s eyes flashed angrily. “Please don’t call me that.”

Alex opened her mouth to be sarcastic, but bit her comment back.

_Don’t make him second guess being with you by acting like a child,_ her brain ordered.

“I’m sorry,” Alex said instead, tucking her arm through Castiel’s. “I guess I’m just a little edgy about dropping everything and running off into the sunset.”

Castiel glanced down at her earnest face, smiled, and gave her a sweet kiss. “If we don’t get moving, it’ll be sunset before we get there.”

“Where again?” Alex said.

“Spoilers, my love,” Castiel told her.

After exchanging her Docs for a pair of smarter boots and collecting her toiletries from the bathroom, Alex and Castiel left her apartment. One final glance before driving away reassured Alex that the shop was in good hands as she could see Jody and Donna helping a few customers at once. Still, she felt guilty.

“Aren’t you going to give me a hint?” Alex asked as Castiel turned onto 93S.

“Now, why on earth would I want to do that?” Castiel replied.

“Because I’m dying of curiousity?” Alex suggested.

“I think you’ll survive. We’re only driving an hour away,” Castiel told her.

“An hour. Really? Huh.” Alex laid one finger on her chin and heaved her eyes upwards, pretended to think.

Castiel caught her out of the corner of his eye and snorted back a laugh. “Ridiculous woman.”

Alex smiled, glad the whole t-shirt fiasco was over with, and settled back in her seat to relax. Alex couldn’t remember the last time she got out of town, let alone out of town with a guy, let alone out of town with a handsome guy, let alone out of town with a handsome guy she was dating.

It was a Christmas miracle.

“Hey, sleepy. Wake up.”

Alex jerked her head up. “Oh, Jesus,” she groaned.

“You do enjoy falling asleep in my presence,” Castiel commented mildly as he parked his car.

“You’re just so soothing,” Alex replied, stretching. “Did I snore?”

“Just a little,” Castiel replied.

“Where are we?” Alex asked, looking out the window.

Castiel got out of the car, coming around to open Alex’s door. She looked around while he fetched the bags from the trunk, then took her arm in his.

“It’s a B & B that I heard recommended as a romantic getaway.” Castiel told her as he lead her to the lobby of the inn. “Far enough away from home that we can go out without anyone recognizing us and, apparently, very secluded little private cabins so we can be as …” Castiel grinned a wicked grin at Alex “... _vocal_ as we want.”

Alex was glad Castiel was holding her arm when he said that.


	24. Chapter 24

“Oh, Castiel. Look at this place,” Alex said as they entered their little cottage. “I can’t believe it.”

“It is nice,” Castiel agreed.

“Nice?” Alex said, turning in a circle with her arms out to take it all in. “It’s beautiful.”

The cottage Castiel had gotten for them was snug and sweet with a large fireplace, a king sized canopy bed, a bathroom with a steam shower and a huge Jacuzzi tub. It was lushly furnished and supremely elegant. If Alex thought about it, she would decide that this place was much too expensive for her, but she was much too dazzled by it all.

“So, you do like it?” Castiel asked.

“ _Like it_?” Alex replied. “I could take you right here on the floor to prove how much I ‘like’ it.”

A low laugh rumbled in Castiel’s chest as he shucked off his coat and hung it up. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Now what?” Alex asked, smiling slyly. “Want to try out the Jacuzzi?”

Castiel checked his watch. “Actually, we have time before our dinner reservations …”

Alex was already stripping off her clothes. “Come get me.”

“Get--” Castiel tried to grab her as she streaked by on the way to the bedroom. “Get back here!”

Alex leapt onto the bed, giggling like mad, and dove under the blankets, knocking the eight pillows onto the floor. A quick yank made her blanketless and there was Castiel, in his boxer briefs, grinning wickedly. Alex shrieked and made a dive off the bed for the door, but Castiel caught her easily.

“Got you,” he whispered, holding her close.

“Yes, you do,” Alex replied breathlessly.

Castiel crushed her mouth in a red-hot kiss and Alex melted against him.

“What time is dinner?” Alex asked, lifting herself lazily off the pillow to glance at the alarm clock.

Next to her, Castiel stopped tracing designs on her belly with his fingertips long enough to check the clock too.

“Five,” he replied.

“Why so early?” Alex asked.

“Because we have somewhere to be before 7.30pm.”

Alex stretched and yawned. “I better get in the shower then.”

Castiel pulled her back down on the bed. “It’s only 3.00”

“Yes, but you want me in a dress with hair and makeup and those things take time.” Alex replied, half-heartedly wriggling away. “Besides, I want to play in the steam shower.”

“With me?” Castiel wanted to know.

Alex sighed gustily, heaving her eyes upwards at the ceiling. “If I must.”

Under the hot water in the shower, Castiel and Alex kissed, caressing each other. Holding one of her legs up by the thigh tightly while she clutched at a shelf, Castiel and Alex had hard, fast, and really complicated shower sex. Castiel pulled out at the last second, splattering cum everywhere, which made Alex quip “At least I can wash my foot off” between pants, making Castiel almost take them both down as he held onto her and laughed hysterically.

When Alex emerged from the bedroom in her worn-once dress, Castiel stood up from his chair in front of the fireplace. Alex moved self-consciously toward him, unsure of herself.

“You look …” Castiel began. He stopped and swallowed a little. “You look beautiful, Alexandra.”

“I feel silly,” Alex admitted, holding the skirt of her dress out to look at it. “I’m not comfortable.”

“But you look beautiful,” Castiel insisted. He came across the room to take Alex’s hands in his. “You really do.”

Alex’s heart thumped a little. When was the last time she was called beautiful?

They headed to the recommended bistro nearby. Alex had never felt more out of place in her life (even at the wine bar back home), but Castiel’s hand on the small of her back kept her from bolting out the door to the closest McDonald’s.

“Two for Novak,” Castiel told the maître d.

Alex was sure the maître d skimmed over her judgmentally and she felt like a child next to Castiel. When they were seated, Alex leaned forward over the small, candlelit table.

“I don’t feel like I belong here,” she whispered to Castiel.

“And you think I do?” Castiel whispered back, opening his menu.

Alex was immediately confused. “You fit right in.”

Castiel smirked and looked up at Alex. His blue eyes never looked bluer than in that moment in the light from the tiny candle between them.

“My love,” he said softly, “if you had known who I was before, you wouldn’t even entertain the thought that I belonged here.”

“What?” Alex asked, but the waiter appeared and Castiel turned his attention to ordering.

“What did that mean?” Alex asked when the waiter left.

Castiel adjusted his tie and tilted his head to look at Alex. “What did what mean?”

Alex let out an annoyed sigh. “When you said if I knew who you were before--”

“Oh, that.” Castiel waved his hand dismissively.

“Don’t do that,” Alex said, getting frustrated. “Don’t _do_ that. You say something vague and slightly incendiary. Then I ask what you mean, you blow me off. It’s annoying.”

“I’m not ready to--” Castiel began.

“Then you shouldn’t have said anything,” Alex snapped.

 _There weren’t any secrets with Dean,_ ½ her brain said airily.

 _No, just the fact he fucked someone else and didn’t plan on telling us. Because that’s not a secret,_ the other ½ retorted.

 _Shut up, both of you!_ Alex thought.

Castiel’s handsome face was emotionless as he replied, “I’m sorry you feel that way, Alexandra.”

Alex snorted. “That is not an apology.”

Castiel nodded. “You are right. It isn’t.”

Alex sighed, leaned back in her chair, and crossed her arms over her chest. Castiel just smiled at her, slightly sarcastic and absolutely adorable. Alex gave up, rolling your eyes.

“You are completely infuriating,” she told him.

“That’s been mentioned.”

“Not just by me?”

Castiel laughed. “No, my lovely. You don’t hold that distinction.”

“That’s too bad.” Alex smiled naughtily. “I do so enjoy being distinct.”

Alex rubbed the toe of her shoe against Castiel’s ankle. Castiel raised his eyebrows at her. Alex slid her foot out of her shoe and ran it up Castiel’s leg.

“Alexandra--” Castiel began.

“Quiet,” Alex told him, biting her lip a little.

Alex brushed her stockinged toes against the crotch of Castiel’s dress pants. Castiel grasped her ankle and closed his legs around her foot.

“Not here,” he said between clenched teeth.

“Why not?” Alex asked innocently. “It feels like you’re enjoying it.”

Castiel’s cock stirred as Alex’s toes wiggled against it. Castiel closed his eyes for a split second and exhaled.

“Alexandra, please,” he said desperately, hand tight around Alex’s ankle, hips shifting minutely and probably involuntarily against her teasing.

“Tell me you like it,” Alex whispered, smiling sweetly.

“Alexan--”

“Tell me.”

“God, I like it.”

“Tell me how bad I am.”

“You’re a very bad girl.”

“And bad girls get … what?”

“Spanked.” Castiel’s pupils were huge as he glared across the table at her, cock throbbing. “Bad girls get spanked.”

A delicious thrill went through Alex at Castiel’s growl. She pulled her foot free and arched an eyebrow at him as the waiter set their plates down in front of them. Castiel shifted in his seat a few times, adjusting his suddenly very tight dress pants.

“This looks delicious,” Alex said pleasantly.

“You look delicious,” Castiel told Alex.

Alex gave Castiel her best “come fuck me” look. “Later.”

“I see,” Castiel said softly, making the conversation come to an end.

But the glowering smolder he sent across the table made Alex’s heart leap into her throat.

“Where to now?” Alex asked as they got into Castiel car after dinner.

“Are you awake enough for more activities?” Castiel teased. “I know how you like to fall asleep around me.”

“And I did eat a very big dinner,” Alex agreed. “And dessert.”

“And half of my creme brulee,” Castiel added.

“Don’t offer me food unless you want me to take it,” Alex told him.

“I offered you a taste,” Castiel reminded her. “A taste.”

“Well, it tasted good.”

Castiel turned the car on and headed onto the highway. Alex snuggled into her coat as the car warmed up, full and happy and maybe still a little turned on, thinking about teasing Castiel and the look he gave her.

“Hint?” Alex asked hopefully.

Castiel the radio on, purposely ignoring her. But he tipped her a playful wink.

“You’ll see.”

Alex humphed and looked out the window, watching the mountains give way to the highway and the highway give way to the city.

“I could live here, you know?” she said suddenly. “Not that I don’t love--it’s just--” Alex sighed. “Sometimes, I wish I could chuck it all, move on, and start over somewhere else. You know that feeling?”

Castiel nodded. “Why do you think I left Illinois?”

Alex and Castiel exchanged a look. Alex felt a pull deep in her gut. They got each other; she knew they did. In a way that maybe she and Dean could never get, Castiel and Alex got each other.

“Have you ever been to the ballet?” Castiel asked Alex as he pulled into a parking lot.

“Once, when I was a kid, my parents took me to see _The Nutcracker_ \--are we going to the ballet?” Alex interrupted herself excitedly.

Without waiting for Castiel to open her door, Alex got out of his car and looked up at the building they were parked next to. When Castiel came around the car to take her arm, Alex slid her arms around him.

“You are terribly romantic, Castiel Novak,” she told him.

Castiel leaned over and kissed Alex gently on the mouth, his lips moving, his tongue teasing. Alex clutched the back of his trenchcoat, heart pounding in her ears.

“Let’s go in,” Castiel said hoarsely, breaking their kiss almost reluctantly.

Inside, after they checked their coats, Alex tucked her arm through Castiel’s, laying her head against his bicep as they headed upstairs to their seats. Castiel handed their tickets to an usher, who lead them to a little box that overlooked the stage. Alex tried not to act like a yokel, but she leaned over the edge of the box to take the whole stage in as Castiel accepted two programs from the usher.

“Castiel, this is amazing,” Alex said, turning to face him.

“Wait. Stay just like that,” Castiel said, reaching into his pocket. He pulled out his phone and snapped a picture of Alex, illuminated from the back by the blaze of the huge chandelier on the ceiling. “God, you look like an angel. One more.”

Alex laughed delightedly as Castiel snapped two more, in fact, then joined him in their seats. Castiel put his arm around her and pulled her close.

“I care very much about you, Alexandra,” he said.

“I do too,” Alex replied.

Castiel lifted Alex’s face to his to kiss her again as the lights went down. Applause broke out as the ballet began and Castiel’s and Alex’s kiss continued. Their lips parted, but they stayed just as they were, eyes locked, foreheads touching, Castiel’s rough-palmed hand cupping the back of Alex’s neck into her hair.

“I’m … I’m …” Castiel stammered, sounding very much how Alex thought he must have sounded as a teenager.

“Yes?” Alex asked, pulse pounding in her ears.

Castiel swallowed hard as dancers leapt across the stage, expressing their passion in every movement.

“I’m falling for you, Alexandra,” Castiel confessed, his voice shaking a little, ice cold exterior cracking with every word.

“Oh,” Alex breathed, heart stopping in her chest, “Castiel.”

 _Dean was falling for you too,_ a snide voice said from the deepest, blackest part of Alex’s brain.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here comes the warning: SEX LIES AHEAD.  
> . . .  
> How about this? How about I just warn you guys if there ISN'T any sex?

The ballet was nothing like how Alex remembered _The Nutcracker_ from when she was a kid. This story, _La Sylphide_ , was dark and sensual, about a man who falls for a wood nymph on his wedding day and his desperate quest to attain his unattainable love.

Alex was deeply involved in the second act when she felt her dress sliding up her legs. She looked down quickly to see Castiel’s large hand spreading her thighs by spanning his fingers open.

“What are you doing?” she whispered without taking her eyes off Castiel’s hand.

“Shhhh,” Castiel breathed. “Watch the performance.”

Alex raised her eyes to the stage, but couldn’t take her mind off Castiel’s movements between her legs.

“Are you wearing thigh highs?” Castiel whispered in her ear. “My god, you wicked vixen.” Castiel ran his fingertips over the lace tops of Alex’s stockings before catching on the clasp. “Wait. And garters?”

Alex nodded, eyes glued to the muscular man on stage, blood screaming in her ears, legs now spread wide open, dress hiked up over her thighs.

“What else are you wearing?” Castiel continued to whisper in her ear. “Nod if I’m right.” He looked down at her lap, then back up again. “Bikini?”

No response.

“A thong?”

Nod.

“Lace?”

Nod.

“Black?”

No response.

“Red?”

Nod.

“Wicked woman.” Castiel’s mouth was perilously close to Alex’s ear, his warm breath tickling, sending goosebumps over her skin. “What about your bra?”

No response.

“No bra?”

No response.

“Bustier?”

Nod.

“Alexandra, are you wearing a bustier and thong and garters under your dress?”

Alex licked her lips, loving this game. She was so, so glad she’d snuck a sexy lingerie set into her bag while Castiel’s back was turned. She nodded, a smile curling her lips, dimpling her cheek.

“Is it all red?”

Alex couldn’t stop herself. “With black lace. To match my stockings.”

Castiel’s fingers brushed the damp crotch of her thong. Alex sucked in a sharp breath as he pushed the fabric to the side, sliding his fingertips over her lips before caressing her clit. Alex jerked her head in his direction but Castiel used his other hand to turn her face back to the stage.

“Enjoy the show,” he whispered as his fingers began to move faster.

It took all of Alex’s control not to moan as Castiel worked her to an orgasm. Her pleasure built and built inside as the tension built and built onstage. Castiel kept his mouth near her ear, whispering all the dirty things he was going to do to her later. When Alex finally let go, it was at the exact second the crescendo of music exploded on stage. Alex threw her head back as the music soared, her hips lifting off her chair, hands gripping the seat, mouth open in a silent scream of pleasure.

Castiel watched all this with seductive, heavy-lidded eyes. Slowly, he brought his slick fingers to his mouth and slid them between his lips. Alex watched all this, biting her lip, trying to get her panting under control. Castiel dipped his index finger inside her panties one more time, sliding it slowly between her lips.

“Open your mouth,” he said. Alex parted her lips slightly and Castiel slipped his finger in. “How do you taste?”

“So good,” Alex replied, laving his finger hungrily.

“When we get back to our room, I’m going to fuck you until you scream,” Castiel told her softly.

On stage, the main character floundered and collapsed beautifully, dying as exquisitely as only a ballet dancer can. Alex knew exactly how he felt.

The cottage door flew open and Castiel and Alex tumbled in, wrapped around each other, kissing, biting, pawing. Castiel kicked it closed and slammed Alex against it, arms pinned above her head, coat rented open, one of his legs jammed between her thighs. Alex ground down on his thigh, desperate for friction, already crying out his name, while Castiel bit her hard on the neck.

“Fuck me,” Alex cried out. “Fuck me here. Right here. Against the door.”

Castiel fumbled at his belt, yanking it out of the loops, and pulled his cock free. Pushing her skirt and panties out of the way, Castiel plunged into Alex. Alex thrust her hips forward for a better angle, wrapped one leg around him, and let herself be fucked. There was no finesse to it. No style, no form. It was just hard, rough, careless fucking.

When Castiel finally came, his cock was buried balls deep inside her, his face was buried in her neck, and he was half-groaning, half-screaming, “Fuckfuckfuckfuck, Alexandra!” It was enough to push Alex over the edge and she let go, intensely enjoying the surge of power at making Castiel yell her name. This harsh bang against the door was all for him. Despite all his outward polish, Alex had a feeling the guy Castiel was before fucked girls against walls, doors, in bathroom stalls, on the hoods of cars, and pretty much anywhere else he felt like.

“Castiel, let me go clean up,” Alex whispered in his ear.

“Yes, of course.” Castiel pulled out slowly and luxuriously, making Alex hitch her breath as the movement. Castiel went to roll off the nonexistent condom and, finding he’d forgotten to put one on, looked up at Alex quickly, blue eyes concerned.

“I’m on the pill,” Alex told him.

“Oh.” Castiel looked relieved.

“I’m gonna go clean up,” Alex said, motioning toward the bathroom.

“Leave your lingerie on,” Castiel said as he took her coat and hung it up.

Alex smiled. “Of course. Do you know how long it took to get it on?”

Castiel chuckled as Alex fled to the bathroom.

When she re-joined Castiel, he’d lit a fire and was sitting in one of the leather armchairs in front of the roaring flames. He was shirtless, fire dancing across his chest tattoo and the flat, muscular plane of his belly, and wearing soft cotton pajama pants. Alex padded across the room to him in her stockinged feet, adjusting the string of her thong as it climbed up her bottom. Castiel looked up when he heard her coming.

“Come here, my love,” he said, putting his book aside and patting his lap. Alex curled up on his thighs as Castiel slid his arms around her waist. “Wait. No. Stand up first.”

Alex stood in front of Castiel, arms out while he held her hands lightly, taking her all in.

“My god, look at you,” he whispered. “All red satin and black lace. And with that innocent face. You’re like a walking contradiction of sex.”

Alex made a little face. “Is that a compliment or …”

Castiel smiled and pulled Alex onto his lap again. “Oh, that is an absolute compliment.”

Alex laid her head in the hollow of Castiel’s shoulder, nuzzling his neck. “You should talk.”

“What do you mean?” Castiel asked softly.

“Under those fine suits and crisp shirts and shiny shoes, there’s this mad and wild sex fiend.” Alex’s mouth grazed his throat as she spoke. “No one would believe that urbane and restrained Professor Novak fucks like an animal and fingers his girlfriend in public.”

Castiel’s chest vibrated as he exhaled shakily. “No one … knows me like you do now, Alexandra.”

Alex’s tongue traced the tendons in Castiel’s neck up to his ear. “Not a single person?” she whispered.

Castiel shook his head. “No.”

Alex stopped being sexy for a minute to sit back a little and look Castiel in the face.

“What are you saying, Castiel?” she asked.

“I’ve never exposed as much of myself to anyone before as I have to you.”

“Why me?”

Castiel leveled Alex with an intense stare.

“Because you and I have so much more in common that you can realize.”

With that, Castiel moved Alex to the floor in front of the fireplace. Laying her flat on her back, he ran his hands over the planes of her nipped-in waist, the swell of her breasts, the roundness of her hips.

“Put your arms above your head,” he said softly. Alex complied and Castiel drew his tie out of the pocket of his pajama pants. “May I …?”

“Yes,” Alex breathed.

Castiel bound Alex’s wrists together loosely, but Alex held them out to him.

“Tighter.”

“Alexandra--”

“Tighter, Castiel.”

Castiel tightened the binding on her wrists and Alex flung her arms over her head again, closing her eyes. Castiel’s deft fingers unclasped the stockings from the garter before kneeing her legs apart. Kneeling between her legs, Castiel leaned over Alex’s prone body, his mouth peppering her face with feather-light kisses. Alex giggled when he skimmed over her ears.

“That tickles,” she giggled.

Castiel did it again, on purpose, bringing on more laughter. While Alex laughed, she felt him start to undo the hooks and eyes that held her bustier closed. Slowly, terribly maddeningly slowly, Castiel’s calloused fingers caressed Alex’s skin as he unhooked the clasps of her lingerie, his lips following the opening as it got wider and wider. When her bustier was finally open, Alex was panting and whimpering.

“Castiel …” she mewled.

“Hush, my love,” he replied, his breath hot on her hips. His hands ran over the lines left by the bones in her bustier.

“But--”

“Alex _an_ dra.” Castiel’s voice held a warning tone.

Alex pressed on nonetheless. “Touch me. Please, Castiel.”

“You’ll get exactly what you need,” Castiel’s hoarse voice promised from out of her eyeline.

Alex groaned desperately, raising her back off the floor, her shoulders and ass still pressed against the rug, her bound wrists making it hard to move. Castiel’s tongue was suddenly tracing the top of the thigh high on her left leg as he drew her thong down. Alex was suddenly very aware that her pussy might have the lingering taste of his cum.

“Castiel! Wait!” she cried out.

“Shhh, my love,” Castiel told her as he pulled her thong off.

“But--but--” Alex began.

“I don’t care,” he said as if he knew exactly what she was going to say.

Castiel licked Alex from top to bottom a few times before settling in to suck her clit. Teasing and sucking made Alex came fast and hard. She was hardly over her first orgasm before Castiel was rolling her over onto her belly and lifting her hips up off the rug.

“God, your ass, Alexandra,” Castiel groaned randomly before sinking deep into her pussy.

Alex let out a squeak as Castiel slammed his hips against her. Propped up on her elbows, Alex slammed her ass back against him. One of Castiel’s hands snaked between her legs to tease her, but Alex didn’t need him to. He was hitting her g-spot with every stroke, making her cum over and over again.

“Oh, my god,” Alex burst out. “Castiel, please.”

Castiel’s grunts grew more insistent as he sped up. He gripped her hips suddenly and pulled her back against him as he knelt up on the floor. Sitting on his lap reverse cowgirl as Castiel bit her neck and finished deep inside her, Alex cried out before she could stop herself,

“Fuck, I love you!”


	26. Chapter 26

“So, are we going to talk about what you said?” Castiel asked an hour later while they soaked in the Jacuzzi in their bathroom.

Alex gave him a quizzical look. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Castiel arched one eyebrow. “Alexandra--”

“What’s said during sex should never be taken seriously,” Alex interrupted.

Castiel barked out a short laugh. “So, the next time you say ‘don’t stop,’ I should stop then?”

“Dear Christ, no,” Alex replied, horrified. “Don’t do that. I meant, ya know, other stuff.”

“Like orgasm-induced declarations of love?” Castiel teased sardonically.

Alex splashed Castiel. “Shut up. That never happened.”

Castiel laughed and Alex splashed him again.

“Why don’t we talk about what you said?” Alex asked.

“When?” Castiel replied, nonchalantly popping bubbles.

“At the ballet,” Alex prompted.

Castiel’s blue eyes shone mischievously. “Oh, _that_ we can talk about?”

Alex slid across the tub to nestle herself between Castiel’s legs. Castiel put his arms around her, pulling her back against his chest. Alex rested her head in the hollow of his shoulder.

“I think we should,” she said.

“I think I made myself very clear: I’m falling for you.” Castiel kissed Alex on the temple. “I haven’t felt like this in--well, years, if I’m being honest.”

“But why me?” Alex asked. “I’m sure you’ve dated other people.”

“Oh, of course,” Castiel said. “But that was it: it was just casual dating. With you, it’s more intense. There are _feelings_.”

“Oh, god. Not _feelings_ ,” Alex teased and was rewarded with tickling for her sass.

“What about you?” Castiel asked. “You did scream out that you loved me during sex.”

Alex groaned and covered her face. “Didn’t we cover that already?”

“Sometimes the truth comes out at the most inopportune times, Alexandra.”

“Ugh. Stop sounding like a professor for half a minute.”

Castiel chuckled. It was a low sound that rumbled in his chest.

“If you aren’t comfortable discussing it …” Castiel let the sentence hang in the air.

“Well, I can’t deny I have feelings for you,” Alex said.

“But love? You mentioned love,” Castiel teased a little.

Alex sighed. Did she love Castiel? Could that be possible so soon?

“Let’s just go with feelings,” she said finally.

“Oh, god. Not _feelings_ ,” Castiel teased, echoing her.

Alex splashed water backwards, catching them both in the face. Castiel threw his head back and let out a loud guffaw, making Alex feel a sudden surge of longing.

_Dean_ , she thought, her reaction to Castiel’s laugh coming unbidden to her brain.

Hours later, Alex and Castiel lay in the canopy bed together, curled up in each other’s arms. Alex’s head rested in the hollow of Castiel’s shoulder while his hands stroked the ridges of her spine. Alex snuggled down closer to him, laying her head on his chest, listening to his heart. Her fingers traced the tattoo spread across his chest.

“Castiel?” Alex asked softly.

“Hmmm?” he replied, sounding content and slightly sleepy.

Alex’s index finger ran over the Roman numerals on his clock tattoo, then over the initials.

“Who’s VN?” she whispered.

Castiel didn’t answer for a long time. Alex didn’t look up at him, but laid her hand over his heart.

“My mother,” he said finally. His voice shook with the effort to control his emotions. “Valerie Novak.”

“And the numbers?” Alex tried next.

Castiel exhaled. “Alexandra, I’m not ready to--”

“I’m sorry,” Alex said quickly, interrupting him. She leaned up and kissed his jawline. “I’m sorry.”

“Oh, my love,” Castiel whispered. “Don’t apologize.”

Alex’s heart raced in her ears. Valerie Novak. Castiel’s mother. He wore a reminder of her always. Not like Alex, who nearly refused to ever reference her parents unless she absolutely had to. Who was Valerie Novak? What did she do to Castiel to make him so afraid to discuss her?

Alex was nearly asleep, the warmth of the bed and the dying fire and Castiel lulling her there easily, when she heard Castiel whisper,

“Nine is the number of foster homes I was in after my mother abandoned me.”

Alex’s eyes popped open, but she didn’t move or make a sound, laying against Castiel’s chest, listening to his even breathing as he drifted off to sleep. Alex laid awake for hours, trembling, before exhaustion finally overtook her.

Over a sumptuous private breakfast delivered to their cottage door at 8am, Alex watched Castiel closely. He gave away no hints that he’d dropped such a bombshell on her the night before.

“I was thinking today we’d do whatever you want,” he was saying as he spread marmalade on his toast.

“Okay,” Alex agreed, watching Castiel eat. She toyed with her fork. “You sleep okay?

Castiel grinned at her. “Absolutely. I had a beautiful woman in my bed. Even though she snored.”

Alex grinned back, in spite of herself. “Nerd.”

“So, what are you thinking?”

“Museum?” Alex suggested.

Castiel looked surprised. “Nothing else? Just a museum? No shopping or something along those lines?”

Alex pulled a face. “Nah. How many pairs of jeans do I really need?”

Castiel chuckled, rolling his eyes.

Showered and dressed with her hair pulled back from her face with headband and a swipe of blood red lipstick and mascara, Alex waited for Castiel to come out on the bedroom. When he did, Alex almost choked on her tongue.

Castiel had put on jeans, black 6-hole Docs, an olive green button down with the sleeves cuffed up over a black t-shirt. His hair was all sex hair spiky and he was wearing a watch with a thick black cuff.

“Holy shit,” Alex gasped.

“Casual enough for you?” Castiel asked.

“God, yes,” Alex agreed, fanning herself.

“You look good too.”

Alex snorted. “Now I definitely feel sloppy.”

“Pfft,” Castiel snickered derisively. “My girl is sexy.”

Alex, in tight jeans, tight red sweater, a low-slung black belt over her hips, and calf-high boots, went to get her coat without taking her eyes off Castiel.

“What?” he asked, forgoing his trenchcoat.

“I just can’t get over you in your Docs and open shirt,” Alex told him as she pulled on her car coat.

“Oh, yes?” Castiel asked. “Watch this then.”

Castiel pulled a narrow-cut, distressed black leather jacket from his bag.

“That’s not even _right_!” Alex howled. “How can I look at _art_ all day with you looking like _that_ all day?”

Alex waved her hands over the vision of sex that was Castiel as he laughed and tucked his wallet and phone into his inside jacket pocket.

“Wait!” Alex grabbed her phone. “Just stand there. I need this on film.”

Castiel paused, a smug grin on his face, as Alex snapped the photo.

“You evil bastard. You’re doing this on purpose,” she accused.

“Doing what?” Castiel asked, all innocence.

Alex wrapped her arms around Castiel’s waist.

“Being incredibly sexy.”

Castiel brushed his mouth over Alex’s red lips. The kiss would’ve deepened if he hadn’t pulled away.

“Let’s go before we end up pantsless,” he said.

“I happen to _enjoy_ being pantsless.”  
  
Castiel arched one eyebrow. “I’ve noticed.”

The art museum Alex chose was downtown and hosted an impressive collection of British art from a private owner. It was why Alex, Anglophile that she was, chose that particular museum. Castiel let himself be lead away from the modern art to the rooms housing The Berger Collection.

“Oh,” Alex breathed, trying not to be too ecstatic over the collection. “Castiel, look. Aren’t they beautiful?”

Castiel watched Alex’s expression as she stood in front of a 14th century stained glass called _Figure of an Archangel_.

“So beautiful,” he agreed.

Alex glanced his way. “You aren’t even looking at the art.”

“Yes,” Castiel replied, “I am.”

Alex’s heart leapt into her throat. She reached her hand out and Castiel took it, his fingers sliding between hers. Alex drew Castiel to her and he stood behind her, still holding her hand.

“Looks like someone’s here with her daddy,” a voice behind them said suddenly.

Alex spun around to see a middle aged couple watching Alex and Castiel. The woman wore a sour expression. Alex inhaled to retort, but Castiel squeezed her hand.

“Disregard her, Alexandra,” he said clearly.

Alex shot the couple a furious glare, but didn’t say a word. The woman looked rather triumphant at her snide little victory until Castiel turned Alex around in his arms and kissed her rather passionately. Then the old bat at least had the wherewithal to put on a shocked face.

“Castiel, you’re terrible.” Alex smothered her laughter as the older couple hustled away, shooting them disapproving looks.

“I dislike judgmental people,” Castiel said.

“I noticed.”

Alex and Castiel moved across the room, holding hands. Suddenly, Alex froze, jerking Castiel to a stop. He glanced back at her to comment, but noticed her shocked face.

“Alexandra, what’s wrong?” he asked.

“This portrait,” Alex replied in a hushed voice. “She looks … like my mother.”

“Does she?” Castiel turned to inspect the painting, called _Portrait of a Lady_ by Michael Dahl.

“Oh, my god. I just can’t believe it,” Alex whispered, eyes welling. “She looks just like Mom.”

“Alexandra, are you going to be alright?” Castiel put his arm around her shoulder.

“No. Yes. I don’t know,” Alex stammered, wiping away the tears that had escaped.

“Well, she was beautiful, Alexandra.” Castiel tucked a lock of Alex’s hair behind her ear before kissing the spot in front of her ear gently. “Like mother, like daughter.”

“Can I--can I have a minute?” Alex whispered.

“Of course, my love.” Castiel squeezed her shoulder and left Alex alone.

Alex stood there for a long time, just staring at the portrait. Castiel waited, arms crossed, watching. He watched Alex shake herself free of her cobwebs, turn, and smile at him. Castiel smiled back, but didn’t make a move to go to her. Alex came across the room to him and put her arms around him.

“Thank you,” she said.

“For what, my love?” Castiel replied.

“For being sweet.”

“I’m not sweet,” Castiel teased dryly.

“Oh, not all the time, my lord,” Alex teased back, “but you have your moments.”

“My lord, huh?” Castiel mused. “I like that.”

“Maybe--if you’re good--I’ll call you ‘my lord’ later.” Alex’s red lips curved into a naughty smirk.

“Alexandra,” Castiel said warningly.

“Yes?” Alex purred. “My lord?”

“Lord above, woman.” Castiel glanced around the room. “Not in public.”

Alex let out a laugh. “Not in _public_? Did you _really_ just say that?”

Castiel smiled ruefully, realizing his gaffe. Alex linked her arm through his and led him into the next room.


	27. Chapter 27

Dinner was Alex’s choice, which meant hitting up one of the city’s most famous steakhouses. After refusing to let Castiel order wine (“Beer only! It’s a steakhouse!”) and ordering the rattlesnake appetizer, Alex smiled across the table at him.

“This place has been around since 1893,” she told him.

Castiel glanced around. “I think that head over you has been here since 1893.”

Alex looked over her shoulder to see a moose gazing down at them with a sad, droopy expression. She giggled.

“Poor Moose. He misses Squirrel,” she joked in a bad Russian accent.

“Велкоме, Мусе. Внере ис Скоррел?” Castiel asked.

Alex looked shocked. “What?”

“I said ‘Welcome, Moose. Where is Squirrel?’ in Russian.”

“Wait. You speak Russian?” Alex asked.

“Yes.”

“Stop it. Say something else.”

Castiel thought for a moment before replying, “Я в любви с вами, Александра.”

“What did you say?” Alex leaned her chin on one hand. “I heard my name.”

“I can’t tell you that, Alexandra,” Castiel told her.

“Ugh.” Alex made an exasperated noise as the server came back with their beers and appetizer. “You’re so frustrating.”

“ _What_ did you order again?” Castiel looked dubiously at the rattlesnake.

Alex laughed at his face. “It’s smoked rattlesnake with chipotle cream cheese and tortilla chips.”

“Alexandra--” Castiel began.

“Just try it,” Alex urged. “I thought you were supposed to be the cultured one.”

Castiel looked up at Alex, his upper lip curled like a little kid being told to eat his broccoli. He wrinkled his nose.

“Cultured is one thing, Alexandra,” he said. “Man wasn’t meant to put certain things in his mouth.”

“I’ll remember that the next time you want a blow job.” Alex popped a piece of snake into her mouth.

Castiel laughed. “I said ‘man,’ not ‘woman.’”

Eventually, Castiel tried the curious rattlesnake dish. He declared it ‘different,’ but left the rest for Alex to enjoy.

Dinner was huge steaks covered in garlic butter and mushrooms with salads and wild rice (Castiel) and mashed potatoes (Alex). They shared a Dutch apple pie with cinnamon rum sauce, which didn’t get finished.

“I can’t remember when I ate that much,” Castiel said, leaning back in his chair.

“I know.” Alex rubbed her belly. “I ate enough for two.”

Castiel looked up at Alex sharply. “What’s that mean?”

Alex blinked, surprised at his reaction. “It means I ate like a pig.”

Castiel visibly relaxed. “Oh. I see.”

“Oh, dear crap, Castiel,” Alex groaned. “Did you think I was hinting that I was pregnant?”

Castiel shrugged, suddenly embarrassed.

“What do you want to do now?” he asked, swiftly changing the subject. “It’s still early.”

“Let’s go dancing,” Alex suggested as the idea struck her.

Castiel looked slightly horrified.

“Dancing? Isn’t there anything else-- _any_ thing else in the _entire_ city--you want to do instead?” he asked.

“Nope,” Alex replied, gleefully enjoying Castiel’s palpable discomfort. “I love to dance. C’mon, Castiel. Live a little.”

Castiel rolled his eyes, looking curmudgeonly.

“Fine,” he agreed finally.

“Great! I found the perfect place.”

“When on earth did you do that?” Castiel asked as they left the restaurant.

“When I went to the ladies room.” Alex waved her phone at Castiel. “Google is my best friend.”

“I think I may sue Google,” Castiel joked.

The club Alex picked was located in a renovated church. There was a crowd out front waiting to get in when Castiel drove by on the way to the closest parking garage.

“That looks like a sizable crowd, Alexandra,” Castiel commented. “Perhaps we won’t be able to get in.”

He sounded overly hopeful at the idea.

“I can get us in,” Alex told him as she stripped off her jacket and red sweater to reveal a sheer white cami and black lace bra.

“Alexandra, what--?” Castiel began.

“I’m getting us past the velvet ropes, baby.” Alex winked at Castiel playfully as she smudged a little mascara on her eyes to give herself a smoky look.

“Is that bra see-through?” Castiel asked curiously.

“It mostly isn’t.”

“I’d say it mostly is. Since that’s your nipple right there.” Castiel reached across the seat to tease her nipple a little.

Alex moaned deep in her throat.

“Later, my lord. Take me dancing first.”

“You’re going to freeze out here.” Castiel wrapped his arms around Alex’s half-dressed body as they headed to the front door of the club.

“But I’ll be sweaty in no time,” Alex told him. “I know how you like me sweaty.”

“Minx,” Castiel teased.

Standing outside, Alex had to admit to herself that maybe taking her sweater off was perhaps not the brightest idea, but when the bouncer caught sight of her, his eyes gleamed and he motioned her over to the rope. Alex grasped Castiel’s hand and lead him over.

“Okay, Daddy Issues, you two are in.” The bouncer unclipped the rope while handing Alex free drink tickets.

Alex winked at the bouncer while Castiel glared at him. The bouncer turned his attention to Castiel next.

“Are you two a thing? For real?” the bouncer asked.

“Yes,” Castiel replied, pausing as he walked past the bouncer.

The bouncer’s eyes roved over Castiel. He winked.

“Well, that’s a damn shame.”

Alex pressed her lips together to suppress her laughter until they were in the club. Castiel seemed bemused.

“He was flirting with me,” Castiel was saying.

“He certainly was,” Alex agreed.

“I’m kinda flattered.” Castiel grinned down at Alex.

“You should be. Gay men have excellent taste.”

Castiel leaned over to whisper in her ear as he grabbed her ass. “You have an excellent taste.”

Alex shivered a little before turning to the dance floor. It was 90s Night, so the DJ was playing _This Is How We Do It_ by Montell Jordan. Alex spun around and grabbed Castiel’s hands.

“Come on!” she cried happily. “Come dance with me!”

“You dance. I’ll get us some beers,” Castiel offered.

“Fine.” Alex spun away and headed into the throbbing mass of humanity that was the dancers.

Alex danced and danced and danced. She was incorporated into a group of girls, but she kept her eye on Castiel, who seemed to think holding up the bar was his job. Sweating, grinning, and cheerful, Alex bounced over to him during _Rhythm is a Dancer_.

“C’mon, my lord.” Alex tugged on Castiel’s arm. “Dance with me.”

“I’m not a very good dancer,” Castiel admitted.

“No guy is. And who cares? We’re supposed to be having fun.” Alex dragged a very resistant Castiel onto the floor.

Castiel was right: he was a _very_ not good dancer. But Alex didn’t care. She loved the way it felt to move her hips against him, the way the music and other dancers pulsed around them, the way Castiel’s hands felt on her waist as she moved in time with the beat. There was something ridiculously primal and sexual about the way Castiel gripped her waist, holding her against his pelvis so she could feel his stiffening cock.

“You tease,” he hissed in her ear.

Alex ground her ass on him harder. “You like it, my lord.”

Castiel spun Alex around and grasped her close. His face flashed in the shadow and light of the lights of the club. Alex could see how turned on he was. Reaching up, she licked a drop of sweat off the tip of his nose.

“You wanna fuck me so hard right now, don’t you?” she asked, looking up at Castiel with heavy-lidded eyes. Alex licked her lips as she rolled her pelvis into Castiel, brushing the rock hard bulge in the front of his jeans.

“Yes,” Castiel growled back.

“Bend me over and just take me?”

“Yes.”

“Pound me until I scream?”

Castiel glowered down at Alex. The look sent a delicious shudder through Alex. The power in this sexual power struggle was trickling her way.

“Watch me, Castiel,” she said and melted into the crowd, leaving Castiel alone.

Castiel’s blue eyes scanned the room until he spotted Alex. She had positioned herself amongst other girls on a small stage. The girls, mostly friends apparently, but some strangers mixed in, were turning the phrase “grinding” into an artform. With _Livin’ La Vida Loca_ playing behind them, the girls--Alex included--were going mad. Castiel watching as Alex and another girl embraced and rolled their hips against each other while looking like they were going to devour each other at any second. Alex glanced Castiel’s way, licking her lips. The second girl followed Alex’s gaze, caught Castiel’s eye, and dragged her tongue up Alex’s neck to her ear without breaking her eyelock on him. Castiel shook his head a little, a little amazed and a lot turned on by this exhibitionist Alex.

The song ended and Alex went to jump off the stage, but the second girl grabbed her and placed a messy kiss on her mouth. Alex responded in kind, burying her hands in the other girl’s dark hair. Castiel started as the two girls turned to him with nearly identical “come fuck me” smolders. Alex finally pulled away from the second girl, headed over to Castiel, grabbed his hand, and lead him out of the club without looking back. Castiel glanced back at the other girl, who seemed momentarily disappointed, then distracted herself with someone else.

Once they were outside, Castiel ignored the freezing wind and pressed Alex against the side of the club. Alex stared up at Castiel, blood-red lips curled into a wicked smile.

“Goddamn it, Alexandra,” he breathed, hands running over her ice cold arms. “What the fuck was that?”

“I’m a bad girl,” Alex replied, arching one eyebrow.

“Yes, you are,” Castiel agreed.

Alex took one of Castiel’s hands and put it on her ass. “You should do something about that.”

Castiel’s blue eyes gleamed. “All you have to do is ask, Alexandra.”

“Teach me a lesson, Castiel.” Alex heard herself say it, shocked at her own audacity.

“With pleasure, my love,” Castiel replied, grabbing Alex around the waist to half-carry, half-drag her to his car.

They didn’t even bother driving back to the inn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Russian translation:   
> Велкоме, Мусе. Внере ис Скоррел?: Welcome, Moose. Where is Squirrel?  
> Я в любви с вами, Александра.: You know what? I'm not translating that. Translate it if you like, but keep it to yourself.  
> Songs from the club:  
> "This is How We Do It" by Montell Jordan: https://youtu.be/0hiUuL5uTKc  
> "Rhythm is a Dancer" by Snap!: https://youtu.be/WMPM1q_Uyxc  
> "Livin' La Vida Loca" by Ricky Martin: https://youtu.be/p47fEXGabaY


	28. Chapter 28

Christmas Eve. Alex locked the door of the bookshop well past closing time. It was late, she was exhausted, and all she wanted to do was go to sleep. Halfway up the stairs, her phone chirped. Alex sighed before checking it.

_merry x-mas, sweetheart_

Dean.

Alex froze on the steps. Should she text him back? Could she? I mean, it was just a little holiday greeting. It wasn’t like he was asking her about her panties.

_happy christmas, dean_

_thanks for the update about my ta and masters_

_you’re welcome. did you work it out?_

_yeah, my head knew i was taking a few personal days. it was set up way before_

_okay, good. don’t want you to get in trouble_

_ah, sweetheart. i can get in trouble without any help from them_

_i’m aware_

_so, how’s the boyfriend? bored yet?_

Alex made a face. Of course Dean would ask that. She should have known it was coming. She let herself into her apartment, kicked off her shoes, and headed into the living room.

_he’s fine, thanks_

_still not gonna tell me who it is?_

_nope_

_you’re vicious, sweetheart_

_why do you wanna know so bad?_

_just curious to know who snatched my girl away_

My girl. Alex sat down on her couch with a thump. She needed to handle this carefully.

_i didn’t know i was your girl_

_sure, you were_

_it would’ve been nice to know that_

_thought i made it pretty clear_

_no, you didn’t. you slept with someone else_

_you were dating someone else_

_touche. lol_

Suddenly, Alex’s phone rang. Dean’s name showed up on the screen and Alex got a little thrill.

“Hey,” she said softly.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Dean replied just as softly. “How’s my girl?”

Alex couldn’t stop herself from giggling. “I’m not your girl, Dean.”

“Aw, c’mon, sweetheart,” Dean insisted. Alex could hear him moving around through the phone. “You’ll always be my girl.”

“If you say so,” Alex teased.

“So, what did Boyfriend get you for Christmas?” Dean asked.

“He took me away for a few days,” Alex told him.

Dean sighed a little into the phone and Alex bit her lip, imagining him stretching those muscular, freckled arms over his head. A visual of Dean reclining in his childhood bed on those infamous Darth Vader sheets in a white tank and pajama pants popped in her head and wouldn’t leave.

_I hate you, brain,_ Alex thought.

_What? He’s hot,_ her brain replied.

“Fancy,” Dean commented and Alex could hear a touch of sarcasm underlying his voice. “Somewhere nice?”

“Yes.” Alex felt 16 types of wrong having this conversation about Castiel with Dean.

“You wanna tell me about it?”

“Oh, my god. Not hardly,” Alex said, horrified.

Dean laughed. “You don’t want to tell me about all the dirty sex stuff?”

Alex laughed, in spite of herself. “You don’t want to know.”

“Hell yeah, I do,” Dean replied, his tone incredibly wicked. “I want to picture it so I can store up for later when I’m all alone.”

“Dean!” Alex exclaimed.

“Oh, zip it, Sister Alex,” Dean teased with a low laugh. “You’re hardly an innocent.”

“Oh, I’m quite innocent,” Alex told him.

“Yeah? How’s that?” Dean asked.

“Well, I’m wearing white panties.”

“Oh, yeah?” Dean sounded interested. “Are they lacy?”

“Definitely,” Alex said. “And they’re boy shorts. I know how much you like them.”

“Damn, sweetheart,” Dean played along. “You know exactly what I like.”

Alex snuggled down into the couch pillows. “I know my Professor Winchester.”

Dean exhaled shortly. “I do like it when you call me that.”

“Oh, Professor Winchester,” Alex teased in a breathy little voice.

“Don’t start something you can’t finish, sweetheart,” Dean told her.

Alex couldn’t stop herself. “I always finish with you, Professor Winchester.”

Dean groaned a little. “Tell me more.”

Alex blushed. Dean Winchester groaning in her ear, even over the phone, was enough to send a rush of hormones through her.

“I think you’d love it if I was there with you, Dean,” Alex suggested in a low voice.

“You know it,” Dean replied. “Go on.”

Alex hesitated for half a second, considering. Hell, her life was so kinky these days, what was a little phone sex amongst friends? Taking a deep breath, Alex launched into a running narrative so filthy, Dean was panting just a few minutes in. Alex got off just listening to him through the phone.

“Goddamn, sweetheart,” Dean muttered as his breathing went back to normal. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too,” Alex replied immediately.

Alex pressed her lips together. Shit. She should not have said that.

“Oh, yeah?” Dean asked. “How much?”

“How much?” Alex repeated weakly.

“Enough to have a drink with me when I come back?” Dean asked.

“I--I don’t know,” Alex stammered.

“C’mon, sweetheart. One drink isn’t cheating.” Dean’s voice caressed each word.

“Okay,” Alex heard herself agree quietly.

“That’s my girl.” Dean’s voice went even lower, more velvety. “Can’t wait to see that beautiful smile.”

“Dean,” Alex protested in a feeble voice.

“I’ll see you when I get home. Night, sweetheart. Merry Christmas.” Alex could hear Dean’s heart-stopping grin through the phone as he hung up.

Alex squeezed her eyes shut, pressing her phone against her forehead. Fuck, fuck, _fuck_. What had she just done?

Christmas dawned snowy and icy and looking so much like a winter wonderland, Alex kept waiting for Frosty to go skating past her window through the mall. She was due over at Donna’s house at 1.30pm for lunch/dinner and presents, but Castiel was coming over in the morning to make breakfast together.

Padding through her apartment to start the coffee, Alex smiled a little to herself. If she had been told last Christmas how happy she’d be this Christmas, Alex was sure she would’ve flipped you off and laughed in your face. Graduation on the horizon, a published short story, a handsome boyfriend, and loving friends were all making her life so much more enjoyable. Better than it had been in years.

A soft knock on the door sent Alex scurrying to let Castiel in.

“Morning, my love,” he said, kissing her warmly and handing her a gift box. “Merry Christmas.”

“What is this?” Alex asked as she accepted the gift. “I thought the trip was my present.”

“And then have nothing to rip open under the tree?” Castiel looked over her shoulder. “Where is your tree?”

Alex blushed. “I don’t have one.”

Castiel looked puzzled. “Why not?”

“I haven’t gotten one since my parents died.” Alex shrugged. “No point in it if I keep waking up alone.”

Castiel frowned at Alex.

“That’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard,” he told her, touching her face.

“Yeah, maybe.” Alex let the subject blow over. “Do you want your present now or at Donna’s?”

Castiel blue eyes like up like a little boy’s. “Now, if I may.”

“You may.” Alex grinned and ran off to her bedroom. “Finish making the coffee!”

Reaching under her bed, Alex pulled a gift bag out. She paused before she left the room, taking a deep breath to steady herself. In the bag was her father’s first edition copy of _Treasure Island_. Alex’s mother had given it to Alex’s father the day she learned her lung cancer was terminal. Castiel had his own copy of the book already, but Alex’s father’s copy was antique, perfectly kept, with the pages already cut, and hand-painted illustrations. It was worth a fortune and her father had adored it, but Alex hadn’t touched it in years and Castiel deserved it.

“Here.” Alex held the bag out to Castiel shyly.

Castiel took the bag. He seemed unsure of what to do with it. Alex waited, watching him handle the bag awkwardly.

“What’s the matter?” she asked.

“I honestly can’t remember the last time I got a gift from a woman.” Castiel looked up at her, a wry smile on his full lips. “My secretary doesn’t count. She always gives me homemade potholders in blue to match my eyes.”

“I think she has a crush on you.” Alex poured herself a cup of coffee, then leaned against the counter. “She’s always watching you.”

Castiel snorted. “She’s always watching me because she’s trying to catch me doing something I’m not supposed to be doing.”

“Oh?” Alex asked dryly as Castiel took a sip of his coffee. “Like eating out a student on your desk while pocketing her panties?”

Castiel choked on his coffee while Alex grinned at him.

“Open your present,” Alex said.

Castiel put his mug down and started to dismantle the gift bag. When he finally made it past the tissue paper and ribbons, Castiel gave Alex a quizzical look as he pulled the acid-free paper wrapped book out.

“Alexandra--” he began.

“God, shut your face and unwrap your gift,” Alex interrupted.

Castiel unwrapped the book and had to grip the back of the kitchen chair when he saw it. Castiel reached out with shaking fingers to touch the fine leather cover of _Treasure Island_ before opening the cover a little to read the inscription on the inside.

“To My Husband, Our life together is my greatest treasure. Love, your angel.” Castiel looked up at Alex. Alex was shocked to see the tears in his eyes. “Alexandra, who did this book belong to?”

“My father,” Alex told him. “My mother gave it to him.”

“I cannot accept this,” Castiel said immediately.

“Why not?” Alex asked.

“Because this book was your father’s. You should keep it,” Castiel insisted.

“I don’t need a book to remember my father,” Alex said. She reached out, touched Castiel’s trembling arm, then slid herself into his embrace. “Any man with a _Treasure Island_ quote and the _Hispaniola_ tattooed on his back deserves to have it.”

“Alexandra, I …” Castiel’s voice got caught in his throat as the tears that had been threatening spilled over. He buried his face in Alex’s shoulder as Alex stroked his back.

“I love you,” he whispered between tears.

“What?” Alex whispered back, gasping.

“I love you, Alexandra,” he repeated. “But it’s okay. You don’t have to say it or love me back.”

Alex’s heart broke. How many people had Castiel told he loved only to have his heart crushed that he now reassured people that they didn’t have to love him back?

“I love you too, Castiel.” Alex kissed his damp cheek. “And I’ll always say it back.”


	29. Chapter 29

Holding hands and smiling like idiots, Alex and Castiel knocked on the wreath-adorned door of Donna’s apartment. The door swung open to reveal Benny LaFitte, wearing a ridiculous Santa hat with his name printed on it in glitter and holding a beer. He grinned as soon as he saw Alex.

“Merry Christmas, darlin’!” he exclaimed, giving her a bear hug. “Is this the beau I’ve been hearin’ so much--”

Benny’s voice cut off when he recognized Castiel. Next to Alex, Castiel was frozen to the front stoop, squeezing Alex’s hand so hard, her fingers began to throb.

“Well, hey there, Castiel,” Benny said evenly.

“Hello, Benny. Nice to see you again,” Castiel replied, his calm demeanor belying his absolute anxiety of meeting another professor.

“Benny! What are you doing, silly? Let them in!” Donna pushed Benny out of the way. She was also wearing a Santa hat and a red sweater with a sparkly Christmas tree on it. “Merry Christmas! Come in! Come in!”

Donna bustled Alex and Castiel in, past Benny who watched Castiel go by with slightly narrowed eyes. Jody waved at them from the kitchen doorway, then disappeared again.

“Damn it, Donna! Don’t you have any normal potholders?” Jody suddenly yelled out. She came out of the kitchen, holding an oven mitt shaped like Rudolph. “I can’t pick up the ham with this on my hand.”

“Throw your coats on my bed, kids,” Donna told Alex and Castiel before heading into the kitchen to argue with Jody about the cuteness and functionality of her Rudolph oven mitts.  

Alex took Castiel’s trench coat from him. “Here. I know the way.”

Alex didn’t realize that Benny was right on her heels until she had tossed the coats on Donna’s bed and turned around.

“Hey, Benny,” she said nervously.

“Can we talk a minute, darlin’?” he asked, closing the door over.

“I guess ‘no’ isn’t really an option, is it?” Alex replied.

“Not really,” Benny agreed. “Listen, darlin’, I ain’t gonna tell ya what to do, but I gotta tell ya, seein’ you here with Castiel hurts my heart for my friend.”

“I don’t--” Alex began lamely.

Benny held his hand up. “Darlin’, please don’t try and lie to me. I know about you and my friend. And I know that my friend is best friends with your new boyfriend. Do either of them know about the other?”

Alex shook her head, not meeting his eyes. “No.”

Benny let out a low whistle. “Oh, darlin’. That’s a dangerous game you’re playin’.”

“But I’m not dating both …” Alex’s voice trailed off.

Benny reached out and laid one of his paws on her shoulder. “I know you ain’t, Allie, I know. But you were. If either of ‘em finds out about the other, I don’t think it’s gonna be a rational conversation.”

“I know.” Alex sighed. “I didn’t mean for it to happen, Benny, I didn’t. But it just sorta … did. But I put a stop to it and now I’m with Castiel and Dean seems to be doing fine.”

Benny shook his head. “Dean’s doin’ fine because that’s how Dean does things. You gotta know he’s hurtin’ deep down because the girl he thought was his girl broke it off.”

“You know he slept with a yoga instructor, right?” Alex asked. “That doesn’t exactly make me ‘his girl.’” Alex put sarcastic air quotes around the words “his girl.”

Benny crossed his arms over his broad chest, shaking his head. “I know, darlin’. And did you know he left her house the next mornin’ and came right to my house to tell me he made a huge mistake and that he was gonna make it official with you, if you’d have him? He was gonna confess it all and throw himself on your mercy.”

Alex’s mouth dropped open.

“He was not,” Alex insisted.

“What are you two doing in here?” Donna sang out as she opened the door. “Talking about my Christmas present?”

Benny smiled at Donna, his expression changing from concerned to adoring in a split second.

“How’d ya guess, sweetpea?” he asked, kissing Donna on the cheek as he walked back into the living room.

Donna grinned, delighted, as she turned to Alex. “He hasn’t given me a _single_ hint.”

“Smart thinking, Benny,” Alex said as she joined them. “One hint and she’s figured it out.”

“Donna, do you have any cinnamon sticks?” Castiel’s voice asked from the kitchen.

“What’s he doing?” Alex asked.

“Making after-dinner cocktails,” Donna replied as the girls headed into the kitchen.

“ _After_ dinner?” Alex asked, leaning against the door frame. “We haven’t eaten anything yet.”

Castiel smiled at Alex, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes, which flicked over her shoulder to glance Benny’s way. Alex looked over at Benny, but he only had eyes for Donna, who was bustling around her little kitchen like a happy housewife.

“I’m gathering the ingredients,” Castiel told her. “Donna has an impressive pantry.”

“That’s because she’s always cooking, brother,” Benny told Castiel jovially.

Castiel considered Benny for a minute before replying, “That saves on dinners out, doesn’t it?”

“It does,” Benny agreed. “Plus, I can fry up a mean serving of chicken and hush puppies. You and Allie should come over for dinner one night.”

Castiel started and almost dropped the bottle of caramel Smirnoff he was holding.

“Thank you, Benny,” he said finally. “That’s very kind of you.”

“What the fuck am I? Chopped liver?” Jody asked.

“Course you’re invited too, darlin’,” Benny told her. “And you can bring B.O.B. I’m sure he’d love to get out of the drawer every once and a while.”

Jody’s face turned red as everyone laughed.

“You know, when I get a real boyfriend, you guys are seriously gonna have to stop making that joke,” she told them.

“Poor B.O.B.,” Castiel teased. “I hope you let him down easy. I’m sure he’s been behind you for years now.”

The room froze for a split second, trying to comprehend that Castiel had made that joke. Benny snorted out a laugh first, breaking the silence, and that set them off again.

Dinner was ham, scalloped potatoes, collard greens with pimento, sweet potato biscuits, and a pie so decadent, Alex made an obscene noise when she put the first bite in her mouth.

“What the hell is this?” she asked, pointing at the pie with her fork.

“It’s my mama’s chocolate-bourbon pecan pie,” Benny replied. “She gave Donna the recipe over Thanksgiving.”

“Already getting the family recipes?” Jody asked, eyebrows raised. “Sounds like you two are pretty serious.”

Donna flushed prettily as Benny shot her a side-eyed glance that spoke volumes even though he didn’t say a word.

Once the table was cleared and the dishwasher loaded, Castiel whipped up a batch of hot caramel apple cider (made with caramel vodka, of course) and Alex made a pot of coffee.

“Hurry up!” Donna shouted at them. “I want to open presents!”

“Settle down, young lady,” Castiel called back.

Alex was smiling when Castiel turned to her. Alex’s smile faltered a little when she saw his face.

“I wish you would have told me that Donna was dating Benny,” Castiel said quietly.

“I’m sorry,” Alex replied. “I honestly forgot.”

“It’s not something you forget, Alexandra,” Castiel told her.

“Well, I’m sorry. I did,” Alex insisted. “Between work and our trip and finding you the perfect gift and finals and _The Scribe_ coming out and graduation around the corner, who my friend was dating and how it would affect my boyfriend sorta slipped my mind.”

Castiel’s mouth quirked as he tried to hold back a chuckle.

“Tell me how you really feel, Alexandra,” he said.

“Oh, shut up, stupid.” Alex slapped his butt as they gathered up their drink trays.

“What were you and Benny talking about for so long in Donna’s room?” Castiel asked suddenly as they left the kitchen.

Alex almost dropped her tray. “Just Donna’s present,” she lied.

“Can she really guess what you’re giving her with one hint?” Castiel asked.

“Every time,” Jody answered as she helped herself to a mug of cider. “It doesn’t matter if you wrap it in 100 layers of paper and in 40 boxes of descending order. All Donna has to do is touch it and she knows.”

“What can I say?” Donna replied sweetly as she shrugged. “It’s a talent.”

“Well, I’m going to take a chance with this then.” Castiel handed Donna his gift to her.

“Ooof!” Donna grunted as she took the box. “It’s so heavy!” Putting the box on the table in front of her, Donna turned the box this way and that, inspecting it until Jody cried out, “For fuck’s sake, Donna, just open the goddamned thing!” Grinning, Donna pulled the paper off and opened the box. “It’s a pot of dirt.” Donna looked up at Castiel, her grin slightly confused. “You got me a pot of dirt?”

“Ah! But what is _in_ the dirt?” Castiel questioned, using his professor voice.

Donna stared into the dirt while Alex and Jody grew excited. Was someone finally going to stump the Present Psychic? Donna looked more and more puzzled, her brow furrowing, as Alex and Jody grew more and more excited. Alex slipped over to sit next to Jody on the arm chair, gripping her hand.

“Oh, geez-a-loo, Castiel,” Donna said finally, slumping back into her seat. “I have no idea.”

“Yes!” Alex screamed leaping to her feet as Jody screamed “Finally!” while also leaping up.

The two women grabbed each other in a hysterical embrace, screaming and jumping and down as they hugged. While Donna, Benny, and Castiel watched, Alex and Jody ran a lap around the living room, shrieking with delight. Every time they passed each other, they high fived.

“Are you two quite finished?” Castiel raised his voice to be heard over their celebration as Alex and Jody stopped running to pant and grin like idiots.

“One more lap,” Jody said, leading Alex around the room, whooping like madmen.

“All right. That’s enough,” Donna muttered good-naturedly as Alex flopped back down next to Castiel and Jody into her arm chair. “Now, Castiel. What is it?”

“It’s--” Castiel began as Alex let out another victorious shout. A quick glare quieted her to a smothered outburst of giggles as Castiel finished, “It’s a _Cypripedium reginae_ or pink and white lady’s slipper. The state flower of Minnesota. I assumed you could grow it and it could remind you of home.”

Donna’s face lit up. “That’s the nicest idea!” She got to her feet and rushed over to plant a kiss on Castiel’s cheek. “You’re so thoughtful.”

Castiel humph’ed as his cheeks went a little pink. Benny was watching Castiel with a wry little smile on his face. He flicked his eyes over to Alex, who met his glance. Benny’s smile went a little wider and he winked quickly. In that second, Alex knew no one outside the room would know about her and Castiel.

The rest of the presents were distributed and opened. Alex, Jody, and Donna continued their tradition of buying each other the worst gifts they could find. Amongst the Worst Gifts Ever this year was a Big Time Rush tee shirt for Jody and a DVD of _Glitter_ for Alex.

Jody was trying to put on her shirt while the room laughed when Benny suddenly cleared his throat.

“I waited until, uh, last to give my sweet-pea her gift because I--I wanted to make sure I wouldn’t chicken out,” he said.

“Holy shit,” Jody choked out as Benny turned to Donna on the couch before sliding down onto the floor in front of her.

“Oh, my gosh,” Donna gasped, clutching at the front of her Christmas sweater.

“No way.” Alex clapped both hands over her mouth to keep the rest of her comments in.

Castiel just tilted his head to watch the proceedings like an anthropologist.

“This ring,” Benny said, holding out a battered red velvet box, “belonged to my granny. Granny always told me I should keep it until I found myself the right girl. Well, I know I found myself the right girl. Marry me, Donna?”

Donna’s face was pure shock. She looked from the ring in the box to Benny’s earnest blue eyes to the ring to Benny again.

“But--but--but Andrea--” Donna stammered out.

Benny shook his head. “I didn’t give this ring to Andrea. I’m givin’ this ring to you.”

“But--” Donna looked between Jody and Alex frantically.

“Don’t look at _me_ ,” Jody ordered, pointing at Benny. “Look at _him_.”

Donna looked back at Benny, who couldn’t stop smiling up at her. Donna’s face broke into a huge grin and she flung herself off the couch into his arms. Kissing him all over his face, Donna ended up in Benny’s lap, squealing excitedly, as he pushed the antique ring onto her finger.

“I love you, Benny LaFitte,” Donna told him.

“I love you, Donna Hanscum,” Benny replied.

With Jody, Alex, and Castiel watching (“Fuck you, I’m not crying,” Jody grumbled happily as she wiped away tears.), Donna and Benny sat on the floor in each other’s arms and kissed.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are going to happen. Some of you may not be too happy with it. Now don't look at me like that. You knew it was going to happen. It's been a few chapters.

Alex straightened her shoulders before she knocked. Waiting as she heard the footsteps coming to the door, Alex clutched the sleeves of her coat as her stomach did a back flip. Exhaling deeply, Alex dropped her nervous face as the door opened.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Dean greeted her.

“Hey, Dean,” Alex replied, stepping into his condo.

Dean went to hug her and Alex deflected him, half-heartedly. Dean pushed her hands out of the way and drew her close to him.

“Sweetheart,” he repeated as his lips grazed her forehead.

Alex closed her eyes briefly, trying not to inhale the heady warm coriander and leather scent that lingered on Dean’s skin.

“Hi.” Alex wiggled out of Dean’s embrace.

“Oh, it’s gonna be like that?” Dean teased.

Alex smiled a little as she threw her coat over a kitchen stool and kicked her Uggs off.

“Yeah,” she replied. “That’s how it’s gonna be.”

Dean arched an eyebrow, but kept his comment to himself.

“Beer?” he asked.

“Only one.” Alex flopped down on Dean’s couch, sitting cross-legged with her back against the armrest.

Dean handed Alex a bottle of beer and joined her on the couch, his long legs stretched across the cushions between them. His feet brushed her knees. Alex slapped his ankles.

“Get your feet off me!” she laughed.

“It’s _my_ couch,” Dean said in an infuriating way. “I can sit any way I want.”

Alex rolled her eyes, smirking. “So, how was your Christmas?”

“Great,” Dean replied. “How was yours?”

“Great.”

“How was your New Years?” Alex asked next.

“Great,” Dean replied. “How was yours?”

“Great.”

Alex and Dean exchanged a look and Dean let out a shout of laughter.

“Why are you being so weird?” he asked. “It’s not like this is an awkward first date. In fact, our first date wasn’t nearly this uncomfortable.”

“It’s not a date at all,” Alex insisted.

“Sure,” Dean agreed. “Another beer?”

Alex looked down at her empty bottle. Holy shit. Where the hell did her beer go? She accepted a second bottle from Dean.

“This is my last one,” she said.

“Of course,” Dean agreed, settling back onto the couch.

“So, Christmas in Kansas,” Alex said. “It sounds like a bad Hallmark holiday movie.”

Dean made a face. “It does. But, no, it was good. Mom’s got a guy friend who’s not so bad and I saw an old girlfriend of mine.”

Alex nudged Dean’s knee with her foot, then tangled her legs around his between them.

“Oh, yeah?” she asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Yeah.” Dean nodded. “Saw her. And her husband. And her two kids. Nice family.”

“Wow.” Alex knew she looked surprised. “And her husband was okay with _you_ coming over?”

“ _Me_ meaning … ?” Dean asked.

Alex waved a hand over all of Dean. “All of you. You’re kinda intimidating for the average man to handle with you being all underwear-modelly and all.”

Dean snorted.

“Oh, yeah,” he agreed sarcastically. “Saxx is knocking down my door to model for them.”

Alex arched an eyebrow and sighed gustily. “Now, that’s a visual.”

Dean grinned. “They’d call Sammy first. He loves their drawers.”

Alex clapped a hand over her eyes, then peeked between her fingers at him.

“I’ll never be able to un-see that,” she giggled.

Dean rolled his eyes as he chuckled, then grew a little quiet. Alex watched as he rested his beer bottle against his mouth, rolling it back and forth over his bottom lip. Dean tapped the inside of her thigh with his foot.

“Hey,” he said softly.

“Hmm?” Alex tried to ignore how suddenly and overpoweringly warm it had gotten in the room. Or was that just him?

“I do miss you,” Dean told her.

“Dean, we agreed--”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, I know.” Dean gestured with his bottle. “I can still say it though.”

Alex smiled and tried not to stare at his lips. She flicked her glance up to his eyes. Ugh. _That_ wasn’t any better. Desperate to keep the talking neutral, Alex grabbed at the first topic she could think of.

“How’s Sam?” she asked.

“Smug,” Dean replied. Alex must have looked puzzled because Dean continued, “Because he was right about you.”

“Right about me?” Alex repeated.

“Yeah.” Dean got up and headed into his kitchenette. He came back with four more bottles and a bag of pretzels. “He told me that we’d end and we did.”

“Well, he’s hardly psychic,” Alex snorted, accepting a third beer and a generous handful of pretzels. “Most relationships do.”

“Relationships?” Dean’s foot began to move softly against the inside of her knee. “Is that what this was?”

“Well, dalliance seems rather formal.” Alex tried to move her leg away from Dean’s teasing, but she found her leg was caught by his against the back pillows on his couch.

“I like dalliance,” Dean told her, his green eyes shining a little. Was it the drinks or was it her? Alex could care less. She reached for another beer without realizing it. “That’s a $2 word right there.”

“What would you call it?” God, would he just fucking _stop_ fucking stroking the fucking inside of her fucking thigh already?

Dean considered this. He was acting like nothing was going on, but he had essentially pinned her legs under and around his. Dean reached down and pulled her foot into his lap, forgoing his drink to massage her ankle and calf through her jeans. The worst part was, he was acting completely nonchalant like this was all perfectly normal.

“Dean, I--” Alex began, feeling a little light-headed as his fingers worked the muscles in her leg. Her last beer went down like water.

“Tch tch tch,” Dean cut her off, still pretending to think. “I’m trying to come up with the perfect word to describe our whatever-it-was.” He looked up at the ceiling, then back down again, and right into Alex’s eyes. “Tryst.”

 _Oh, fuck,_ Alex thought. She knew that look. He was trying to seduce her.

Worst part was? It was working.

“Please,” Alex heard herself whisper. “Dean, we can’t--I can’t--”

“I’m not asking you to,” he replied in a hushed voice, his deep voice going rough over smooth and sending shivers down her spine. “Can’t one friend give another friend a foot massage?”

Alex desperately wracked her brain for the ‘foot massage’ comment Jules made in _Pulp Fiction_ , but Dean’s strong fingers were working their way up her calf as he was working his way closer to her on the sofa. By the time Alex was pushing his hands off the inside of her thighs, Alex found herself slouched down on the couch, Dean kneeling between her legs that were half-wrapped around his waist. Propping himself up by the arm rest, Dean hovered over her as Alex gazed up at him. She could feel her breathing coming faster and faster as the guilt grew stronger and stronger. She licked her dry lips, trying hard to get a firm “No” or “Stop, Dean” out of her mouth as he lowered himself down slowly to kiss her.

 _NO!_ her brain screamed through the five beer fog.

“Dean! Stop! We can’t!” Alex burst out as Dean’s lips were just about to meet hers. “I can’t. It’s not right.”

Dean leaned back away from her. “Yeah, okay. I know. I just--”

“I know, I know,” Alex babbled, struggling off the couch and out of arm’s reach. “But I have Boyfriend and I can’t do that. Not to him. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, sweetheart.” Dean got to his feet and followed Alex as she stumbled over herself to the chair where she left her coat and Uggs. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

“I shouldn’t have come,” Alex said, hopping on one foot as she pulled on her boot and jammed her jeans into it. “I just--I can’t resist you.” She stopped, holding her second boot to look at Dean’s handsome face with his long eyelashes and ridiculous green eyes and those freckles and--god in a garden--that mouth. “You’re like cigarettes. I go for as long as I can, and then I just have to have another hit.”

“Alex.” Dean’s voice came out like a groan.

“God, I know,” Alex gasped and they grabbed at each other.

Slamming Alex against the wall, Dean kissed her hard. Harder than he’d ever kissed her before. His hands found ways into her clothes as Alex grabbed and twisted and pulled at his shirts. Their shirts were soon a puddle on the floor and Dean was walking Alex backwards into his bedroom. They fell onto his bed, Alex unbuttoning his jeans and hers at the same time.

“We shouldn’t!” Alex gasped as Dean’s lips moved down her neck to suck the skin between her breasts.

“Okay, we’ll stop,” Dean agreed as he took one nipple in his mouth and began to nibble.

Alex arched her back, pressing herself against him.

“God, Dean,” she moaned.

“Do you want me to stop?” Dean asked, suddenly hovering above her. “I can stop.”

“I--” Alex opened her mouth to answer, but found herself yanking him down to her again.

Dean sat up and pulled Alex’s jeans off, tossing them over his shoulder to the floor. He shimmied out of his own, then slid his hand between Alex’s legs to tease her clit.

“God, you’re so wet,” he moaned as his fingers met the slickness of her pussy.

“Parts of me missed you,” Alex whispered breathlessly as Dean slid one, two, three fingers inside her while his thumb rolled her clit in little circles.

While he worked her clit to make her cum, Dean sucked one nipple then the other as Alex moaned. Reaching down, Alex gripped Dean’s cock and ran her hand up and down the shaft, smearing the precum that leaked out all over her palm. She stopped stroking long enough to lick the salty liquid off her fingers and hand, making Dean groan at the sight of it and he sped up his fingers inside her.

Alex came suddenly, arching her ass off the mattress. Dean pumped a few more times before he pulled his fingers out and licked her juices from them.

“Now, Dean, now,” Alex begged. “Do it. Now.”

“Hang on. Wait.” Dean reached for a condom in his nightstand. Once it was on, Dean sunk deep inside Alex, moaning loudly as he settled into her.

“Oh, _fuck_ ,” they both groaned at the same time.

When they started to move, Alex couldn’t believe how her body responded. It was so different, being with Dean. The way he arched his hips back to sink into her on an angle, which rubbed her clit on the way in _and_ the way out. The way his hands moved over her, touching, feeling, caressing, over her breasts and into her hair and then down her side to grip her leg and wrap it around his waist, holding it there. The way their lips met, but their eyes stayed on each other, never breaking eye contact, not even for a second. The way he said her name as they made love. The way he whispered tender things that made her whimper out loud in response.

“God, you’re beautiful, Alex.”

“I love the way you feel.”

“There? Right there. God, yeah.”

“Don’t stop, Alex. Let me hear you.”

“That’s it. That’s my girl. Cum for me, Alex.”

And when Alex came, it was earth-shattering.

It wasn’t until the sun was down and the candles were lit and they were exhausted and Dean was holding her, his hand playing over the curve of her side to the curve of her hip and she was walking her fingers over the toned, freckled expanse of his chest that Alex’s eyes popped open and her jaw dropped and her heart froze.

_Castiel._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Real Life Jared Reference: Saxx Underwear!!


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I usually don't do trigger warnings, but I feel obligated to warn you guys that this chapter may be upsetting for some readers.

It had been over two weeks since Alex went to bed with Dean and she could barely stand to look at herself. She’d skipped his class, getting the assignments from his TA via email. She avoided him in the student union when she saw him buying a coffee with Sam. Sam saw her and started to raise his hand in greeting, but Alex took one panicked look at him, then Dean, then Sam again and turned to run off, crashing into people to get away.

The guilt was eating away at her. She could barely sleep, couldn’t concentrate, and hardly ate. Jody and Donna tried to get her to take a day off to relax, but Alex couldn’t stand to be alone with herself, knowing that any solitary moment turned into a moment of imagining sleeping with Dean. At the same time, being with people made Alex sick to her stomach, like she didn’t deserve to have the company.

It was day 18 of the soul-crushing guilt when Castiel was finally able to convince Alex to let him come over. To say she had been avoiding her boyfriend was a gross understatement. In fact, Alex wasn’t sure whom she was avoiding more: Castiel or Dean.

“How are you, my love?” Castiel asked gently as he closed the door after him.

Alex shrugged, not meeting his eyes. “Okay, I guess.”

Castiel took Alex’s face in his hands and raised her eyes to his. “Are you sure? Are you hurting? Ill?”

“Not … really …” Alex lied as she pulled herself away from Castiel. “Castiel, I have--I have something to tell--”

“Me first, please?” Castiel interrupted. He lead Alex to the couch and sat down. “Now, I can’t pretend to know what has been bothering you, but I hope this can make you a little happy.” He pulled a small book out of his inside coat pocket. “An advanced copy of _The Scribe_ , featuring a short story by a certain beautiful woman I know.”

Alex’s eyes lit up, in spite of her low mood. “Really?”

Castiel handed Alex the book. She opened it to the table of contents and smiled.

“Look,” she said, pointing to the third story listed, “that’s me. That’s my crappy little story.”

“It’s not crappy, Alexandra,” Castiel told her. “Everyone who read it thought it was very clever.”

“Pfft,” Alex snorted. “Yeah, right. But who cares? I’m in _The Scribe_. Look!”

Alex turned the book toward Castiel, who smiled at her. Alex’s mood lightened for a few minutes before she looked up to say something to Castiel and a memory of Dean’s mouth on her body flashed through her head. Her mood immediately deflated again.

“Oh, Alexandra,” Castiel put his arms around her and drew her in even as she resisted being held. “I wish I could help you. I wish you’d let me.”

“I don’t deserve you,” Alex replied, her voice muffled by his sweater.

“Well, that’s utter bullshit,” Castiel told her as he played with her hair. “Of course you do.”

“I don’t.” Alex pulled away to look at Castiel. “Castiel, I--”

“I don’t want to know,” Castiel told her.

“What?” Alex asked.

“Whatever you’re about to confess, I don’t want to know,” Castiel said. “I don’t care.”

“But--”

“Nothing you could have done is half as bad as what I need to tell you.”

Alex stopped stammering. “What do you mean?”

Castiel ran a hand through his messy hair. Alex waited, reaching for his other hand.

“Castiel?” she asked softly.

Castiel exhaled a little, turned his deep blue eyes to Alex, and said,

“My mother was schizophrenic and a heroin addict. I went through my whole childhood not knowing what I was going to find when I came home from school or playing outside. Sometimes--when she was on her medication and when she wasn’t using--she was a good mother. We played games, we read books, she cooked huge messy meals and let me help. But, more often than not, I was eating stale cereal out of the box and watching cartoons until I fell asleep on the sofa because Mother was high or passed out or raving because she was out of heroin or her medication.

“I was 12 when I came home from school and Mother wasn’t home. I mean, that wasn’t so unusual: Mother started disappearing for days at a time when I was about 11 because she decided I was old enough to take care of myself while she wasn’t there. So, I went about my business, pretending that Mother was in her bedroom behind her locked door. I did my homework and made myself dinner and went to bed. I woke up the next day and Mother wasn’t home yet, so I went to school like usual. I came home to an empty house again. No bother to me: I did my homework and made myself dinner and went to bed.”

Castiel was staring over Alex’s head at a spot on the wall. He refused to meet her eyes.

“It went on like that for three weeks. No Mother, no bother. Then the food started running out. Then the lights went out. And then the water wouldn’t come on. The neighbors--they mostly ignored us, as did us them--started watching me come and go into a dark house. I was eating ketchup mixed with the last of the water and calling it tomato soup when someone knocked on the door. It was the landlord.

‘Kid, I need the rent,’ he tells me.

‘I don’t have any money.’

‘Kid, where’s your mom?’

‘She’s at work.’

‘You’re a fuckin’ liar, Kid. Lemme in.’

‘Fuck you. You’re not coming in my house.’

‘It ain’t your fuckin’ house, Kid. Lemme in.’

Castiel sighed. Alex didn’t wipe away the tears from her cheeks.

“So, I let him in. He looked around, saw the way things were, and he called Child Protective Services from the neighbors’ house.” Castiel paused. “I fought them tooth and nail that I couldn’t leave in case Mother came back. One of the CPS workers took me by the arm, walked me into my room, and forced me to pack. He told me that my mother was a junkie and she wasn’t ever going to come back for me.”

“Oh, Castiel,” Alex whispered.

“Alexandra, I’ll never make it though if you keep talking,” Castiel said, not unkindly. Alex pressed her lips together as Castiel continued, “The first house they took me to was an emergency situation. They usually took in very small children or babies, so they were not prepared for a hungry, filthy, very angry 12 year old boy. The woman made me soup and a sandwich and let me take a shower while the man fought on the phone with CPS, insisting they remove me ‘first thing’ the next morning. That was my first house. I was there for 10 hours.

“I got moved around eight more times before I aged out of the system at 18. Some houses were better than others. Some foster parents were better than others. I was quiet and well-behaved and I never caused a single problem, but I was a teenage boy, so foster parents were iffy about having me around. Sometimes, I would just get settled and the family would get a small child or a girl about my age and I’d be out the door again.

“The last house they placed me in was my longest stay. I was there until I turned 18. I finally felt safe and that was where I flourished … as much as a foster kid can flourish, I suppose. I earned excellent grades, was accepted to university, and I graduated high school. Not a lot of foster kids can say that, I suppose. The summer before I left for university, my foster family let me stay on with them, even though I wasn’t technically in the foster system anymore and they didn’t have to care for me anymore.”

Castiel paused. Alex had stopped crying and was listening, fascinated and horrified. Who knew Castiel had such a terrible childhood? Alex swore she’d never feel sorry for herself over her parents’ deaths again.

“It was the summer right before I left for university. I had a full-time job that I spent almost every waking hour at so I could have money. I had two good friends that I used to pal around with. Then April showed up at my foster house.” Castiel closed his eyes briefly. When he opened them again, they were bitter. “She was 17 and the quintessential foster kid. She’d been in the system since she was four and it showed. I think it took about three days before she was sitting in my lap every chance she got. It was about a week after her arrival when we had sex for the first time.” Alex must have looked shocked because Castiel laughed, his chuckle as bitter as his eyes. “I was so starved for affection, Alexandra, it didn’t occur to me to court her first. Besides, April wasn’t the courting type.”

“What happened then?” Alex asked in a tiny voice.

“I thought I was in love with her,” Castiel replied. “She was my first and I was head over heels for her. And, as long as she was happy, April was fine. But get her angry? She was like a tornado of rage. I started spending all my paychecks, trying to make her happy. Then she found out I was leaving for university and she told me I had gotten her pregnant.”

Alex open her mouth and all that came out was a strangled, “Did you?”

“No.” Castiel shook his head and Alex sagged in relief against the couch. “Our foster mother took April to the doctor’s and it turns out she was three months along, much too far for the baby to be mine. But that was the most nerve-wracking afternoon of my life, waiting for them to come back from April’s appointment. Once they got home and I found out it wasn’t mine and I didn’t have to give up my future for her, I packed my bags, grabbed my bus ticket, and left for university. I got here about two weeks before school started, so I lived rough for that time until I was able to register and get a dorm room.”

“Lived rough?” Alex repeated. “Homeless? You were homeless?”

Castiel nodded. “Luckily, it was summer, so it wasn’t too bad. Plus, I found a job at a gas station, so I had some money in my pocket to tide me over. It was better than most situations people like me find themselves in.”

Alex got up and started to pace. Castiel didn’t move off the couch, but watched silently as Alex prowled the room. She went and got them water, which Castiel sipped gratefully.

“Why are you telling me all this?” Alex finally asked.

“Because I’m ready to tell you everything,” Castiel replied simply.

“Oh.” Alex’s voice was small. “I didn’t expect this at all. You’re so private.”

“I know,” Castiel agreed. “But I realized how ridiculous it was. I’m in love with you, Alexandra. That was nearly impossible for me to say before you. How can I share my bed and my current life with someone and not tell them anything about myself?”

Castiel looked so young, so honest and earnest, Alex wanted to fling herself on the floor at his knees and confess everything. She had dated Dean Winchester at the same time as he. The AC/DC shirt she slept in was Dean Winchester’s. She had made love with Dean Winchester on multiple occasions, including just two weeks ago. She was a terrible, horrible, awful, evil fucking bitch and he deserved someone-- _anyone_ \--so much better than she was.

Instead, Alex forced herself to smile, sit back down next to Castiel, and curl up in his arms.

“Thank you for telling me,” she said.

Castiel sighed deeply and Alex could feel a metric fuck-ton of stress leave his body. Then Alex remembered something.

“What about that picture of you with your mother?” she asked. “You look like you’re in your 20s.”

Castiel was silent for a few minutes. Cringing while she waited, Alex wondered if she’d pushed her luck.

“I was in my 20s,” Castiel said finally. He sounded like he was forcing himself to answer her.

“You don’t have to tell me anything else if you don’t want,” Alex said quickly.

“No, I have to,” Castiel replied in a resigned voice. “I eventually found her, my mother. It was right before my junior year at university. She was living in a halfway house in Chicago. I drove there with a friend of mine to see her. The whole drive, I practiced what I was going to say to her: how she ruined my childhood, how I still had nightmares about it, what I went through in foster care, all of it. But I got there and I found out she was clean and on her anti-psychotic medications. I sat with her for two hours, listening to her blather on and on about how horrible her life had been and how she never should have had a child and how I was better off without her. It was the worst afternoon of my life and I drank myself into a black-out that night to forget about it.” Castiel shook his head. “I never should have searched her out. It was better not knowing than seeing her again all those years later.”

“Oh, Castiel, I’m so sorry.”

“I was back home and at work when I got the call that she had killed herself later that night after seeing me.”

“What?” Castiel had delivered that bit of news in such a detached voice Alex wasn’t sure she heard him correctly. “She did what?”

“She committed suicide.”

Alex felt her stomach twist into a knot. _That_ was what Castiel meant when he said that they had more in common than she realized. Parental suicide due to mental illness is not something easily recovered from and here Castiel was, telling her all about how his mother killed herself after seeing him for the first time in a decade.

Alex’s crippling guilt over cheating on Castiel tripled.


	32. Chapter 32

“Well, look who’s back in class,” Meg Masters said as Alex took her seat in Dean’s room. “Where you been, bitch?”

“Personal stuff,” Alex replied, without meeting Meg’s piercing eyes.

“Everything work out?” Anna asked, looking and sounding supremely concerned.

“It’s getting there,” Alex said as Dean entered the room.

“All right, animals,” he announced cheerfully. “Shut up already.”

Dean glanced around the room before his gaze fell on Alex. His eyes lit up briefly as a little smirk quirked his mouth in the corner. Alex kept his stare with an impassive look on her face. When Dean realized Alex wasn’t giving him anything, he looked away, hopped onto his desk, and began to teach.

“Alex, not so fast,” Dean called as Alex tried to escape with the rest of his students.

Alex stopped, sighed, and turned to walk back to his desk.

“Where have you been?” he asked as the last student left. “You can’t just not show up like you have. By university rules, I’m supposed to have started the paperwork to withdraw you from my class.”

“Have you?” Alex replied.

“Well, no.” Dean sounded surprised.

“You should have. Can’t show favorites,” Alex said.

“Sweetheart--”

“Don’t call me that here, please.”

“Fine,” Dean said. “ _Alex_ , what happened with us? It happened. We can’t take it back and there’s no reason to be so--”

“So? So what?” Alex interrupted. “I cheated on my boyfriend. A man I really care about. I should never have gone to your house.”

“Shoulda, woulda, coulda,” Dean shrugged, looking infuriatingly sexy as he did it. “Life’s short.”

“What the fuck kinda philosophy is that?” Alex asked. “Do you have any idea how shitty I feel about what happened? Like, I cannot believe I was _so stupid_ to think I could be in the same room with you and be able to control myself.”

“I’m sorry you’re so cut up over this, Alex,” Dean said, not sounding very sorry at all. “But I won’t apologize for how you make me feel.”

“Pardon?” Alex snapped.

“You must be blind if you can’t figure it,” Dean said, shaking his head a little.

“Oh, I know all about it,” Alex snapped. “Benny told me--”

“Benny?” Dean asked. “When did you talk to Benny?”

Alex went red. “At Christmas. He’s dating Donna. I saw him at her house.”

“And he--he told you--” Dean stopped talking to swallow hard. He seemed nervous, an emotion Alex didn’t think he was very familiar with.

“He told me everything,” Alex said quietly.

Dean glanced down at his boots before looking back up into Alex’s face. His cheeks were flushed at being found out, but his green eyes were curious.

“And?” he asked, his voice a little hopeful. “What’d you think about what you found out?”

Alex gave Dean a flat glare. “I didn’t believe him,” she lied.

Dean’s face fell. “Oh.”

Dean glanced back at up at Alex and she was struck by how truly and ridiculously beautiful he was. His lower lip caught between his teeth as he gazed at her. Heat began to pool in Alex’s stomach. If she didn’t get out of there fast, she was going to end up riding him on his desk. Dean seemed to sense this as he shifted his hips back a little further on his desk, so he was fully sitting on it instead of perching on the edge with one leg swinging.

 _Bastard,_ her brain cursed, but was still a little thrilled.

“I have to go, Dean,” Alex said finally, after standing there for much too long, imagining far too many dirty things to mention.

“Alex, wait a minute--” Dean caught her wrist as he started to stand up and pull her over to him as she began to turn just as his classroom door opened.

Admitting Sam Winchester and Castiel.

“Dean, we’re thinking Thai for din--” Sam was saying as they walked in.

He stopped talking and ran into the back of Castiel, who had stopped walking when he saw Dean holding Alex’s hand and how close Alex was to being nestled between Dean’s legs.

“Fuck,” Dean cursed, dropping Alex’s hand.

“Oh, god,” Alex gasped in a whisper, taking a few steps backwards out of Dean’s reach.

“Alexandra?” Castiel asked, looking back and forth between her and his best friend.

Dean looked at Alex, puzzled. “Alexandra?”

“Oh, god,” Alex whimpered, running her fingers over her eyebrows and down the sides of her face to grip her neck in panic.

“Dean?” Sam asked, looking between Alex and Castiel and Dean curiously.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Dean repeated, dropping back down to sit on his desk.

“What is going on here?” Castiel asked, his voice growing suspicious.

“Alex was feeling a little emotional,” Dean said smoothly. “Since she missed so many of my classes and I had to explain that I was about to start the paperwork to withdraw her.”

“But you told me--” Sam began, his statement dying unfinished after a quick, murderous glare from his older brother.

“Alexandra, have you been skipping Professor Winchester’s class?” Castiel asked. The edge in his voice could cut diamonds.

“Yes,” Alex replied as Dean said, “Since when do you call students by their first names?”

Castiel turned angry blue eyes at Dean, who looked surprised at the fury in them.

“What?” Dean asked, leaning away from Castiel’s livid scowl.

“What is really happening here?” Castiel demanded.

“Nothing!” Alex burst out. “Castiel--”

“ _Castiel_?” Dean spluttered. “What the _fuck_?”

“Am I on _Candid Camera_?” Sam wondered out loud, looking around the room for a camera crew.

“Are you sleeping with him?” Castiel asked Alex, pointing at Dean without looking at him.

Alex opened her mouth to respond as Dean jumped to his feet and crossed the room to Castiel.

“What the hell kind of question is that, Cas?” Dean demanded, stepping up to his best friend.

“It’s a simple question I expect my girlfriend would be able to answer,” Castiel responded icily.

“Girlfriend?” Dean’s shock was palpable. He turned to Alex, pointing, then back to Castiel. “Girlfriend?”

“Did. I. _Stutter_?” Castiel’s voice was deadly quiet. At that second, Alex could see the angry kid he used to be.

“This is in _cred_ ible,” Sam commented, sounding like he was passing judgement on a really great TV show. “I’m _so_ glad I’m here for this.”

“Shut _up_ , Sammy!” Dean exclaimed, whirling around to face his brother.

“I’m not sleeping with Dean!” Alex yelled over the men, effectively shutting them up.

All three of them turned to stare at her with markedly different expressions on their faces.

“You’re not?” Castiel asked, relieved.

“You’re not?” Dean asked, surprised.

“Are you sure?” Sam said, grinning.

“I feel sick,” Alex said, rushing out of the room.

Once she was in the hallway, Alex looked wildly left and right. Castiel started to come out of Dean’s classroom, but Alex fled from him before he could say anything to her.

“Oh, honey, this is bad,” Jody was saying.

“I know.” Alex was huddling on the floor behind the front counter of the bookshop.

“How did this happen?” Jody asked as she leaned over the counter to talk to Alex.

Alex looked up at her. “Dean.”

“Oh, man. Professor Sex on Bowlegs.” Jody nodded sagely. “ That makes sense. He could tempt the angels.”

“God, this is a nightmare.” Alex laid her head on her bent knees. “What if they figured it out after I left?”

“Why did you leave?” Jody asked.

“I panicked,” Alex sighed.

“Yeah, that’s understandable.” Jody turned around to face the customer walking in. She spun around to face Alex, her eyes wide. “It’s for you.”

“Tell them I’m dead,” Alex begged.

“Alexandra?” Castiel’s voice asked.

“Lord on a leash,” Alex groaned, but stood up nonetheless.

Castiel stood in the shop, looking nervous. When he saw Alex behind the counter, relief flooded his face, followed by confusion.

“I think we need to discuss what transpired this afternoon,” Castiel suggested.

Alex looked at Jody, who shook her head.

“Go on,” Jody said. “Don’t make the store your excuse.”

“Thanks,” Alex hissed at her as she headed to the back stairs.

Once they were upstairs, Alex sat on the couch while Castiel paced back and forth in front of her.

“I’m not 100% sure what--” he began, still pacing. “Could you expla--” Castiel stopped abruptly and twisted to face Alex. “Have you ever slept with Dean Winchester?”

“Castiel--” Alex began.

“Just a yes or no, Alexandra.” Castiel rubbed his hand across his forehead. “I cannot handle anything more than that right now.”

For a split second, Alex considered confessing it all, but Castiel looked so beaten, so lost, so exhausted, the truth died on her tongue.

“No, Castiel,” Alex said quietly. “I’ve never slept with Dean Winchester.”

Alex rolled over to face Castiel. He was sleeping with a little grin on his lips, looking peaceful, the worry lines between his eyebrows were gone. Alex leaned over and gave him a kiss on the nose before sliding out of bed to pad into the kitchen for a glass of water.

Picking up her phone as she sipped her water, Alex checked her messages. Just the usual crap until she came across this one:

_so. cas, huh?_

Alex nearly dropped her glass.

_yeah_

It took a few minutes but she got a response:

_well, i never figured him to be the boyfriend_

_yeah, i guess not_

_why him?_

Alex choked on a mouthful of water, spraying it across the screen of her phone. She wiped the drops away on her ( _dean’s,_ her brain corrected) AC/DC shirt before texting back.

_what?_

_why him, sweetheart? and not me?_

Alex considered this. Sitting down at the kitchen table, she pulled her legs up to her chin, rested her chin on her knees, and answered:

_he asked first_

_bullshit_

_i don’t know what you want me to say_

Alex’s phone was silent for a long time before Dean replied.

_is he there?_

_yes_

_right there?_

_no, he’s asleep_

_wore him out, didja?_

_i’m NOT answering that_

_LOL it was a joke_

_sure_

_i want to see you_

_no_

_why not?_

_hello? were you THERE today????_

_i was & i don’t care. i want to see you_

_NO_

_why not?_

_castiel? your best friend? my boyfriend?_

_jesus christ, sweetheart. i can’t stop thinking about you_

_you just saw me 5 hours ago and it didn't go very well_

_tell me you don’t want to see me anymore then, sweetheart_

Alex hands shook so much she almost dropped her phone. No, just no. There was no way she could ever be alone with Dean Winchester again. There was no way she could ever be in a crowded room with Dean Winchester again. She couldn’t trust herself with Dean Winchester and she was never going to make that mistake again. Ever.

_no, dean. i can’t. not now. not ever_

_don’t believe you_

_BELIEVE. ME._

_if that’s the way it’s gonna be……_

_that’s the way_

_night, sweetheart_

_good bye, dean_

Alex deleted the conversation from her phone and traded her water for a beer. Several beers, in fact.


	33. Chapter 33

A month and a half later, graduation was barreling down on Alex with its teeth bared. She knew she was graduating, so there was no real worry, but a last second panic over a half-assed and poorly researched essay sent Alex scurrying to the library on a cold March night.

Castiel had taken over her kitchen table, grading freshmen papers with a mean-looking red pen and a sadistic flourish while Alex sat on the floor at the coffee table, gathering her study notes. A slip of paper fell out of a random notebook and, when Alex leaned over to grab it, she let out a shriek.

“Jesus! What happened?” Castiel exclaimed from the kitchen.

Alex spun around to face him, clutching the paper in her fist.

“I have an essay due in four days and I totally forgot!” Alex shrieked. “Oh, my god! How did this happen?”

“Perhaps if you focused more on your studies and less on your social life, you wouldn’t have made such a grievous mistake,” Castiel commented drily as Alex rushed around, gathering every conceivable piece of paper and note she could find on her essay.

Alex paused as she tugged on her Docs. “What the hell, Castiel? You’re my social life, so, really, this is partly your fault.”

Castiel had already turned his attention back to his orderly lesson plan.

“Don’t blame me for your poor planning, Alexandra.”

Alex glared at Castiel as she flipped him off and fled into the dusk of a Friday night, pulling a zip up hoodie over her tank top and nearly losing her untied boot in the process.

Throwing her laptop, papers, notebook, and coat onto a table, Alex rushed down the aisle to find the book she used the first time around. Kneeling on the floor with her phone in front of her opened to a picture of the book she used, Alex desperately dug through the shelves. When she realized that the one book-- _the one book_ \--she needed was missing, Alex sat down with a thump, her back against the shelves and her forehead on her knees. Stress tears dripped into her lap and she sniffled.

A tap on her back made her jump. Alex jerked around to see a handful of tissues sticking out from between books. Alex stared at the Kleenex like she’d never seen them before for so long, the hand offering the tissues shook them at her.

“Thanks,” Alex replied in a voice clogged with tears.

Alex didn’t even notice that no one said “you’re welcome” as she tilted her head back to stare up at the ceiling, more tears dripping into her ears. She sat in silence for a few minutes before a cheesy 70s guitar intro started playing next to her head. Alex listened for a few seconds, wondering who the asshole was that was blaring music in the library, before the lyrics started:

“When I get home, babe, gonna light your fire/All day I've been thinkin' about you, babe/You're my one desire/Gonna wrap my arms around you/Hold you close to me/Oh, babe I want to taste your lips/I want to fill your fantasy, yeah…”

Alex turned a little to peek through the open shelf to see who was sitting in the next aisle over, being a douche with his corny song by Exile, but all she found was a phone with a black Led Zeppelin case. Alex picked up the phone and stared at it dumbly, knowing _exactly_ who that phone belonged to. Biting her lip, Alex looked up slowly just as the chorus started:

“I wanna kiss you all over/And over again/I wanna kiss you all over/Till the night closes in/Till the night closes in…”

Coming down the aisle like he always walked through life with a theme song playing behind him, in a pair of jeans so sinfully low-slung that Alex could read the name on the waistband of his boxer briefs, a shirt so sinfully snug that Alex could see every muscle on his chest, and a walk so sinfully provocative it oozed seduction, Dean Winchester approached Alex with a smile curling his full lips.

Alex was frozen to the floor. There was no escape that would not make it look like she was escaping. Plus … did she _really_ want to escape?

Dean’s smile was panty-meltingly hot by the time he reached Alex. Without saying a word, he held his hand out to her. Alex took it and Dean pulled her to her feet. Drawing her unnecessarily close to his chest, Dean took a tissue from her hand and dabbed the remaining wetness off her cheeks.

“I hate to see a beautiful girl cry,” he said softly. Whether the softness was for the benefit of the empty library or for effect, Alex didn’t know, nor did she care.

“Dean.”Alex swallowed hard. “This is--I--”

“You found my phone.” Dean wrapped his long fingers around Alex’s hand, sliding his phone out of her grip so slowly that it actually made her palm tingle. “I was wondering where this went.”

Dean cut off the end of the song with a flick of his finger while Alex stared up at him. This was so wrong. Standing near each other in the library with Dean’s arm around her waist, pressing her against his hard body while he looked down into her eyes like she was the only girl on the planet, the air around them charged with attraction. This was was _so, so_ wrong. But _so, so_ right.

“I have to go,” Alex whispered.

“Do you?” Dean replied.

Alex nodded. “I do.”

Dean tilted his head a little, considering her. “So, go then.”

Alex paused for half a minute before pulling herself out of Dean’s one-arm embrace and hurrying back to the table where she flung her things. Gathering them up hastily, Alex could see Dean making his way back up the aisle toward her, moving in that slow, terrifically sexy way that made people do a double-take.

“Gotta get outta here,” Alex gasped to herself. “Gotta get outta here.”

In her haste, Alex knocked a folder of loose papers across the table, scattering them everywhere. With both hands on the table in front of her, Alex dropped her head and hunched over the table top. There was no way she would get all those notes together before Dean reached her.

One of Dean’s hands slid down her arm and covered hers on the table. Alex could feel him sidle up next to her, one hand over hers while his other arm snaked around her waist, fingers twisted through a belt loop. The zipper of his jeans, with its promise of the pleasure that was encased behind it, dug into the curve of her hip.  Leaning over, Dean’s mouth hovered over Alex’s ear, staying there for a minute or two before he spoke.

“I’ve missed you, sweetheart.”

Alex’s breath caught in her throat. How many times had she imagined him saying that to her over the past month and a half? Nope. She had to be strong.

“God, Dean,” Alex whispered back, shaking her head a little.

“Just letting you know,” Dean told her.

Alex closed her eyes. God, he smelled like hot skin and leather and coriander and clean soap and minty gum. It was the same scent that lingered for so long on her nightshirt before she reluctantly threw it into the laundry.

Suddenly, Dean withdrew from their closeness, leaving a cool, empty spot where his body heat once was. Alex jerked herself around to see Dean slipping his leather jacket on. He glanced her way and winked.

“See ya around, sweetheart,” he said and turned to leave.

“Dean!” Alex cried out.

Her voice was obscenely loud in the silent building, which made Dean grin and Alex blush.

“Yeah?” he asked.

Alex opened her mouth to say something, anything. Something sexy, something clever, something biting, something fierce but all she could croak out was,

“It was good to see you.”

Dean’s eyes flicked over Alex from head to toe before locking her brown eyes in a gaze so intense, her knees went a little weak.

“Woulda been better to have me,” he replied and walked away.

Alex focused her attention on the half-tidied table and not on the breath-taking, bow-legged man who just left her with a come-on line so cheesy, it actually turned her on. Glancing over her shoulder, Alex saw Dean had paused at the exit, twirling his car keys around his index finger. He was obviously watching her. He was obviously _waiting_ for her.

_No,_ her brain said.

_But--_ her hormones began.

_Castiel is at home, waiting for you,_ her brain reminded her.

_But--_ her hormones tried again.

_No. Stop it,_ her brain snapped.

Across the library, Dean arched his eyebrows a little and--dear _fucking_ god-- _pouted_ at her for taking so long to decide what to do. Suddenly, Alex’s phone chirped.

_Alexandra, if you’re going to be at the library for the rest of the evening, I’m going to go home. Text me when you get home._

That was it? No “I hope you’re doing all right.”? No “Do you need any help?”? Just “Text me when you get home.”? Was Castiel serious? Alex slammed her phone back into her bag, seething. He wasn’t being an asshole, really. I mean, why hang out at her apartment all night long when he thought she was going to be at the library for hours? Alex glanced at Dean, who cocked his head at her suggestively before typing on his phone.

_you comin’, sweetheart?_

Alex shook her head.

_i can’t, dean_

Dean shrugged, looking adorable.

_well, i tried_

_a valiant effort with nefarious reasons_

Alex could hear Dean’s laugh across the room. He saluted her as he walked out.

_c ya later, sweetheart_

Alex flopped into the closest chair. Why did Dean have such a hold over her? Why couldn’t she shake him off and forget about him like she had with any other fling? What was it about Dean Winchester that kept her so in thrall?

Alex snorted. Like she really needed to answer _that_ question.

Hours later, Alex was dragging her tired ass up the stairs to her apartment. The rough draft of her essay was finished, just some fine-tuning and getting it printed out and she was in the clear. All she wanted to do now was get in the door and fall down asleep.

But something was … different about the apartment. Alex glanced around curiously as she put her stuff on the kitchen table. Wait. It was tidy. Not just tidy: clean. Clean like Alex could smell Pine-Sol and bleach kind of clean. There were no dishes in the sink. The living room was orderly; the couch throw pillows even had little dents in the tops of them. On the table was a note:

_My love,_

_I hope you were able to get most of your essay done. I left early because I didn’t want to be a distraction if you got home and still needed to work. I also cleaned up a little so you had less to worry about. I made a simple pasta dish for you, if you are hungry (it’s in the microwave). I also changed your sheets because I think clean bedclothes are so relaxing … and besides, after I spilled the massage oil all over the sheets last night, I knew they needed a wash. You can pick them--and the rest of your laundry--up at my house this weekend._

_I love you, Alexandra._

_C_

Alex’s eyes filled with grateful tears. How was she so lucky to find a man like Castiel Novak? How could she even consider going home with Dean Winchester when a man like Castiel existed in her life?

“Hello?” Castiel voice asked.

“I love you,” Alex told him.

Castiel made a pleased sound through the phone. “All over a clean apartment?”

“No,” Alex replied. “Not just that. You’re amazing.”

“You’re just pleased you don’t have to wash the dishes,” Castiel teased lightly.

Alex giggled. “No, you idiot. I was so frustrated about my essay and your text--honestly--pissed me off and then I come home to all this and … God, why are you so perfect?”

“I am hardly perfect,” Castiel argued, still sounding rather proud of himself.

“You are.” Alex lowered her voice as a flood of emotions coursed through her. “Did you want to come back? Spill a little more massage oil all over my bed?”

“As tempting as that is,” Castiel said, “I’m afraid I’ll have to decline. Will you be spending this weekend here with me?”

“Of course.” Alex had been living at Castiel’s on the weekends so she could have a break from the constant hustle and bustle of the bookshop after her shortened shifts ended.

“Good. I’ll see you then.” Castiel’s rough voice went silky-smooth. “I have plans for you.”

Alex’s toes curled involuntarily. “Do you?”

“Yes.”

“Will I enjoy it?”

“Oh, yes.”

Alex let out a little whimper, thinking of what Castiel could possibly mean by “plans.” If nothing else, their sex life was filled with exploring and kinks and discovering how far was too far. As of yet, nothing had been “too far.”

“Go to sleep, Alexandra,” Castiel murmured into the phone. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yes, my lord,” Alex breathed.

“Oh, and Alexandra?”

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

Alex’s breath caught in her throat as she responded in kind. And, again, how could she even _consider_ Dean with Castiel in her life?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the incredibly cheesy 70s song Dean used to try and seduce Alex. I heard it on the radio at work and laughed out loud, thinking, "Dean Winchester would probably think this was a genius pick-up song" and that's how this whole chapter was cooked up.  
> Now, listen to it try NOT to think about Dean walking slowly down a library aisle with this song playing behind him:  
> https://youtu.be/Zbo_fUo03Sg


	34. Chapter 34

“How do you feel?” Jody asked Alex.

Alex exhaled deeply. “I feel okay. Little nervous, I guess.”

“You look beautiful,” Donna chimed in.

Alex smiled at the reflections of her two friends in the mirror. “I feel silly.”

“You’re not silly!” Donna insisted, fussing with Alex’s hair.

“My feet hurt,” Alex complained, sweeping her long gown out of the way to glare at her shoes.

“Who told you to wear heels?” Jody asked.

“I didn’t want to be the shortest person in the pictures,” Alex said, wiggling one of her feet to get the feeling back in it. “I’m always the shortest person in the pictures.”

“You can put on flats later,” Donna assured her. “I have them in the Emergency Prep Bag.”

“It’s not the apocalypse, Donna,” Jody told her.

“It’s good to be prepared,” Donna said smartly.

“I can’t believe today is finally here,” Alex said dreamily, silencing the two women, as she leaned into the mirror to inspect her perfectly applied make-up. “It took so long.”

“Patience is a virtue,” Donna quoted.

“Too bad Alex doesn’t have either of those things,” Jody sassed.

The women burst out laughing, but Alex stopped abruptly.

“Stop making me laugh! I don’t want to fuck up my mascara!” she cried.

“We have to leave,” Jody said. “We’re gonna be late.”

“Is Castiel--” Alex began.

“You know he’ll be there,” Donna interrupted. “You have to stop worrying.”

“He’s just been so distracted lately,” Alex said softly, smoothing the folds of her gown.

“Can you blame him?” Jody said gently. “There’s been a lot going on.”

“I just thought he’d be more excited about today,” Alex flicked her hair over her shoulder. “It’s sort of a big deal.”

The three friends walked into the main room of Alex’s apartment to find Benny there, looking dapper in a light colored suit. He smiled fondly when he saw Alex.

“You ready, darlin’?” he asked. “You’re gonna be late.”

“I keep hearing this ‘late’ word,” Alex teased. “I doubt they’ll start without me.”

Benny offered Alex his arm.

“Be careful on the stairs in your gown,” he advised. “Who told you to wear heels, anyway?”

Alex shot a glare over her shoulder as Donna and Jody snorted back laughter. Donna graciously gave up the front seat of Benny’s car to accommodate Alex’s outfit. Castiel had wanted to rent a Lincoln Town Car, but Alex rebuffed his idea. No need to draw attention to herself.

On the way to the venue, Alex’s stomach twisted itself into tiny knots. What if she wasn’t ready? What if she panicked? What if she turned tail and ran at the last second and created a ridiculous scandal? What if--what if--what if--?

“We’re here, darlin’,” Benny’s voice rumbled through Alex’s swirling thoughts.

Alex glanced Benny’s way as Donna and Jody tumbled out of the backseat, chattering excitedly.

“Darlin’? You ready?” Benny asked softly, laying his hand on her shoulder.

“What if I fall, Benny? What if I make a total ass of myself?” Alex's voice shook with fear.

“Aw, darlin’, ya won’t,” Benny reassured her. “And, if ya do, it’ll be a great story to tell over beers later.”

Alex smiled at the overgrown teddy bear next to her and got out of the car, sighing deeply to steel her nerves.

“I can’t believe you didn’t fall!” Donna said as she kissed Alex’s cheek after the ceremony.

“God, shut up,” Alex groaned. “That was my biggest fear.”

“My biggest fear was that you would panic and make a run for it,” Jody confided.

Alex gave Jody a look. “Gee thanks.”

“Deny it,” Jody challenged her.

“Nope. Shan’t,” Alex replied and the three women giggled.

“Can I have a picture of you gorgeous girls?” Benny asked, walking up with Castiel, who looked flushed with happiness.

The threesome posed with Alex in the middle, arms around each other. Jody kissed Alex on the side of the head after Benny snapped the picture.

“Your parents would be so happy for you, honey,” she whispered.

Alex blinked back unbidden tears. “Yeah.”

“What happened to ‘Don’t fuck up my mascara!’?” Jody teased.

“This is your fault,” Alex accused her, wiping a black smear out from under her eye with a wet wipe supplied hastily from Donna’s Emergency Prep Bag.

“Can I steal my Alexandra?” Castiel asked, holding his hand out to her. “I’d like to introduce her to a few people.”

Alex hesitated before taking Castiel’s hand. The ‘people’ Castiel was going to introduce her to were the more important uppity-ups in his department. Jody held Alex by her side for another minute.

“Is that such a good idea?” Jody asked, sounding fiercely protective.

“No time like the present,” Castiel pressed.

Alex nodded at Jody, her lips pressed together, and let Donna powder her nose and dab her lips with more red lipstick. Alex took Castiel’s hand and walked with him to a group of men in the middle of an intense conversation.

“Gentlemen?” Castiel said politely, holding onto Alex like she was going to bolt like a wild horse. “May I present Alexandra--?”

“Is this the bookshop owner?” the most arrogant-looking man interrupted.

“It is,” Castiel replied, inclining his head slightly.

Alex tried not to look shocked at a) being known already and b) Castiel letting someone interrupt him.

“It’s very nice to meet you,” Alex said, unable to keep the sarcastic lilt from her voice.

An attractive, middle aged man in the group blatantly checked her out, forcing Alex to take another step closer to Castiel. Not out of shyness, but out of embarrassment. These were the men Castiel worked with (for? she wasn’t sure)? Rude and inconsiderate and horny?

 _Assholes,_ Alex thought, glaring at the man checking her out down until he looked away.

“Oh, Castiel. It’s Dean,” Alex said suddenly as she spotted Dean standing alone. “I should go say hello.”

Castiel nodded, sensing her discomfort. “Of course, Alexandra. Make sure he knows he’s welcome to join us later.”

Alex hurried off, knowing Castiel was watching her.

Dean smiled easily when he saw Alex coming towards him. Every fiber of Alex’s being screamed that this was a terrible idea, but to back down now would cause more suspicion than ever. Easier to keep it light, chat him up, and then make a break for it.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Dean said. He reached out to touch her shoulder, but stopped himself, dropping his hand mid-reach. “You look beautiful.”

“I feel like a giant pudding,” Alex replied, which earned an appreciative chuckle from Dean.

“I happen to love pudding,” he told her.

“You happen to love all food.”

“Ah, sweetheart, I can’t argue that fact.”

Dean and Alex paused. Alex could tell Dean desperately wanted to say more and she knew she desperately wanted to say more, but both of them knew that would be a terrible idea. Standing amidst a crowd of guests, Alex felt like she should say anything before people started noticing the palpable sexual tension between them.

“Are you and Sam coming out after?” she asked. “We’re going to The Saloon for drinks and karaoke.”

“I don’t sing,” Dean said, looking doubtful.

“Oh, good. You’ll fit right in then,” Alex said. “Donna sounds like a cat getting stepped on and Jody growls like Lita Ford after two cartons of cigarettes.”

“What about you?”

“Oh, I suck,” Alex replied immediately.

Dean let out a sharp bark of laughter. “How can I say ‘no’ to that?”

“Good. Please bring Sam too,” Alex requested.

“Sammy can’t say ‘no,’” Dean assured her. “He’s got nothin’ else going on.”

A lull in conversation gave Dean a chance to let his eyes rove over Alex. A faint gleam of hunger shone in his eyes as he bit his bottom lip.

“Are you happy, sweetheart?” he asked softly.

Alex glance over her shoulder at Castiel, who was talking to the attractive man with the wandering eyes. Castiel caught her eye and waved. Alex smiled and waved back, blowing a kiss at him from the tips of her fingers. She looked back at Dean.

“I am,” she said.

“Good,” Dean replied, his voice hoarse. Clearing his throat did nothing to change his tone as he continued, “I kinda want you to be happy with me, but I guess I’m glad it’s Cas.” Dean looked pensive as he shrugged and Alex flashed to what he probably looked like as a pouty and sullen teenager. “At least it’s not--”

“Sam?” Alex volunteered sassily.

Dean’s lips twisted into a smile. “Yeah, thank fucking god for that.”

Another silence and Alex found herself and Dean had inched closer to each other. If she reached out, Alex was sure she could have grazed Dean’s stomach with her fingers with little or no stretching.

“We woulda been a ragin’ hot couple, sweetheart,” Dean commented in a voice so soft Alex had to strain to hear him. “One for the ages.”

“For the history books,” she agreed quietly. “I’ll always regret us.”

Alex immediately knew she should have kept that sentiment to herself as Dean’s eyes flicked from staring at her shoulder to her face.

“Yeah?” he asked, his voice a little hopeful, making him sound like a child. “Me too.”

“Dean, I--” Alex began as a deluge of feelings rushed through her.

“Monopolizing Alexandra on her day is quite rude, Dean.” Castiel’s cheerful voice cut through the intense haze of emotions that surrounded Dean and Alex.

Dean blinked a few times before turning a blinding smile at his best friend. The two men shook hands as Alex’s legs quaked under the long folds of her gown.

“Did Alexandra invite you and Sam out to celebrate with all of us later?” Castiel was asking Dean.

“Sure did,” Dean replied, not looking at Alex, who watched a bead of sweat form in his hairline and run from his forehead, over his cheekbone, through his scruff, and off his jawline. His voice was jagged with false cheer and bravado. “You know Sammy and me’ll be there.”

“Excellent.” Castiel’s smile was open and honest and so painfully happy, Alex wanted to die or kiss him. She couldn’t decide which. “I’ll text you in a bit to tell you what time.”

“Awesome,” Dean said. His green eyes, tinged with too much spirit, met Alex’s brown ones. “Can’t wait.”

“See you later then.” Castiel put Alex’s arm through his and they walked away together, leaving Dean standing alone.

They walked silently to Castiel’s car for a few minutes, meeting greetings and stares with smiles. Finally, Castiel spoke.

“You looked absolutely perfect today, my love,” he said. “I couldn’t be happier.”

“Good,” Alex replied faintly. “I’m glad we can finally just move on.”

Castiel stopped walking and pulled Alex close to him, onlookers be damned. He gazed down at her, his tongue slipping between his lips to wet them. Alex watched his tongue’s path over his mouth and arched an eyebrow. God, he was sexy.

“I think we can take this off now,” Castiel said, pulling the legacy cords and scarf from around her neck. Next he tugged the bobby pins from her hair to free it from its severe hairstyle. Alex’s hair fell around her face and Castiel tucked it behind her ears before kissing her. “I love you, graduate,” he whispered when their lips parted.

Alex exhaled as he unzipped her graduation gown in front of the other graduates, their families and guests, and some curious university staff who were suddenly discovering the nature of the relationship between Professor Castiel Novak and Alexandra Foreman. Castiel slipped the black gown off her shoulders so it puddled on the ground at her feet, showing off the sundress she wore under it. It was a bold, sexually-charged move and it made quite clear the intimacy between Castiel and Alex to the watching public.

“I love you too, Professor Novak,” Alex whispered back.

Out of the corner of her eye, Alex saw Dean watching them as Sam stood protectively behind him, his hand on Dean’s shoulder. Inside her chest, Alex’s heart constricted a little, making hard for her to catch her breath.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was writing this chapter that fateful Saturday night during VanCon when Jensen tried to kill the fandom with his version of "Simple Man." I have a might need to hear Jensen sing the song I actually picked for Dean. Click on the link in the end notes, listen to Dean's song (under "First Round Karaoke"), and tell me you wouldn't want Jensen to belt it out like a rock god.  
> Also? The word count on this is ridiculous, but it's a fun chapter ... sorta ...

Donna and Benny had claimed a large, round table right in the middle of the room by the time Castiel and Alex had arrived. Jody, Sam, and Dean were at the bar, waiting for their drinks. Jody was gazing up at Sam, looking rather stupefied over how handsome he was. Sam was obviously enjoying her attention and even encouraging it by showing off his dimples and flicking his hair back from his face.

“Why are you two so late?” Donna asked as Alex and Castiel sat down.

Benny poked Donna’s side. “Sweet-pea, don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to.”

“What--” Donna broke off her sentence as she took in Alex’s flushed cheeks and the fading pink bitemark peeking out from under Castiel’s collar. “Oh, I gotcha.”

Donna was still giggling when Jody and the Winchesters came back to the table. Jody handed Alex a beer as Castiel accepted a gin and tonic from Sam.

“No wine here, buddy,” Sam told him.

Castiel grinned. “No matter. This works.”

Everyone took their seats--Alex next to Castiel, Jody on Castiel’s right, Benny next to Jody, Donna next to Benny, Sam next to Donna with Dean on his left which put Alex next to Dean. Everyone at the table glanced at each other knowingly as Alex’s cheeks went red when she realized that she was between Castiel and Dean.

“Okay, here’s the deal!” Donna slapped her hand on the table, grabbing everyone’s attention. “First round, we each pick a song--”

“Wait. _First_ round?” Dean interrupted.

“Then we all pick another song for someone else,” Donna finished.

“Jesus. _First_ round,” Dean muttered, slugging back half his tumbler of bourbon.

“Gimme the book.” Sam grabbed the binder of song choices from the middle of the table. He pulled it up to his chin to flip through it privately. He must have found something he liked because suddenly his blue-green-hazel-amber eyes gleamed mischievously.

“Shit,” Dean said as Sam grinned around the table at the party. “I know that look.”

The book made the round around the table. The girls agreed that they should do a group song for their first choice since they hadn’t had enough alcohol to get up there solo.

“Who goes first?” Castiel asked. He sounded a little nervous and a lot concerned so Alex laid her hand on his forearm. He squeezed her fingers in response.

“Have you never done this before?” Jody asked.

“I don’t even sing in the shower,” Castiel said.

“That’s not true,” Alex replied at the same time Dean said “There’s a lie” and then looked at each other in surprise.

“What?” they asked each other in unison.

“ _In_ -teresting.” Sam rested his chin on his hand to watch the exchange. Dean gave Sam a look, which Sam blithely ignored. Sam waved his hand airily. “Please, no. Go on. Tell us the story.”

“Well,” Dean cleared his throat, “when Cas crashes at my place, he always takes a shower in the morning, and he sings in the shower.”

Alex nodded. “He does. He always sings in the shower.”

“Can we stop discussing this?” Castiel looked pained.

“What does he sing?” Benny asked, smiling.

Alex and Dean exchanged a look they held a little too long.

“90s pop ballads?” Alex asked, trying to keep her voice from going too coy.

“Broadway?” Dean replied, his tone light and flirty.

“Wow.” Sam’s voice dripped with sarcasm. “Those choices speak volumes.”

“Hey, everybody! Welcome to The Saloon and our weekly karaoke night!” the DJ suddenly announced. The friends forgot about embarrassing Castiel and all cheered. “Get your song choices in now! And don’t forget: anyone who does a song gets a free shot of their choice.”

“Wooo-hooo!” Jody yelled, waving her empty beer mug over her head. Sam glanced her way approvingly.

The DJ laughed into his mike. “Looks like someone’s excited about the free shots.”

“It’s the only reason I sing!” Jody shouted over to him.

“Couple more minutes, little lady,” the DJ promised.

Jody turned back to the table, grinning, to meet the faces of her friends.

“What?” she asked. “I like shots.”

“We can see that,” Sam told her.

Jody gave Sam a little smirk. If Alex wasn’t so focused on trying not to look at Dean, she’d be totally amused by the Jody and Sam FlirtFest happening right in front of her.

“Who’s ready for some singing?” the DJ asked suddenly. The bar cheered in response. “Yeah! here we go! First up: Benny with _Sweet Caroline_.”

A howling cheer went up from the friend’s table as Benny ambled up to the stage, took the mike, and--after grinning his good ol’ Southern boy grin--belted out _Sweet Caroline_ so enthusiastically, the entire bar joined in.

“Holy shit. A singalong first song outta the gate,” the DJ said. “Who’s brave enough to follow that? Let’s find out--”

The night wore on. The girls brought the house down with their version of _Lady Marmalade_ , complete with ridiculous sexy posing and cheesy dance moves. Alex made eye contact with Castiel through the whole song until she got to her part at the end when she inadvertently looked over at Dean. His lips were parted, the tip of his tongue pressed against the back of his teeth, his eyes almost sleepy with desire, one eyebrow arched. Without realizing she was doing it, Alex swung her hips, tossed her hair back, and locked eyes with him until the song ended.

With the bar clapping as they took their seats, the girls took their whiskey shots from Sam, downed them, and started to laugh at how stupid they were. Castiel put his arm around Alex and pulled her over for a kiss.

“You were adorable,” he told her when their lips parted.

Alex laughed. The heady mix of whiskey, Castiel’s kiss, and the burning lust in Dean’s eyes were making her drunk with power.

Sam was up next, roaring his way through _Sugar, We’re Goin Down_ like a champ. A table of very drunk 20-something girls screamed like Patrick Stump was up there personally. Next to Castiel, Jody fanned herself comically with her drink napkin, sending Benny into such a laughing fit, he started to choke. Jody and Donna slapped him on the back good-naturedly until he got his breath back.

“Oh, Sammy,” Dean teased when he got back to the table. “Looks like you got some fangirls.”

“Yeah?” Sam barely glanced at the table of girls who all looked like they were ready to jump him. Sam’s dimples were for Jody alone.

Alex leaned over to Dean without taking her eyes off Jody.

“She’s gonna eat him alive,” Alex whispered, so close to him she could have laid her head on his upper arm.

“You think so?” Dean whispered back, slinging his arm around the back of her chair so his hand rested precariously close to her shoulder.

“I know so. Do you know how long it’s been since she’s gotten some?”

“Put your money where your mouth is.” Dean’s eyes flicked from Alex’s eyes to her mouth. He sucked his bottom lip between his teeth, wetting it quickly with his tongue.

“Ten bucks says so.”

“You’re on.”

Dean and Alex nodded shortly at each other, then smothered their laughter. On her other side, Castiel narrowed his eyes and wrinkled his nose, making his “kitten face.” This time, though, it wasn’t so cute. Alex leaned into Castiel after her exchange with Dean, grinning up at her boyfriend.

“Having fun?” she asked him.

“Loads,” Castiel replied shortly, but Alex didn’t notice his tone since the DJ called Castiel’s name next.

Castiel hesitated and needed a lot of encouragement to get up on the stage. Once he was up there, he fidgeted with the mike until the music for his song started.

“Is Cas singing _Mr. Brightside_?” Sam asked. “I didn’t see that coming.”

“I just can't look its killing me/And taking control/Jealousy, turning saints into the sea/Swimming through sick lullabies/Choking on your alibis/But it's just the price I pay.”

“Ouch,” Sam commented, looking over at Alex and Dean as the bar started drunkenly singing along. “Think Professor Novak is subtly teaching us a lesson about symbolism?”

“Stuff it, Sammy,” Dean snapped.

“Not bad, brother, not bad,” Benny praised Castiel as he joined them again.

“Thanks,” Castiel said. “Dean, you’re the last one up.”

Dean suddenly looked very uncomfortable. “Yeah ... think I’m gonna change my song.”

“Too late,” Jody said as the DJ called Dean’s name.

A few wolf whistles met Dean as he climbed on stage. He turned on his charm and Sam’s table of fans suddenly became Dean’s table of fans. A very audible “Holy shit. I’d fuck the hell outta him.” made Dean look up from adjusting the microphone stand with wide innocent eyes and a low, sexy, “Hey.” A squeal from behind the gang’s table clued them in that the original commenter was delighted with Dean’s attention.

“Someone’s gettin’ some tonight,” Benny said, making the table (including Alex) snicker.

“Any ideas what he could have picked?” Donna asked Sam.

“Probably _Ramble On_ by Led Zeppelin,” Sam replied as Boston’s _More Than A Feeling_ started. “Okay, I was _way_ off.”

When Dean started to sing, Alex was sure there wasn’t a hormone under control in the place. Dean had a great voice, amazing even. He sounded like a rock star. He moved like a rock star. He worked the crowd like a rock star. By the second verse, the entire bar was on their feet, whooping like Boston was actually playing there. When Dean hit the long note before the guitar solo, the screams had reached a fevered pitch. But it was when Dean pointed into the crowd and belted out, “And dream of a girl I used to know/I closed my eyes and she slipped away/She slipped away …” and held the note on “away” for an obscene amount of time and the cheers were ringing in everyone’s ears, everyone was clued in on the fact Dean was going to be going home with the girl(s) of his choice. He ended the song with his head thrown back dramatically, at which Alex let out a tiny gasp without realizing it. He did that when he came too. The shrieks as Dean stepped off the stage doubled when he touched his fingers to his lips and raised his hand to his adoring audience.

Dean sat back down, looking supremely proud of himself, while the table clapped.

“What?” he asked, wiping sweat off his forehead with his arm. His green eyes sparkled and he was breathing hard.

“I thought you said you couldn’t sing,” Alex said, trying not to stare at him. Is it possible he’d gotten even sexier?

“He lied,” Sam said, sounding weary.

“Yeah, and what was all that malarky about ‘ _First_ song? _First_ song?’?” Donna demanded.

“Lie.” Sam shook his head, rolling his eyes.

Dean grinned as he polished off his bourbon. “Eh, I dunno. Next round’s on me.”

Dean pointed around the table at the various empty bottles and glasses before heading up to the bar to order. He wasn’t alone there long before being joined by a handful of girls, dying to chat him up. Dean looked over their heads at his friends, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

“Oh, yeah. A lot of someone’s are gettin’ some tonight,” Benny chortled deeply.

“God, I hope so,” Jody said suddenly as she raised a shot to her lips. When she realized what she said, she cringed. “Man, I fucking said that out loud, didn’t I?”

“Clear as a bell, Jody,” Castiel said, covering his smile with one hand while Alex giggled into his shoulder.

“Yeah … well …” Jody shrugged a little, cheeks growing red, before downing her drink. Sam leaned forward over the table, pushing his shot of whiskey closer to her suggestively.

“Should we even try to get him over here?” Donna asked. “We have the second round!”

Benny leaned back in his chair and whistled to grab Dean’s attention. Dean jerked his head over, held up one finger, and continued to collect numbers from his adoring fans.

“I’m picking Dean’s second song,” Sam announced in a voice that brokered no argument, grabbing a pencil and scrap of paper from the cup in the middle of the table. A naughty, little brother grin spread across Sam’s face. “This is gonna be fun.”

“Here, I’ll go with you,” Jody offered, standing up with Sam to drop off her song choice to the DJ. She pointed at Benny. “I got you, big boy.”

Benny looked pleased. “And I got Donna. Picked her song too.”

Donna giggled. “And I’m doing Alex.”

Alex looked up from her paper to smile at Donna then Castiel. “I think my boyfriend needs a power ballad.”

Castiel kissed Alex’s ear. “incorrigible. I guess that means I get to pick Jody’s song. And I know exactly what Miss Mills should perform.”

“I’m in big trouble now, aren’t I?” Jody and Sam came back to their seats, walking a little closer to each other than they had when they left the table. Everyone there she wasn’t really talking about the song Castiel had picked out for her.

A few more drinks, supplied by Dean, and the friends’ laughter and talking grew louder and more rowdy. Sam and Jody’s flirting was over the top and completely ridiculous, but Alex could see it was going to lead to her hearing about the bedroom prowess of the younger Winchester. When the DJ finally started calling names for the last round of karaoke, they were all more than a little drunk. Jody was up first and she wailed out _Satisfaction_ by The Stones right at Sam, who hooted and cheered in appreciation.

“You will later!” Sam shouted to her, bringing on catcalls from strangers.

“Jesus, Sammy. Don’t share,” Dean laughed as Donna stumbled up to the stage to slur her way through _Like A Virgin_.

“Talk about over-sharing! Christ, Benny!”

Benny let out a Viking laugh and welcomed his drunk fiancée back to her seat with a huge hug and kiss that was so enthusiastic, it looked like he was swallowing her face. Donna playfully wiped her mouth when it was over. Castiel couldn't make it through Whitesnake's _Here I Go Again_ without laughing, meaning he screwed up the entire song and sent Alex into peals of hysterical giggles.

Alex’s name was called and Donna leaned over the grab her arm as the DJ added, “And this song goes out to her boyfriend.”

Alex faltered for a minute, took a swig of her beer, and was on stage before the music for Heart’s _Magic Man_ started. She let out a peal of laughter. Yes, this song was _definitely_ about Castiel. She stared him down as she did her best Anne Wilson imitation:

“Cold late night so long ago/When I was not so strong you know/A pretty man came to me/Never seen eyes so blue …”

Castiel’s blue eyes glowered hungrily at her from across the room. Oh, yeah. There was going to be some fun later.

Sam twanged his way through _The Devil Went Down to Georgia_ as the whole table roared with laughter and he kept a rigid middle finger pointed in Dean’s direction. Dean laughed the hardest, wiping tears off his face and pounding his thigh. Benny embraced Jody’s choice for him, CCR’s _Born on the Bayou_ , while Alex cried out, “I made that joke first!”

Dean’s reappearance on the stage was greeted by screams. He waved to the girls, grinning that heart-melting grin of his that Alex knew so well, and spun the microphone in his hand while he waited for his musical cue. The music started and he glanced at Sam, confused, until a sudden look of realization came over his face. Dean drew his eyebrows together, glaring at his brother, and didn’t say anything for the first few bars. Alex’s face went white when she recognized the song too. Joking is one thing, but Sam’s biting sense of humor went too far this time.

Dean’s voice--which had just reduced the bar to panting, hormonal hysteria--was expressionless as he began to sing The Mamas and The Papas ode to cheating, _Saw Her Again Last Night_ : “I saw her again last night/And you know that I shouldn't/To string her along's just not right/If I couldn't I wouldn't/But what can I do, I'm lonely too/And it makes me feel so good to know/You'll never leave me …”

The table froze, not meeting each other’s eyes, before Benny broke the awkward silence by joking, “Well, at least Dean’s as pretty as Mama Michelle.” When Dean was finished, it was still met by rousing cheers from his fanbase, but his face was grim. Without stopping at their table, Dean went right to the girls behind them, chatted one up for barely a few minutes, and then left with her--and her friend--in tow.

Alex couldn’t keep the shocked look off her face. In fact, she still looked shocked when she turned back to face her friends and found Castiel gazing at her with an ocean of hurt and anger in his blue eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First Round Karaoke:  
> Benny: https://youtu.be/YdW69V34GfY  
> The girls: https://youtu.be/aMShrurchRI  
> Sam: https://youtu.be/Ufb70h78eO4  
> Castiel: https://youtu.be/NA6V8WYqc0A  
> Dean: https://youtu.be/Fm_-sW4Vktw  
> Second Round Karaoke:  
> Jody: https://youtu.be/0Ncvuvd3fO0  
> Donna: https://youtu.be/FnWua_Cniek  
> Castiel: https://youtu.be/oohFGOmcxuo  
> Alex: https://youtu.be/qijQC-m2IDs  
> Sam: https://youtu.be/K6RUg-NkjY4  
> Dean: https://youtu.be/xJslpq_YuGQ (lyrics: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/mamasandthepapas/isawheragainlastnight.html)


	36. Chapter 36

Castiel let Alex and himself into his house silently. Alex barely made it in the door before she crashed into the wall. She was drunk, beyond drunk actually, and it was all Dean’s fault.

“Alexandra, come here,” Castiel said in an even voice, taking her around the waist.

“No, I can walk,” Alex told him as she stumbled. Castiel caught her and she looked up at him through blurry eyes. “Hi, handsome.”

“Oh, my love,” Castiel replied. “Time for bed.”

“Fuck yeah! Time for bed!” Alex hooted as she started to pull at her dress.

“That isn’t going to happen tonight, Alexandra,” Castiel snapped. “So, you can keep your clothing on.”

Alex pouted, trying to look sexy, but she just looked drunk and sloppy.

“C’mon, Cas,” she slurred. “I’ll let you do whatever you want.”

“That’s not even remotely tempting right now, considering how intoxicated you are.” Castiel half-carried, half-dragged her into his room.

Sitting Alex down on the edge of his bed, Castiel stripped off her dress and bra and pulled a white v-neck tee shirt over her head. Sitting down was making Alex woozy, so she flopped backwards onto the mattress. Man, that even made her more woozy. Plus the room … the room was spinning.

“Cas, I think I’m drunk,” Alex told him seriously, turning her head to watch him get ready for bed.

“That’s very obvious,” Castiel replied in a tight, clipped voice as he pulled on pajama pants and a tank top. “I’m drunk also.”

“We should totally have drunk-sex,” Alex said cheerfully.

“No. And I won’t discuss it again,” Castiel told her.

“Is it because you don’t think I’m sexy, Cas?” Alex pouted again.

“No, Alexandra, I think you’re very sexy,” Castiel said. “But I can’t be held accountable for what I’d do to you. And _stop_ calling me ‘Cas.’”

Alex snorted as she clumsily climbed under the covers on Castiel’s bed.

“ _He_ calls you ‘Cas,’” she muttered.

“And he calls _you_ ‘sweetheart,’” Castiel muttered back.

Alex propped herself on her elbows to look at Castiel, who had his back to her, but was looking at her in the mirror as he pressed his hands flat on his dresser.

“Wh--what?” she stammered, suddenly feeling very, very scared.

“Dean. Dean calls you ‘sweetheart,’” Castiel repeated, meeting her eyes in the reflection.

“How--” Alex began.

“You must think I’m an idiot, Alexandra,” Castiel sighed. “I know you’re attracted to him. I know he’s attracted to you. And, despite what you’ve _both_ told me, I’m sure you’ve slept with each other.” Castiel’s eyes were dark with pain. “Please just tell me the truth, Alexandra.”

Alex didn’t respond, but instead looked down at the duvet, picking at the material.

“I see,” Castiel said softly. He turned from the mirror to face her, one arm wrapped around his middle, his other hand covering his mouth. Castiel rubbed his hand over his face slowly. “I see.”

“Castiel, I--” Alex began. Suddenly, she clapped her hands over her mouth and rushed to the bathroom to throw up.

Leaning over the toilet, Alex vomited everything she had eaten and drunk for at least 24 hours. Castiel watched from the doorway for a minute or two before sighing and coming in the room. He ran cold water over a washcloth, pulled her hair into a ponytail with one hand and placed the cold cloth on the back of her neck. Sitting on the floor next to her, Castiel laid a hand between her shoulder blades.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Alex cried out between retches.

“Shhh, Alexandra,” Castiel soothed her, rubbing her back.

“I should’ve-- _blargh!_ \--said-- _blargh!_ ” Alex heaved and sobbed at the same time.

“Alexandra, my love, please,” Castiel whispered.

Alex laid her head on the toilet seat and looked at Castiel through blurry eyes, mascara and eyeliner smeared down her face.

“I don’t deserve you,” she told him.

Castiel raised Alex’s face, using the washcloth to wipe the mess away. He tossed the ruined washcloth into the sink, flushed the toilet, and helped Alex to her feet.

“Here, sip this.” Castiel handed Alex a small cup of water and then her toothbrush.

Alex brushed her teeth while Castiel held her up by the waist. When she was done, they walked back to his bedroom, both of Alex’s arms around Castiel like the idea of letting him go was terrifying.

“Castiel, I shoulda told you,” Alex tried again as they got into bed.

“Talk about it in the morning,” Castiel told her softly as he turned out the light.

Alex reached for him to hold her, but Castiel turned on his side away from her. Alex stared up at the ceiling in his dark room, crying silently, tears running back onto her pillow.

The morning sun was cruel when Alex finally managed to pry her eyes open. The bed next to her was empty, so she went to the bathroom and then padded uncertainly into the kitchen to find Castiel at the stove.

“Hey,” she said.

“Good morning, Alexandra,” Castiel greeted her evenly.

Alex hesitated before sitting down at the table. Castiel glanced over his shoulder at her before turning his attention back to the pot of grits he was cooking.

“Get out the butter and salt, will you?” he asked.

Alex fetched butter, salt and pepper, and the bowl of sugar. She wanted Castiel to say something, anything, about what happened the night before. Instead, Castiel was quiet, stirring the grits and flipping ham slices. She poured herself a cup of coffee.

“You should have water instead, Alexandra,” Castiel said suddenly as she poured half and half in her mug. “You’re probably dehydrated.”

“What about you?” Alex asked. “Are you hydrating?”

Castiel turned the heat off under the pot of grits before dolloping them with butter and pouring them into a bowl. Alex had never seen anyone more intent on not answering a question.

“Come eat,” he said, moving past her with the bowl.

“Castiel--” Alex grabbed at his arm, but Castiel yanked it from her reach.

Once they were seated and had served themselves, Castiel crossed his arms in front of him on the table. Alex swallowed hard and stared at her plate.

“When?” Castiel asked.

“Before we started dating,” Alex replied.

_Well, way to go,_ her brain jeered, _that’s not a total lie._

“Where?”

“His house. My … my house.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Alex sighed as her hands began to shake. “I didn’t want you to hate me.”

“Hate you?” Castiel asked. “Why would I hate you?”

“Because …” Alex was confused. “Because … he’s your best friend? Because it’s a really fucking shitty thing to do?”

Castiel closed his eyes. Alex wondered if he was trying not to picture Dean and Alex in bed together.

“I don’t know what to say, Alexandra,” he said finally, his voice so low Alex could barely hear him. “I can’t fault you for sleeping with other people before me--that would be hypocritical and ridiculous--but the knowledge that it was Dean …” Castiel shook his head. “Oh, Alexandra. Why _him_? Anyone in the world and it was _him_?”

“I don’t know.” Alex twisted her fingers into knots, refusing to look up at him.

“Of course you know,” Castiel snapped, sounding more upset than angry. “Because he’s handsome and charming and charismatic and sexy. Because, when he looks at you, it’s like you’re the only person there, even if you’re in a room full of people.”

Alex finally gathered up the courage to look Castiel in the face. To her horror, he was crying. She had made him cry. Oh, sweet baby Jesus. This was a nightmare.

Seeing Castiel cry made Alex burst into tears. They sat across the table from each other, crying, before Castiel forced himself to his feet and walked away, leaving Alex alone to wail into her napkin.

Alex got up from the table and rushed into the living room to find Castiel leaning his forehead against his bookcase, tears dripping off his jaw as he cried silently. Alex slunk up behind him and slipped her arms around his waist.

“I love you,” she whispered. “I love you so much. I haven’t told another man that since I was 18 and my dad begged me to say it every night to him and my mom while she was dying. It felt so forced then. But, with you … oh, Castiel, with you …”

“I’ve never said it,” Castiel told her, his voice muffled. “Until you.”

“What?” Alex looked at Castiel’s back in shock.

“You heard me,” Castiel said. “Mother never said it to me, so I never said it to her. I heard foster parents say it to each other and the smaller foster children, but never to me. I certainly never said it to April or any other woman I dated. You were the first.”

“Oh, Castiel,” Alex said, laying her cheek between his shoulder blades.

“That’s why this hurts so horribly,” Castiel whispered, wrapping his arms around Alex’s across his middle.

They stood like that for a very long time before Castiel untangled Alex from around him and turned around to face her. Alex took a step back when she saw the blank look on his face.

“I need a few days to think about our situation, Alexandra,” he told her in an expressionless voice.

“Okay,” Alex agreed in a tiny voice. “I’ll call a cab and go home.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Castiel said. “I’ll drive you.”

Alex held her hand up. “It’ll be better this way.”

Castiel didn’t argue with her. In fact, he watched silently as she left the room to dress. He also watched silently as she opened the door to leave when the cab arrived. Alex turned to say good bye, but his severe gaze chilled her to the soul. She left without saying a word.

Alex cried going up the stairs. She cried in the shower. She cried as she got dressed. She cried as she checked her messages. She cried as she listened to Jody’s giddy, whispered voicemail to call her back. She cried as she heard Sam’s bedroom voice in the background telling Jody to hang up the phone. She cried as she realized that she was supposed to be at Anna’s, helping her pack to leave. She cried as she desperately tried to stop imagining Dean in bed with those two girls. She cried as she thought about Castiel mulling over the details of her betrayal of his trust. She cried as she cursed herself for being so fucking impulsive and stupid.

There were a lot of tears.


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank you to Jensen Ackles for Dean's brilliant and still-hysterical Tindr tagline and to Anotherdumbblonde for probably the best description of Dean Winchester I've ever read.  
> Also? SEX.

“How long has it been?” Donna asked Alex gently.

Alex didn’t look up from the keyboard as she entered the month’s bookkeeping.

“Three weeks and 27 days, ” she replied, that newly familiar sick feeling wash over her.

“Have you heard from him at _all_?” Donna asked.

“Just once. He left me a message to stop calling him.”

Donna’s sweet face looked stricken. “Oh, Allie. I’m so sorry.”

“He said he still needed time,” Alex added. “He’ll call me, Donna, I know he will. He just needs time to think things through.”

“Do you really believe that?” Donna asked, her voice soft and worried.

Alex looked up at Donna finally. She was exhausted and in pain and she looked it.

“I have to believe it, Donna,” Alex said, sounding and feeling on the verge of tears.

Donna hugged Alex, kissing her on the forehead, before leaving the office. Alex held her sobs back until she was sure Donna was out of earshot.

Locking the door after Donna left, Alex stood for a minute, trying to collect her thoughts before heading upstairs to her empty apartment. She and Castiel used to take turns spending the night at each other’s homes, so Alex never really felt like she was alone, even if she was, because she knew Castiel was just a text away. After years of living by herself, it felt good to have a warm body there, even if she was doing homework and he was grading papers and they were on opposite sides of the room from each other.

Now, though … Now, her empty apartment was more than empty. It was cavernous.

“You can do this,” Alex told herself, balling her hands into fists. “Just go up there. Go on. Don’t be such an asshole. You lived alone for seven years before Castiel.” Alex took off her glasses and swiped one of those fists over her eyes. “Jesus, Alex. Get a grip.”

A faint knock on the door made her jump and spin around.

“Castiel!” she cried out.

But the name died on her tongue when she put her glasses back on and saw

“ _Dean_ ,” Alex breathed. Then she snapped back to reality and groaned, “Oh, _god_. Not _now_.”

Dean stood on the other side of the glass door, hands shoved into his jeans pockets, pushing them down over his tummy, his leather jacket replaced by a dark green Henley over a white t-shirt since the warm weather was starting to appear. He raised one hand in a small wave before pointing at the door handle.

“No,” Alex replied, walking over to the door. She shook her head. “Absolutely not.”

Dean’s smile was sympathetic and very kind. “C’mon, sweetheart,” he said, his low voice muffled by the door. “I’m just checking up on you.”

“I’m fine,” Alex replied shortly.

Dean looked her over, then arched an eyebrow. “Yeah. I can tell.”

“Go away, Dean,” Alex told him, starting to turn away.

“He misses you,” Dean called out to her.

Alex froze, her body jerking like she’d been shot. Squeezing her eyes shut, she prayed she’d heard Dean right.

“What?” she asked, not looking at him.

“Cas,” Dean said. “He misses you. I can tell.”

“You’ve seen him?” Alex asked, coming to the door.

“Let me in, Alex,” Dean said. “We can talk about him all night, if you want.”

Alex wavered, then unlocked the door to let Dean in.

“We’re not going upstairs,” Alex said immediately as she re-locked the door.

When she faced Dean, he was holding a folded piece of paper out to her. Alex looked at the paper, then up at Dean, then back to the paper.

“What is that?” she asked.

“The Magna Carta,” Dean said sarcastically. “It’s a letter. From Cas to you.”

“And he asked _you_ to deliver it?” Alex asked, confused.

Dean shrugged. “I was there.”

“You were with Castiel? At his house?” Alex was floored. Her grief was replaced by anger. So, Castiel had been avoiding _her_ because of Dean, but _Dean_ had been with Castiel? Alex’s face went red with fury.

“Shit.” Dean took a step back as Alex snatched the paper out of his hand and practically ripped it in half to open it.

_Dear Alexandra,_

_I can only assume you let my messenger in and are now reading my letter. I can’t even imagine what you’ve been through these past three weeks, but I’ve been through hell. Not having you here or me being there with you has caused me more pain that I thought was possible._

_Please forgive me for reacting to your confession like I did. No one can help who they’re attracted to. It’s human nature. I confess, there were more than a few times that Dean’s considerable charms had me behaving in less than rational ways._

_I love you, Alexandra. Please forgive your boyfriend for being an asshole._

_Castiel_  

“Did you--did you read this?” Alex asked Dean without looking up from the paper.

“Nope,” Dean replied a little too quickly.

“God, you’re a wretched liar,” Alex told him, rolling her eyes.

“I know,” Dean agreed. “It’s really a character flaw and, yet, my most redeeming quality.”

Alex snorted. “You idiot. You have better qualities than your inability to lie convincingly.”

“Yeah?” Dean asked. His tone was unmistakably flirty. “Like what else?”

Alex shot him a dirty look. “I’m not even gonna entertain _that_ question.”

“Too bad.” Dean’s eyes shone mischievously. “I was going to use it for my Tindr.”

“What’s wrong with the tagline you have now?” Alex sassed back. “‘Rolling through town. No strings. Interested?’”

Dean threw his head back and laughed. “You’re awesome.”

Alex allowed herself a small smile, her first one in three weeks.

“Thank you for my letter,” she said.

Dean’s smile didn’t falter. “You’re welcome, sweetheart. You’re good for him.”

“He’s good for me too,” Alex agreed, nodding, as she tucked the letter into her sweater pocket.

“I’m--uh--gonna get out of here,” Dean said haltingly as their silence lingered into a long look.

“That’s a good idea,” Alex said. The sooner Dean left, the better.

They walked to the door so Alex could let Dean out. Leaning against the door, Alex watched a little too longingly as Dean started to walk away.

“Hey? Dean?” she called out after him.

“Yeah?” Dean turned to face her.

“I once heard you described as ‘sex wrapped in desire, sugar-coated with lust,’” Alex told him.

Dean thought about that statement for a few minutes before he pursed his lips a little.

“Huh. I can live with that,” he replied. “Night, sweetheart.”

“Night, Dean.” Alex locked the door and ran upstairs to call Castiel.

“Alexandra?” Castiel’s voice was eager when he answered the phone.

“Yes,” she replied. “I miss you so much.”

“I miss you too,” Castiel replied immediately. “You received my letter?”

“Of course I did,” Alex said. “Your messenger brought it.”

“Were you nice to him?” Castiel asked.

Alex giggled, her first one in weeks. “As soon as I found out why he was there, I was sweet as pie.”

“When can I see you?” Castiel wanted to know.

“I’m free now.” Alex couldn’t keep the giddiness from her voice.

“I was hoping you’d say that.”

Alex heard the engine of Castiel’s car roar to life as he hung up. She ran to the bathroom to shave everything she could feasibly drag her razor across.

When Castiel entered the apartment, Alex launched herself on him. Castiel caught her and kissed her hard. His lips moved all over her face and neck while she kissed back.

“I missed you so much,” Castiel whispered hoarsely.

“Me too,” Alex barely managed to get out before Castiel had her around the waist, carrying her backwards through the living room to her bed. “What are you doing?”

Castiel laid Alex down on her unmade bed and began to strip her clothes off. His blue eyes were dark with love.

“I’m going to make love to you until you weep from the pleasure of it all,” Castiel whispered.

Alex closed her eyes and moaned in anticipation.

Moving up against her pillows, Alex kicked her rumpled bedclothes out of the way, watching Castiel as he took his clothes off. A deep thrill pooled in Alex’s core as she watched his preppy layers strip away to reveal the toned and muscular planes of his body and the rich, vibrant colors of his tattoos. Castiel took Alex’s ankles in each hand and spread her legs so he could settle between them, which he did next.

Alex whimpered as Castiel’s hot breath tickled her lips before she felt his strong tongue flick out to tease her clit. Alex raised her hips to meet his mouth and Castiel dove in, licking, licking, and licking while Alex writhed on the mattress under him. Sliding one, then two, fingers inside her, Castiel sucked at her pussy, working her over, until Alex ground her slit against his face, letting out a scream so guttural, it sounded inhuman. Wave after wave after wave of pleasure coursed through her as Castiel refused to stop licking until he’d swallowed every drop of her cum.

Kissing up her belly to her breasts, Castiel kneed her thighs apart. Alex arched under him in anticipation. She reached out to pull open her nightstand drawer and get him a condom, but Castiel stilled her hand.

“No,” he whispered. “I want to feel you.”

“But--” Alex began.

“Alexandra, please.” Castiel’s voice verged on begging. “I need it.”

Alex ran her hands down Castiel’s arms. “Yes, my lord.”

Castiel took a deep breath and held it as he bottomed out inside her. The sound he made when he exhaled was like nothing Alex had ever heard him make before.

“Oh, my fucking god,” he moaned, trembling.

Alex closed her eyes and rolled her hips against him. Castiel was frozen still for a few more seconds before he started to move with her. Alex started to speed up, but Castiel stilled her with a soft kiss.

“Slowly, my love,” he whispered.

“What?” Alex whispered back.

“Slowly.”

Castiel moved gently and deliberately, pressing himself against her so their bodies fit together perfectly. His face buried in her neck, kissing, nibbling, whispering in her ear. Alex wrapped her legs around his waist, lifting her hips to meet his almost lazy thrusts.

“God, Castiel,” Alex groaned breathlessly into his ear.

Castiel’s gradual and sensual pace only sped up when Alex’s started to moan in tandem with his movements.

“Almost there,” she gasped a little.

“Me too,” Castiel managed to get out.

“Together?” Alex whimpered.

Castiel nodded before propping himself up on his elbows to look in her face. Alex opened her eyes, locked Castiel’s gaze, and kissed his nose.

“I love you,” he whispered as Alex crashed over the edge of pleasure, crying out for him.

Castiel followed quickly after her, stiffening his whole body and arching his back as he came, with a breathless gasp of “ _Alexandra_ ...”

Alex stretched again, enjoying how languid and relaxed she felt. Sitting up against the pillows next to her, Castiel smiled, running his fingers between her breasts and over her stomach.

“That was …” Alex began before closing her eyes and sighing.

“It was,” Castiel agreed softly.

Alex curled up next to Castiel, throwing an arm and leg over him possessively. Castiel wrapped his arms around her, kissing the top of her head. Alex hadn’t been that happy in weeks. But, now here she was, in bed with her handsome boyfriend. All was forgiven. They were starting over. But … yet … something nagged at Alex. She had to ask ...

“Castiel?” Alex asked hesitantly.

“Yes, my love?” Castiel murmured.

“Why did you send Dean to deliver your letter?”

Castiel’s hand stopped smoothing her tangled hair. “I didn’t. I sent Sam.”

Alex’s heart stopped. “What?”

“Did Dean bring you my letter?” Castiel asked.

“Yes,” Alex answered. “I couldn’t understand what you were playing at with it, but I thought maybe it was a test or something.”

“It wasn’t a test,” Castiel said, his voice dangerously low. “I asked Sam to bring it to you.”

“Oh.” Alex’s worry came back, tenfold.

Sam was supposed to be the delivery boy? Then why did Dean come? Did Sam have plans he wasn’t willing to cancel? Did Dean cajole his brother into giving him the task? Why had Sam agreed to that, knowing how badly a situation like that could have turned out?

What were the Winchesters playing at?


	38. Chapter 38

It was more than a week later before Alex could get in touch with Sam. She caught him in his office, straightening up a messy desk. Messy meaning it had more than five papers on it.

“Sam?” Alex knocked on his open door. “Can I come in?”

“Alex!” Sam looked honestly pleased to see her. “Of course. Come on in.”

Alex entered, shutting the door after her. Sam cocked his head to the side, curious. In that second, he looked so much like his brother, Alex’s heart skipped a beat.

“What brings you back here?” Sam asked cheerfully. “I thought you graduated. I vaguely remember a really long graduation ceremony and then I sang Charlie Daniels, even though I’ll deny _that_ happened until the day I die.”

“Sam,” Alex began with no preamble, “did Castiel give you a letter to give to me?”

If Sam was surprised by the question, he gave no hint of it.

“Yes,” he replied.

“Why did you give it to Dean to give to me?” Alex asked.

“Because I had something else to do,” Sam answered.

“If you were on your way to Jody’s, you could have stopped at the store. It’s right on the way.” Alex stood over Sam’s desk, her hands gripping the edge, turning her knuckles white.

“Sit down, Alex,” Sam said, motioning at the chair behind her.

“No,” Alex replied. “Why, Sam? Why’d ya do it?”

“ _Thi_ s is why.” Sam pointed at Alex, whose rage was making her visibly tremble. “You’re obviously not over my brother. He’s very obviously not over you. If you were done obsessing about Dean, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

Alex shook her head in disbelief. “What is wrong with you?”

“I’m just looking out for my big brother,” Sam told her.

“You’re big brother is a grown man,” Alex told him. “He can look out for himself.”

“If you knew anything about Dean, you’d know that was completely untrue.”

“You don’t have a lot of faith in him.”

Sam’s eyes flashed. “I have mountains of faith in Dean. I don’t have faith in anyone else. Including you. _Especially_ you.”

“Me?” Alex asked. “What the fuck, Sam?”

Sam tilted his head, a smug, enigmatic smile on his lips. “Deny it.”

“Deny what?” Alex couldn’t hide the frustration in her voice.

“Deny that you love him.”

Alex hesitated for 30 seconds while Sam waited for her response, twirling a pen nonchalantly between his long, elegant fingers.

“Of course I love Castiel.”

Sam’s mouth curved into a smile. “That’s not who I meant, and you know it.”

“You’re a sadist,” Alex told him.

“And you’re in love with Dean, Alex,” Sam told her, pointing at her with his pen. “ _And_ you’re in love with Castiel. _And_ you’re going to lead them in a tricky dance until one--or both--of them get wise and then where will you be?”

“Shut up,” Alex snapped, turning to leave.

“Alex?” Sam said, his voice pleasant and even. Alex whirled around to face him, glaring. “You need to decide before one of them does something rash to prove their love for you.”

“I’ve made my choice,” Alex snapped.

“Have you?” Sam asked, but there was no teasing, no malice in his voice.

Alex didn’t respond, but shut his office door after her.

“What did he say?” Jody asked.

“He said I had to make up my mind,” Alex told her.

“Well, hon, ya kinda do,” Jody said.

“Pfft, you’re only agreeing with him because he’s boning you every night,” Alex snorted.

“Boning me _well_ every night,” Jody agreed. “What that man knows how to do in the sack at his age is utterly amazing.”

“Yeah,” Donna said from across the room as she brought a bowl of chips from her kitchen, “you’ve mentioned.”

“Well, excuse fucking me,” Jody sassed. “We’re all finally getting regular sex--”

“Regular mind-blowing sex,” Alex offered.

“Regular phenomenal sex,” Donna agreed.

“--and I think we should celebrate it!” Jody finished as the three friends clicked their bottles together.

“Okay, I’ll get over my current hatred of your fuck buddy so you can give us all the gory details,” Alex said graciously. “Go ahead. Spill.”

“Holy shit, y’all,” Jody burst out. “His cock is fucking _huge_. I mean, it’s like another leg.” Alex and Donna both let out screams of delight. “But he doesn’t just mindlessly fuck me and rely on his dick to do everything. He goes everywhere--and I mean, fucking _everywhere_ \--with that mouth of his. And he has a filthy mind. You can’t believe the shit he says in bed. He’s like the fucking Dostoyevsky of dirty talk.”

“Dude, Jody. Stop it.” Alex could feel a hot blush creeping over her cheeks.

“Never.” Jody took a long pull off her beer. “His tongue is like its own entity. I’ve never cum that hard from oral ever. And he doesn’t stop. I can beg him, hit him on the head, try to smother him between my legs and he just keeps going.”

“Multiples? From oral?” Donna asked, giddy at the idea.

“That must be a family trait,” Alex said suddenly. “Dean was the same way.”

Jody and Donna looked at Alex, shocked. Alex made a face.

“Please. It happened. Everyone knows now. I’m gonna talk about it.” Alex threw chips at the other two women.

“Don’t--don’t compare Sam to Dean,” Jody said. “Do that and I’ll start thinking about Dean the next time I’m in bed with--” Jody stopped talking as a wry little smile spread across his face. “Okay, that might not be a bad thing, necessarily.”

Donna looked a little judgey before Alex said, “We’ve all done worse. God knows I have and _recently_.”

Jody blinked a few times, trying to obviously get the vision of Dean Winchester out of her head, before turning her attention to Donna. “All right. Spill. Tell us about the shrimp fisherman.”

Donna blushed. “Oh, I dunno.”

“C’mon!” Jody exclaimed. “I told you about Tripod Boy! You can at least give us some juicy details about that bear of yours.”

“Okay, okay,” Donna giggled. Jody and Alex hunkered forward to hear all about it. “Well, the first time he was really gentle and sweet. I’m not a little person, but he picked me up like I weighed nothing. And the way he kisses …” Donna blushed sweetly. “I feel it in my toes.”

“Get to the good stuff,” Alex urged.

“He’s big, right?” Jody didn’t beat around the bush. “He looks like he’d be packing a decent amount of junk.”

“Jodio! Jeez Louise!” Donna tried to look shocked, but Alex could tell she wanted to dish all.

“Stop playing innocent, Sister Donna,” Alex teased. “Think about how much I have to tell you guys.”

“Oh, that’s true.” Donna’s face went speculative.

“And you’re not leaving out a dirty detail about Professor Sex on Bowlegs.” Jody pointed at Alex viciously. “I’ve been staring at that boy for almost a year. I need _all_ the info.”

“Yeah,” Donna agreed. She lowered her voice and, looking around shiftily, asked, “Like, does he have freckles _every_ where?”

Alex spit out a mouthful of beer, splattering it all over her chin and shirt.

Jody let out a howl. “Ow! Beer up my nose!”

Donna let out a peal of laughter. “I’ve been wanting to know that forever!”

“Well, let me put it this way: there are only a few places on him that aren’t freckled in _any_ way.” Alex arched an eyebrow and smirked. “And they are _exactly_ the places you think.”

“So … his dick?” Jody asked.

Alex spit out another mouthful of beer. Donna shouted.

“Hey! Hey! Hey!” she exclaimed. "That’s alcohol abuse!"

“What?” Jody asked, bewildered. “It’s a valid question.”

The night wore on and the friends got drunker and drunker. It wasn’t long before there was a very, very detailed description of Castiel’s bedroom skills that stunned Jody and Donna to silence, the girl took a break from all the sex gossiping.

Alex rolled her head on the back on the couch to look at Donna.

“You two crazy kids set a date yet?” she asked.

“We’re thinking fall next year,” Donna replied.

“Fall?” Alex asked. “What about Benny’s classes?”

“Benny says that fall is beautiful on Roatan,” Donna said.

“Where’s Roatan?” Jody asked.

“Honduras,” Donna smiled. “That’s where we’re going on our honeymoon.”

“Are you getting married here or in Minnesota or Louisiana?”

“Here. The families are coming here.”

Alex chortled. “So the gophers and the crawdads are coming here?”

“My family are not--” Donna began indignantly.

“Really?” Alex interrupted, making Donna huff.

“Are you going to have a big fat redneck wedding?” Jody teased.

Donna sulked. “You both suck.”

Alex and Jody laughed as Alex’s text alert went off. Jody continued to tease Donna about her upcoming nuptials as Alex opened her texts.

_Where are you? I’m at your house._

_i’m at donna’s. i told you i was coming here._

_That’s right. Well, I’m already here, so I’m going to spend the night._

_all right. i’ll see you tomorrow_

_Tomorrow?_

_yeah. too drunk to drive_

_I see. I love you, my drunk girl. See you in the morning._

_love you too, my lord._

“Castiel’s at my apartment,” Alex told her friends as she tossed her phone on the coffee table in front of her. “I told him I was going to be here, but there he is.”

Alex shrugged, but Jody looked concerned.

“Is there anything there that can get you in trouble?” she asked.

“Not that I know of,” Alex said, thinking.

“No diary? No incriminating photos?” Jody asked.

“Nope,” Alex grinned. “Those are on my phone.”

“Lemme see!” Donna grabbed Alex’s phone and opened the photo gallery while Alex chased her around the room. She scrolled a few times before shouting, “ _Hell-low_ , freckles!”

“Wait! What?” Jody jumped across the room.

“Gimme that back!” Alex yelled, grabbing for her phone.

“Jodes! Catch!” Donna tossed Jody the phone while holding Alex back with one arm.

“Eeep!” Jody shrieked and almost dropped Alex’s phone. Juggling it clumsily, Jody held the phone above her head. “Oh, my _god_! Is he jerking off?”

“Jody! Please!” Alex wailed, breaking free of Donna’s grip.

“Holy shit,” Jody whistled. “Look at the size of that thing! Must be genetic!”

“You guys both suck!” Alex yelled, jumping up to grab Jody’s wrist and retrieve her phone.

Jody handed Alex’s phone back to her and Alex cradled it like a baby. On the screen was one of the pictures that Dean had sent her when they sexted so long ago. She didn’t even know she still had it, lost in the hundreds of snaps she’d taken and received since then. Glancing down at the screen, Alex’s finger hovered over deleting the snap.

In the end, Alex closed out the photo gallery, leaving the few sexy pictures she had of Dean exactly where they were to begin with. 


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The length of this chapter kind of got away from me. I'm not even remotely sorry about it either. ;)

“Castiel, I don’t know about this,” Alex said, staring at her reflection dubiously in the dressing room mirror. “I don’t feel very comfortable.”

“Let me see you,” Castiel said from the chair outside the dressing room.

Alex twisted in the mirror to look at her bottom. “I have too much ass for this skirt.”

“Alexandra!” Castiel laughed. “Let me see!”

“No. Seriously. My ass has gotten really round.” Alex turned this way and that to inspect her body. “Wow. My whole body is rounder. Look how big my boobs are! Castiel, have you seen this?”

Castiel laughed again. “It’s all those regular meals you’ve been eating. Now let me see the dress.”

“Okay. Fine.” Alex opened the door and stepped out shyly.

Castiel sat up a little straighter. “Alexandra, you look beautiful.”

Alex made a doubtful face. “Really?”

“Absolutely.” Castiel smiled approvingly. “Now, you just need a new pair of high heels.”

“Heels?” Alex tried not to sound aghast. “Why heels?”

“Because flats won’t work with that dress.”

“I hate that you’re so fashion-forward,” Alex grumbled.

“But, do you like the dress?” Castiel asked.

Alex shrugged with one shoulder. “If you like it …”

“I’m not the one who has to wear it,” Castiel reminded her.

Alex looked at the price tag under her arm. “Castiel! It’s $425! That’s more than my cable and all my utility bills!”

“Alexandra, please!” Castiel hissed as other shoppers turned to see what the fuss was about. “The head of my department is having a dinner party. You must dress accordingly.”

“What’s wrong with my other dress?” Alex asked as she walked over to the four-way mirror near the dressing room to get a better look at the slinky, wrap-around dress she was wearing.

“Nothing.” Castiel told her. “But a party of this importance requires a certain type of style.”

“I guess I like it,” Alex agreed. She turned around a few times. “It really accents all the new curves.”

“I like the new curves,” Castiel told her.

“Wanna like ‘em later?” Alex teased, stepping up close to him. “Or now?”

“Alexandra.” Castiel looked around. “Not here.”

“Why not?” Alex asked, tugging on the buttons of Castiel’s open shirt. “You usually don’t have a problem with that.”

“If this store was a little bigger or even more busy, I’d be fine, but--” Castiel cut off his sentence. “Mrs. Bartholomew, how nice to see you again.”

“Ah, Mr. Novak,” said a woman’s voice behind Alex. Alex turned to see a heavy-set woman standing near them, looking curious. “How pleasant.” Mrs. Bartholomew--whoever she was--scrutinized Alex from head to toe before settling her small eyes on Alex’s face. “Is this your date for my dinner party?”

“Yes, this is Alexandra Foreman,” Castiel replied.

Alex stepped forward and held her hand out to be shaken, smiling politely. Mrs. Bartholomew looked at Alex’s outstretched hand, then back at her face, before shaking her fingertips limply.

“Hello,” Alex said, still smiling. “Thank you so much for inviting me.”

“Well,” Mrs. Bartholomew said, sniffing a little, “I’ve been inviting Mr. Novak for years and this will be the first year he brings a date. Needless to say, we’re all a bit curious over--” beady eyes narrowed “-- _you_.”

Alex’s smile stayed in place, even though she felt like she’d been punched in the gut. Mrs. Bartholomew bid Castiel a magnanimous goodbye and sailed off like an aircraft carrier.

“Holy shit,” Alex whispered as she exhaled. “Talk about a battle-ax.”

Castiel’s lips twitched as he held back a laugh. Mrs. Bartholomew was still close enough to hear them, so laughing so soon after she walked away was a dead giveaway they were talking about her.

“Get changed and I’ll tell you all about her,” Castiel promised.

“Are you really buying me this ridiculously over-priced dress?” Alex asked as she closed the dressing room door.

“Now we have to since Mrs. Bartholomew saw us here and you in it,” Castiel replied softly. Alex could see his feet under the door. “Here.” Castiel slipped his credit card through the crack in the door. “Use my card at the register. The last thing we need is for them to discover that I’m buying my not-yet-30 girlfriend an expensive dress.”

Alex slipped on her sandals and opened the dressing room door. “Are you ashamed of me?”

“Never.” Castiel kissed her mouth gently. “I just don’t want that battle-ax and her acolytes gossiping about us and calling you horrible names.”

“Like gold digger?” Alex teased, carrying her dress over to the register. “Trollop? Strumpet? Hussy?” Alex handed the credit card to the store’s employee and grinned at her wolfishly. “Harlot?”

Castiel let out a snort of laughter as the employee swiped his card, staring at Alex oddly. With their purchase made, Alex and Castiel left the store, had lunch, and bought a new pair of $170 cream colored high heels and a new $250 cream colored clutch to match the $425 violet and cream dress.

“This whole evening is going to cost more than my mortgage,” Alex marveled, a little sticker-shocked, on the drive to the salon to get her hair and nails done.

Castiel looked surprised. “You still have a mortgage?”

“Of course, I do,” Alex replied. “How much do you think the bookshop cost my parents? Plus, I had to take out a second because the insurance company tried to deny my father’s claim because of the way he died.”

“Of course,” Castiel nodded. “I’m sorry.”  
“Why?” Alex asked as Castiel pulled into salon parking lot. “It’s a mortgage. Most of America has a mortgage or two.”

“But you took on that responsibility so young,” Castiel argued, opening the door for her.

Alex laughed. “You’re adorable. I didn’t do it all alone. If it wasn’t for Jody and Donna, I would have lost the shop, my home, and probably my sanity.”

“They really stepped up for you, didn’t they?” Castiel asked.

“Alex Foreman, I have a 2:30 manicure and 3:30 blow out,” Alex told the receptionist before turning back to Castiel. “They did more than they had to. I can’t even begin to describe it.”

Castiel reached out and cupped the side of Alex’s face as the nail tech approached them. Alex kissed the palm of his hand and followed the manicurist to her table.

“So, what are we doing today?” the girl asked, eyeing Alex then glancing over Alex’s shoulder at Castiel, who had sat down to wait, pulling his phone out of his pocket.

“Just a French manicure.” Alex gave the girl an odd look, looked over at Castiel, then back at the girl. “Is there a problem?”

“Oh, no,” the girl said, flustered, and focused on shaping Alex’s nails. “Nothing.”

“Good,” Alex said, a little haughtily. “Keep it that way.”

The nail tech and Alex sat in silence for a few minutes before the girl glanced up at Alex.

“So … are you going anywhere special with your--” she stopped talking as Alex’s eyebrow went up. “Anywhere special?” the girl finished haltingly.

“My _boyfriend_ and I are going to a dinner party at his boss’s house,” Alex replied. The emphasis on “boyfriend” couldn’t be missed.

“That sounds fun,” the manicurist commented idly, swiping Alex’s nails with polish.

“I’m sure it’ll be scads of delight,” Alex agreed dryly.

The sarcasm was missed as the nail tech continued to work, pausing to look over at Castiel a few more times. Curious, Alex glanced over her shoulder to see what he was doing that was so interesting. Nothing. Just sitting in a bank of sunshine, reading something on his phone, his plush lips moving a little as he went. Alex’s eyes flicked back to the nail tech then over to the receptionist, who was leaning on her elbow, chewing the end of her pen, and watching Castiel. Alex’s ego swelled a little. So, _this_ was what it was like to have the hottest boyfriend in the room. Nice.

The stylist who did Alex’s blow-out, the nail tech, and the receptionist all stood at the front desk to bid Alex-- _Castiel_ \--good-bye. Castiel didn’t notice their batting eyelashes or their flirty tones, but Alex did and she grinned wickedly at them as she and Castiel turned to leave. Their dirty looks made it all worth it.

“Are you sure we shouldn’t have gotten your makeup done too?” Castiel asked, sounding worried, as he stood in the doorway of Alex’s bathroom.

Alex met his eye in the mirror as she flicked the powder brush across her nose. “Will you stop?” she replied. “I’ve done this a million times. Plus, my eye shadow is labelled with “lid, crease and brow” so I can’t screw it up.”

“You’re wearing the red lipstick, right?” Castiel’s eyes sparkled a little as Alex held up the shiny silver tube of Victoria’s Secret lipstick called Fire. “That’s my girl.”

Alex laughed. “Go finish getting dressed.”

“Are you sure about this color?” Castiel asked dubiously, pointing at his brand new, dark purple dress shirt.

“Absolutely,” Alex replied, without taking her eyes off her own reflection. “You’re going to look incredible.”

“But with a brown suit?”

“Chocolate brown to go with your purple and brown tie.” Alex peered at Castiel. “Look, am I or am I not wearing heels high enough to make me strut like a stripper to keep from falling and carrying a purse that costs as much as a week’s worth of groceries? You can wear a damn purple shirt. Now go get dressed.”

Castiel slapped Alex on the bottom before he left the bathroom, which made Alex draw a line of brown eyeliner up her cheek.

“Damn it! Castiel!” she exclaimed. She could hear his laugh all the way from the bedroom.

An honest-to-god maid let them into the obscenely large house owned by the head of Castiel’s department. Alex tried not to ogle the place like a yokel, but she had never been anywhere that looked like this house before.

Castiel took her arm. “Are you ready?”

“Not in the slightest,” Alex replied immediately.

“Don’t worry, my love.” Castiel kissed Alex’s temple. “You’ll be wonderful.”

“Who are you trying to convince?” Alex muttered as they entered the parlor.

The few people near the door turned to see who entered, then immediately turned away to comment quietly amongst themselves. Alex felt rooted to the floor, but Castiel tugged her into the room. He moved from group to group, smiling and greeting and doggedly introducing Alex, whose head began to swim with all the names he was saying. By the time they reached the bar, Alex felt dizzy and gladly accepted the glass of white wine Castiel handed her.

“You’re doing great, my love,” Castiel whispered as they stepped away to let someone else order.

“I have no idea what any of these people are called,” Alex admitted.

Castiel smiled broadly. “You only have to remember four.” He pointed with the pinky of the hand holding his gin and tonic. “Mr. and Mrs. Zachariah Bartholomew. He’s the head. You met her earlier.”

“Yes.” Alex nodded.

“That’s Theodore Malachai. He prefers Theo, so--if he comes over--call him that even if he introduces himself as Theodore.” Castiel turned Alex a little to the left. “And that is--”

“Is that the guy who wouldn’t stop staring at my breasts at my graduation?” Alex interrupted, giggling.

“Yes.” Castiel smiled.

“Here he comes,” Alex said.

“Cassie.” The attractive, middle aged blonde man approached them, grinned confidently. Alex could see a mischievous gleam behind his ice blue eyes. He and Castiel shook hands before the 2nd man turned all his attention to Alex. “And is this the illustrious Alexandra?”

“You know it is, Balthazar,” Castiel replied. His face was amused, but Alex could see his smile wasn’t quite reaching his eyes.

“ _Enchanté_.” Balthazar took Alex’s free hand and kissed it. Alex couldn’t help but giggle. “I’m Balthazar Aingeal.”

“Alex Foreman,” Alex replied, feeling a little overwhelmed.

“Why, Cassie, she is absolutely lovely.” Balthazar skimmed Alex from head to toe. “No wonder you’ve been keeping her to yourself.”

“That isn’t the only reason,” Castiel replied.

“Castiel? Come here and settle this bet for us,” another man called from across the room.

“Be alright?” Castiel asked Alex as he kissed her on the cheek.

“Yes, yes. Go.” Alex waved him away, smiling.

Once Castiel was gone, Alex was sure Balthazar would find someone more charming to talk to, but he didn’t make a move to walk away. Alex paused, unsure of what to do, but Balthazar smiled at her winningly.

“So, Alexandra, tell me all about yourself,” he said.

“Oh, I’m boring,” Alex replied immediately. “I own a book shop on the Emerald Street Mall. I graduated with degrees in literature and business. I’ve lived here my whole life. That’s about it.”

“And how long have you been dating our Cassie?” Balthazar swirled his drink in its glass, watching for Alex’s reaction.

Alex’s stomach leaped into her throat, but she was convinced she kept her face impassive.

“Not that long,” she replied.

Balthazar smiled, a wry little grin as he said, “Oh, what a precious little liar you are, darling. But I see why you wouldn’t tell me the truth. I wouldn’t tell me the truth either.”

“Are you a terrible gossip, Balthazar?” Alex teased.

“One of the worst,” Balthazar agreed.

They stood in silence for a minute while Alex watched Castiel from across the room. He looked so handsome, so in his element, listening to three men debate their points while gesturing passionately. Alex had no idea what kind of bet he was settling, but she had a feeling it wasn’t sports.

“I actually heard something interesting about you,” Balthazar said suddenly.

“Oh?” Alex asked, tilting her head a little. “What was that?”

“I heard you’re quite well-acquainted with Dean Winchester.” Balthazar arched an eyebrow.

“I was his student,” Alex agreed as her stomach twisted into a knot. “He’s also friends with Castiel, so I know him socially now.”

“Now?” Balthazar asked, barely containing his sarcasm. “Are you sure?”

_Why does everyone keep asking me that?_ Alex thought, rolling her eyes. Out loud, she replied, sighing, “Why? What have you heard?”

Balthazar’s handsome face quirked into a sexy, but rather sarcastic, grin. “Oh, just that you might have been a notch on the very notched bedpost of that delicious, green-eyed man.”

Alex forced herself to laugh. “I’d be part of the Legend of Dean Winchester then.”

“I just wonder ...” Balthazar began as he motioned with his glass for a refill.

“Wonder what?” Alex asked, raising her wine glass to take a sip, watching Balthazar over the rim of her glass.

“Would your notch be next to Cassie’s notch or do you think that would be _très gauche_ on Dean’s part?” Balthazar leaned over and kissed Alex on both cheeks before walking away, leaving her frozen like a statue with her glass halfway to her mouth.


	40. Chapter 40

The rest of the evening was a blur for Alex. She remembered eating, drinking, and answering questions politely. So politely, in fact, that Mrs. Bartholomew deemed her “charming, but simple.”

“Phew! Thank god _that_ nightmare is over until next semester starts,” Castiel said, closing the door after them.

“Yes,” Alex agreed faintly, moving into Castiel’s living room. She laid her clutch on the coffee table and kicked off her shoes.

“Alexandra, are you feeling well?” Castiel asked, coming across the room to her. He held her shoulder and turned Alex to face him. Alex let herself be handled, spinning limply at Castiel’s soft maneuverings. “Did you drink too much wine, my love?”

“No,” Alex replied softly. “Castiel? Can I ask you something?”

“Of course,” Castiel said. He lead her to the couch and curled her into his arms. “What’s the matter?”

“Castiel,” Alex began, hearing herself but not believing the words that were about to come out of her mouth, “did you ever sleep with Dean?”

Castiel’s blue eyes widened, narrowed, then he sighed.

“I see Balthazar didn’t waste any time with that rumor,” he said wearily.

“Is it true?” Alex asked, looking up from twisting her fingers in her lap to Castiel’s handsome face.

“No, it isn’t,” Castiel told her, taking her hand, linking his fingers through hers. “Have I ever fallen asleep on his couch after a late night? Yes. Have I ever passed out on his living room floor after drinking too much? Absolutely. But I have never gone to bed with him.”

“Okay.” Alex smiled wanly. “I believe you.”

Castiel was silent for a few minutes before asking “You do?” in a slightly suspicious voice.

“Yes. If you said you haven’t, you haven’t. That’s all the proof I need.” Alex raised Castiel’s hand to her lips and she ran his knuckles over her mouth. “I trust you.”

“Just like that?” Castiel asked, sounding surprised.

“Just like that,” Alex told him, a little surprised herself.

They sat there for another few minutes, Alex leaning into Castiel, listening to his heart beat. Castiel’s hands traced her spine lingeringly.

“Castiel?”

“Hmm?”

“Take me to bed.”

“As you wish, my love.”

Tiptoeing into the kitchen, Alex grabbed a bottle of water and leaned against the fridge to drink it. Castiel was asleep in the tangled linens of his bed, a little smile on his full lips. Alex grinned to herself, thinking of what had put that smile there. Then her smile faltered a little. Balthazar’s words came unbidden to her mind.

Even if Castiel had slept with Dean, who was she to pass judgement? In fact, if Castiel _had_ slept with Dean, maybe they could compare notes. Alex snickered to herself, splurting water out of her mouth. Alex tried to catch the water in her hand, but it dribbled down the front of Castiel's tank top.

“Well, that was very attractive.” Castiel’s voice said from the doorway. Alex glanced his way as she wiped her chin on the edge of her shirt. He was leaning against the door frame, arms crossed over his bare chest. “Thinking of something funny?”

“Funny and _completely_ inappropriate,” Alex replied, saluting Castiel with her water bottle.

“That sounds like you,” Castiel teased. He regarded her half-dressed self with some interest. “Did you really take tomorrow off?”

“Actually, that would be today.” Alex nodded at the kitchen clock, which showed the time as 3:43am. “Did you have something in mind to do? Because I was thinking take-away and naked time all day long.”

“Alexandra, we don’t have to sequester ourselves in the house anymore,” Castiel reminded her. “We can go out in public and not feel the repercussions.”

“I forgot,” Alex admitted. “We’ve been hibernating for so long--not that that’s a bad thing, really. It’ll be nice to go somewhere. What were you thinking?”

Castiel shrugged, a gesture he didn’t make a lot, and it was adorable. “I don’t have a clue. Did you just want to get take-away and be naked all day?”

Alex laughed. She walked past Castiel back to the bedroom, grabbing his hand as she strolled by.

“Come on, Professor,” she teased. “Let’s go be naked right now.”

“You want me to _what_?” Alex demanded as Castiel pulled into the parking lot of the Flatiron Mountains.

“Haven’t you ever hiked the Flatirons before?” Castiel asked.

“I’m more of an indoor girl,” Alex replied. “You should have told me this was what you had in mind.”

“Weren’t you the least bit curious when I asked you if you had hiking boots?” Castiel asked as they got out of his car.

Alex made an annoyed face. “I thought you just wanted to match.”

“Or when I was loading up the backpack?” Castiel continued.

“I thought you were packing a picnic,” Alex replied.

“Do you have an answer for everything?” Castiel asked.

“Yes!” Alex gave him a petulant glare.

Castiel grinned at her. “Come on, Alexandra. I promise to go easy on you since it’s your first time.”

“Pfft. When have you _ever_ gone easy on me?” Alex muttered but blew him a kiss.

“Going easy” obviously didn’t mean the same thing to Castiel as it did to Alex. About a quarter mile into their hike, Alex was panting like a marathon runner and sweating like a sinner in church. While Castiel trotted ahead like a happy fucking mountain goat, barely breaking a sweat and carrying the backpack, Alex dragged herself up the trail, muttering and cursing.

“You holding up okay?” Castiel called back to her.

“You’re evil!” Alex managed to get out before she nearly stumbled over a loose rock on the path. She fell against a tree and stayed there, hands on her knees, head dropped down, while she tried to catch her breath.

“Do you need a minute?” Castiel asked, coming back to stand near her.

Alex looked up at Castiel, tossing her ponytail over her shoulder. “I need an hour.”

“I don’t understand how you’ve lived here your entire life and you don’t hike,” Castiel commented as Alex panted and coughed.

“I was busy in my teen years,” Alex snapped, but she was smiling.

“Smoking pot and listening to loud music?” Castiel teased.

“More like studying my ass off and working at the store,” Alex said. She stood up straight, leaning her back against the tree.

Castiel’s eyes raked over her. “You look sexy like this.”

“Like what, pervy?” Alex asked. “Dirty and sweaty and out of breath?”

“Yes.” Castiel moved closer to Alex, one hand on her hip and one above her head against the tree.

“Castiel, we cannot have sex against a tree in a national park,” Alex whispered, thrilled at the idea of having sex against a tree in a national park.

Castiel took a step closer, so close that Alex could smell the clean, sharp scent of his sweat. He wasn’t quite close enough for their bodies to be touching, but Alex could feel her back arching a little to make contact.

“Are you sure?” Castiel whispered. “Your words are saying one thing, but your body is saying another.”

Alex bit her lip and inched back against the tree trunk. Castiel used the opportunity to move against her and pin himself against her.

“No,” Alex breathed as Castiel’s two hands gripped her waist.

“Kiss me,” Castiel whispered.

“Not here,” Alex begged.

“Just kiss me, Alexandra,” Castiel requested quietly, his mouth brushing hers lightly.

Alex kissed Castiel softly, their lips moving against the other’s. Castiel fingers tightened on Alex hips while Alex fisted his damp t-shirt in her hands.

“I love you,” she breathed when the kiss broke.

“I love you more,” Castiel replied.

“Promise me,” Alex said suddenly.

“Promise you what?” Castiel drew his thumb across Alex’s lower lip before holding her chin gently to raise her face to his.

Alex blinked in the sun. Castiel was lit from behind by the sunlight; it dappled his shoulders and blazed his hair like a dark halo.

“Promise that you’ll love me,” Alex whispered.

“Of course.” Castiel’s licked his lips slowly, his eyes flicking from Alex’s mouth to lock her gaze in one of those intense looks she remembered from when she first realized that she was falling for him, when he was still her professor.

“Forever?”

Castiel shook his head. “I don’t believe in forever.”

“I do,” Alex said fiercely. “I’ll believe in forever for both of us.”

“When did you become such a zealous romantic?” Castiel teased, a smile playing across his face.

“I don’t know. Ew.” Alex pretended to shiver. “I should stop before I start to get really sappy.”

But it was too late. Alex wanted forever with Castiel. Too bad he didn’t believe in forever.

Castiel knocked on the bathroom door. “Have you drowned?”

“Shut up,” Alex groaned from the bathtub. The water she was soaking in was hot enough to boil eggs. She’d draped a wet, cold cloth over her eyes and was washing two aspirin down with a glass of whiskey. “I’m dying.”

“You’re not dying,” Castiel told her. “You’re out of shape.”

“I don’t hike,” Alex snapped.

“Well, that was fairly obvious.” Castiel let himself into the bathroom and sat down on the toilet seat to talk to Alex.

Alex lifted the corner of her cloth to peer at Castiel. “Let me wallow in peace.”

“Donna called. She and Benny are having a crawfish boil tonight at Benny’s house.” Castiel knelt next to the tub. He took Alex’s sponge off its hook, soaked it with hot water, and squeezed it over her chest. “Did you feel up to going?”

Alex closed her eyes and sighed as Castiel squeezed the water over her again and again. “Sure.”

“Are you sure?” Castiel asked, his rough voice gravelly. “We can always stay here and …”

Alex felt Castiel’s long, calloused fingers slide between her legs. Alex’s thighs fell away from each other as Castiel worked her to an orgasm quite easily.

“You make an excellent argument for staying home,” Alex gasped as she tried to catch her breath.

“Take your time,” Castiel told her as he stood up. “In fact, move over.”

Alex pulled the washcloth off her eyes completely to see Castiel stripping off his clothes. She grinned delightedly at his naked body.

“We both can’t fit in here,” she told him, gesturing to the huge, free-standing tub that could very easily hold both of them. “Wait your turn.”

Castiel was already climbing into the tub, making Alex squeal and forcing her to sit up and move her legs out of the way. Once he was settled into the water, hissing through his teeth as the hot water enveloped him, Castiel splashed Alex, sloshing water over the edge of the tub onto the floor.

“I was taking a bath,” Alex told him.

“And now I am too,” Castiel grinned. “Please pass me the shampoo so I can wash your hair.”

Alex closed her eyes as she re-positioned herself between Castiel’s legs and let his strong fingers massage her scalp as he washed her hair.

Benny’s driveway and street was already crowded with cars when Alex and Castiel arrived. Forgoing manners, Castiel let Alex and himself into Benny’s without knocking since the zydeco music blasting from every speaker was deafening. Alex motioned with her hand that she was heading for the kitchen to drop off the Greek salad Castiel had made. Castiel gave her a thumbs up and pointed outside to where there was huge crowd on the deck.

“Hey, sweetheart,” said a voice incredibly close to her ear.

Alex turned from the counter to see Dean standing behind her in a Thin Lizzy t-shirt and holding a beer. His smile was infectious. Alex smiled back in spite of herself.

“Hey, Dean,” she said.

Dean leaned over and kissed her hello. It was a chaste kiss, just on the cheek, but Alex felt her face flare red.

“Is Castiel outside?” Dean asked. Alex nodded, too tongue-tied to speak. “Think I’ll go say hi.” Dean turned to leave, then looked over his shoulder at Alex again, green eyes sparkling. “We gonna have fun tonight, sweetheart?”

“Sure,” Alex said faintly. “I guess so.”

“Oh, I know so.” Dean winked at Alex as he took a pull off the bottle he had balanced between two of his fingers. “Lots of fun.

Dean headed outside, but not before he shot her one final look. A look so dirty, Alex had to restrain herself from launching after him, screaming, “Fuck me!” Once Dean was gone, Alex leaned her forehead against the fridge, gasping to catch her breath, which she hadn’t even realized she was holding.

“Oh …” Alex exhaled heavily. “ _Fun_ …”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually struggled with Castiel and Alex discussing "forever" because I thought the whole conversation was cheesy.   
> Then I spoke to my friend who works with CPS and kids in foster care and she explained to me that a lot of the kids she has contact with act like "forever" is a bad thing. As in "I'm going to be in fucking foster care forever" and "It's gonna be forever before they find me a decent place to live."   
> So, even at 40, Castiel is still existing in that plane of thinking that "forever" can't ever be a positive thing.


	41. Chapter 41

Benny was the consummate host. There was enough food to feed an army and, luckily, he had invited one. Alex didn’t even know how many ex-students and professors she counted rubbing elbows and drinking. The music was loud, the food was spectacular, and everyone was having a great time.

Plus, Alex was successfully avoiding all contact with Dean Winchester.

That was actually easier than Alex thought it was going to be. There were more than a few ex-students that were more than happy to keep Dean entertained. Dean took it all in stride, loving every second of the attention. _All_ the attention, Alex noticed, as a guy brought himself and Dean beers and Dean gave him that panty-melting smile he was so well-known for. The guy flushed, probably against his will, at the full wattage of Dean’s grin and Alex smiled knowingly.

_I feel ya, bro,_ she thought before turning away to laugh.

Alex found Sam and Jody talking with a few professors, so she scooted over there just as Dean caught her eye and looked like he was going to head her way. She sidled up next to Jody and took her arm.

“Hey, sweetie!” Jody said. “Please save me from all this shop-talk. They don’t get that it’s summer.”

Sam smiled at Jody and Alex was struck by how kind it was. She’d only ever seen him in Protective Brother Mode, so this new Sam was disarming.

“Would you rather we talk about baseball?” he teased.

“Do you know anything about baseball?” Jody shot back.

“Not a thing,” Sam told her, his blue-green-brown-amber eyes warm as he looked at Jody.

“Then “Shhh” and let me talk to Alex.” Jody gave Sam’s arm a little shove and kissed his cheek before stepping away.

“What’s with you?” Alex asked, surprised.

“What do you mean?” Jody replied.

“You’re so different,” Alex said. Jody gave her a look, so Alex defended herself immediately, “No, no! It’s nice. You’re so … _nice_ to him. I’ve never seen you act like that with anyone but Donna and me.”

Jody cleared her throat, a little embarrassed. “Yeah, well …”

“You’re totally smitten,” Alex teased. “You’re a total smitten kitten over Sam Winchester.”

Jody’s eyes flicked over to the tall, handsome figure of Professor Sam Winchester. Alex watched Jody as she checked him out before checking him out herself. Damn, he _was_ a handsome motherfucker.

“Can you blame me?” Jody purred as she gave her bottom lip a little nibble.

The party wore on. Castiel and Alex hooked back up to eat together, sitting at a table with Jody and Sam and Dean. Alex had never been to a boil, but she was fully embracing the whole experience.

“Is that your third serving?” Dean asked as Alex came back to their table with a mountain of food on her plate.

“Yes. And shut up,” Alex replied, grinning. The beer was definitely flowing, so the sass was definitely in full effect. “Food is my friend.”

“Eating for two?” Dean teased, making Alex choke on a piece of andouille sausage.

Castiel’s head whipped around to stare at both of them as Alex popped her middle finger up at Dean, who threw his head back and laughed.

“Jesus, no!” Alex coughed. “And don’t give Castiel a heart attack.”

“What’s the matter, Cas?” Dean turned to his best friend. “Afraid of the pitter-patter of little feet?”

“At 40? Absolutely,” Castiel replied, his grin barely hiding the worry in his eyes. He glanced surreptitiously Alex’s way.

“What are you looking at me for?” Alex grinned. “I don’t want kids.”

“You don’t?” Castiel asked, surprised.

“Oh, fuck. Here we go,” Jody groaned. “Do you know how many times I’ve heard this speech?”

“Zip it.” Alex stuck her tongue out at Jody before turning back to Castiel. “No. No kids for me. I’m almost 30 and I’m way too selfish and happy with the way my life is to fuck it all up with a passel of rugrats.”

“Wow.” Jody’s eyes widened. “That’s an abbreviated version of usually an insufferably long speech.”

“I’m too tipsy to make the speech right now.” Alex tipped a wink Castiel’s way while saluting the table with her empty beer bottle.

Everyone laughed while Dean stood up and motioned around the table, offering to get everyone more drinks. Alex couldn’t help but watch him walk away when Castiel turned back to his plate and conversation with Sam. That Thin Lizzy t-shirt was clinging to Dean’s broad shoulders like second skin and his jeans hugged his nearly-perfect ass, making Alex feel a little heady.

Benny and Donna joined the group for a few minutes, taking some time out from hosting duties to share a beer and a few laughs with the table. Alex couldn’t help but notice how bright Donna’s eyes were and how big her smile was when she looked at Benny and wondered if she looked nearly as happy as Donna obviously felt.

“Quite a bash, brother,” Dean complimented Benny, shaking his hand.

“I try, brother, I try,” Benny replied, with a wide grin. “You know how I love to throw a party.”

“I can’t believe the food,” Alex agreed.

“Is that your fifth plate?” Castiel teased, poking her in the side with his elbow.

“Why, yes, Mr. Novak, it _is_ my fifth plate,” Alex teased back.

“You keep eatin’ like that, darlin’, and you’re gonna get even--” Benny stopped himself.

“Even what?” Alex asked while everyone grinned, knowing what was coming next.

“I didn’t say nothin’,” Benny replied immediately, looking a bit stricken at his near-faux pas.

“Even _chubbier_?” Alex volunteered the word, slapping Benny’s arm from across the table.

“Well, I have noticed you gettin’ a bit plumper,” Benny said. “Not that there’s anythin’ wrong with that!” he added hastily when he saw the three women's eyes go wide. “You’re all round and--Jesus, I’m gonna shut up now.”

“I like it,” Castiel and Dean said at the same time.

Everyone exchanged identical glances while Castiel and Dean glared hard at each other across the beer bottles and empty plates.

“ _Awk_ ward,” Sam sang out under his breath before he popped a hush puppy into his mouth.

“Shut up, Sam,” Castiel and Dean snapped in unison, drawing more glares at each other.

“Oh, will both of you knock it the fuck _off_ already?” Alex demanded, sighing. She gestured with her beer. “I slept with _him_ ”--indicating Dean--“and I slept with _you_ ”--indicating Castiel--“and you both need to just get the fuck _over_ yourselves about it.”

“Tell us how you really feel, Alex,” Donna snickered.

"I think that's enough beer for now," Sam said, taking the bottle away from Alex, who huffed indignantly at him.

Castiel tilted his head, eyes narrowed, and Alex wondered if she’d gone a little too far. Then, suddenly, Castiel leaned over and kissed her, a beery-buttery-Cajuny kiss, that made her heart jump a little in her chest.

“I love you, you little vixen,” he said, plain as day so everyone could hear.

“Sure I’m not a harlot?” Alex asked.

“I’ll make sure you’re one of those later,” Castiel promised.

“Ooooooo!” Donna howled.

“Oh, grow up, Hanscum,” Alex laughed with the rest of the table.

Dinner was cleared away and everyone had settled into their little groups, talking and laughing and having a good time when Benny stood up and whistled for their attention.

“I just wanna thank everyone for comin’ and eatin’ all my food,” he began. There were a couple shouts of ‘You’re welcome’ to which Benny grinned that sweet little boy grin of his. “Especially once Allie got near the boil.”

“Hey!” Alex cried out, pretending to be offended. Dean gave her a shove, to which she responded in kind.

“And I wanna thank my girl, Donna,” Benny glanced Donna’s way and she blushed, “for helpin’ me out and scrapin’ me off the ceilin’ today when I thought I didn’t have enough.”

“You have plenty,” Donna told him, unintentionally giving everyone a sexual innuendo joke to run with for months.

“And so, to thank my best girl …” Benny met the Winchesters’ eyes. Both boys nodded, stood up, and hurried off. Jody, Alex, and Donna exchanged puzzled looks. Benny glanced at Castiel, who stood up and walked over to Benny. Benny clapped Castiel on the back, then turned back to Donna. “Donna, will you marry me?”

“I already said ‘yes,’ you numbskull,” Donna laughed, waving her ring at him.

“No, sweet-pea,” Benny said. “Will you marry me _right now_?”

“What?” Donna asked, confused, as she stood up.

Dean and Sam came back into the fold, holding two open laptops. Placing them on the picnic table behind Benny, Alex squinted for a second at their screens while Sam fiddled with them at the same time. It took a minute, but two couples faces appeared on the screens. Donna gasped in shock.

“Mom? Dad?” Donna looked up at Benny. “Benny LaFitte, what is going on here?”

“I wanna marry you, sweet-pea, and I don’t feel like waitin’ for another year.” Benny held his hand out to her.

Jody gave Donna a shove. “Stop stalling, you idiot.”

“Did you know about this?” Alex whispered to Jody.

“Nope,” Jody smiled. “But this is great.”

Donna moved across the deck to Benny’s side, through the sea of guests, who all patted her on the back or squeezed her shoulder as she passed them. Benny positioned Donna across from him, leaving an empty space where the minister should be standing.

“Who’s going to perform the ceremony?” Donna asked.

Sam stood up from messing with the parents’ Skype connections and cleared his throat. Donna gaped at him.

“ _You_?” she gasped. “When did _you_ become a minister?”

Sam pretended to think for a minute. “Last week?”

“You’re a minister now?” Jody’s shrieky voice soared over the guests. Everyone turned to look at her. She had struggled to her feet and was clutching the collar of her shirt. “Are you kidding me?”

“I’ll hear your confession later, young lady,” Sam intoned, a naughty gleam in his eyes.

“Forgive me, Father,” Jody replied, her lips curling into an evil grin.

“Our parents are here!” Donna yelled suddenly, shocked, as she stomped one foot.

Jody shut up, but winked at Sam, who winked back.

“Girls, get over here for Donna,” Benny ordered.

Alex and Jody scrambled across the deck to stand near Donna. Dean and Castiel were standing up for Benny. Sam smiled magnanimously at the watching guests and began,

“Friends, family, and whatever crawfish Alex didn’t scarf down, we’re here today for the surprise wedding of Benny and Donna.”

As Sam went on, Alex could feel tears sneaking into her eyes. She glanced over at Castiel, but he was smiling at Benny and Donna. Alex flicked her eyes over to Dean and saw he was staring at her, smiling a little. Alex smiled back, nervously, and turned her attention back to Sam, who had just announced that the groom had prepared his own vows.

“I, Benjamin LaFitte, promise that I’ll always listen to your stories. I promise that I’ll always make your coffee with too much sugar. I promise that I’ll always run out to the store when you want ice cream at one o’clock in the morning. And I promise that I’ll always, always, always love you.”

Donna was crying. “I don’t have vows! Your’s were so sweet!”

“Say anything you want, sweet-pea,” Benny assured her.

“Okay, okay.” Donna took a deep breath. “Lemme think … Okay, I promise that I’ll always eat what you put in front of me, even if it looks creepy or if I can’t pronounce its name. I promise I’ll always watch the Saints play on Sunday with you. I promise I’ll always honor Andrea’s memory with you. And I promise that I’ll always be your girl.”

“Holy shit, you two,” Jody whimpered, wiping away tears.

“Who has Benny’s ring?” Sam asked.

“Oh! Me!” Dean dug into his pocket and pulled out a wad of tissues. He handed it to Donna. “Sorry, I didn’t have a box.”

Donna stuck her tongue out at Dean and unwrapped a broad silver ring. Benny and Donna exchanged their rings. Alex peered around Sam to see both the LaFittes and the Hanscums crying tears of joy. Alex looked away quickly before her tears could come back. Castiel caught her eye at the same time Dean caught her eye and they both winked at the same time. Alex went red at their attention.

“Everyone have their rings?” Sam asked. Donna and Benny were clutching each other’s hands, grinning wildly at each other and then at Sam. They knew what was coming. They wanted it to happen. Everyone knew what was coming. Everyone wanted it to happen. Sam pointed back and forth between Donna and Benny. “Rings? Yes? You got a ring? You got a ring?”

“Sam Winchester!” Donna shouted. “Get _on_ with it!”

Sam let out a laugh, then settled down. “Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I pronounce Benny and Donna husband and wife.”

“Kiss her, man!” Dean hooted.

Benny grabbed Donna into a bear hug and kissed her while everyone clapped and cheered. Jody and Alex hugged, crying happily on each other. When Jody let go of Alex, Alex headed over to Castiel to hug him but was caught off-guard by a hug from Dean first. She pulled herself free as a crush of guests moved forward to embrace the new couple, looking up at Dean, before turning to Castiel, who grabbed her into a tight embrace.

“I love you, Alexandra,” he whispered fiercely into her hair. “I love you more than life itself.”

“I love you too, Castiel,” Alex managed to get out.

Castiel kissed her hard. Alex opened her eyes during their kiss to see Castiel glaring over her head. Alex pulled her mouth away from his to turn and see Dean watching them with his green eyes narrowed. Alex swung back around to see Castiel staring Dean down with his jaw clenched.

This was so far from good, Alex couldn't even see good in the rearview mirror.


	42. Chapter 42

The party wore on well into the night. It was almost 2am when the last guest finally staggered out the door, shouting well wishes at Donna and Benny, who hadn’t stopped holding hands or smiling yet.

“What a night!” Donna said for the 400th time while she looked at her left hand for the 400th time.

“Sweet-pea, go grab your pocketbook, okay?” Benny said.

Donna looked excited and ran off to find her bag. Sam looked at Benny curiously.

“What did you do now?” Sam asked.

“We’re leaving for Roatan this morning,” Benny confided. “The tickets are in her pur--”

“Oh, my god!” Donna scream up Benny off mid-sentence. She came barreling back into the room to throw herself at Benny, who was drunk enough to almost fall over as he caught her. “We’re leaving tomorrow--I mean, today? We’re leaving _today_?!”

“We are,” Benny told her. “So, we need to go to your house and pack.”

“Let’s go! Let’s go then!” Donna tugged at him.

“Wait, sweet-pea. My house is trashed,” Benny said helplessly.

“Oh, we got this, brother,” Dean said immediately.

“You do?” Benny looked around at the vast mess that was his house.

“Dude, yes.” Dean gave Benny a shove toward the door. “Go on your honeymoon and make me a kid to spoil.”

Donna let out a squeak and covered her mouth with her hands. Dean grinned at her like a naughty schoolboy.

“You know babies come next, right, Donna?” he teased.

“You’re terrible, Dean,” Donna told him as she and Benny were walking out the door.

Dean didn’t look at Alex, but she knew he was referring to her when he replied, “Some people call me _incorrigible_.”

Benny and Donna left. As soon as the door was shut, Sam punched Dean in the shoulder.

“Ow! What the hell, Sammy?” Dean demanded.

“What the hell did you volunteer us for, jerk?” Sam exclaimed. “Do you see this place? It’s trashed!”

“Don’t be such a bitch, Sammy,” Dean shot back. “There’s five of us. We can bang this out easy.”

“Not if one of us is passed out.” Sam jerked his thumb at Jody, who was fast asleep and snoring on Benny’s recliner.

“That looks like a brilliant idea,” Alex agreed, heading to Benny’s couch.

“Oh, no, you don’t,” Castiel grabbed her arm. “Help me bring stuff in from the deck.”

“You’re mean,” Alex whined playfully as they walked outside. “Jody gets to sleep.”

“Jody is older than you,” Castiel told her. “She needs her rest.”

“Don’t you let her hear you say that,” Alex warned him as they gathered up everything that needed washing.

Benny, in a genius blast of foresight, relied almost solely on disposable dishware and cups. Alex filled his recycling garbage can with enough beer and wine bottles to fund his honeymoon. When she was about to make the joke to Castiel, she saw Dean coming outside to check on their progress.

“I got the dishwasher going with the first load,” he was saying to Castiel. “You need any help bringing this stuff in?”

“Thanks,” Castiel answered stiffly, not looking at him. “Alexandra and I have this under control.”

“I don’t mind, Cas.” Dean went to grab an empty bowl from the table.

“Stop it, Dean!” Castiel exploded, surprising all three of them. “I don’t need you.”

“ _You_ don’t need me?” Dean asked, through clenched teeth. “Or _Alex_ doesn’t need me?”

Alex watched as Castiel opened his mouth to answer Dean, who was glaring, fists clenched.

“What the hell?” she exclaimed. Dean and Castiel looked her way, shocked to see her standing there. “What is _wrong_ with you two? Stop it. _Just. Stop_.”

“Alexandra--” Castiel began, flicking his eyes Dean’s way momentarily.

“Oh, Jesus, save it,” Alex snapped. “I chose you. You know it and I know it. Even Dean knows it. And _you_ ”--Alex pointed at Dean--“grow up.”

Dean snorted derisively. “Says the woman who can’t move out of her childhood bedroom.”

Once the words were out of his mouth, Dean’s eyes widened, realizing what he said. Alex froze, clutching two beer bottles in each hand.

“Sweetheart--oh--oh, shit, Alex,” Dean stammered, coming across the deck to her. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t, Dean,” Castiel advised, trying to stop him. He laid a gentle hand on Dean’s arm.

“But--” Dean began, glancing Castiel’s way, looking shocked at his own behavior.

 _CRASH!_ A beer bottle exploded at the men's feet. Both Dean and Castiel dove away from the onslaught, shouting in fear, as another bottle landed near the first one.

“Fuck you, Dean Winchester!” Alex shrieked. She wound up to throw another bottle, but she was grabbed from behind by Sam, who came running out of the house as soon as he heard the first bottle break. Alex struggled against his grip, but Sam lifted her off the ground and swung her around so his back was toward Dean and Castiel, who were hanging onto each other in shock.

“Calm down, Alex!” Sam roared. “Right now!”

“Did you hear what he said?” Alex asked, thrashing in his arms.

“No,” Sam replied as he manhandled her into the house, leaving Dean and Castiel outside to clean up.

Sam carried Alex into the house and dropped her on the kitchen counter. Alex’s shoulders sagged and her head hung low, dripping tears into her lap. Sam handed her a paper towel and leaned against the counter next to her, putting his hand on her knee.

“What happened?” he asked, his voice thick with worry.

Alex told Sam the whole story as she cried. When she got to Dean’s jibe about her still being in her old room, Sam sucked air in between his teeth.

“Christ, Alex,” he murmured. "I’m sorry."

“I know I need to move on, Sam, but I can’t. I just can’t.” Alex wept. “It’s not my room. It’s their room. It’ll always be their room.”

Sam put his arms around Alex, who resisted the kindness of the gesture.

“Put your arms around me, stubborn,” Sam said, forcing Alex’s head into the curve of his shoulder.

Alex put her arms around Sam’s broad torso and let herself be hugged by the man who, up until about 15 minutes ago, was her greatest nemesis. He smelled like musk and sandalwood and the faintest trace of Jody’s Herbal Essence shampoo.

“I hate to tell you ‘I told you so,’ Alex, but--” Sam let his voice trail away.

“I know.” Alex’s voice was muffled by the damp fabric of his shirt.

Sam kissed the top of Alex’s head, another gesture that caught Alex off-guard.

“You’re a good person, Alex.” Sam’s voice was quiet. “You’re just trying to hard to be perfect. Sometimes, you have to let the fucked up out so you can clear the air.”

“I threw two beer bottles at my ex-lover who happens to be your brother in front of my 40 year old boyfriend who happens to be my ex-lover’s best friend.”

A low laugh rumbled through Sam’s body, vibrating Alex against his chest a little. “Girl, you let the fucked up out pretty hard then, didn’t ya?”

Alex giggled. “You could say that.”

Sam let Alex go and took a step back to study her.

“I know why they’re so head over heels for you,” Sam told her finally. “Dean told me about you after that first time you two hung out. He tried to teach you how to play darts and he was so sure he was gonna score that night, but you turned him down. He said he’d couldn’t remember the last time before that that someone had told him ‘no.’ You were sort of an anomaly.”

“I hadn’t shaved my legs in, like, three weeks,” Alex admitted. “That was the only reason I didn’t sleep with him that night.”

Sam stared at her for a minute before bursting into laughter.

“Are you serious?” he finally asked. Sam scrubbed a hand over his face. “Oh, fuck. That’s too goddamn rich.” Sam smiled at Alex, his beautiful, oddly-colored eyes sparkling. “I’ll take that knowledge to my grave. I swear it.”

“Thanks.” A faint smile touched Alex’s lips before disappearing again. “What am I going to do, Sam?”

“I’ve already told you,” Sam replied. “You need to once and for all come out and say it.”

“I have,” Alex argued. “Castiel--”

“Alex, do you love my brother?” Sam interrupted.

Alex paused for half a second. “Yes.”

“And Cas?”

“Of course.”

Sam gave her a small half-smile, highlighting the dimple in his right cheek.

“I think you may have just answered the big question,” he said.

“But Dean is--he’s--” Alex stammered, running her hands through her hair.

“Yeah, I know,” Sam said. “I’m his brother, remember? I’ve been cleaning up the myriad of broken hearts he’s been leaving behind him since before I hit puberty.”

Alex snorted, imagining a tween Sammy letting one of Dean’s rejects cry on his shoulder while he handed her paper towels to blow her nose on.

“This is sort of familiar for you then?” Alex asked ruefully.

“More than you can possibly imagine.” Sam turned to unload the dishwasher.

“All clear in here?” Castiel asked, walking into the room cautiously.

“Yeah.” Alex held her hands up. “No bottles. I swear.”

Castiel came over and took Sam’s place in front of her. Alex put her arms around him.

“Is Dean okay?” she asked, worriedly.

“Dean is understandably freaked out by you,” Castiel replied drily.

“I _cannot_ have been the first pissed off drunk woman to throw a bottle at him,” Alex joked.

Sam chuckled. “You’re right.”

“Yeah, but you have the best aim,” Dean’s voice said.

Alex smiled as Dean came into the kitchen, carrying dirty dishes to drop in the sink. He brushed his hands off and turned to face her, arms crossed over his chest. He seemed a little wary.

“You sure you’re not gonna throw anything at me?” Dean asked.

“All I have in close proximity is Castiel,” Alex answered, squeezing Castiel’s shoulders. “I don’t think you want me to chuck him in your direction.”

Dean’s one eyebrow went up, his full lips twisting into a smirk Alex knew well.

“I wouldn’t mind that so much,” he said softly, glancing Castiel’s way.

There was an awkward silence between the four friends until Sam cleared his throat.

“Is everything cleaned up?” he asked.

“Dude, Sammy,” Dean groaned. “It’s four in the morning and we’re all mostly still drunk. Can’t we call it a night?”

“Okay,” Sam agreed. “But we’re staying here. There’s no way I’m moving Jody when she’s passed out and there are plenty of places to crash.”

“I claim Benny’s room!” Alex announced before anyone else could.

Dean nodded. “That’s fair since you and Castiel can share. I’m cool in his office.”

Sam stretched his arms over his head. “Thank god Benny’s got an extra large couch.”

The friends bid each other good night before heading to their sleeping choices. In Benny’s room, Alex stripped off her capris and bra to sleep in her t-shirt and panties. Castiel eyed her. Alex shook her head.

“There is no way in hell I’m having sex in Benny’s bed,” she told him before he could suggest anything.

Castiel put on an injured face. “I wasn’t even going--”

“Yes, you were,” Alex teased.

“You’re right.” Castiel shrugged.

Alex climbed into bed next to him, kissing him good night. Castiel pulled Alex against his chest and they drifted off to sleep.

“Huh?” Alex jerked herself awake, peering around the room, confused. It took her a minute to remember she was in Benny’s bedroom. Castiel had rolled away, his back to her, breathing deeply and snoring a little. “Damn it,” Alex whispered as she wiggled out of bed.

Rushing down the hall to the bathroom, Alex was relieved to find it empty. After wincing when the toilet flushed with what sounded like a loud roar, Alex opened the door to see Dean coming out of Benny’s office. The two of them froze--Alex in her t-shirt and panties and Dean in his boxer briefs--both immediately feeling like they shouldn’t even be in the same hallway without supervision.

Alex’s eyes skimmed Dean’s long, lean body, remembering every freckle, every muscle, every hair. She looked up at his eyes, the dim light of Benny’s desk lamp casting a ridiculously artistic shadow over one side of Dean’s face. Dean sucked his lower lip in between his teeth as his eyes trailed over Alex’s shoulders and curves of her breasts and hips. When their eyes finally locked, Dean crooked his index finger at Alex, beckoning her to him. Alex’s breath caught in her throat. Glancing between the closed bedroom door that Castiel--warm, caring, adoring Castiel who loved her but maybe not enough for forever--was sleeping behind and the vision of palpable sensuality that was Dean Winchester, Alex dug her nails into her palms.

“Oh, my fucking god,” she whispered to herself.


	43. Chapter 43

The new, part time guy that Jody had insisted on Alex hiring was working out well. He loved closing and he was good at it, so Alex and Jody were finding their evenings more free than they had been in years. Donna was officially only opening since she liked to be home for dinner, plus she had cut back to 30 hours a week since getting back from her honeymoon. Not that Alex or Jody blamed her.

Over dinner at Jody’s one rare girls’ night, Donna confessed that she and Benny were going to try and start a family before either of them “got any older,” prompting not the “I’m so excited for you!!” responses that she wanted, but dirty sexual positions that guaranteed the sex of the baby.

“Doing it doggie or standing up will make you have a boy,” Jody told her. “My grandmother told me that.” Jody snapped her fingers suddenly. “And cowgirl and missionary makes girls.”

“I love cowgirl,” Alex said dreamily. “I love the front row seat it gives me to watch them cum.”

“Yeah, but you’re not trying to have a baby,” Jody reminded her.

“Ew. No.” Alex made a barf face.

“Gee, thanks,” Donna said, looking hurt.

“Oh, shut up,” Alex told her. “You and Benny are going to make the most adorable babies.”

“Do you think they’ll have his beard?” Jody teased.

“No, but I bet they have her accent.” Alex winked at Donna, who giggled.

“How are the boys?” Donna asked, meaning Castiel and both Winchesters.

“Sam’s--” Jody began.

“Careful. I’m eating,” Alex interjected.

“--fine,” Jody finished, popping her middle finger up at Alex. “He’s teaching two summer classes.”

“And Castiel?” Donna asked.

“Teaching three summer classes for his graduate students,” Alex replied. “I hardly see him, except on weekends. And he has me grading papers.”

“Sounds like a kinky sex game,” Donna commented, wiggling her eyebrows at Alex.

“Lord, I wish it were that sexy,” Alex lamented.

“And … Dean?” Donna hesitated.

Alex swallowed a bite of pork loin hard. “I guess he’s good.”

“He’s fine,” Jody answered smoothly. “He took the summer off to do some research on a book he’s thinking about writing.”

“Really?” Donna put down her fork. “How cool is that?”

“Pretty cool,” Alex agreed faintly.

_(lips pressed together)_

“What’s the book about?” Donna was asking.

_(hands pulling at clothes)_

“Sexuality in ancient cultures,” Jody replied, rolling her eyes comically.

_(breath coming faster)_

“Of course,” Donna giggled. “What else could it be about?”

_(hot skin against hot skin)_

“If Dean knows anything, he knows sex,” Jody was saying.

_(grinding, thrusting, moaning)_

“Alex? You with us?” Donna poked Alex with her fork.

“Yeah, sorry.” Alex shook herself out of her own head. “Just a little tired.”

“You are looking a little out of it,” Jody said. “If you want to cut out early, that’s cool.”

“I--I think I might.” Alex stood up suddenly, surprising her friends. “Maybe I’m getting a summer cold. Uh … thanks for dinner. I’m--I’m sorry.”

“Call me tomorrow, okay?” Jody stood up to walk Alex out, but Alex had already fled the room.

Slamming her door behind her, Alex slid down the door to sit on the floor. She didn’t want to think about it. She didn’t. But

_(clutching at each other)_

she couldn’t stop the visuals of

_(back arched, moving together)_

her and Dean just wouldn’t stop. No matter how hard she tried to think of something-- _anything_ \--else, memories of Dean

_(pleasure crashing over them)_

came flooding back to her. They were some of the best and worst moments of her life and her mind wouldn’t

_(“i love you. i swear, i do.”)_

let her stop reliving them over and over again.

“God, shut up. Shut up.” Alex covered her eyes, feeling dramatic.

_(“don’t say that to me. this isn’t love.”)_

Alex squeezed her eyes shut. There was no one she could tell. No one she could confess to … except …

“Sam?”

“Alex? Is that you? Are you okay? Is Jody--”

“No, she’s fine. Look. I--I know I shouldn’t have called, but--”

“Is this about what happened with you and Dean?”

“How do you--Fuck. Of course you know.”

“Do you need me to come over or would you rather stay on the phone?”

Alex looked around her apartment from her spot on the floor.

“I shouldn’t have called you,” she whispered.

“Who else are you going to talk to?” Sam asked.

“A priest?” Alex replied.

“Well, technically, I _am_ a minister. So, I’m open for confessions,” Sam offered.

Alex cracked a smile. “I’ll take that under advisement.”

They sat in silence for a moment before Alex spoke again.

“Dean told me he loved me.”

Sam sighed. “I know.”

“What do I do now?”

“It’s time for the Great Grand Gesture.” Alex could _hear_ the capital letters in Sam’s voice as he answered her.

“I have to tell Castiel,” Alex whispered.

“I think you do,” Sam agreed.

“He’s going to leave me.” Alex could feel the tears building.

“Do you think he should?” Sam asked.

Alex nodded. “Yes.”

“Then let him know you’re prepared for that if that’s the step he wants to take.”

“Sam?” Alex said suddenly. “Did Castiel and Dean ever have sex?”

“How did you--” Sam began before stopping.

Alex felt her stomach drop into her shoes. “They did.”

“I don’t know,” Sam said firmly.

“But you just--” Alex said.

“Alex.” Sam’s voice held a final, stern warning tone.

“Please don’t use that voice with me,” Alex begged. “Balthazar Aingeal suggested it and I can’t let the thought go.”

“Trying to assuage your own guilt?” Sam suggested.

“Yeah, maybe,” Alex admitted.

“Alex, what ever happened between Cas and my brother is between them,” Sam said. “If you want to know, you have to ask them.”

“But you know, Sam,” Alex said softly. “If anyone besides them knows, it’s you. You know everything.”

Sam was silent for a couple minutes before he spoke again.

“When Dean and I first came here to teach, Dean and Cas could barely stand each other,” Sam began. “It was like a sitcom where the two lead characters have so much sexual tension, the audience chokes on it. Kinda like you and Dean.”

“Yeah,” Alex murmured.

“So, people started to talk.” Alex could hear Sam moving around his condo. “Dean’s a natural flirt, so he sorta added fuel to that fire. When we all finally became friends, people were _convinced_ they were screwing. It’s a hard rumor to shake, even all these years later. Obviously. Since we’re having this conversation.”

“But … did they?” Alex pressed.

Sam sighed. “I can’t tell you anything else, Alex. It’s not my life.”

“I need to call Castiel,” Alex said suddenly.

“That’s a good idea,” Sam agreed. “I’m here if you need me.”

“Thank you, Sam,” Alex whispered.

“Good luck.”

Sam hung up and Alex held her phone in her shaking hand. 9.30pm. Still early enough for Castiel to come over. The shop downstairs was closing in 30 minutes, so--if they did start fighting--at least the new kid wouldn’t hear them.

_castiel, can you come over tonight?_

_I thought you’d never ask. I need a break._

_see you soon?_

_Absolutely._

Alex changed her clothes before Castiel arrived, putting on an old _Star Wars_ shirt and older jeans. She needed to feel like her old self. It was her armor.

Castiel let himself in with his key, grinning a little. God, he looked so handsome with his tousled hair and threadbare shirt.

“Hello, my love.” He kissed her hello, hardly noticing she barely responded. “Those papers are a nightmare. I need my T and A to help.”

Castiel winked at her, but Alex didn’t say a word. In fact, she stayed standing next to the coffee table as Castiel flopped onto her couch. He finally started to notice that Alex was not herself.

“Castiel, I have--I have to tell you--” Alex took a deep breath. “I have to tell you something.”

“Go ahead.” Castiel cocked his head and waited.

“After the party …” Alex’s voice faltered. Castiel’s blue eyes bore into her. _Be strong. Confess._ “After the party at Benny’s, when you were--when _everyone_ was--sleeping, I--I--Dean and I--we--”

“Fucked?” Castiel volunteered.

“What?” Alex gasped like someone had punched her in the stomach.

“You fucked,” Castiel repeated matter-of-factly.

“How did--when did--” Alex felt sick.

“I knew you were going to,” Castiel said simply. “I could just tell by the way you two were acting. So, when you were inside with Sam, Dean and I discussed it.”

“You _discussed_ it?” Alex’s sick feeling went away, quickly being replaced by anger.

“Of course,” Castiel was infuriatingly calm. “I told Dean that if he felt the need to seduce you one more time, he was more than welcome to try. And it seems that he succeeded.”

“What?” Alex whispered, clutching her fists.

“He confessed to me the next day.”

“What?” Alex’s voice rose.

“He was quite repentant about it, actually.”

“ _What?_ ” Alex was nearly shouting.

“I’m sorry for the ruse, Alexandra, but I needed you to do this.”

“ _What!?_ ” Alex was now screaming. “You needed me-- _What the fuck is wrong with you, Castiel?!_ ”

“Do you feel guilty?” Castiel asked, in that same insanely calm voice.

“ _Yes!_ ”

“Will you ever do it again?”

“ _No!_ ”

“Good. And Dean swears he never will either.” Castiel gave her a slightly smug, but mostly relieved smile. “Now we can finally put this obsession you two had behind us and move on.”

Alex spluttered, shaking her head, trying to understand what had happened here. The only thing she could manage to say was,

“Get out.”

Castiel seemed surprised. “What?”

“Get. Out.”

Castiel stood up and came around the table to put his arms around her. Alex fought him off, battering his chest with her fists.

“I’m not some prize!” she shouted, furious. “I’m not some piece of property for you to give to a friend of yours for one last hurrah! I’ve been _dying_ since it happened! _Dying_ , Castiel! Sick to my stomach! Every day, wondering if today was the day that you would _leave me_ if I confessed and now you tell me you _knew_? You knew this _whole time_ and you practically dared Dean to do it. To what? To play puppet master? I can’t even look at you!”

Tears of rage streamed down Alex’s face as she waited for Castiel to answer. When he finally did, she was shocked at his face, his voice. He looked and sounded like a child.

“I thought that if I gave you what you wanted, just one last time, you wouldn’t leave me. For him. Because it would be out of your system.” Castiel looked up at Alex, his beautiful features twisted with emotion. “I know now I was incorrect.” Castiel began to move toward the door. “I’m sorry, Alexandra. I have never been more sorry for my actions.”

And, with that, Castiel left, leaving the key to Alex’s front door on the kitchen table.


	44. Chapter 44

The news of Castiel and Alex’s break-up shook the close-knit group. But, being adults and not characters in an angst-riddled romance novel, they all handled it with aplomb and maturity:

Alex avoided Dean.

Dean avoided Alex.

Alex avoided Castiel.

Castiel avoided Alex.

Dean avoided Castiel.

Castiel avoided Dean.

It was all very neat and tidy, actually.

The only person going around openly half-cocked about the whole thing was Jody, who couldn’t understand how, in 2015, a man could give another man permission to sleep with his girlfriend like she was his property to be given away freely and to whomever he wanted. Poor Sam was getting the brunt of her fury a lot of the time, mostly because 1) Dean was his brother and 2) Castiel was his friend.

“You’re turning into a hermit,” Donna told Alex on Day 22 of wearing the same pajamas. “And you smell. Have you showered? At all?”

“I showered that one day,” Alex offered as she blew her nose.

“You’re starting to stink like a foot,” Donna said cruelly. “You have to stop wallowing and either make up with Castiel or move on.”

“Move on to who?” Alex snapped, throwing a tissue on the table where it joined a mountain of used Kleenex. “Dean? The guy who bought me with permission?”

“He didn’t buy y--” Donna began for the 690th time. “Ugh. Never mind, stinky. You’re getting in the shower.”

Donna manhandled a seriously protesting Alex into the bathroom, stripped her down, and made her stand under the water until it went ice cold. Once Alex was out and dressed in clean clothes, Donna served her leftover shrimp étouffée, courtesy of Benny, who was more worried about Alex than he was willing to let on.

“You need to eat, Allie,” Donna told her, forcing the spoon into Alex’s hand.

“I’m not hungry,” Alex replied as her traitorous stomach growled at the delicious smell.

“Liar,” Donna said, pushing the bowl closer to Alex. “You haven’t eaten in days. There’s full plates of food rotting all over your kitchen.”

“Is there bread?” Alex asked faintly. Donna smiled a little, handing her two chunks of crusty French bread.

Donna watched Alex eat, eyeing her critically, as she cleaned up Alex’s kitchen. Alex paused, looking up at her warily.

“What?” Alex asked.

“Are you pregnant?” Donna asked.

“No. And, if I was, I’m not anymore,” Alex replied, dipping her bread into her soup. She pointed at her crotch. “Period. Last week.”

Donna looked concerned. “How … was it?” she asked hesitantly.

Alex didn’t look up from her bowl, pushing her soup around with her spoon. “Heavy,” she whispered. “Thick. Chunky with grey stuff. And it hurt. I don’t want to think about it.”

“Why didn’t you call us?” Donna gasped, her hand over her mouth, eyes wide. “Me and Jodes coulda taken you to the hospital.”

Alex shrugged, eyes glued to the food she no longer had the stomach to touch. She pushed the bowl away. Donna came across the kitchen and hugged Alex from behind, pressing her lips against Alex’s wet hair.

“I’m so sorry, Allie,” she whispered.

“I don’t care,” Alex replied. “I don’t even know if I was--I don’t wanna have a--look, you’re the one with baby fever, mama, not me.” Alex sniffled. “Besides, it wouldn’t have a dad anyway. _If_ I could even figure out who the dad _was_.”

“You know, I’m supposed to be the nice one,” Donna said suddenly, letting Alex go. “I mean, Jody’s the tough one, you’re the young one, and I’m the nice one. But, you know what? I can’t be nice about this. You all screwed up. In my book, that means it cancels it all out.”

“I wish it was that easy,” Alex muttered.

“Allie, it _is_ that easy,” Donna insisted, reaching out to grab her hand. “You love him, Allie. He loves you. You’ve got to fight for him.”

“Which one?” Alex asked helplessly.

Donna opened her mouth to reply, but no answer came.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Alex huffed.

“It’s time for another Great Grand Gesture,” Sam told Alex, handing her a cup of coffee.

Alex rolled her eyes. In the kitchen, Jody was frying up bacon and eggs. Sam and Alex were at the kitchen table, rolling out dough for cinnamon rolls. Alex almost laughed at the sight of super masculine and strappingly handsome Professor Sam Winchester, the fantasy of numerous students and coworkers and total strangers on the street, in track pants and a tank top and bare feet, rolling out mini cinnamon rolls and up to his elbows in flour.

“The last time I did the Great Grand Gesture, I found out my boyfriend pimped me out,” Alex replied.

Sam considered this. “I can see how that could put a damper on your enthusiasm.”

“Donna thinks I should fight for him.” Alex tossed flour around listlessly.

“Hey, hey!” Sam exclaimed. “You’re making a mess.”

“Did you hear me?” Alex asked.

Sam met her gaze. “Of course I heard you. And, by the by, he thinks that too.”

“Yeah?” Alex challenged. “Which one are _you_ talking about?”

“Don’t give _either_ of them another chance!” Jody yelled from the kitchen. She came to the doorway, gesturing wildly with her spatula. “They don’t deserve you. Not after what they did.”

“What about what I did?” Alex replied. “I’m hardly innocent here.”

“Pfft.” Jody made a derisive noise then turned suddenly to Sam, pointing with her spatula. “And _you_ can keep your opinion to yourself. I know how _you_ feel about the matter.”

Sam put both hands up in the air in an innocent “Who me?” gesture, a smiled playing across his lips. Jody narrowed her eyes at him, made a “H’rumph!” noise, and went back to save her eggs from burning. Once she was gone, Sam turned to Alex.

“You should do what feels right for you, Alex,” he whispered. “No one knows what happens in your heart except you.”

Alex smiled a little. “When did you become my biggest advocate?”

Sam shrugged. “You started to grow on me.”

“Like mold,” they said in unison, laughing.

A week later, Alex was sitting alone in the shop, closing up because her part time guy had the night off. It was a beautiful summer night and Alex had propped the door open to let in the warm breeze.

“Alexandra?”

Alex looked up from her book slowly to see Castiel standing uncertainly in the shop. He was tanned and gorgeous, in khakis and a grey polo shirt. Alex’s heart caught in her throat at the sight of him.

“Hi,” she whispered. Alex cleared her throat and tried again, “Hey, Castiel.”

“How are you?” Castiel asked, walking over slowly.

Alex ached as she watched the way he moved, slinky and sensual, all lean muscles and sinewy strength, like a cat. Just like the first time she had watched him walk around her store all those months ago.

“I’m okay,” Alex lied. “And you?”

“I’ve been better,” Castiel said honestly. “I-- _ahem!_ \--I miss you.”

Alex had to hold back from crying out “I miss you too!” while flinging herself over the counter into his arms.

“Oh,” she said weakly.

“Alexandra, can we--” Castiel began.

“Damn. Talk about bad timing.”

Castiel and Alex jerked their heads to the entrance to see Dean leaning against the doorframe, thumbs hooked in his belt loops, freckled cheeks ruddy with whatever liquid courage he’d shot back before coming over.

“What are you doing here?” Castiel demanded.

“Apparently, the same thing you were gonna do,” Dean told him.

Castiel’s blue eyes blazed angrily. Alex launched herself like Black Widow over the check out to stand between them, even though neither man had made a move toward each other. Alex wasn’t taking any chances. Especially not in her bookshop, where she would have to clean up the mess.

“This cannot be a coincidence,” Alex commented, holding her arms out between the two guys. She looked back and forth at them, needing an answer. “Is it?”

Dean walked forward and rested his chest against her outstretched hand. Alex’s fingers closed convulsively, the feel of his chest making her take a deep breath to steady her nerves. Castiel stayed where he was, just out of reach. Alex looked at him pleadingly, opening and closing her hand to beckon him closer, desperate for contact with him after so long.

Castiel hesitated, injured blue eyes flicking back and forth between Alex’s face and her hand, which was still holding onto Dean’s t-shirt.

“Castiel,” Alex whispered, voice shaking. “Please.”

Castiel took a step forward and touched her fingertips with his. Alex felt Dean’s long fingers curl around her wrist. She glanced back at Dean, watching him raise her hand to his mouth to kiss her palm. Alex bent her elbow to pull her hand away, but Dean kept holding her wrist, taking steps closer to her as she tried to disengage herself from his grip.

“Dean, stop it.” Castiel’s voice was sharp and cracked like a whip in the silence. Alex swung her head to look at him. Castiel looked furious, blue eyes crackling like fire. He came quickly to Alex’s other side, hand wrapped around her upper arm like he was going to yank her across the room.

“You can’t tell me what to do, Cas.” Dean’s mouth moved against Alex’s palm. He was so close to Alex, she could feel the nervous heat radiating from his body.

“Let go of her, Dean. So, help me.”

Dean chuckled, throatily. It was the sexiest sound Alex had heard in a long time. “C’mon, Cas. Don’t you want to--”

“No.” Castiel answered Dean so quickly, Alex felt a surge of panic flood her.

Alex pulled herself out of Dean’s and Castiel’s grasps and took a step back away from the two men. Both of them turned to her with identical, nearly predatory looks in their eyes.

“What’s going on here?” Alex asked. She swallowed hard, fearing the worst. “You guys aren’t gonna, like, rawr” Alex made claws with her hands “tag team me or anything?”

Castiel looked insulted. Dean looked intrigued, then saw Castiel looked insulted, and put on an insulted face too.

“We would never,” Castiel replied angrily.

“No. No, never,” Dean agreed, but his voice and the gleam in his eyes made Alex think Dean would relish the opportunity at a threesome.

“Then what’s going on here?” Alex repeated. “Are you both here to win my hand in love?”

Alex couldn’t keep the derision from her voice. Just knowing that the two of them had colluded into her going to bed with Dean, with Castiel’s “permission,” made the ache at seeing them again burn away.

“If I could, Alexandra, I would,” Castiel said suddenly, surprising all three of them. “I would do anything to have you forgive me and take me back.”

“What?” Alex asked.

“Neither of us deserve you,” Dean said immediately before Castiel could answer her. “What we did was completely fucked up, but we really thought it would was the best idea at the time.”

“What?” Alex asked, feeling light-headed.

“I’ll understand if you never want to see me again,” Castiel blurted out. “But I’ve been desperate for you since I left your house.”

“Oh, my god.” Alex’s mind started to whirl.

“I’ve never felt this way about anyone else,” Dean confessed, stumbling over his words to get them out fast enough.

“I--” Castiel began.

Alex threw her hands up in the air. “Stop it! You’re fucking killing me! Stop it right now!”

Both men went silent, but glared at each other for a minute like teenagers. Alex buried her face in her hands.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” Alex admitted, her voice muffled by her hands. She raised her eyes to meet theirs and was struck by a realization: _How did I end up with these two men fighting to have me?_

“Alexandra?” Castiel’s voice was hushed and broke through the blackness of Alex’s thoughts. “My love, are you alright?”

Castiel’s hands grasped her under her arms as Alex’s knees buckled for a split second. Alex lifted her chin to look into Castiel’s worried face.

“I’m fine,” she replied, pulling away from Castiel. “You both need to leave. I have to close up. And think.”

Castiel hesitated. “Are you sure you’re going to be fine? You almost faint--”

“I’m fine, Castiel,” Alex cut him off, not meeting his eyes.

“My love, I can’t leave you until I know you’re telling me the truth,” Castiel whispered, his voice flush with worry.

Alex licked her lips and met Castiel’s eyes, which were wide with concern. Alex sighed deeply, biting her lip, as Castiel brushed his fingers over her face, tracing the curve of her cheek then her bottom lip. His blue eyes burned, desperate for some kind of affirmation that she wasn’t going to lie to him.

“C’mon, man,” Dean said, reaching for Castiel’s arm. “Let’s give her her space.”

Castiel shook off Dean’s hand. “Don’t touch me, Dean.”

“Cas …” Dean tried again.

“Goddamn it, Dean,” Castiel snapped, whirling on his best friend. “Haven’t you done enough? You couldn’t just let me have this _one_ thing, could you? You _had_ to interfere. I’ll never understand you. I don’t think I ever have. Not even when--” Castiel interrupted himself. “Never mind.”

"Castiel, it wasn't just Dean--" Alex tried weakly.

“This isn’t about Alex at all--” Dean began.

“Of course it’s about Alexandra,” Castiel said. “It’s always been about Alexandra. You never had to share anything with anyone. It’s always been about you. Even when we …” Castiel turned back to Alex, giving her his full attention. He cupped the side of her face, fingers curling into her tangle of dark hair. “It’s always been about Alexandra.”

“Cas--” Dean began again.

Castiel killed Dean’s sentence with one look, then turned back to Alex, who felt like she’d just witnessed something incredibly intimate that she wasn’t supposed to see. Castiel searched Alex’s face long and hard for any emotion, but all he saw in her eyes was impassioned blankness. Castiel let Alex go finally, trailing his hand down her arm to squeeze her limp fingers, cast her one more worried glance, and left. Alex watched Castiel go, screaming for him to come back, but she didn't make a sound. Dean turned to leave, then paused.

“Promise you’re okay?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Alex answered shortly.

“Sweetheart?” Dean flicked a lock of hair over Alex’s shoulder. Alex shied away, not realizing he was still that close. “I’ll only leave if you promise me-- _swear to me, Alex_ \--that you’ll be alright tonight.”

Alex kept staring at Dean’s boots. “I’ll be fine. I’m going to bed.”

Dean’s thumb brushed Alex’s jawline. “Night, sweetheart.”

Alex stayed planted to the floor as Dean left, locking the door, and pulling it closed after him. Without counting out the register or doing any other closing duties, Alex turned off the light and went upstairs.

She was making a cup of tea (and lacing it with whiskey) when her phone rang. Alex faltered for a second before answering it.

“We need to talk,” said the voice on the other end.

“We do,” Alex agreed.


	45. EPILOGUE

THREE YEARS LATER

The guests cheered as the bride and groom entered the room. They were both smiling like maniacs, holding hands over their heads, waving like mad, as the clapping grew louder. The groom spun his bride in a circle as they reached the middle of the dance floor before catching her around the waist and pulling her in for a long kiss. The guests hooted and egged him on as he bent her backwards as far as her corset dress would let her go.

Their lips parted and the groom kept the bride tilted back. He grinned at her, his eyes shining with so much love, the bride felt like she could drown in them.

“Are you happy?” he asked her.

“Deliriously,” she replied. “Now stand me up before my dress pops open.”

The groom stood her up, kissing her lightly on the lips. Their guests settled down their cheering except for a random suggestion of “Kiss her again!” in a very familiar voice which made the bride blush and the groom laugh. The bride laid her forehead on the front of the groom’s tuxedo briefly as the DJ announced,

“And now it’s time for the bride and groom’s first dance. The groom has requested that the bride _not_ sing this time.”

The bride looked up at the innocent face of her new husband with narrowed, suspicious eyes. “What did you do?”

“Nothing.” Her husband smiled immediately.

The opening chords of their first dance song started to play through the room, prompting hysterical laughter from the guests in the know and a punch in the arm from the bride to the groom.

“What the hell?” she exclaimed while her groom laughed. “What happened to our song?”

“I thought this _was_ our song,” he replied. “Dance with me, wife.”

“You’re gonna get it later, husband.”

He winked down at his wife. “I truly hope so, my love.”

Alex and Castiel danced to their very non-traditional ode to love, Heart’s _Magic Man_ , moving against and with each other as “their song” echoed through the sedate ballroom. When the song ended, Alex and Castiel took their bows to whistles and more cheers. Turning to the head table, Alex smiled at the family members she saw there:

Benny and Donna, hooting in appreciation. Benny’s one arm was around Donna’s waist as she supported the hugely-pregnant belly in front of her, while his other arm held their 2 year old daughter Sylvie, who pulled a face at the noise, hands clapped over her ears.

Jody and Sam, smiling at each other, then at Alex and Castiel, a boulder-sized diamond sparkling on Jody’s left hand and Sam in the suit he referred to as “My Marrying People To Each Other Getup.”

Dean, arms crossed over his chest, smiling enigmatically, green eyes glittering in the dim light, alone, of course, but never, _ever_ lonely.

Alex blew them a kiss as Castiel wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her close to give her a tight squeeze. Castiel followed her eye to the table, saw who she was looking at, and leaned over to whisper in her ear,

“Will you always love him, Alexandra?”

Alex smiled at Dean, who smiled back. Castiel would never know about that fateful phone call after the night at the bookshop. The phone call Dean made to Alex, where he insisted that Alex choose Castiel. The phone call where Dean spilled out all his feelings and emotions about Alex and Castiel and how he felt about both of them. The phone call where Dean admitted to sleeping with Castiel for a over a year and how their volatile dalliance very nearly killed the both of them, emotionally and professionally. The phone call where Dean told Alex that there would never be a man who loved her more deeply, more passionately, more intensely and more fully than Castiel Novak.

It wasn’t easy that first 18 months after Dean’s phone call. It wasn’t easy for Alex to give Dean up. It wasn’t easy for Castiel to trust Alex. It wasn’t easy for either of them to make love without the specter of Dean Winchester hovering in the background.

But then ... then Castiel started to use the word “forever.” It was sporadic at first--just here and there, sprinkled into conversation in a forced-casual kind of way, like he was trying to get used to the way it felt on his tongue--then more and more often. It was when he said “I’ll love you forever, Alexandra” and got down on both knees in the classroom where they first met to present her with a sapphire ring that Alex knew that everything was the way it should always have been.

Alexandra Novak looked up at her new husband, the man she chose, and replied honestly:

“Yes. Always. But not as much as I will forever love you, Castiel.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe this is it. The end. I debated for hours tonight if I should add another chapter or five, but I knew it would cheapen the whole tone of the story.  
> God, thank you all so, so, so very much for all the comments and kudos and love. I can't get over how many hits this story has. How did that even happen?  
> So much love to my Constant Readers and commenters. I loved all the discourse and the chatting!  
> And good bye to Alex, Castiel, Dean, Sam, Jody, Donna, and Benny. I'll see three of these guys in my next story.


End file.
